38. CHAPTER 38
“ O w, ow, ow. How much longer is this going to take?”
For what feels like the fiftieth time I sit back and rest my forearms on my crossed legs. “You’re the one who insisted on doing it here, and this is the only kit I’ve got.”
“Shut up. Just tell me how much more there is.”
I lean closer to the paper laying on Jin’s lower back. “I’ve done seven of the ten groupy bits.”
“Just call them letters, you idiot.”
“It’s not like I can read Korean.”
“It’s Hangul.”
“But it’s Korean.”
“You speak Korean. You read Hangul. How has this never come up with—”
“Your brother’s not pedantic.”
“I’m not pedantic.”
“You’re a pain in my ass.” Jin lifts his head off the pillow and I push it right back down again. “Every time I stop your body thinks it’s over and starts to weep. Then it hurts more when I start again.”
“Can we finish it tomorrow, then?”
“I’m not sterilizing everything again.”
“I thought you said this kind doesn’t hurt as much,” Jin fake weeps into the pillow.
With a roll of my eyes, I place my gloved left hand back by Jin’s right shoulder blade, and make sure his skin is sitting steady between my thumb and forefinger.
After dipping the needles of my metal Nomi, a Japanese Tebori style tattoo stick, into the black ink, I rest the tip against my thumb.
“They don’t. And they’re quicker if you don’t have to stop all the time. ”
Jin settles back down when I start poking his skin again at a rhythmic pace. I can see he's still clenching his ass cheeks together, though, so I pinch back a smile—and with it, my temptation to smack him on the butt.
It’s such a cute one.
I wanna bite it.
God, I struggle to get anything done with him around.
Finishing the character, I take the rag soaked in green soap and wipe it clean.
Two more to go.
I take the Nomi from within my teeth—not the best practice, but I’m also not an idiot. This isn't my first tattoo—and head back towards the ink.
“Is that you?” I ask when a growingly frequent vibrating can be heard.
“Mine’s in the loft.”
Just wonderful.
Nomi back between my teeth, I reach behind me to where my phone is on the coffee table, and roll my eyes at the caller.
I can’t ignore this one.
I answer, tap the loudspeaker, and sit it on the rug beside me. “Talk.”
“Will you ever speak to me politely?”
Jin’s entire body stiffens like a rock at the sound of his brother’s voice.
I gently rub circles just below his tattoo. “Since when do people talk politely to their family?”
There’s a pause, and having known Wootek as long as I have, I know there is something he wants to say. So letting the silence hang between us, I position the needles back against Jin’s skin and start the next Hangul character. “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”
“Yeah, um… Things have been really busy. At the shop, I mean. Cause I’m on my own.”
“Is Carey not there anymore? He never mentioned anything when I spoke to him the other day.”
“No!” I’m taken back by the sharpness of his response, like he’s defending himself against something. “I mean, yes. He is still here. And he’s a big help.”
“Thanks for giving him something to do instead of sitting around my apartment all day.”
There’s a dry, almost awkward laugh on the other end of the line. “Yeah, sure, no worries. But I’m still the only artist, so it’s been a struggle.”
“I think we should get Reeze back.”
Tek coughs. "Are you serious?”
I reposition my hand back to the tattoo, and start on the second last character. “Sure, why not?”
“Won’t it be awkward?”
“Nah. I’m over it. He fucked up—and I don’t ever need to see Shawn’s face again—but it’s not like I played no role in the breakdown of our relationship.”
“Oh, wow. That’s ah,” he stumbles over his words. “That might be the most mature thing you’ve ever said.”
I shrug, even though I know he can’t see me. “Reeze is an amazing artist, and he has a completely different style to either of us. It’d be dumb of me to let him get away. As long as he’s not already moved on.”
“Oh, that’s great. And, no. He’s still living in Shawn’s parent’s pool house, though. Which has gotta be weird. But she’s got herself a studio downtown so I guess they don’t see each other… Anyway, I think you should be the one to call him.”
“Whatever.”
“You sure you’re cool with this?”
“Sure. A little loyalty would have been nice, but I don’t really blame Reeze. He’s not the one who was in a relationship. And I had been pulling away.”
“So it’s true then?”
I rest the Nomi on the coffee table along with the rag and ink pot, and pull Jin onto my lap.
“Finished,” I whisper to him as I maneuver his legs to wrap around my waist. After a chaste kiss on his soft lips, I guide his head to rest against my shoulder then turn my attention back to his brother. “So you’ve spoken to Shawn?”
“Yeah.” His response is meek, but he doesn’t lie.
“Do you care?”
“What? No!”
A little over zealous, but I appreciate the sentiment.
“It’s a little surprising. But you can be with whoever you want to be with.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Do I?”
“Shut up,” Tek laughs back at me. “So I guess I have the usual questions.”
“If you can’t be specific, then I won’t be either.”
Jin squeezes me with his thighs and sandwiches his arms between our chests like he’s trying to make himself smaller and easier for me to protect.
“Shawn’s convinced you knew them before you split.”
“And?”
“Did you?”
“Yeah.”
“But you didn’t cheat on her?”
“Is that relevant?”
“After the giant tantrum you threw the day you ran away, fuck yeah it’s relevant.”
I kiss Jin’s hair. “I knew him, but we hadn’t spoken.”
“Like, ever?”
I sigh.
This is tedious.
“Not for months.”
“So how did you—
I cut him off. “Through a friend.”
“Oh… I thought maybe at a club.”
“Is this you trying to ask me if I go to gay bars?”
“What? No… Maybe.”
“Other than with you and Reeze after the convention in Portland. No, I’ve never been to a gay bar.”
“Cool.” I swear I can hear the wheels ticking over in his head. “Not that I’d care if you did.”
“And I wouldn’t give two fucks even if you did care. I love you Tek, but my sexuality doesn’t have a damn thing to do with you.”
“I know, I just…” He trails off again.
“I just want you to be happy for me.”
“I am.” He perks back up, but drops off immediately after. “I guess I’m just worried about how things might be different when you get back.”
My heart jumps to my throat. “Why would they be different?”
“I hope they aren’t.”
“So why mention it?”
“Well Shawn isn’t running the shop anymore. And Carey does things differently.”
“O… Kay.”
“He doesn’t wanna leave, Eden.”
“Excuse me?”
“Carey. He doesn’t wanna move back to San Diego.”
“So why doesn’t he tell me?”
“I think he’s scared.”
“What the hell for? I mean, he can’t keep living at my place, but I support anything that keeps him in Broadrock and away from Mom and Brian. Though I do think he should look for a better job.”
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"It mean he needs a proper job. More than just being a part-time admin."
"Exactly. He should be running the shop."
" We run the shop."
"It needs a manager. And he's got some really good ideas."
“What the fuck is going on, Tek?”
“Nothing. He’s… He’s just been a real asset.”
“Look. As long as he doesn’t shit me more than you and Reeze already do, he can stay and we'll figure something out. If that’s what you’re worried about.”
“I’m not worried about anything.”
There he goes being all defensive again. “Whatever. If you see Shawn, can you tell her to leave me the fuck alone?”
“She won’t listen. She’s having a rough time with it. She thinks it’s just a phase, and you’ll get—”
“It’s not a fucking phase!”
“Hey! Don’t shoot the messenger.”
“This is it for me, Tek. Fuck Shawn, and fuck anyone else who doesn’t believe me. I’ve never been this happy. I love Jin, and—”
“What the fuck did you say!?”
I can’t move.
What the fuck did I just do?
Jin is gripping the side of my head, shaking me, but I feel like I’m watching everything happen from outside of my body.
“Eden!” Tek screams through the receiver.
Jin slaps me, but it has no effect.
“I will fucking kill you if you just said his name.”
My mouth opens, but nothing comes out.
This isn’t how it was meant to happen.
“I know I’ve been on speaker. Jin! Are you there?”
I look up at him.
He’s pacing back and forth but his eyes never leave me.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” he mouths, then grabs a fistful of his hair in both hands.
Now he’s crying.
He’s on the verge of a panic attack.
And still, I don’t do a damn thing.
“What are you doing back here?” I hear Carey’s voice in the background. “Fuck, Tek. What’s wrong?”
“Your brother, he’s… I’m gonna kill him.”
The phone goes dead.
The silence in the cabin is oppressing.
Jin falls in a crumpled heap in front of me.
And still, I don’t do anything.
“Why? Why did you do that?”
Because I love you.
“You promised you wouldn’t. You told me I could be the one.”
I know.
I fucked up.
It’s over.
It’s all over.
My eyes fall to my left leg.
I pull the hem of my sweatpants up over my knee, and push down the sock.
Reaching behind me, I pick up the ink pot and Nomi.
There’s an empty patch of skin on the inner side of my calf.
I hold the skin, and start poking.