Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
T he competition was a bust. I not only didn’t stick my landing on the back tuck, but I also screwed up my bar routine too. I spent the better part of the weekend throwing up to the point that my roommates heard me puking and asked me if I was all right. I also caught them whispering about me, which isn’t a good thing. I’m the girl who is puking in the morning and has gained weight. Both of those are clear signs of pregnancy. At least according to Google.
I’m leaving the bus at the Sports Complex. It’s where we usually get dropped off when we come back from meets. Coach Ludmila is standing at the entrance of the bus, wishing the girls a good night and congratulating the girls returning with medals. A medal I should’ve easily won.
“Briar, I would like to see you in my office first thing tomorrow morning,” Coach says. I’m grateful she doesn’t want to talk to me now because I am thoroughly drained. Coach Ludmila is tough but she also cares about her athletes. She ensures we are keeping a proper diet and getting the right amount of sleep. She cares when someone breaks up with a partner and is upset. She’s also tough. Pushing us to be our best.
“Okay,” I say to her. “Have a good night.”
“You too,” she says.
I’m walking toward my SUV in the dark parking lot when I spot the hockey team coming off their bus. I keep my head low. I’m not ready to see Aaron. Thankfully, it didn’t snow this weekend so my car is clean. I get in and head home. When I walk through the door, my housemates are in the kitchen. They don’t acknowledge me and I’m used to it. I head up to my room where I keep my own kettle and boil some water to make ramen noodles. Then I lie back on my bed and check my phone.
I have a message from Ruby asking how the meet went. I also have a voicemail from Mom.
“Hi, Briar, I got your message. I have some bad news. Otis is leaving me and the girls. I won’t be able to afford to pay your lease anymore. I’ll try to come out to campus by the end of the month to pick up the car. Be in touch.” Her voice is shaky and she sounds like she may be crying.
Fuck me. When it rains it pours.
Not only is she not going to help, she’s taking away my only form of transportation.
I hold on to my stomach. It’s going to be okay, Nugget. It has to be. I’m not like my mom or dad. I won’t abandon you.
My cell rings. It’s Annie. I don’t have it in me to answer but I answer anyway because I know she won’t stop until I do.
“Hello?”
“Briar, you’ve been more MIA than usual,” she chides.
“Sorry, just got back from a meet.”
“How did it go?” she asks.
“Not great. I had some major screwups,” I tell her.
“Okay, it’s not the end of the world,” she says.
“Why don’t you tell me how you’re doing?” I say to her.
“Fine, you know. School, family stuff, fake dating Cade Price.” She giggles.
“It sounds like you’re really enjoying this fake dating thing,” I say to her as I eat noodles.
“I’m crushing on him hard. I always pictured the hockey guys to be these asshole jocks, but Cade is the sweetest guy on earth,” she swoons.
I may know something about a swoony hockey player.
I should confide in Annie, but if I tell her I’m pregnant then it will be real.
“So maybe you should be dating him for real,” I suggest.
“Nah, I have no time to really date and it’s the last thing Cade wants. We’re in a mutually beneficial relationship, that’s all.”
“One that should include orgasms,” I suggest, which is a mistake.
“Speaking of which, I want to hear more about this mystery guy from your trip.” Yup, I’m in trouble now. Annie is one of my best friends. I don’t want to lie to her.
“He’s hot as hell. He’s a junior too. We just had fun together. It was my first vacation, and the Caribbean was so beautiful. It felt like paradise. We watched a sunrise together. The whole group spent all their time together. I windsurfed and went clubbing. We rented these crazy off-road buggy things, and it was so muddy and ridiculous. We swam in an underground cave. I did things I would have never dreamed of. It was fun and now I’m back to reality,” I say. My reality is now a lot scarier because I will be responsible for a baby in nine months…
“That sounds like a dream, Briar. I’m so happy for you,” Annie chirps.
“Thanks. I did make memories I’ll never forget.” Eventually, I will have to come clean to my friends, but it seems only right that Aaron should be the first to know. I let out a big yawn.
“You must be exhausted from travelling this weekend. I’ll let you go but be in touch. We should meet up for lunch,” she suggests.
“Sounds good. I am tired. I need sleep.”
“Have a good night.”
“You too.”
We end the call. I fall asleep so fast I barely blinked. Luckily my phone is set to the same alarm every morning. I wake with the same queasy feeling. I have been reading that carbs can help with the nausea. At this point, I shouldn’t care about my weight. I’ll have to quit the gymnastics team. I am going to have this baby, if Aaron wants to be in his or her life it is up to him. I feel like my mind is made up. I just can’t say I’m pregnant out loud, and the thought of having this baby terrifies me. What if I can’t feed us? I start to cry and I get dressed with blurry eyes. I have to get a hold of myself when I get in the car because I have to see where I am driving. That’s when I remember Mom’s message from last night. She is coming to pick up my car in a few weeks.
By the time I make it to the gym, my face is red and blotchy. I just couldn’t care less. After parking my car in the lot, I go straight to Coach Ludmila’s office. Her door is open a crack. I knock lightly to announce my arrival.
“Briar,” she says my name on an exhale. “Come in, have a seat.”
I still have my puffer coat on. It feels like a bubble protecting me until Ludmila’s concerned blue eyes watch me with sympathy I don’t want to see. There is no malice in her gaze but it feels like she knows what is going on.
“You’re pregnant.” Her words cause a well to burst inside me and I break down. She stands from her desk and comes around to me. She puts her arms around me and tells me it is going to be okay. I sob in her arms. I don’t know how much time passes for me to get my shit together long enough to say. “What am I going to do?”
“You’re going to be okay,” she says surprisingly.
“I’m going to lose my scholarship,” I state.
“You’ll ask the NCAA to give you a year off. You will lose the scholarship for that year, but you can apply for financial aid. When you have the baby, you can come back,” she assures.
“I may not be the same. I won’t make it to the Olympics.”
“Maybe not,” she says. She is honest. This much I knew. She sighs. “I was once in your position,” she confesses, and my eyes round as I look up to her. “I didn’t make it to the Olympics, but I’ve had a good career training athletes who have made it.”
The office falls silent. I am processing her words. My life as I knew it is changing. I have to accept those changes and roll with the punches. It’s what I have been doing for a long while now.
“Does the father know?” she asks next.
I shake my head.
“You need to tell him. It’s his responsibility too,” she insists.
“We aren’t together. It was a vacation fling. My expectations are low,” I state sadly. It is better to hope for the worst because it makes disappointment hurt less.
“He deserves to know, Briar.”
“I know.” Aaron deserves to know. I don’t know how he is going to react but he definitely needs to know I am pregnant.