Chapter 26 #2
‘But that’s the last thing you want,’ Tilly said with certainty.
‘Exactly. No offence.’ His lips twitched.
‘And she knows that, she’s just looking out for me, trying to convince me that my life’s not over, it’s just not what I expected it to be.
’ He drained his lemonade and set the glass down on the nearest windowsill.
‘Losing Sarah happened so fast. One day she was here, the next she wasn’t.
It was the shock that I’m still trying to come to terms with.
I’m not sure how to get over that, or if I ever will.
None of us had the chance to say goodbye or make sense of it.
My only comfort is she didn’t know anything or suffer.
Yet she never had the opportunity to leave anything for the girls, letters or words of wisdom for when they’re older. ’
‘But she’s got you to keep her memory alive so they know who she is and that she loved them.’
Cal glanced towards his daughters again.
She noticed the tears in his eyes. ‘Days like this bring it home. I don’t know Logan well, but I know he’s been through a lot.
And Joy was always so kind and thoughtful.
She was one of the first people to reach out after Sarah died.
She wasn’t afraid to confront my grief and talk to me openly and honestly.
Lots of people don’t know what to say when something awful happens and so they avoid the situation altogether, but Joy wasn’t like that, perhaps because she understood.
She told me there’s nothing more important than putting the people you love first, but that I also had to take care of myself, otherwise how could I take care of them. ’
‘She was a wise woman.’
‘She certainly was. And full of love, yet she never met anyone else. Which makes me wonder…’ Cal breathed out deeply.
‘You’ll do whatever’s right for you and your girls. You never know what the future holds or how you’ll feel in a year or five years’ time. Just be kind to yourself. And you have the loveliest most supportive family. I wish Logan had that.’
‘He’s got you.’ Cal looked at her then, as if he was studying her. ‘He always has done, hasn’t he.’
It wasn’t a question, but the truth; even while she’d been infatuated by Cal, her heart had continued to pull her back to her best friend.
‘Joy was his real family, though. His only family.’
‘Family comes in many forms, Tilly. And Logan’s as much yours as you are his.’
A spoon rattling against a glass cut their conversation short.
Logan was standing on the kitchen doorstep, Joy’s favourite spot, looking out at the friends, neighbours and islanders gathered in the garden.
Tilly and Cal moved away from the side of the house so they could see Logan properly, drifting apart as they did, Cal back to his girls who wrapped their arms around his legs.
His sister rested a hand on his shoulder.
Tilly stood on her own in a gap behind a couple of elderly women.
She could see Logan, his glass raised as he waited for everyone to quieten down.
She noticed Ivor and Màiri on the periphery, presumably having just arrived.
Màiri was holding a cake tin, while Ivor’s expression was grim, but at least he’d showed up, even if he was late.
‘I just wanted to thank you all for coming today.’ Logan’s eyes drifted across everyone on the patio, catching her gaze before resting on Ivor.
‘As you know, Joy’s funeral was disrupted by a storm and many of you weren’t able to pay your respects.
Spring was her favourite time of the year, so it seems fitting to hold this celebration now and to remember her for her abundance of love, joy and happiness.
I know how much she would have loved seeing you all here today, her friends and neighbours in the place she felt at home from the moment she arrived.
So thank you all.’ He paused and his jaw tightened.
Tilly wanted to rush over and hold him. Logan’s voice cracked as he continued speaking.
‘I probably didn’t tell her enough how much I loved her and after losing my mum and her losing her little sister, she put her own grief aside to support me as best she could. ’
His fist clenched and Tilly knew he was thinking of his father.
How different would it have been if he’d relinquished his control and allowed Logan to live here with Joy?
He may well have been happier with a loving aunt who reminded him of his own mum, rather than being shipped off to boarding school, but then they would never have met and her life would have been empty without him.
Life without Logan. Her chest ached and tears stung her eyes.
It was a sudden and overwhelming feeling, akin to loss.
To not have Logan in her life, to lose their close friendship, she couldn’t imagine it.
They were getting older, their priorities changing.
There was an underlying desire to find someone and settle down, to not be alone.
The possibility was there to be more than just friends.
Tilly breathed in deeply and tried to let go of her stress as she exhaled and tuned back into Logan.
‘So thank you again for coming today. Joy is the reason we’re here and she’d love us to remember her with smiles and laughter as we eat and drink and pay our respects.’ He raised his glass. ‘To Joy and a life well lived.’