Chapter 26
The downs in life simply highlight all the good. It’s the only way to look at things without getting bogged down in the negatives and being forever bitter about something that is out of your control.
Extract from Joy’s journal
There had been lots to do in preparation for the party to celebrate Joy, from mowing the paths through the meadow to jet-washing the patio and cleaning the garden furniture, all of which Tilly had thrown herself into while anticipating what might happen between her and Logan later that night.
Except things didn’t work out quite the way she’d hoped.
Logan was subdued after he’d returned from Ivor’s; she’d spotted him from across the meadow sitting on Joy’s bench with his hands clasped as he gazed towards the loch.
A little while later when he said he needed to pop out to see a friend, she didn’t question him.
He retrieved a cobwebbed bicycle from the shed and cleaned it off.
He looked completely wrapped up in his thoughts as he set off down the lane.
Tilly had just finished the jobs outside when Logan messaged her an hour later to say he wouldn’t be back for dinner and to not wait up. All her anticipation for what the night could have held dispersed. Did he regret what had happened the night before? He was certainly distracted.
She chided herself. On the eve of Joy’s celebration, he had other things to think about.
She wasn’t someone who had ever been needy when it came to a relationship; she’d never craved the validation of a man to make her feel good either.
But this was her best friend and the direction they’d taken their friendship felt unresolved, and they had unfinished business.
Just the thought sent heat searing through her.
She ate alone in the kitchen with Barney, who looked as dejected as she felt. He’d get up every so often, pad across the kitchen to look at the front door before settling back by her feet.
Exploring their new relationship further became less and less likely as the sky darkened and an owl began to hoot. Eventually, she went to bed, leaving Barney lying at the top of the stairs with his head on his paws waiting for Logan to return.
* * *
Sunday morning dawned fresh and bright, with the dew-coated grass sparkling in the sunshine.
Tilly stood in the kitchen doorway with a mug of coffee, breathing in the earthy scent, while the breeze banished the cobwebs of sleep.
It promised to be a fine clear day for the celebration. Joy would have loved it.
Tilly had woken early and couldn’t get back to sleep, so she’d read more of Joy’s journal about a summer Logan had spent on Mull at the age of seven with his mum.
Joy’s words were laced with happiness about a time that had obviously been magical for them all.
Tilly had to drag herself out of bed to shower.
The door to Logan’s bedroom had been closed and Barney was no longer on the landing, so she assumed Logan had returned and was still asleep. Tidying the kitchen, getting breakfast and laying out glasses and bowls in preparation for later had kept her busy until she’d stopped to have a coffee.
‘Everything okay?’ Tilly asked when Logan eventually entered the kitchen stifling a yawn and with Barney on his heels.
She had no idea what time he’d come back last night, but it didn’t look as if he’d had much sleep.
‘Yeah, it is. Talking to Ivor and Màiri yesterday got me thinking and I made some decisions.’ He took her hand. ‘Come with me. I know where to scatter Aunt Joy’s ashes.’
He led her outside and along one of the paths she’d mown through the meadow yesterday. The dew seeped into the sides of her canvas trainers.
‘You suggested it the other day, but I wasn’t sure. I think I needed time for everything to slot into place.’
Her heart leapt with realisation of where they were headed – the bench that had provided so much inspiration, where Joy had written her journal, the place she’d sat and poured her heart out about her life, her love, about Logan and her hopes for him.
He led her round to the front, dropped her hand and gestured to a bronze plaque attached to the bench.
‘A friend on the island knows a local engraver, so we went and saw him yesterday evening to see if he could make it at short notice. He knew Aunt Joy.’
‘And he did it just like that?’
‘Goes to show how well loved she was.’
A lump formed in her throat.
Frowning, she turned back to him. ‘Wait, so you were out here last night putting this on in the dark?’
‘I wanted it done for today.’
She ran her thumb across the engraved words.
Joy Margaret Fraser
2 April 1945 – 4 October 2024
Thank you for the memories, the love and for being my family. Fly free.
Like the eagles she loved so much, Tilly thought. She tucked her arm in Logan’s and pulled him close. ‘It’s perfect,’ she said, her words catching in her throat as tears streamed down her cheeks.
* * *
Joy would have loved having the house filled with her friends. The islanders had come out in force to pay their respects to the woman who had made Mull her home even after loss.
Coffee mornings and dinner parties had been a staple of Joy’s life, so Tilly knew this was a fitting way to honour her.
The garden and patio had been spruced up and Tilly had gathered some fronds of greenery and sprigs of yellow gorse to go in a couple of vases.
Inside, a mouth-watering spread had been laid out on the kitchen table: Logan’s bite-sized sandwiches, along with smoked salmon blinis, pork and sage sausage rolls and mini jacket potatoes with a variety of toppings provided by Rosie and Gill.
They had enough drinks to sink a ship and many of Joy’s WI friends had brought cakes with them too.
They’d been blessed with blue sky and a sunny day, what Joy would have wished for, particularly when everyone was able to spill outside with their drinks to enjoy the garden she loved and the view that had captivated her.
Logan had been embraced by the islanders as much as his aunt had, and during her summer on Mull, Tilly had felt part of the island community too, but today she couldn’t help but feel somewhat of an outsider.
Cal was here with his children, parents, sister and her family, but Tilly hadn’t yet built up the courage to go and say hello.
Rosie and her partner Gill were friendly faces at least, and there were lots of other islanders who Logan introduced her to.
Ivor and Màiri hadn’t yet arrived, which suited her just fine, but she could sense Logan’s concern that Ivor might not turn up at all.
Tilly might not be keen to see Logan’s ex-girlfriend, but she was determined to put the mistakes of the past behind her and reshape stale relationships into something new and positive.
She’d made a good start with Cal thanks to his openness and ability to forgive, so she decided to build on that and made an effort to mingle as she worked her way towards him.
Cal saw her before she reached him, his smile gentle as he stepped back to allow her into his family group.
His two girls wore matching dresses and they both had a dusting of freckles across their nose and cheeks, although their hair was blonder than their dad’s, so she assumed they must have inherited the colouring from their mum.
‘It’s a lovely day for this,’ Cal said as a greeting, sweeping his hand around. ‘These are my girls, Darcy and Flora, and of course you already know my sister.’
His sister Beth grinned. ‘Well, you’ve barely changed in however many years it’s been.’ She stuck out her hand and Tilly shook it. ‘It’s good to see you again, although I’m sorry it’s for this reason. Joy was well loved. It’s good you’re here to support Logan.’
‘It’s nice to be back on the island.’
‘Aye, Mull has a habit of drawing people in and once you live here, you find you never want to leave.’
She was effortlessly pulled into a conversation with Beth and Cal about the place they’d lived and worked all of their lives.
They made it easy to see the appeal of a simple life full of hard work, but mostly family, driving home once again what was most important: who you loved and the people you surrounded yourself with.
The girls ran around, weaving between the guests, their laughter enchanting on the spring afternoon.
They’d lost so much and yet they still had the ability to smile and laugh and play, to behave like children should, without the weight of grief on their shoulders, because their dad was helping them to carry it.
Cal’s attention kept drifting from their conversation, towards the laughter and screeches of his daughters, worry etched in his frown lines and searching eyes. After losing his wife in an accident, it was no wonder he was protective of them.
Beth placed a hand on his shoulder. ‘I’ll go and keep an eye on them.’ She smiled at Tilly. ‘It really is good to see you again.’
Tilly was grateful for Beth’s warmth when she had every right to feel some animosity towards her. She watched her navigate her way through the guests on the patio. She turned back to Cal, who still had his eyes on his girls. ‘It must be good to see them playing and happy?’
‘It is, but somehow I have to allow them some freedom without stressing myself to the point of anxiety.’
‘That’ll come with time and as they grow. They’re young, but everyone’s watching out for them. Your mum and dad. Beth too.’ Tilly swirled the elderflower around her glass. ‘I always liked your sister.’
‘Aye, she likes you too. Said you brought me out of my shell. She’s a typical interfering older sister who always believes she knows what’s best for me.’
‘Yet you love her to pieces.’
The genuine smile that reached his eyes said it all. ‘Beth has some romantic notion that I’ll find love again.’ He shook his head, his attention drifting towards his girls. ‘She even suggested we rekindle what we had that summer.’