8. Chapter 7
J ulia leaned back against her pillows while she texted Jinx the link to the last article she’d found. The check mark appeared that meant he’d seen it, but no dots followed, not that she’d expected him to text anything back.
She’d promised to let Jinx have time to think about her sex offer, and that’s what she would give him. With some reading material.
She scrolled back up to his message.
‘Thanks for today.’
Like he needed to thank her. She’d done nothing more than any decent person should have done. Listened. Comforted him while he cried.
Offered him sex and then gotten angry and yelled at him. She wished she hadn’t done that. She hadn’t been angry at him, but she hated to see him look ashamed of something that wasn’t his fault.
Phoebe’s face replaced the open messages on her screen, and Julia swiped to accept the call.
“Just saw you called,” Phoebe said. “Bedtime ran long.”
“It’s no problem. You sounded off earlier. Everything all right? Need to vent?”
“You first. Did you survive hiking with my brother?”
“It was actually pretty good. No issues.” She remembered the way Jinx tumbled off the rock. “Well, I did have to fish him out of the lake.”
“Figures. I swear he can’t walk a straight line without something happening to him.”
“He’s fine. Just got a bit wet.” The way the water had plastered down his usual curls had been cute. The damp material of his shirt had clung to his lean frame as well.
Then they’d shared a great kiss. Not a tongue-dueling, make-out session type of kiss. No, it had been nice to kiss just for the sake of kissing, with no thoughts of what came next.
Well, only a few thoughts.
“Charles and I are glad to have him back in town where we can keep an eye on him,” Phoebe was saying. “He’s staying with Charles for now.”
“Not with your mom? I met him there today. She said hi, by the way.”
Phoebe snorted. “It must have been the best day ever for her, getting to see her two favorites.”
“Your mom’s one of my favorite people, too. It was nice to see her.”
“Uh-huh. Do I at least come in third on your hierarchy of the best Holdens? Or does Charles edge me out?”
“Well, he did give me a job,” Julia teased, but Phoebe went silent for a beat too long. “Hey, Feebs, what’s going on? You know it’s you and me to the end of the world. Why all the self-doubt today?”
“I just feel… kind of invisible.”
“To me?” Julia bit back her urge to remind Phoebe she’d ditched her at the bar the other night.
It had also been Phoebe who called her last minute when she already had plans.
Julia would have kept them no matter who they had been with, because that was the respectful thing to do.
Like keeping a promise. She waited, wondering what was really going on.
Phoebe sighed through the phone. “It’s not really you. Kyle’s been making me feel invisible lately. He comes home and focuses on the kids.”
Julia made a noise in her throat. “You mean, after work he steps up and gives you a break from them?”
“I don’t need the break! I mean, I don’t even take it. It’s better for us to spend family time together when we can. I’m with them twenty-four seven.”
“I’m sorry, Feebs. It sounds like you really did need a girls’ day.”
“It wasn’t even my idea to call you. Kyle was the one pushing me to spend time with you. It’s like he doesn’t even want me around!”
Julia stared at the ceiling. “I’m a little confused. It sounds like he wanted you to have some downtime. That’s a good, healthy thing. It must be a lot, being a stay-at-home mom. Don’t you want some time to be just you?”
“Being a stay-at-home mom is what I said I wanted! I should love it.”
“All the time?” Julia shook her head. “No one likes something all the time. It sounds to me like you needed the break he was trying to give you. Why didn’t you take it?”
“Because you ditched me!” Phoebe started crying.
Julia winced, hating to hear her cry. “I’m sorry that caused you not to leave the house at all, but that was your choice.
Wasn’t there something else you could have done?
Like go to a movie or go shopping, maybe even get a pedicure, something to pamper yourself?
You deserve some downtime. Maybe we can come up with ideas for next time, in case I’m busy,” she offered.
“Besides, let’s face it. I’m not that relaxing to be around anyway. ”
Phoebe sniffle-laughed. “That’s true.” Another sniffle followed. “But you don’t get it, Jules. If I do something for myself, I feel guilty.”
“Is Kyle making you feel that way? He offers the time and then gives you shit if you take it?” Julia started planning what she would do to him. It involved nail scissors.
“No. It’s like you said. He’s trying to help. He told me he wants me to have time to myself to recharge. It’s sweet. And he’s so good with the kids.” Her voice lowered. “Sometimes I worry they’ll love him more than me.”
Julia laughed. “No way that’ll happen. You’re a great mom.” Her hand tightened on the phone. “But to keep being great, you need to take time to just be the Phoebe we love, not always supermom. You can step away for a bit, I promise. The world won’t fall apart.”
“I kind of wish it would. I want to feel needed. Irreplaceable.”
“There’s no one like you, Feebs. That’s why you’re my best friend.”
She groaned through the phone. “Fine. Be all reasonable and tell me just what I want to hear. I guess I’ll forgive you for hanging out with Jesse instead of me today. He was probably over the moon. He’s always had a crush on you.”
Phoebe had said that before, and Julia usually brushed it off. She flushed this time, remembering the way his hold on her had pulled her into another kiss.
“Not going to argue this time?” Phoebe asked, then gasped. “Don’t tell me he finally confessed.”
“Not exactly, but, um, Feebs? I kind of offered to, you know, teach him some things, if he wanted. Just a one-time thing since he seems pretty nervous around women.”
Phoebe laughed. “You, on a practice date? But you never date. You’d be a terrible teacher.”
Julia winced, but there was nothing to be ashamed of, not really. “Not dates. I would teach him other things.” Since when had she not been able to say the word sex? Apparently since deciding to have it with Jinx.
“Oh my God!” Phoebe sputtered. “Tell me you did not agree to coach my baby brother on how to fuck.”
It sounded bad when her friend said it like that.
“It would be a one-time thing to help him get comfortable.” And for her to get the sudden craving to see him disheveled and desperate for her out of her system.
Just the thought of it made her thighs press together.
She could almost hear him warning her he was going to come, and her clit throbbed.
“Oh, hell no!” Phoebe groaned. “Why would you think Jinx could do casual? He’s already in love with you.”
“That’s all in your head. Besides, he hasn’t said yes yet.
He’s still thinking about my offer. I didn’t hide from him that it would be just sex.
” Julia hoped he took her up on it, and not just because the idea of being with him turned her on.
On top of everything, he’d caught an STI from the bitch who raped him and now didn’t believe he could ever have sex.
Julia wanted to help him move past that so he could be whole again.
No one was allowed to take something from Jinx, not when he was the kindest, sweetest soul in the world.
Not that sex was everything, but it was a damn pleasurable activity, if done right.
She’d read up on herpes again, and he was right, the risk wasn’t zero, but it could be pretty damn close if he wasn’t having an active outbreak.
Even more so if they used condoms since the outbreaks weren’t always visible, and she never fucked without condoms anyway.
He could even take an antiviral medication if he was still worried, though it wasn’t necessary.
That would just be for Jinx’s peace of mind, if he couldn’t get comfortable without it.
“Please don’t tell me you’re thinking about sex with my baby brother while you’re on the phone with me.”
“Jinx is an adult, and so am I. I wasn’t asking your permission, but I wanted to be straight with you. I think this will mean a lot to him, and I’d never want him to have to hide it. He’s already got enough hangups about sex.”
“And you have none. Hell, Jules, you’ll really sleep with anyone, won’t you?”
Julia bit her tongue, hard.
“I hope you’re at least going to get tested first. You better not give my brother an STI.”
With Jinx’s confession so fresh in her mind, she saw red. “I’m done talking to you about this. Good night.” Julia hung up before she could tell her friend to go to hell.
She was used to being slut-shamed, but not by Phoebe. Only that wasn’t true, she realized. There’d been little jabs over the years, comments that made Julia’s stomach hurt even as Phoebe said she was joking.
Phoebe had slept with exactly one guy, had fallen in love, and had married him. Julia was happy for her and didn’t see an issue with it.
That just wasn’t the lifestyle that fit her own sexuality. She wasn’t ashamed of her high body count. Everything she did was consensual between adults, usually fun, and always her choice. She wasn’t doing anything wrong. If people didn’t think it was right, that was their own problem, not hers.
Her friend’s image came up on the screen again, but she declined the call and silenced her phone.
J esse tried to blink the sleep from his eyes as he headed to the kitchen for coffee.
“It’s about time you woke up,” Phoebe muttered, her hand rubbing circles over her baby son’s back as she held him in her arms. Her toddler was happily smooshing a banana into the kitchen tiles.
Jesse brushed a hand over his messy curls self-consciously, feeling them pop up again. He needed another haircut soon. “What are you doing here so early?”
Phoebe glared at him. “I can visit my brothers, can’t I?”