Paralyzed

Chapter 10

C louds enveloped him, keeping him warm and cozy. He never wanted to leave this place. Darkness was a comfort, a pillow supporting him. A banging noise brought forth a frown, and he moaned at being disturbed. He clung to the surrounding safety. The banging happened again, and then the sound of a voice calling his name.

“Nate! Shit, man, what the hell did you do?”

Nathan drifted between the clouds, burrowing deeper and refusing to let go. Hands gripped his shoulders and shook him. “Nate, wake up, bro.”

Nathan groaned and reluctantly opened his eyes to find Troy hovering over him, worry etched on his features. Troy had turned on the light apparently, and he had a slight glow behind him. Nathan smiled groggily. “Troy,” he whispered.

“Nate, you gotta answer me. How many did you take?”

“Many what?” Nathan asked, confused.

“Pills, Nate! Come on, wake up.” Troy shook him again.

“Stop,” Nathan grumbled.

“Then answer me, damn it! How many pills did you take?”

Nathan blinked heavily and gave his friend a goofy grin. “Three.”

“You swear?”

“Promised, now go ’way.” Nathan pulled his pillow closer and shut his eyes again.

He heard Troy sigh in relief, and a deep raspy voice asked, “What’s wrong with him?”

Erik! What the hell was Troy doing bringing Erik here? Nathan struggled to surface from the fog smothering him. He heard Troy mention something about pain pills for his knee. Liar!

“I’ve never seen someone react to pain meds quite like that,” Erik murmured.

Nathan wanted to smile at Erik’s intuitiveness, but he couldn’t feel his lips. “’Rik,” he grunted.

“I’m here, Nathan.”

He felt the bed sag and knew Erik had sat down on the edge of the mattress near him. “Go. Not ’posed to be here.”

“He wasn’t exactly taking no for an answer,” Troy said dryly from somewhere to Nathan’s right.

Nathan peered through miniscule slits in his eyelids at Erik. “Go.”

Erik gave him a bemused look. “I’m not going anywhere, Nathan. Not until I know you’re all right.”

“Have to,” Nathan insisted.

“Why?” Erik asked gently.

“Bad for you.”

“What is?”

“Me,” Nathan whispered and gave up the fight, sliding back into the comforting darkness.

W hen Nathan woke next, it was still dark outside, and Troy must have turned off the lamp next to his bed. He sat up and brushed his hair back from his face with both hands before leaning over to turn on the light. The soft glow chased away the shadows as he slid from the bed and padded down the hallway to the restroom.

At some point, Troy must have removed his shoes. He shivered at the cold vinyl on his bare feet as he entered the bathroom. Snapping on the light, he blinked several times against the harsh pinpricks on his corneas, the halogen bulb overhead crueler than the small wattage he used in the lamp near his bed. When he could finally see straight, he noticed the pills were no longer in the sink, and the bottle wasn’t on the counter, either.

Nathan relieved himself and then looked in the medicine chest. Troy had stuffed the bottle behind several others. He knew Erik had been there, and he hoped Troy had cleaned it up before Erik could see what the bottle contained. Sighing, he flicked off the light and headed toward his kitchen to get a drink. He didn’t even need to see to make his way to the fridge. He opened the door and reached in to grab a bottle of water, leaving the door propped open to put the bottle back when he finished.

The twist of the cap was loud in the silence of his apartment, and he took a long swig.

“Are you feeling any better?” Erik’s voice whispered through the darkness, causing Nathan to choke on his water.

Nathan wrenched the bottle from his lips and turned to see Erik lying on the couch and Troy on the floor. Troy appeared to be fast asleep, from what he could tell. “What are you doing here?” he asked in a low voice.

Erik sat up and the sheet dropped to his waist, baring a muscular chest so beautiful Nathan had to let the fridge door close to hide his blush. “We were worried about you.”

Troy… His friend would be lucky to live in the morning when Nathan got done with him. “I’m fine. You didn’t need to stay,” he whispered.

Nathan heard the shifting of blankets and the couch creak as Erik moved. He could just make out the sound of Erik’s feet on the carpet and saw the shadow of his figure as he walked to where Nathan stood. Sawdust settled in Nathan’s mouth, and he had to work to control his breathing when Erik stopped in front of him.

“I needed to stay,” Erik murmured.

“Why?” Nathan frowned. “You barely know me.”

“It doesn’t take a lot to care about someone, Nathan,” Erik said, reaching up to brush Nathan’s hair back from his face. “Troy wouldn’t tell me much, but I’m not ignorant. I could tell he was extremely worried. Why did he think you’d tried to kill yourself?”

Nathan tensed and jerked backward, dropping the water bottle. It clattered to the floor and water splashed across his toes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Erik bent down and picked up the now half-empty bottle, placing it on the counter. “From the moment I met you, Nathan, I felt something between us. A connection. I know it’s crazy considering we’ve only known each other for a few days, but I haven’t experienced a feeling like this since Alan died. I didn’t think I ever would again after he was gone.” Erik placed his hands on Nathan’s shoulders. “I need you to be honest with me. Did you try to kill yourself?”

“No!” Nathan protested.

“But you’ve tried before.” It was a statement rather than a question.

Nathan tried to break Erik’s hold on his shoulders. “Let go,” he snapped.

Erik ignored his request. “Why, Nathan?”

“It’s none of your business.” Nathan attempted to free himself again.

“Maybe not yet. Someday I hope you’ll want to tell me.”

Nathan halted his struggle and stared at Erik. “Why do you care so much?”

“I already told you. You’ve awakened something inside me I thought I’d never feel again. I won’t let that go so easily,” Erik said patiently.

Nathan really had no response to Erik’s words, but they struck him straight in the chest. His throat felt tight and his heart hurt. “I don’t understand.”

Erik smiled, his teeth flashing. “You will. I think you should go back to sleep and get some more rest.”

Exasperated at Erik’s unfailing confidence, Nathan shook his head. “You’re really stubborn, you know that?”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black,” Troy said sleepily from where he lay on the floor.

Nathan jumped. He’d forgotten Troy was there. Damn. He wondered how much Troy had heard. “Shut up, Troy.”

Erik chuckled and nudged Nathan toward the hallway. “Go on. I’ll take you out for breakfast in the morning.”

“I have school,” Nathan said.

“Before then. What time does your first class start?”

“Seven.”

“Nine,” Troy answered at the same time as Nathan.

“Troy!”

Erik laughed again. “So, let’s get out of here by seven. There’s a Denny’s around the corner, right?”

Nathan sighed. “Yeah.”

“I’ll take you to school afterward.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Nathan said. “Troy has class, too.”

“I don’t mind. Gives me more time to be with you.”

Nathan was grateful for the darkness when he felt his cheeks heat in a blush yet again. He mumbled under his breath and went back to his room, Erik’s chuckles following him the entire way. He burrowed under his covers and closed his eyes, lips curling up at the edge in a slight smile.

K nocking at the door woke Nathan and he sat up, yawning. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and got out of bed, then opened the door and blinked at Erik.

Erik smiled. “Time to get up.”

Nathan huffed and nodded.

“Not a morning person?” Erik asked.

Nathan shook his head.

“Get dressed.” Erik reached out and ruffled Nathan’s hair.

Scowling, Nathan grabbed Erik’s wrist. “I’m not a dog.”

“Of course you aren’t.” Erik didn’t free himself from Nathan’s grasp.

“Don’t pet me like I am one,” Nathan growled.

“Never,” Erik said innocently. He slid his hand down until Nathan’s was in his. Entwining their fingers, he brought Nathan’s up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back. “Better?”

Nathan sighed and stepped away, disengaging his hand from Erik’s. “Let me get dressed in peace.”

Erik pouted, literally. “Can’t I watch?”

Gaping at Erik’s outrageousness, Nathan shook his head and closed the door. He leaned his forehead against the cool wood to urge the heat in his cheeks to dissipate.

“Nathan?” asked a hesitant voice from behind him, causing him to jump.

He turned to find Alan standing near the window. Nathan glared at him. “What do you want?”

“I’m sorry, Nate.”

“Not good enough. Get out.” Nathan walked to his dresser and wrenched open a drawer to take out a pair of jeans. He ignored Alan as he gathered the rest of his clothing in the early morning light filtering through the slats in his blinds.

“Nate, please,” Alan pleaded.

Nathan snarled and whirled around to sneer at Alan. “I told you what happens when you get too close. I trusted you not to use that information, but you did anyway. Do you know what that did to me? Do you know what I almost did last night?”

Alan flinched with each word flung at him and Nathan felt a bitter sense of satisfaction. “I’m really sorry, Nate. I didn’t mean to.”

“It doesn’t matter because I’m done. Figure out how to deal with your shit on your own,” Nathan spat.

“What? No! Nate, please, help me,” Alan begged. “Please! I can’t do this on my own. You’re the only one who can help!”

Nathan snorted. “You think that’s enough? You’ve only been in my life a week and I’ve been mugged, suffered the first migraine I’ve had in months, and you almost pushed me to… You know what? Never mind. Now you expect me to just accept you’re sorry and move on like nothing happened?”

“Then why haven’t you told him yet?” Alan demanded. “If I’m such a damned inconvenience, why haven’t you done what you promised and told Erik about me? Then I’d be able to move on and I wouldn’t be causing you so much trouble!”

Anger caused Nathan to blurt out, “Because you were right! I am attracted to him, and I don’t want him to think I’m a freak!”

Nathan covered his mouth in horror. What the hell had he just done? He waited for a repeat of the night before, but Alan didn’t get mad again. In fact, Alan grew sad, eyes dimming.

“I heard what he said to you last night and how worried he was about you. It’s been two years for him, but it feels like only yesterday to me. He’s moving on with his life, and I can’t expect anything else. Only, I can’t help but be sad that he’s forgetting me.”

Nathan dropped his hand to his side. He didn’t know if the emotion inside him right then was his own or Alan’s. “Erik isn’t forgetting you, Alan. He misses you.”

Alan gave Nathan a hopeful look. “Yeah?”

Nathan sighed and moved to sit on the bed, his clothes in his lap. “Yeah. I’m sorry I lied to you when you asked if I’m attracted to him.” He glanced down at his hands. “It’s stupid to even contemplate being with anyone, let alone anyone like him, but I don’t want to let go yet. I’ll tell him, Alan. I promise. Just… not yet.”

Floating closer, Alan asked, “Why do you think you don’t deserve to be with someone, Nate? You’re an amazing person. You’re kind and sincere, and you care deeply.”

“I’m also a freak,” Nathan replied. “Who in their right mind would want to be with someone who sees and talks to ghosts? Someone who can never have a normal life?”

“Erik would,” Alan murmured, coming closer. “I didn’t mean what I said before about him. He would never judge you like that.”

Nathan looked at Alan. “Wouldn’t he? He doesn’t know me. He says he cares, but the minute he finds out about my past and what’s wrong with me, he’ll turn and run away as fast as his feet can carry him.”

Alan shook his head. “That’s not true, Nate.”

“I don’t have it in me to test that theory right now,” Nathan said, standing. “Can you leave? I need to get dressed.”

Sighing, Alan nodded. Just before disappearing he said, “I can wait, Nate. Until you know him well enough to have faith that he won’t desert you.”

For a moment, Nathan stared at the spot where Alan had stood. Was he right? After all, wouldn’t Alan know Erik well enough to say that with such confidence? Nathan’s inner doubt slammed home, and he snorted. Yeah, right. As if anyone would be okay with someone with his “ability.” Even the people he’d helped over the years hadn’t been able to look at him without fear after he’d finally convinced them he could see their loved ones. Erik would be no different.

Yet Nathan knew he couldn’t ignore the situation forever. Maybe he should treat it like a bandage and rip it off now instead of later, when it would only be worse. Courage didn’t exactly run through his veins, though, and he wasn’t ready to let go of the only good feelings he’d had since his parents died. His selfish side wanted to hold on a little longer, even if he didn’t deserve to have it.

Dressing quickly, Nathan pulled on a pair of black jeans, ripped at the knees, and a dark gray t-shirt with a logo from a local grunge band. He put on socks and stuffed his feet into a pair of black-and-white Converse sneakers, pushing the laces inside without tying them. He stopped in the bathroom on the way to the living room to brush his teeth and comb his hair into a somewhat presentable fashion, tying it back with a black band.

Erik sat on the couch by himself when Nathan had finished. Nathan frowned, looking around. “Where’s Troy?”

Erik stood, smiling. “Troy had to go home and change. Said he’d meet you in front of campus.”

Nathan knew Troy had done it on purpose. There were a few items of clothing in Nathan’s dresser for nights when Troy stayed over for whatever reason. “I see.”

“Is that a problem?” Erik asked, a twinkle of mirth in his eye.

“Nope,” Nathan lied. He fidgeted for a second, then moved to the front door where his book bag sat, along with his hoodie. He pulled on the jacket and zipped it up partially before putting his pack over one shoulder. “We should go. I can’t be late for my first class.”

“One second,” Erik said, approaching Nathan.

Nathan couldn’t move anywhere, his back almost against the wall already, and he swallowed hard when Erik stopped in front of him. “What?” he squeaked out, embarrassed at the rodent-like quality of his voice.

Erik leaned forward and dropped a peck of a kiss on Nathan’s lips. “Good morning, Nathan.”

Blinking several times, Nathan finally replied, “Morning.”

“Now we can go,” Erik said while opening the front door. He walked out into the entryway and stopped to wait for Nathan to lock up. When Nathan would have taken the stairs first, Erik stepped in front of him. “Just in case,” he stated and started down first.

Nathan didn’t comment and followed Erik. Thankfully, there was no repeat of the previous morning’s stumble. They made it to Erik’s truck and once again, Erik opened his door for him. Nathan gave him an exasperated look but climbed in, tossing his bag on the floor. Erik closed the door and jogged around to his side.

“Don’t you have work today?” Nathan asked.

“That’s the beauty of being the owner of the company,” Erik said as he pulled into traffic after starting the engine. “I’ve already told my assistant I won’t be in until later this morning, and she’ll make sure it gets to the right people.”

Nathan couldn’t hold in his curiosity. “How many people do you have working for you?”

“About fifteen in the office and another forty or so on the construction sites. Sometimes I pull in contractors if need be.”

“How many sites do you normally have at once?”

Erik stopped at the corner for the red light briefly before turning. “I don’t like to take on more than one or two at a time. I prefer to set realistic expectations on a completion date, and I can’t do that if I overextend my crew.”

Erik turned the truck into the parking lot of Denny’s and pulled it into a space. Their conversation halted for a few minutes as they exited and walked to the entrance. Once the hostess had seated them, Nathan continued his inquiry. “What was your first job?”

“A little place over on 9 th Street called Sariano’s.”

Nathan had never heard of it before. “Is that a restaurant?”

Erik nodded. “A rather upscale Italian restaurant.”

The server stopped at their table. “Welcome to Denny’s. My name’s Cheryl. What can I get you boys to drink this morning?”

“I’ll have orange juice and coffee,” Erik said.

“Just coffee,” Nathan supplied.

“Do you two know what you’d like to eat yet, or do you need a few minutes?”

“Give us a few minutes,” Erik said.

“Sure thing, sugar. I’ll go get your drinks and be right back.”

Nathan laughed under his breath, drawing a curious look from Erik. “She reminds me of Harriet.”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Erik grinned.

They both looked over the menu and chose something. The server returned a few moments later and set down two cups of coffee and a tall glass of orange juice. “You ready?”

Erik glanced at Nathan, who nodded. “I’ll have the mushroom and Swiss omelet with bacon on the side and whole wheat toast.”

Nathan couldn’t imagine eating all of that for breakfast. “Just an everything bagel with cream cheese. Toasted, please.”

“That’s all you’re going to eat?” Erik demanded.

“I can’t eat that much in the morning. It’s actually more than what I usually have.”

Erik eyed him skeptically, but thankfully he didn’t force Nathan to order more.

“I’ll have that right out in a jiffy, boys. If you need anything else, let me know,” Cheryl said after jotting down their orders and then walked away.

Nathan grabbed the sugar container and poured several teaspoons into the cup, then dumped in a couple of creamers. He picked up his mug and took a small sip, sighing as the coffee flavor exploded over his tongue.

“You live off coffee, don’t you?” Erik asked as he dumped a couple packets of sugar into his.

“Mostly coffee and either toast or Pop-Tarts.”

“You’re going to develop an ulcer at this rate,” Erik muttered.

Nathan frowned. “Why do you say that?”

“Because you barely eat anything to combat the caffeine running through your veins.”

“I’m just too busy to be hungry most of the time. Even before… I mean, I’ve never eaten a lot,” Nathan said and took another drink of his coffee.

“I’m going to have to work at getting you to eat more often.”

“Not going to happen,” Nathan said. “Troy is constantly shoving food at me and he hasn’t gotten me to eat more yet.”

“I have powers of persuasion that he doesn’t,” Erik taunted huskily.

Nathan felt his mouth go dry at the outright flirting and promise behind Erik’s words. He took another sip of his coffee, struggling for a response. Erik winked at him suddenly, and Nathan groaned. “You’re shameless.”

Erik smirked. “Whatever it takes to get my way.”

Nathan ducked his head down to hide his own grin.

“So, what classes are you taking right now?”

They spent the rest of breakfast talking about Nathan’s classes and the professor who had kicked him out the week before. Erik offered to look at his assignment, but Nathan declined. It wouldn’t matter anyway, since the professor had already given him the grade he felt the project had earned. When they’d finished their food and the server dropped the check, Nathan went to take out his wallet, but Erik waved him off. He gave Erik an exasperated look, but he ignored it.

When they stepped outside, Erik gave a satisfied sigh and patted his flat, muscular stomach. Nathan fought to keep his gaze on Erik’s face instead of said body part. “Thank you for breakfast. I really wish you’d let me pay.”

“I invited you, remember? That means I pay.” Erik started toward the truck, Nathan following behind him at a slower pace.

He felt uncomfortable at just how much Erik was doing for him. “I can do things for myself,” Nathan said as Erik opened his door for him.

Erik turned and looked at him, a patient expression on his face. “I know you can, Nathan, but I enjoy doing things for you.”

Nathan shifted. “You just shouldn’t.”

“Why not?” Erik asked.

He debated on repeating what he’d already said but went with the truth. “Because you won’t always be there, and I have to take care of myself. Too many people have already wasted too much of their lives doing things for me.”

Erik let go of the door and took hold of Nathan’s hand. Nathan glanced around, worried people would see them. He tried to pull free from Erik’s grasp, but Erik wouldn’t release him. “One day you will have to explain what that second part means, but people do things for each other because they care about one another. I can’t say if I will always be here. The future is unknown to anyone. I do things for you because I want to, and my father raised me as a gentleman. When I take someone out, I am the one who opens the door and takes care of the bill. You’re going to have to get used to that because it isn’t going to change, and I’m not going to stop trying to get to know you.”

Nathan didn’t know how to respond to all of that. He glanced down at their hands and wondered just how his life had become so messy lately. For the last two years, things had been relatively calm except for the few spirits who’d realized he could see and hear them. Erik was a complication he hadn’t expected. “I can’t give you anything,” Nathan whispered.

“I’m not asking for anything from you, Nathan. I’m only asking you to spend time with me.”

Several moments went by—cars whizzed past on the street, and people shouted somewhere nearby. When Nathan finally could answer, he replied, “Okay.”

Erik smiled, a bright face-splitting grin. “Good. Now let’s go. Don’t want you to be late for class.”

Nathan nodded and climbed into the truck, this time knowing not to bother with trying to close his own door. Erik joined him inside a few seconds later. “Webster, right?”

“Yeah.”

Nathan spoke little on the way to campus, and Erik put on the Pink Floyd CD as he drove toward the college. Nathan pulled the hood of his jacket over his head and leaned against the door, watching the people and other cars go by. He needed time to think through the last week and everything that had happened. When they reached the school, Erik stopped the truck at the curb and Nathan opened the door.

Erik touched the back of Nathan’s hand resting on the seat. “When can I see you again?”

Nathan extricated his hand from beneath Erik’s and picked up his backpack. “I have to work after class.”

“What time do you get off?”

“Late.”

Erik sighed. “Nathan?”

“Ten o’clock.”

“Great, I’ll be there at ten on the dot.”

Nathan went to protest, but Erik leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. Nathan jerked backward and stared at Erik, completely flabbergasted by his boldness. Erik chuckled and gently nudged at his shoulder. “Go on, before you’re late.”

Climbing out of the truck in a daze, Nathan shut the door and turned toward the front of the school. Troy sat on a bench watching them, a smirk on his face. Nathan glared at Troy and went to stomp past him, and he heard Troy following him and whistling. Damn him!