Chapter 24
Logan’s never needed looking after, but he does crave love. He needs someone special in his life to find happiness with. I wish that for him more than anything.
Extract from Joy’s journal
Kissing her best friend for the second time when they were in bed together felt very different to the first time, and Tilly’s mind was racing ahead with all the other delicious things they could be doing to each other.
There was only breathy sound and teasing touch.
His outline merged with the darkness as they came up for breath from a long lingering kiss, but the noticeable whites of his eyes suggested shock.
‘Are you sure about this?’ Logan whispered.
The pressure of his hand was tantalising against her bare skin where her T-shirt had ridden up.
‘No,’ Tilly said quietly, ‘but then I’m not sure about much at the moment. I know I don’t want to talk about it.’
He took the hint and kissed her, while dipping his hand beneath her top and smoothing it achingly slowly across her skin.
Every nerve ending ignited, silencing the voice that taunted this is a mistake.
Logan was hot and heavy above her and the lingering taste of beer and toothpaste reminded her that they’d never touched each other like this.
Her thoughts eddied and her breathing quickened.
They peeled away their clothes, giving their hands and lips access to bare skin and desire.
He was about to give her a birthday present she would never forget.
From the floor, Barney’s rumbling snore cut through their breathy moans. Logan laughed as he pulled away.
‘I don’t have a condom,’ Tilly whispered. ‘Do you?’
‘Not on me.’ Logan’s voice was muffled as he trailed kisses across her throat. ‘But we don’t have to take things that far tonight.’
Not tonight left it open for more on another night and that was good enough for Tilly, when her heart and head were exploding with pleasure and new sensations as Logan’s mouth crashed back onto hers.
She tipped her head back and closed her eyes in anticipation of all the things they were about to do for the first time.
* * *
Tilly woke with a start to find Barney lying on her legs looking at her with his head resting on his paws. She couldn’t help but laugh. Logan stirred next to her.
They’d encountered each other plenty of times in the morning grumpy, hungover or unwashed, sometimes even coming out of a room looking dishevelled after a night with someone else, but they’d never woken up next to each other naked after a night of exploration and talking till the wee hours.
Sunshine streamed through the gap in the blind, sending a block of swirling light across Logan’s duvet-covered thighs.
He shoved his head beneath a pillow and groaned. ‘What time is it?’
‘Late enough for Barney to want food.’
At the mention of food, Barney whined and pawed Tilly’s leg, his head cocked expectantly.
‘I’ll feed him.’ Tilly made to move, but Logan grabbed her.
He pushed the pillow off his head and gave a sleepy smile. ‘Morning.’
Her heart did a flip. His voice was rough and his eyes were half closed, yet his smile was genuine and with a hand tucked behind his head, he looked downright relaxed. He looked happy. She was so tempted to snuggle with him and initiate picking up where they’d left off last night.
Logan kissing her made the decision for her and she relaxed too, scooting beneath the covers and sinking into the kiss as his hands explored.
Except in the brightness of morning, those worries from yesterday began to play on her mind.
She was acutely aware of just how far from being friends they’d strayed.
Barney pawed at her again and her spiralling thoughts intensified.
‘He probably needs a wee as well.’ With her heart thumping from a mix of desire and worry, Tilly tore herself away from Logan. Throwing on trousers and a hoodie, she retreated outside.
Her breath streamed into the air and frost coated the grass where the sun hadn’t reached. The invigorating scent of the ocean and damp grass mingled with the smell of frying bacon that drifted across from another campervan. Barney zigzagged about, nose to the ground.
She’d needed to escape the confines of the campervan, not because it was awkward waking up with Logan, but because the intimacy was put sharply into focus in the cold light of day.
The way he’d looked at her had stripped her bare – a feeling that was more vulnerable than being naked.
The echoes of last night’s passion tingled her skin and her head was filled with Logan in a way that was driving her crazy.
Being that intimate with him should have felt wrong, yet it had felt so right.
Barney jumped back inside and Tilly strolled to the edge of the camping area.
The cold April day had left the landscape crisp.
It was the turning point of spring, with the leaf buds on the verge of unfurling.
The grass was a fresh green and the sea was a myriad of blues that foamed ice-white onto the rocks.
The Old Post Office’s red roof gleamed in the morning sunshine, and the mountains across the bay were dawn blushed.
Barney was eating his breakfast and Logan was barefoot in shorts and a hoodie making coffee when she returned inside. The smile he gave as he handed her a mug was normal, as if them spending the night together was the most natural thing in the world.
He leaned against the side and blew on his coffee. ‘You okay?’
There was a lot riding on that question.
Tilly nodded, because she was okay, even if a touch of confliction remained. A shift had taken place, but it had been surprisingly easy, even if she didn’t quite know how to behave.
‘It’s a stunning spot.’ She waved to the open door which framed the sun-warmed grass, sea, hills and sky.
The drifting breeze helped to slate the longing coursing through her at the sight of Logan with bed-hair and his alluring smile.
‘How have we never done that before?’ She nodded towards the mussed-up bed.
There was no point in tiptoeing around things after the night they’d had.
Logan choked back a laugh. ‘It’s not like I haven’t thought about it. A lot.’
She held his gaze and swallowed. ‘Well, I haven’t, but after last night I’m wondering why not.’
She felt brazen and fuelled by the freedom of truth. They’d always enjoyed each other’s company and had the best friendship, so it made sense that physically they’d mesh perfectly too. The thought of how far beyond platonic friendship they’d gone last night sent her nerve endings firing again.
‘I don’t think I ever gave you any indication that was what I wanted.’ He watched her over the top of his mug as he sipped his coffee.
‘What changed?’
‘Circumstances.’ He shrugged. ‘Maybe the sense of running out of time. I’m not sure. You reciprocated, so perhaps something changed with you?’
He didn’t need to spell it out. She happened to be single after a serious relationship and an opportunity to spend this much time together was rare.
Coupled with everything she’d read in Joy’s journal, it had opened her eyes to a lot of things and she’d made sense of feelings that she’d mistaken for just a close friendship.
‘How many times over the years have people assumed we’re friends with benefits?’ Tilly gestured towards the bed. ‘Maybe this was inevitable.’
Logan nodded and grinned. ‘Fancy a morning-after-the-night-before breakfast at The Old Post Office?’
‘Oh God, yes.’
And just like that they were back to being best mates.
* * *
They sat in the sunshine at a picnic table outside The Old Post Office with Barney by their feet, tucking into plates of loaded hash browns with scrambled egg and bacon, while chatting about what they still needed to do ahead of the next day’s party for Joy.
The sun bathed the hills in warmth, and the sea danced with light as birds swooped.
The cool air was fresh with sea salt and filled with calls and chirps.
They were behaving normally, yet with a closeness and intimacy that was exciting and new.
Even so, when Tilly considered reaching out to take his hand, she hesitated, because they didn’t behave that way as friends.
Flinging their arms across each other’s shoulders, yes.
Playfully pushing each other around, definitely.
But acting like boyfriend and girlfriend, never.
That side of things would take some getting used to, even if she was longing to kiss him again and feel his arms around her – to feel him everywhere, because they’d stopped short of going all the way last night.
The idea that there was more to come thrilled her, even with uncertainty still nibbling away.
She was grateful for the cool breeze as she grew hot just thinking about last night.
Logan finished his last mouthful of hash brown and bacon and took her hand. ‘I’m not sure I’ve ever told you you’re beautiful before, but you really are.’ Tilly’s heart raced at the way he was looking at her. ‘And last night was…’ He shook his head as he gazed at her.
‘The best,’ Tilly said quietly.
‘More than that.’ Logan’s hand tightened around hers. ‘It was the best night of my life.’
Tilly gulped a mouthful of cool air. ‘I had the best birthday too.’
Logan grinned. ‘Are you ready for the drive back?’
Tilly was tempted to say no, for them to stay here in the bubble they’d created.
It had already felt like she’d put her life on hold while on Mull, yet in an off-the-beaten track location of Lochbuie, she felt even more removed from real life.
But they couldn’t stay, not when tomorrow would be a day full of emotion, laughter and tears.
A whole host of people would arrive at the house for the long-awaited celebration of an amazing woman.
That was partly why Tilly had come, to help Logan out, to prepare the house, to welcome guests, to be there and support him. Her role had deviated drastically.