Chapter 27
twenty-seven
LIAM
“Yeah, Dad. Of course I can come. Am I meeting you in Nice or Shanghai?”
I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but as soon as I shut the door to Poppy’s room I can hear Maya talking. She’s going away again?
And then a man’s voice. “We’ll be back in France by the end of the week. I can have a plane at Teterboro for you on Thursday.”
Shit. She must be on speaker. Do I let her know I can hear?
“Dad, I’m still in Vermont. And?—”
“You’re still in that little town with Eliza?”
“Eliana, Dad. Ellie . I’ve told you her name a million times. You’ve met her. Twice.”
“Fine, yes. I’ll send the plane to Vermont. Just text me the closest airport and your address for the car service.”
I skip down the stairs and give her a wave to know I’m here. “Dad, hold on a sec.” She presses mute and looks back at me. “Hey.”
“Hey. Planning a trip?” I try to keep my voice breezy but I’m sure she can see the disappointment all over my face. We’d been discussing the idea of going to Montreal for a day next weekend. But who’d want to go to Montreal when you could go to France instead?
“Work emergency,” she responds. “Do you mind?” And I swear this feels like a test. A test with no right answer. Because of course I don’t want her to go. I want her here, in my bed like she promised. I want to see how many times we can repeat last night before our bodies give out and I want her to tell me she’s done going slow because she knows what we have is real.
But if I say I don’t mind, am I lying? I’m too damn old to play it cool.
So I can’t answer. Not with a yes or no.
“Go to France.” I choke out the words, all my strength taken up trying not to rip the phone out of her hand and hang it up. “Bring me back some butter. And a recipe for bouillabaisse.” I wink, hoping that she understands the hidden meaning. She needs to know that I’d never ask her to give up traveling just because it doesn’t mesh easily with my life. But I still don’t like it when she’s gone, not when it feels this good to have her here.
Maya sucks in a breath and bites her lower lip, then she clicks the mute button again. “I’ll be there, Dad. But I can’t until Friday. And I’m meeting with the owners alone . I’ll fly out of Burlington. Just send me the booking link and I’ll take care of the rest.”
She hangs up and I’m kind of frozen in shock at the way she talks to her father. It was so…cold. I guess they were discussing business, but did either of them mention the holidays even once?
It’s not like I can talk. I sent my mom a Merry Christmas text and got the same one back. At least my sister and I were able to have a quick phone call, but with her schedule these days I can’t fault her for that. Hopefully I can convince her to come visit us after this next tour. I know she’s dying to spend time with Poppy, but her manager keeps her booked solid.
“Bouillabaisse, huh?” Maya asks.
“I’m always looking for that secret ingredient.”
“I’ll try and find it for you.” She throws her phone onto the couch and moves toward me, but she won’t stop biting her lip. As sexy as it is, I can tell it’s more of a nervous tic. I’ve never seen her look so unsure of herself. Does she think I’m upset about her trip?
I reach out and grab her waist, pulling her against me. “So, six days until you leave, then?” I ask.
“Mmhmm,” she murmurs.
I bend to pick her up and she wraps her legs around my waist, and a smile finally finds her lips. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about her traveling. I don’t know if this is her way of telling me that we will never be more than casual, that this small town life is just a blip for her. I don’t know if I should let myself get any deeper when it’s not just me that’s falling for her, but my daughter too. I don’t know if she’s going to break both our hearts.
But I know I have six days to spend with her. And right now, that’s all I want to focus on.
“Then let’s make them count.”
“But why , Daddy?” Poppy cries again from my lap. I’ve been consoling her on the couch ever since Maya left for the airport.
I thought it was a good idea not to tell my daughter about Maya’s trip until today. The jury’s still out if I was right. But Poppy was so excited about her recital last night, and she got to spend the last week without any of the trepidation I was carrying.
“You know she’s coming back, angel, just like last time. She has to go on trips for her job, like I have to go to the diner.”
“But doesn’t she love us?”
I sigh. The dramatics are intense with this one. But I can’t fault her. I’ve tried talking to Poppy more about her mom, but the fact is, she left. She wasn’t sick. We didn’t have a messy divorce where I won custody. She completely abandoned her daughter and I’m never going to lie to Poppy about that. All I can do is try and help her work through any feelings of neglect or betrayal so she can process them in the healthiest way possible. And since I’m not exactly confident in my abilities, I’ve also hired a therapist she’ll start seeing next month.
“Of course she does,” I reply, realizing too late what I’ve implied. I feel pretty damn confident Maya loves my daughter. Me, on the other hand, is still a mystery. “And I’m sure when she gets back she’ll be so excited to see you.”
Poppy pouts in response. She doesn’t exactly enjoy being reasonable. Another thing I need to work on. I’ll add it to the never-ending list.
“How about I invite Uncle Ezra over? Would that cheer you up?” Because I’m not above bribes.
“Maybe. Can we go see the horsies?”
Two hours and many text messages later, the girl dads group has assembled at Theo’s animal sanctuary, two daughters in tow.
When we first moved here, Theo was still in the process of re-opening. He told me his mom was a vet and he grew up with her working here, tending to the horses and donkeys and other animals they took in. Now that it’s up and running again, it’s part rehabilitation center, part petting zoo. And they started riding lessons last year.
I take Poppy as much as I can. Ezra is always talking about the power of animal therapy. It’s been a big focus of his podcast too. His girl Desiree even has two shifts a week at the hospital as a therapy dog.
Poppy comes alive in a whole new way when she’s with animals. I’ve already decided we’ll be getting a pet once Theo and Ellie are ready to have Penguin back.
“You’re sure it’s not too cold for the horses?” I ask Theo. He currently has Stevie strapped to his front while he helps saddle Poppy’s favorite mini horse, Cannoli. She’s a beautiful mare—white and cream and dappled with black spots all over.
“Nah, today’s perfect actually,” Kelly, the animal trainer replies. “They love trotting through the snow.”
Kelly was one of the first people hired to work here. Not only is she amazing with the animals, but Poppy adores her.
Once Poppy’s atop her favorite animal, all her feelings about Maya seem to be forgotten. She’s giddy, asking Ezra to take pictures of her, enjoying all the attention per usual. I make sure she’s bundled up before we let Kelly take her for a ride through the trails.
I could really use a beer so we decide to go to Fox in the Snow, the café next door, while we wait for Poppy. Kelly even offers to bring her there to meet us when they’re done.
“Pretty cool you were able to get a liquor license here,” Ezra says when we grab a table. “When we were kids, it was hot cocoa or nothing.”
“Just beer and wine,” Theo offers. “For now.” He goes in the back to get our drinks and comes back with a few pastries too.
When he sits down, I notice he and Ezra share a look. Some secret that I’m unaware of.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
“Kind of wanted to ask you the same thing, man,” Ezra says, a bit too pointedly. When I stare back in confusion he adds, “With Maya. What’s the deal?”
I’m dumbfounded. Did they see something? They were all in Burlington the night we were in the greenhouse so they couldn’t have spotted us there. And I don’t think Maya would mention anything to them , but… “Did she say something to Ellie?”
Theo chews on his cheek. “Maybe?”
“What’d she tell her?” I ask with way too much excitement. I take a long pull of my beer and try not to embarrass myself. But I fail. “Tell me.”
“Dude,” Ezra admonishes. He leans back in his seat, eyeing me like someone who just played all their chips on a shit hand and lost.
“El didn’t really tell me anything, just that she didn’t want me giving Maya a cabin to stay in anymore. So it’s true? You guys are like…a thing?” Theo asks.
For a split second, I want to deny it, keep whatever we do have locked up. It’s impossible to explain the circumstances without revealing Maya’s biggest secret. It also feels like once the guys know everything that’s happened between us, I might realize that it’s all in my head. Jesus. Since when did I become such a simp?
But she told Ellie. That has to mean something. I think? Unless Maya asked for a cabin. Shit, could that be the case?
Fuck it. I need help.
“I’m not sure what we are. But I want there to be something. I’m really…I really like her. But I can’t figure out where her head’s at. It feels like she changes her mind every day. Can I get some advice, maybe?” As soon as I pose the question, they look at each other again. It seems like they’re both about to announce, “Not it!”
“Fuck, man. At this point I can probably give better parenting advice than dating,” Ezra admits. “I’ve spent more nights with Poppy than any woman my age in the last two years.”
True. As far as I know, Ezra doesn’t date. I’m not sure if there’s a reason, but it’s not like I’ve been dipping into the dating pool either, so we just never talk about it. Kelly always flirts with him when we visit the horses, yet he seems completely oblivious.
With his admission, I turn to Theo. He probably has the best marriage I’ve been witness to. But he holds up his hands like someone’s pointing a gun at him.
“Unless you wanna be alone and depressed for seven years, I have zero advice.” What the fuck? “Actually, try to get snowed in together. That could help get you communicating.” And again, what the fuck ?
A heavy look passes between the guys, something I don’t really understand. But whatever it means, it doesn’t get me any closer to figuring this out.
“Awesome, I’m officially screwed.” I down the rest of my beer and take a huge bite of one of the croissants. I guess I’m on my own. “At least I have an unknown amount of time before she’s back from Antibes to figure this shit out.” I lean back until my head knocks against the top of the booth.
“Actually, I have an idea,” Theo offers.
“Yeah?”
“Do you have to be at the diner on Fridays?”
“No,” I reply. “With Poppy back in school I may stop by, but Belinda always has Fridays under control.”
“How about you take Ellie to Burlington for her appointment in two weeks?”
“Oh, I don’t think?—”
“Really, it’s just a routine check-up. And she’s been feeling so much better this trimester, it should be in and out. But you’ll have one hour each way to get the best advice anyone can offer when it comes to Maya Bloom. Ellie would do anything for her best friend, and I have a feeling she’s on your side in this case.”
It actually sounds kind of perfect. God knows I would never go to Ellie to specifically ask for advice about Maya. It sounds so high school. But if we’re alone together, with nothing else to talk about…
“Okay. I’ve actually been wanting to offer more help. I know it’s been a lot with this pregnancy.”
Theo pats my shoulder.
“I can get Poppy to and from school. We could use some bonding time anyway,” Ezra urges. I love how seriously he takes his job as godfather. I love knowing that if something happened to me, she would always be safe and loved and cared for, that she would have the childhood I never did.
Like the name itself summoned her, Poppy comes charging into the café.
“Daddy, Ezra, I learned to canter!” She jumps into the circular booth and scoots right over me and into Ezra’s lap. “Miss Kelly said I can ride one of the big horsies soon.”
“Do I not exist?” Theo mutters under his breath.
“Are we celebrating with hot cocoa?” Ezra asks her.
“Duh.”
Before either of the guys orders her one, I offer to make her a special cup at home. With a lot less sugar.
“But I don’t want to go home.” She folds her arms across her chest, ready for battle. “Maya’s not there anymore. She left us.” She pouts, but it’s not just for show. Apparently my success with distraction was short-lived.
The guys both look at me, mouths open. Maybe now they realize what a difficult situation I’m in. And Ezra, always helping out in my times of need, thinks on his feet.
“I heard she’s coming back real soon,” he says, spinning Poppy around to face him. I don’t have it in me to tell any of them that her return date is still very much TBD. “But now you and your dad can finally teach me how to make the perfect pancakes.”
I chicken out the entire ride to Burlington.
I had almost two full weeks to prepare for this, and I’ve got nothing.
It’s not that I’m embarrassed or shy. I just don’t know what I should be asking. Do you think Maya likes me feels more than ridiculous. And I already know the answer is yes. What I really want to know is if she can trust me. If she’s over her recent breakup. If there’s a way our completely different lives can fit together.
Our chemistry is undeniable. We had it in spades two years ago and nothing has changed. And it’s not just sexual chemistry either. She’s the only person I’ve ever opened up to about my family, about Poppy’s mom. When I’m with her, it feels like we can tell each other anything.
Those last few days before Maya left for France, having her in my bed every night felt like the most natural thing on earth. And if being with her means saying goodbye every other week so she can travel the world, I think it feels more than worth it for the reunion we’ll have when she comes back.
If she comes back.
Because that’s really what I want to know. If there’s going to be a time when she doesn’t. When she decides this small town isn’t enough for her. When she realizes that I’m not enough for her.
“Thank you again for doing this,” Ellie says when we get back into the car. Theo was right, the appointment was quick and easy. And forty-five minutes in the waiting room finally gave me some alone time to work on the cookbook I’ve had in progress for months. Unfortunately I’m still stuck on a title. Cook Like a Michelin Star Chef without Spiking Your Blood Sugar doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue.
My agent has called me about ten times over the last few weeks, but considering how behind I am on this project, I’ve ignored each voicemail after the other. Maybe I can finally get back to him now.
“I’m happy to help any time. Really.” I only feel a little guilty that Theo made up some last-minute work emergency. But I’ll feel even worse if I don’t take advantage of this time I have left. “Actually, can I ask you for some advice?”
“Of course.” Ellie’s face lights up and I wonder if she somehow knows what I want to talk about. Which of course has me second-guessing myself again.
“So,” I start, still having no idea what I want to say. “Maya’s birthday’s coming up. I was wondering if you had any ideas on what I could get her.”
I flip on the turn signal and merge onto the highway, chastising myself for being such a coward. A few moments roll by when I realize Ellie hasn’t responded. When I turn to look at her, she’s staring back at me. And she isn’t smiling.
“Is that really the advice you’re looking for?” she asks.
“No.” My voice is so small. I sound like Poppy when she knows she’s in trouble. But I’m still not sure how to have this conversation. “Umm…”
“Umm?” she mocks me.
“Jeez, Ellie. I didn’t know you could be so mean.”
“And I didn’t know you could be so frustrating. I thought you offered to drive me today because you wanted help convincing Maya to stay in Sugar Valley. I mean, I’m doing my part but I can only have a high-risk pregnancy for so long.” She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest and turns to face the window.
“Okay,” I say, swallowing a few times. “Tell me. How do I keep her? How can we get her to stay?”
She turns back to look at me, the scowl from before softening a bit. Maybe she sees how vulnerable I am right now, because I feel like my chest has been ripped wide open, my heart on full display.
“Do you love her?”
I almost respond but zip my lips shut before any words can escape.
“Liam?”
“I’d really prefer if she was the first person to hear that. No offense.”
She makes a sound, so high-pitched it could be from a bird.
“I was right,” she whispers, more to herself than me. Her face crinkles into a smile but I swear she’s on the verge of tears. “You’re nothing like the other guys.”
“What do you mean?”
She readjusts herself in the seat, and starts rubbing her hands together. I check to make sure her seat-warmer’s on.
“I mean you’re so genuine, Liam. You don’t do anything for show. You’re the opposite of those assholes.”
“What assholes?” I ask.
She scoffs. “All the men she trusted before. I hate what she has been through. I seriously want to strangle Ryan for what he did to her. Actually, I want to strangle every man who’s ever lied to her or taken advantage of her kindness and her optimism.” She sucks in a long breath through her nose like she’s preparing for battle. “Apparently being pregnant makes me kind of murderous.”
“Hand me an axe and I’ll join you on the rampage.” Maya has slowly spilled the details of her wedding-day break-up with me, and I already knew about another ex from our first encounter. I’ve imagined more than a few times what it’d be like to erase them from the planet.
“See? That is exactly what she needs. A man who’d kill for her. She’s never had that.”
Ellie’s gaze turns wistful as she looks out the window again. She seems serious about this.
“Well, outside of murder, is there anything I can do to show her that? You know, without the possibility of spending my life in prison and abandoning my daughter?” I pause. “Ellie?”
“Sorry, sorry. Sometimes it’s nice to daydream.” I make a mental note to never cross this seemingly sweet-tempered woman. “She just needs to know you care.”
“I think she knows th?—”
“She doesn’t,” she says, cutting me off. “She’s going to second-guess herself at every step. Wonder if there’s something she’s missing, if it’s all a big hoax. She’s been trained to assume the worst.”
I cringe inwardly. I’ve only called or texted Maya a couple times since she left. It’s been my desperate attempt to show her how cool I am with her traveling, but now I realize it’s probably a huge mistake. I’ll be fixing that the second I get home.
“Okay. I’ll make sure to remind her. But I don’t think that’s the real issue here.”
Ellie tilts her head, eyes me like I’m speaking a different language. “What do you think the issue is?”
I scoff. “Isn’t it obvious? She’s flying around the world on private planes to handle mergers and acquisitions and other words I don’t fully understand. I own a diner . I spend my free time growing herbs in a greenhouse or coming up with new milkshake recipes that trick my daughter into liking healthy food. What the hell can I offer her?”
Maybe when I lived in New York, when my name had clout. Maybe when my agent was still having conversations with TV producers about how I could become the next Bobby Flay and not hounding me for a damn cookbook. Maybe before I became Poppy’s only parent, or before I decided to live in the middle of nowhere and give up my career in lieu of a better life for my daughter.
Maybe there was a time when Maya would see me as the kind of partner she deserved. But now?
“Seriously, Ellie. I can show her a million times over how much I care. I can tell her how she feels like the missing piece I’ve been searching for for years, that our family feels complete when she’s with us. But how does that change anything? Why would she ever be satisfied with me?”
I realize I haven’t given Ellie a chance to speak when I hear her start to cry. Shit. I take the next exit so I can pull over.
“Are you okay? What happened?”
“Nothing, you’re just such an idiot.”
“Excuse me?”
“I’m sorry,” she says through a few sniffles. “These damn pregnancy hormones.” The tears start flowing again. Then, “Do you know how I ended up living here?”
“Yeah. I mean, you’re from here, right?” I know Ellie and Ezra grew up in Burlington. Their parents still live there, just an hour away from Sugar Valley. I guess I’m also aware that Ellie was in California for a while, because that’s how she met Maya. Maybe I don’t know the whole story.
“You’re right. I’m from here. But I ran away.” She says it like she’s ashamed, or proud, or maybe still conflicted about her decision. “Theo and I had…well, it was complicated. But we were together when we were young and then everything fell apart. It took years before we realized our mistakes and found a way back to each other. And I know I’m not without fault, but for Theo, he felt like he wasn’t good enough. Like he needed more money or more time or…I don’t know. It still kills me when I think about it, because he thought I didn’t want him, that I needed something more . So please don’t make that same mistake. Because you are exactly what Maya needs.”
“You really believe that?”
“Yes!” she practically screams. “What is with you men who are so cocky in every aspect of life, but then you see a pretty girl and suddenly you think you’re worthless?”
“I don’t?—”
“You are an incredible father. Do you have any idea how attractive that is? Especially to someone like Maya who grew up with a dad that barely noticed her? And the cooking! You know I love my husband, but when she told me about everything you’ve been making for her, I can’t lie. I was ready to trade places for a day or two. You own a diner . That’s awesome . You have a flexible schedule and unlimited food. What exactly do you think she would complain about there?”
“But I?—”
“Oh yeah, you live in a small town in a small state, blah blah blah. First of all, I’m here. That adds about a thousand points to Sugar Valley in Maya’s book. I’m not being arrogant, I just know she loves me. Also, this town is like the coziest place on earth. Who wouldn’t want to live here? And if I’m not mistaken, she’s still able to fly around the world like she always does. So how exactly are you holding her back by living here?”
Ellie lets out a satisfied huff, like she just made her closing argument and knows she won the case.
Maybe she has. As much as I might try, I can’t argue with her.
“You really think it’s all in my head?”
“Liam, Maya and I aren’t all that different. We became friends because we were both looking for a family. The kind we didn’t have growing up. Theo is my family now. And no matter how much I loved San Francisco, I would live anywhere to be with him. I’ve never once looked back.”
I start to laugh. It just bubbles out of me no matter how hard I try to stop it.
Ellie smiles. “What? Why are you laughing?”
“Because you’ve yelled at me, scolded me, told me I’m an idiot, and the only actual advice you’ve given me is to show her I care .”
“Sometimes the simplest answer is the right one.”
“Can you at least help with a birthday gift now?”
“Oh, yeah. I already came up with something.”
Ezra and Poppy are both in the living room when I get home.
From what I can tell, they’re having a tea party at the coffee table with Desiree and Penguin. The plastic tea set my daughter got from Santa is scattered everywhere and Ezra is wearing her favorite pink tutu. As a hat.
Poppy has a stethoscope around her neck and seems to be checking the lungs of her empty cup, while conferring with Ezra about the diagnosis.
“Am I interrupting?” I ask, entering the room.
“It’s okay, we’re almost done, Daddy.” She turns back to Ezra, completely icing me out. He looks at me and shrugs.
I figure I might as well take advantage of her being occupied and head to my room to change and check my messages. There were at least a few missed calls I felt in my pocket while we were on the road.
Three more calls from my agent, and two texts. The last one in all caps.
Quentin:
CALL ME BACK NOW OR THE OFFER GOES AWAY
Not really sure what he’s talking about, I dial his number.
“Liam, why have you been ignoring me? For weeks?” He answers the phone with more than a little exasperation.
“I…I’m sorry, I’m just behind on the book and?—”
“I don’t give a shit about the book. We’ll get it done when it’s done. Do you want another Michelin star or not?”
“Umm…” He sounds frantic. I don’t even know how to answer that. “What are you talking about?”
“Didn’t you listen to any of my voicemails? Of course you didn’t.” He huffs a few times and mutters under his breath. “Starlight group, they’re opening a new restaurant in Chelsea and they want you, specifically you, as the head chef. But I have to get them an answer soon, like next month soon. They want to open in August and need the menu planned out before the designers can start and they’re offering to let you have full creative?—”
“Quentin.” I cut him before he loses circulation. “I thought we talked about this before. I’m not planning on coming back to the city. At least not until Poppy’s older or in college or?—”
“This is a great opportunity, Liam. For you and Poppy. Let me tell you the rest.”