Chapter 20
The next day I head off to work with a cloud hanging over me. I’m miserable. I haven’t heard anything from Nate even though I’ve texted him numerous times. I understand he’s hurt. He put his heart out there, and I crushed it. I was stupid and blind. All the looks he gave me, the kisses, the little gestures. He was in love with me, and I didn’t pay attention.
As I step out into the sunny early July morning, Albert is waiting in front of my building with the limo.
“Miss Stanford.”
“Go, Albert. I’m taking the subway.”
He walks after me and takes a firm hold of my arm, “Get in the car, Emma.”
His tone of voice tells me that I shouldn’t mess with him, “Is Jordan inside? I don’t want to speak to him right now.”
“No. This is of my own accord. Mr. Grayson has been working from home the past few days.”
He holds the door open for me, and I slip inside the cool leather interior. Albert gets in the driver’s seat and pulls away from the curb before he speaks.
“Emma, why haven’t you talked to Jordan? ”
“Albert, he cheated on me. I saw the pictures.”
“He saw them too. He had his IT staff scour the internet until he found what he thought you were talking about. Do you know those were from two years ago?”
“Why were they dated the night Feral was released?”
“Grayson Legal has gotten in touch with the website. They either print a retraction, or Jordan will file a lawsuit.”
“I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t give him a chance to explain. You assumed what you saw was the truth.”
“That doesn’t excuse him for not contacting me for days. What was I supposed to think? It can’t work, Albert. We’re too different. I’m used to a simple life. Jordan goes to movie premieres and jet sets all over the world.”
“He would do whatever you wanted. If you wanted him to stay in every night, he would do it. He wants to be where you are.”
“It won’t work. It happened too fast, and we burned out too quickly. It’s over. He needs someone who can keep up with his lifestyle. I can’t. I’m not sure I want to.”
“So that’s a no?”
“I think it has to be. I’m hurt, and I know he’s hurting. He sounds terrible on the voice messages he leaves me.”
“I’ve never seen him so broken up. At least talk to him. Tell him this in person.”
“I’m afraid to. I’m afraid I’ll give in if I see him. This needs to end now. I’m not the girl for him. Tell him I appreciate everything he did for me. I can never thank him enough for what he did for Nate.”
“You owe him then. Have the decency and courage to break it off in person.”
“I need time for that. I’m not strong enough right now. Please tell him I’ll come to him soon. Just not now.”
“Very well. I expect that you’ll honor your commitment to me when you’re ready. ”
“I promise.”
Albert pulls up in front of my office building, and I thank him as I step out.
“Goodbye, Miss Stanford.”
“Goodbye, Albert.”
I watch him drive away and walk into the building. Inside my office, there is a flurry of activity. I put my purse in my drawer, and Angie rushes to her desk.
“What’s going on?”
“Robert Scarborough is coming in today.”
“Shit. Anything I should be doing?”
“Other than looking busy when he gets here, no. We’ll discuss why you were out later. Nate texted me.”
“He texted you, but not me?”
“Later. Robert will be here soon,” she says sternly.
I busy myself with the latest manuscript I’ve been proofing. Robert arrives at 10:30 with his new wife, Julie, on his arm. I remember meeting her a little over a week ago. She’s an attractive slim brunette with eyes the color of milk chocolate. She waves to me when they walk by, and I smile. I doubt Jordan has told anyone that we’ve broken up, and I’m not about to reveal it to others.
By noon, the office has once again come alive with boisterous conversation that coincides with the exit of the Scarboroughs. Angie turns to me and gestures to her watch.
“I’m not hungry.”
“Too bad. I am, and we need to talk.”
I reluctantly follow her to the elevator. I’m not in the mood for another lecture. It seems to be the theme lately, Nate, Lexi, Albert. She says nothing to me as the car descends to the bottom floor. She grabs my elbow when we exit and leads me to a gyro cart outside the building.
“How long is this going to take,” I snap .
“Don’t take that tone with me. You’ve been pretty moody lately.”
I decide not to reply since we’re in the middle of a crowd of lunch-goers. I prefer to wait until we are out of other ears. Angie orders a gyro, and the smell is making my stomach rumble, but I prefer not to eat. She leads me to a small table near the side of the building. I begin to protest because the heat is oppressive but shut my mouth when she glowers at me.
“Nate was pretty broken up. He told me you left him.”
“Angie, he wants to be with me. He’s my best friend.”
“So? He loves you.”
“I can’t wrap my head around it. Why couldn’t he have said something two months ago or two years ago? Why now? I’m still reeling from my break up with Jordan, and he has to dump his shit on me now?”
“I’m sorry about everything you’re dealing with, but would you have dated Nate even if he told you before you knew Jordan?”
“Probably not. I don’t think of Nathaniel in those terms. I love him, but like a friend, not a lover.”
“Then you should have told him that.”
“The last thing I needed was to have this situation dropped in my lap. For God’s sake, all the times we saw each other naked. I’m embarrassed to know he thought of me like that.”
“He’s still your best friend. You need to come to some sort of truce, or you’re going to lose him.”
“Angie, I think I already have. He was devastated when I left. I’m devastated. He hates me.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“If he doesn’t, he will when I tell him that I can’t love him the way he wants. I’ve lost my boyfriend and my best friend in a week. It’s all shit right now.”
“Have you talked to Jordan?”
“No. He keeps sending me texts and leaving voicemails. He sounds like I feel. My world is so fucked up right now,” I can feel tears flooding my eyes, and Angie hands me a napkin to wipe at them.
“I didn’t want to tell you this, but he came by the office yesterday. He looked like shit. His eyes were all red, and his clothes were disheveled.”
“He contacted Hunter to find out where I was. Lexi called me all worried.”
“Did you tell her what was going on?”
“Yes. She said I owe it to Jordan to let him know how I feel. I can’t hide from him forever, just like I can’t hide from Nate.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t envy you. You have some hard decisions to make.”
“I need some time.”
“Remember, it’s not just you in this. You’re not the only one hurting.”
“I know that. The sooner I get this done with Jordan, the sooner I can move on.”
“It sounds like you made up your mind already.”
“I have, but when I see him, that’s another story. I’m still in love with Jordan.”
“What about Nate?”
“I’m nauseous when I think of what I’ve done to him. My whole life is going to change because we can’t live together anymore. I’m afraid if I push him, he’ll fall back into that self-destructive behavior he’s been known to do. He’s just getting his head together and career on track. When I came home before he left for the Hamptons, I smelled pot. How long until he’s back snorting shit and drinking heavily?”
“If he falls back into that behavior, it’s not your fault. Nate’s a big boy, and he can’t resort to drugs every time he has something bad happen in his life.”
“But I would still feel guilty because I know it would be because of me. I pushed him towards it. I think he stopped his hard shit because of me. ”
“We need to go back to work. It’s almost 1:00.”
“Thanks, Angie.”
“For what?”
“For always being there for me.”
“You know I love you, girl,” she hugs me and hooks her elbow around mine as we head into the building.
For the past few days, I’ve been thinking about what Angie said. I haven’t slept well, and meals have been almost non-existent from my life. Jordan has ceased texting and calling since Wednesday. I keep torturing myself, listening to the voicemails he previously left.
Nathaniel hasn’t communicated with me either since I ran away from him almost a week ago. I get it, he’s hurt, but I miss my best friend. I know that I need to call him. He deserves some explanation.