Chapter 25
Growing up in London, I had friends, but never a best friend, not like you have with Logan.
With an eight-year age difference with my sister, I moved away before we could develop that bond, although we managed to reconnect when she was older.
I treasured the times she visited me, although they were few and far between after she married and they bounced between London, New York and Zurich.
The friends I’ve made on Mull are special; there’s Ivor of course, but Cal’s mum Linda has the kindest heart, and the friends I’ve made in the WI have been there for me through everything.
I’ve built a life here and a support network that I cherish.
Extract from Joy’s journal
All Logan could think about on the drive back from Lochbuie was that a long-held fantasy had come true.
Tilly was quiet, but not unusually so, and he partly put that down to her being shattered from their late night while concentrating on the narrow single-track road.
Her relief was obvious when they reached the end of it without meeting another car.
Waking up with Tilly had been a bucket-list dream, but one he wanted to keep repeating.
Throughout breakfast, all he could focus on was that they’d done things to each other he’d only ever imagined.
The shift in intimacy had been a long-held desire, but he was acutely aware that it was new territory for her.
He hadn’t been able to stop himself from taking her hand and telling her how he felt while they were sitting outside The Old Post Office watching the landscape come alive in the morning light.
He couldn’t think of a more romantic spot.
Maybe it was just as well that they had tomorrow’s celebration to focus on instead of each other, although that didn’t stop Logan from playing his night with Tilly over and over in his head.
He’d known what he was doing when he’d offered her a beer, but he hadn’t anticipated quite how well things would go.
He didn’t want to push too hard and scare her off.
She was like a baby bird, all wide-eyed and easily spooked.
Most of all, he wanted to hold on to this happiness and hope.
The shift in their relationship offered possibilities.
He’d woken excited and upbeat, something he hadn’t experienced since losing his aunt.
Unhappiness had kept him company for a while.
Tilly had always been the cure for his melancholy, so he wondered if she was the key to his happiness too, but it was early days, even if it was already more than he could have hoped for. Aunt Joy would have been so happy.
After a detour to buy all the food and drink they’d need for the celebration, they didn’t get back until late morning.
The house divided their attention, with Logan inside while Tilly mowed the paths through the meadow.
He kept catching sight of her through the kitchen window while he was preparing the food for the next day.
With her earphones in, she seemed lost in a world of her own as she redefined the paths through the long grass.
His heart leapt with a surge of love for her.
He paused and splayed his hands on the edge of the counter and watched her until she was out of sight.
He still couldn’t believe that last night had happened, that she’d been just as eager and passionate, or that she’d been the one to initiate things, even if the temptation of the beer and staying overnight had helped things along.
He wondered if they’d continue to feel comfortable around each other when the question about where they would sleep tonight was raised.
He sure as hell knew he wanted to repeat last night.
A message pinging onto his phone stole his attention from dreaming about the what ifs with Tilly.
I need to talk to you. Pop round when you get a moment today.
Màiri. Now what? he thought, his heart sinking at the tone he knew she would have said it with.
Another message arrived.
Please :)
His annoyance eased a bit. Maybe getting out and taking his mind off Tilly naked in bed might be healthy.
He sent a quick reply to Màiri, then a message to Tilly to say he was popping out and Barney was in the house. He finished prepping the platter of finger food, pocketed his phone and slung his jacket on.
The gate he’d fixed was wedged open and it looked like Màiri had made a start on de-weeding the drive.
Guilt weighed on him with each step towards the farmhouse.
Not because he hadn’t helped Ivor, but because of how his relationship with Màiri had ended.
His heart had never been fully invested.
He’d convinced himself that pushing his feelings for Tilly aside would be enough, that with a girlfriend he’d be able to move on from his infatuation.
He’d liked Màiri an awful lot; she’d been sweet and attractive, the literal girl next door when he’d moved in with his aunt, and they’d connected over shared heartache and their ambitions for the future.
He’d certainly liked her as more than just a friend and she’d often stayed over at Loch View House, but there’d never been that spark, at least not for him.
Perhaps he’d been wrong to keep things going for longer than he should have, knowing they were never going to go the distance, but she’d been so lonely.
There would never have been a good time to break up with her, particularly when she’d made it clear that she saw a future for them.
Even if he was innocent of cheating, the truth was, he’d left Màiri for Tilly, putting the needs of his best friend and his unrequited love for her above his girlfriend, letting her down and breaking her heart.
He reached the house and lingered outside the front door, not wanting to face his ex. He took a deep breath and knocked.
‘Door’s open!’ Màiri’s voice travelled through the house.
He went inside and was greeted by the smell of baking, which he followed to the kitchen.
‘Blueberry muffins for tomorrow.’ Màiri gestured to the tray she’d pulled from the oven. ‘My favourite thing to make.’
‘You didn’t have to.’
‘I did and I wanted to. Can’t arrive empty-handed. Joy never came over here without some homemade deliciousness.’ She put her hands on her hips.
‘Well, thank you, they look delicious. I’m sure they’ll go down a treat tomorrow.
’ Logan glanced around. Not only did the kitchen smell yummy, but it had been tidied and decluttered too.
It felt odd being in this house when the last time they’d been here together their relationship had been vastly different.
Baking had always been a stress reliever for her, he remembered.
‘But that’s what I want to talk to you about,’ Màiri continued. ‘Dad’s being stubborn, says he doesn’t want to come tomorrow. Could you please talk to him? He doesn’t listen to me, just brushes me off because apparently I worry too much.’ She inhaled deeply. ‘He might listen to you.’
‘I’m not sure about that.’
‘Logan, please. Do this for me.’ Her eyes widened as her nostrils flared.
It was obvious how upset she was. ‘He never moved on from losing Mum and I don’t mean relationship-wise because he would have jumped at a chance with Joy, but he’s held on to the unfairness of it all and has never allowed himself to enjoy life to the full.
A celebration for Joy doesn’t sit well because he’s mourning.
He believes it would be wrong to celebrate when she’s no longer here to experience it.
I think him being there tomorrow will help him to process his grief. ’
‘Where is he?’
Màiri gestured to the kitchen window. ‘Out there.’
Logan went over to the sink and peered through the window. Ivor was leaning on the fence overlooking the sheep field that sloped down to the loch. His shoulders were hunched and a walking stick leaned against the fence next to him. He looked slight and fragile.
‘He can’t sink further into apathy or keep believing the whole world’s against him,’ Màiri said softly.
Her heartfelt words broke Logan’s heart. He wasn’t the only one who’d lost a loved one. He knew all too well how a friendship could mean even more than family when you were in love.
‘I can’t end up worrying about him more than I already do. And I upset him by suggesting he should move in with me—’
Logan glanced at her with a raised eyebrow. ‘You’d want that?’
‘It’s not what I want that matters when it’s how Dad’s coping on his own. I realise he’s been on his own for years, but he has some health problems, and without Joy next door and with Loch View House let out to holidaymakers—’
‘That’s not necessarily what will happen—’
‘Oh come on, Logan. Whether you keep the house to rent out or sell it for someone else to, that is what will happen. Joy was a friend for Dad and his support network – his whole life, besides me and my brother. But he’s in Spain and I’m a good four hours’ drive away.
Getting here takes some planning. So yes, in my mind Dad moving in with me or at least close by is the sensible thing, except he won’t even consider it. ’
‘What does your husband think?’ Logan asked carefully.
Màiri’s lips pursed white. ‘He’s living and working in Manchester at the moment.’ She sighed. ‘It’s complicated.’
Logan didn’t question further; that was a rabbit hole he didn’t want to go down, not when Màiri was obviously trying to hold it together.
‘I’ll go and talk to him.’
‘Thank you.’ Màiri nodded and started taking the muffins out of the tin.