Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
B riar
Coach Ludmila told me to take the next few days off from practice. We don’t have another meet for a couple of weeks, and she wants me to file an official request to pause my NCAA participation due to my pregnancy. She also wants me to have a few days to relax and think of my next steps. She is being supportive and caring, and I am so thankful to her. The hospital called and booked me an ultrasound for Tuesday. It is now Friday, and I still haven’t spoken with Aaron. To say I am procrastinating is an understatement. I am terrified. Is he going to abandon the baby? From what I know of Aaron, he is a stand-up guy, but he clearly didn’t plan on a baby in his near future. Neither did I, so I mean, there is that. I ask Aaron to meet me at my house after class this afternoon. If I am going to tell him about the baby, I need it to be on my turf. I also don’t want to chance the news getting out. I know on Friday afternoons my housemates are never home, so it is a good option. I don’t need them spreading rumors about the winger of the hockey team being in my room. I know from living here the past two years that they love gossip.
It is now half past four and I am expecting Aaron any minute. I pace my room, feeling like I am going to melt down any minute. I don’t know why I am so scared, other than nothing has really gone my way the last few years. I did get into Riverside U on scholarship, which is huge, but it feels like that’s where my luck ended. I have won medals in gymnastics, but it is because of my hard work.
The doorbell rings and I almost jump out of my skin. He’s here. I hold on to my stomach, feeling the need to protect Nugget. I know what it feels like to not be wanted, and I never want him or her to experience such a thing.
I go downstairs to open the door. I am jittery and my heart is beating fast. I open the door to Aaron, who looks very cold. He is wearing a hoodie and a puffer coat but his cheeks are red, despite him still having a bit of a tan from our trip.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asks.
I texted him that we needed to talk and he should come over to my place. At first he thought it was a booty call but I told him it wasn’t and I needed him to come over.
“Come in.” I wave him inside.
He looks wary. He doesn’t know why he is here. I am about to drop a bomb on him. One he isn’t expecting.
“Okay.” He takes a slow step inside and blows on his hands.
“Did you walk here?” I ask.
“Yeah, we didn’t have a spare car at the house,” he explains.
“Sorry.”
“What’s going on, Briar?” he asks, cutting to the chase.
“Um, why don’t you come in and take your shoes off?” I suggest, trying to buy some time. How am I going to tell him that our lives are changing?
“Okay.” He drags each syllable of the word out.
He follows me into the kitchen. I stand on the other side of the counter, needing space from him. “We’re the only one’s here.”
“You’re kind of freaking me out. Why are you so shaky?” he asks.
I blow out a harsh breath. “I’m pregnant.”
So much for starting out slow before dumping the news on him.
His jaw goes slack. He looks frozen in time. His forest green eyes resemble two saucers.
“I don’t understand,” he mutters.
“We had sex in Punta Cana. Besides you, I haven’t been with anyone in like a year so. . .” Was he going to make me spell it out?
Both his palms come up to his face and cover his nose and mouth.
“I took my birth control every day. I don’t know what happened,” I say. I feel guilty, even though the rational part of me knows he is just as responsible as I am for this.
“You said you’re sure it’s mine?” he asks and I get offended.
“I told you. I haven’t been with anyone else,” I repeat. “Look, it’s a lot to take in. I know you have a lot going on in your life and this isn’t the best timing. I’ve decided to keep the baby. I understand if you want no part of this. . .”
He takes a step toward me. “I’m in.”
“What?” I ask, confused.
“I’m in, Briar. You aren’t doing this alone.”
The well of tears I was holding back comes pouring out. I sob so hard my body shakes. Aaron walks around the counter and gathers me in his arms. His fresh scent envelops me in the best way. Being back in his arms feels so good. But we aren’t together. He is in this because he is a responsible human and wants to be there for our baby.
“I’m terrified,” I confess.
“Me too,” he says.
“I reached out to my parents and told them I needed help. I didn’t know what to do and neither of them got back to me. No. . .that’s not true, my mom left me a message saying she couldn’t afford my lease anymore and would have to come pick up my car.”
“So they don’t know your pregnant?” he asks, dropping his arms from around me.
“No.” I shake my head.
“Okay, well, this is going to be fine. I have another year left of school. I’m going to the NHL. Financially, this will be okay.” He runs his fingers through his hair and rubs the back of his neck like a nervous tick.
“Aaron, this baby is coming in September. I did the math. My due date is about September 28th. I won’t be able to finish my senior year. I’m going to lose my scholarship. Everything is a big mess.”
“Shit. I’m sorry,” he says about my rant. Doesn’t he have something better than that?
I blink a few times. I need to get my bearings. “I’m booked for an ultrasound at the hospital on Tuesday, if you want to come. Don’t feel obligated if you have a class or something,” I murmur.
“Briar, I’m coming to your ultrasound, even if I have to miss class. I told you I’ll be here for you, and I meant it. Not just for the baby but for you too. I’m probably not saying or doing the right thing right now because I need to process. My head is all messed up and I’m sorry if I’m being an asshole.”
“You aren’t. . .” I swallow. “Being an asshole. I almost fainted at the doctor’s office when they told me the news.”
“When did you find out?” he asks.
“Monday. I needed time to process. I was scared and lost,” I admit.
“Yeah,” his voice cracks and he squeezes the back of his neck again. “I’m going to need to tell my parents. They’ll probably want to meet you. I don’t know how Mom is going to take the news with everything that’s going on. She has so much to deal with and her and Dad are in a good place now after their trip. They’re trying to act all happy and shit, even though I feel like it’s just an act. I hope this news doesn’t break her.” He is rambling and I read the nerves running off him in spades.
I take a step toward him and hug him. “It’s not going to be easy, but from what you’ve told me about them. . .well, they sound like loving people. I’m guessing your mom will be supportive. I’m not a parent yet, but I want this nugget to feel loved. To know that his or her parents would never abandon them because I know how that feels, and I don’t wish it on anyone.”
Aaron hugs me back squishing, my body into his. He holds on tight for a moment then he takes a step back. “Sorry, I don’t want to hurt. . .” His brows furrow. “Did you call the baby Nugget?”
“Yes.” I smile and touch my belly.
“I like it.”
“Aaron, I think we should keep the pregnancy a secret for now. It’s fine if you want to tell your parents, but I was reading on Google that the first three months are the most unstable part of the pregnancy. Like the rate of miscarriage is much higher.”
Aaron hisses, “Don’t talk like that.”
“I’m a realist. I think we should keep the pregnancy under wraps until we speak with a doctor,” I urge.
“I can respect that. Although, I feel like I need to be around to check on you and stuff,” he says. We are both flailing, that much is clear, but Aaron is a gentleman through and through.
“That would be nice,” I say, biting into my lip. I have another issue to raise but it feels a little awkward. “I. . .uh. . .I just want to make sure we, you know, are on good terms and stuff. For the sake of the baby.”
“Definitely,” he replies, as if it’s obvious.
I want to say we should stay platonic and keep sex out of the picture, but it could be what he was expecting anyway so I keep my mouth shut.
“Okay. I’ll text you the details for the ultrasound on Tuesday.”
He looks around the kitchen. “Have you eaten dinner?”
“I was going to make some noodles.” I obviously wasn’t going to invite him to eat ramen noodles with me.
“Noodles?” he asks, confused.
I nod. “Ramen.” I also blush. I don’t really want to discuss my finances with him.
“That isn’t dinner. Come, we’re going out,” he says like he is insisting.
“Aaron, I don’t have a budget to go out. I also don’t think we should start hanging around campus together. It will give people the wrong idea, and I haven’t said anything to Ruby, Annie, or Charlie about our little fling.”
“Right.” He rolls back on his heels. I think I may have offended him. “Let’s order in then.”
He isn’t going to let up. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he repeats. “What are you in the mood for?”
“Anything,” I reply.
He cocks a brow.
“Food, Aaron. Any type of food,” I clarify, since it seems like his mind went to sex.
“I know you were talking about food.” He laughs.
“Sure you did.”
We decide on pizza since everything else he was mentioning made me feel nauseous.
After we eat I start yawning, and since I have homework I tell him I have work to do. I also need space from him. His reaction is better than anything I had conjured up, but it also scares the living daylights out of me because Aaron is the whole package, and I can’t go and fall in love with him.