Chapter 8
“What do you want to do now?” Ben asked as he placed his silverware on the plate. The action shouldn’t be sexy at all, but his long fingers mesmerized Clara, and she imagined them trailing up her leg, beneath the hem of her short dress and teasing her.
She squeezed her thighs together in an attempt to soothe the ache but it didn’t work.
What is wrong with me? I spend one night sleeping beside him and now I can’t stop thinking about sex with Ben!
Focus on the question. Not on what I can’t have.
Clara mentally schooled her thoughts. “I’m not sure. We can take a walk around Elizabeth Quay. Or catch a bus up to Kings Park and walk around there. Or go home.”
The last thing on her list was the thing she wanted to do the least. She didn’t want to go home where she would stare at the four walls of her house, wishing for things she couldn’t have.
“Do you have to check out of the hotel? I didn’t think to ask when we left.”
“I booked for the whole weekend. I check out on Monday.” Clara ducked her head, letting her hair cover her cheeks which she was sure were flashing red.
Her body’s reaction was irrational. She had nothing to be embarrassed about.
It didn’t matter what she did with her money, and if she wanted to splurge and spend the weekend in a hotel, then she could.
“You booked it for the whole weekend?” Ben asked.
Clara lifted her chin. “I did.”
“Nice.” Ben nodded slowly in appreciation. “Got to spoil yourself every now and then. Will you go to work from there on Monday?”
Finally, they were having a conversation that wasn’t awkward. Until this moment, their chatter through eating their food was stilted with long pauses in between.
“I’ve actually got the week off.” Because Clara hadn’t known how she would react to seeing Ben getting married, she’d decided she was going to take the week off after the event.
She’d planned to use the time to regroup and get her shit together so that no one at work would know her heart had been broken.
Now she didn’t have to worry about that. Or did she? There was a definite vibe growing between them, and if she wasn’t careful she could end up with her heart being shattered into thousands of irrecoverable pieces.
“Did you have anything special planned?” Ben leaned forward as if he couldn’t wait to hear what she had to say.
“Not really, I was just going to use the time to relax. Work has been hectic with me doing a lot of flying in and out from various mine sites.”
“I’ve now got to fill in three weeks.”
Of course, Ben would’ve taken time off to go on his honeymoon. She didn’t know where he and Fern planned to go. She hadn’t asked and hadn’t wanted to know. Now she did. “What about the honeymoon? Will you still go?”
Ben shrugged and drained the rest of his juice. “Probably not. Fern wanted to go to Bora Bora, but I vetoed that because it was too expensive, so we compromised and settled on Fiji. I’m guessing she’ll go with her lover.”
Clara studied Ben looking for any indication that the idea of Fern being with someone else hurt him, but there wasn’t a hint of anything on his face to suggest that.
He looked as relaxed as he had when she’d asked the question.
“You really are okay with how things turned out with you and Fern, aren’t you? ”
“I am.” He leaned forward, looking at her intently, and she couldn’t help herself, she copied him.
“I said it to you last night. I know now I wasn’t in love with her the way I should’ve been.
It would’ve been a disaster if we got married.
We would’ve been lucky to last a year. Two at the most. As much as it hurt seeing Fern with that other guy, and hearing what she had to say, it saved both of us a lot of pain. ”
“I’m glad you’re content with the outcome.” She still wasn’t going to allow herself to hope that something could develop between them. “What did you think of my suggestion of things we could do?” she asked, deciding a change of subject was needed.
“How about both? We can do Kings Park first. Maybe grab some lunch while we’re there and then hit up Elizabeth Quay. If we find ourselves hungry again, we can grab dinner there.”
“I like that idea. But first, can we go back to the hotel so I can grab my jacket, and we should probably get some sunscreen?”
“Definitely.” He stroked a finger down her arm and electricity sparked to life. “Wouldn’t want you to get sunburnt,” he finished quietly.
Ben was sending so many signals, Clara didn’t know what to make of them, but she was tired of questioning everything. For today, she wanted to push all the doubts and misgivings aside and live in the moment. Live in the presence of her best friend.
Clara’s feet ached, but in a good way. If she had one of those smart watches that tracked how far she walked, she would bet she and Ben racked up over fifteen thousand steps. The day was so fun and carefree, like he too had decided not to question anything and just enjoy spending time together.
They crossed one of the walkways that hung over the Swan River at Elizabeth Quay. The sun was setting, and a light breeze drifted over her arms. “Are you hungry?” she asked.
Lunch had consisted of a shared large panini from one of the food kiosks in Kings Park while they sat on the grass and looked over the city. But that was a long time ago, and she was more than ready to have some more food.
“Famished. All this walking burns calories.” Ben grabbed her hand and steered her out of the way of a runaway toddler being chased by an older sibling. Their laughter filled the air and Clara smiled at the frazzled parents chasing them down.
Once they’d passed she expected Ben to drop her hand, but he didn't. He kept her hand firmly in his. Now she didn’t want them to find a place to eat because that would mean he would have to let go of her and she didn’t want that at all.
Without conscious thought she squeezed his hand and received a corresponding one. She looked over at him and found him looking at her. His gaze intense. The gold in his hazel eyes stood out.
“Ben?” she whispered, unsure what she was asking him for but knowing that she needed something. What she needed she didn’t know. All she knew was that she wanted a sign that he was with her all the way. That, he too, wanted to shift their relationship from being friends to being … more.
His hand came up and brushed away the hair that had escaped from her ponytail and touched her cheek. And just like when he took her hand, tingles spread across her skin. “Clara, you are so special to me.”
There it was, the lead in to letting her down gently. You’re so special to me as a friend. Or, you’re so special that any man would be lucky to have you.
If he said that last one she was going to follow through on her thoughts from earlier and move to another part of the state. Or a city in Australia. Or go somewhere else in the world. Anywhere so she wouldn’t run into him.
He didn’t say any of the things she imagined.
What he did do was close the gap between them and kiss her gently on the lips, before dropping his hands to his sides again.
A soft touch that was over before it began, but it set her body alight.
Had her wanting more. Had her imagining things she shouldn’t imagine with Ben.
It also left her confused.
What did he mean to tell her with the kiss?
She was special enough to kiss gently, but nothing more.
“What’s happening here, Ben?” she asked after a few heartbeats. The sounds of people chatting as they passed reminded her they were in public where anyone could hear or see them.
“Honestly?” he asked.
“Yes. I need the truth.” He still stood close to her, his body warmth reaching out. Their fingers brushing lightly against each other.
Ben looked around as if he was making sure that they weren’t being overheard. Or that there wasn’t anyone they knew nearby, which was ridiculous because whenever she went out she hardly ever ran into people she knew. “I don’t know, Clarabelle.”
Well, that cleared everything up.
“You don’t know? What was that kiss for then? Or saying I was special?” Her voice rose in annoyance, and she took a deep breath to try and remain calm.
“Look, how about we go get something to eat? We can talk about this then.”
Clara didn’t know what to make of the brushoff, but she had to agree that talking about something as intense as what was happening between them was better done someplace other than the middle of a busy walkway. “Okay, fine, although I don’t know that a restaurant will be any more private.”
“We can find a nice quiet one. And this early, it shouldn’t be too busy.” He smiled enticingly, and she couldn’t resist.
“Right.” She moved away from him, even though she wanted nothing more than to clasp his hand tightly in hers and never let go.
She was so gone, it wasn’t funny.