Chapter 21
I’m in Grace’s kitchen. Erin, Grace’s mom, is making dinner, and I’m waiting for Tucker to get home from work—which tonight is singing at the bar during their afternoon happy hour—so we can go on our date.
“Why didn’t you go watch him sing?” Grace asks me as she peels a banana, and my stomach rolls.
She’s barely said a word to me since she found out about my tumor and the real reason I had surgery.
She found out two days ago when my mom slipped up and told me something about Lucy.
I’m not mad at Mom; I’m glad it’s out in the open, but just like I thought, Grace hasn’t forgiven me.
“He asked me not to, said he had something special for us planned and didn’t want me to be all mushy before the date even started.”
Erin smiles at me. “He sure does love you, ya know?”
“I know.” I smile at her.
“You need to tell him, Rosie,” Erin says, and my gaze cuts to Grace.
“What?” Grace asks. “I had to tell someone.”
“I already did,” I say .
“Really?” Grace hits the counter, making me jump. “Or will you just wait until he accidentally hears your mom talking about it? Because there’s no way he’s been with you for three months and knows and didn’t tell me.”
“Grace,” I start, but she holds up a hand.
She didn’t believe that I had already told Tucker when I said that after she found out.
She still doesn’t believe me, and apparently, Erin doesn’t think I did, either.
Apparently, they think he should still be mad at me for lying, but he hasn’t been mad the entire time.
He was just thankful I told him and glad that I’m okay now.
“I don’t even want to hear it,” she says before walking out of the kitchen.
I look at Erin. “I am sorry. I was just worried about what she’d say and how she’d treat me. I just didn’t want it to be real, so I figured that pretending it wasn’t would make it easier. But I told him, right after the dance, and he forgave me for lying.”
“They care about you sweetheart,” Erin says, kneading the dough for cinnamon rolls in front of her. “You should have told her sooner.”
“I know,” I say. “But I didn’t, and I don’t know what else to do other than apologize about keeping it from her.
“Just give her time,” Erin says. “She just needs time to adjust to the news.”
“I know.”
“You know what?” Tucker asks, entering the kitchen, and I smile brightly at him, hoping it doesn’t look too forced.
“I know that she won’t hate me forever for not telling her about the tumor,” I say.
He raises an eyebrow at me. “I thought you already told her. I mean, she and I haven’t talked about it, but I thought she knew.”
I look down, ashamed. “I didn’t know how to tell her, so I didn’t, and then she found out when my mom said something and now she’s mad. ”
“She’ll get over it,” he says, grabbing my hand. “You’re her best friend, and you’re fine now; she can’t stay mad forever.”
I nod, trying to believe him, but ready to think about our night instead. “So, where are we going tonight?”
“Nope.” He smiles at me and shakes his head. “Still not telling you.”
“Do you know?” I ask Erin, who just smiles and shakes her head.
“Beats me. You two have fun though,” she says and waves us off.
I follow Tucker out to his truck, where he moves his jacket from the front seat to the bed—-where he also puts the bag he asked Nathan to pack for me. I am curious as to why I’ll be needing a bag for the evening, but Nathan wouldn’t let me peek.
“You ready?” he asks, with a smile that makes my heart do a flip.
“As I’ll ever be without knowing where we’re actually going,” I say lightly, but really I’m dying to know.
“You’ll know soon enough,” he says as we pull out of the driveway.
We fall into a comfortable silence, and after a while, it becomes obvious that it’s going to take some time to get wherever it is we’re going.
. My thoughts wander back to two days ago, when everything was still fine and I didn’t feel like a bomb was about to go off.
I want to believe him, trust that Grace won’t hate me forever, but I don’t see her forgiving me anytime soon.
“And then, then he just took off running,” Grace said, laughing. I roll back so I’m lying next to her on the floor. I’ve got tears in my eyes from laughing so hard.
“He did not just leave you? I know he’s your boyfriend, but he’s my brother, so I can kill him if you need me to.”
“You don’t need to kill him. But he just left me there!
I was standing, soaking wet, and he left me,” she says, still laughing.
“Then, when he came back five minutes later, he was like, “Why are you still standing here?” And I was like, “You left and I’m freezing,” and he said, “Well, I wanted you to come with me.”
“Oh my gosh, he’s so dumb,” I say, rolling over onto my stomach and propping myself up.
“Yes, but I really like him.” She closes her eyes and hugs one of my pillows to her chest. “I’ll just remember that next time he dares me to jump into the ocean with him, I’m supposed to follow him when he runs away, even though his pants were so waterlogged, I thought they were going to be around his ankles. ”
“That is a good part to remember.”
“It was hilarious!”
There’s a knock on my door, “Hey, Rosie. Doctor Barker called, she said that everything still looks good and that Lucy from your therapy group asked if she could have your number,” Mom says all of that before she sees me, with Grace sitting beside me in my room. “Oh, hi, Grace.”
My heart is beating wildly in my chest. “She can give Lucy my number.”
“I’ll let her know that’s okay.” She looks between me and Grace nervously. “Well, I’ll let you girls get back to it.” And then she leaves. I play with the carpet in front of me, wishing it wasn’t so short, wishing I couldn’t feel Grace’s eyes on me.
“What was that about?” she asks in a quiet voice.
“Um, just following up… from my tests, back in January.”
“That was three months ago.” Grace sits up. “What’s going on, Rosie?”
“Nothing, I’m fine,” I assure her, because I am fine.
“Group therapy?” she asks, and I finally look at her, my chest bursting from holding it all in.
“Cancer group therapy.” It all comes out in a rush, my heart nearly bursting out of my chest. “I had a tumor, but it’s gone now.
That’s what I really had surgery for. But the tumor is gone, and I’m fine.
There isn’t cancer anywhere else, but I’ve been going to cancer group therapy because Doctor Barker thought it would help since I’d been in remission so long and then I got a tumor.
And I met a girl named Lucy who is sort of my new friend. ”
She is quiet for a long minute and I look back at the carpet again. “You… wait… a tumor?”
“Yes.” It comes out small.
“You knew about this in January?” I can’t tell if she’s mad or not.
“Yes.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Her voice rises. She’s definitely mad.
“No,” I say, wanting to say more, but there’s nothing else to say. I kept a secret, a big secret, for four months. I feel sick.
“Does Tucker know?” Then she laughs, as if she’s figured it out. “Of course he doesn’t, because he would be treating you even more like a queen than he already does if he’d known. And he would have told me.”
“Yes,” I say. “He knows.”
“Gosh.” She shakes her head. “You’re really unbelievable.”
I look at her. “What do you mean?”
Her face turns red and I’m not sure if she’s about to scream or cry.
“What do I mean?” she asks so quietly that it scares me.
This is worse than screaming or crying.“I mean that my best friend, who I’ve known since I was TWO DAYS OLD, had a tumor and she didn’t even tell me. She told her boyfriend, but not me!”
She’s angry. Really angry.
I had planned this so differently; we’d talk about it in a few years and laugh about it. She wasn’t supposed to be mad.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper.
“Whatever.” She stands abruptly and walks to my door. “I know that it was probably really scary,” she says, looking at me. “Finding out you had a tumor again—but I can’t believe that you let us think that everything was fine.”
“Grace—” I know I should apologize, but the words catch in my throat.
“You should have told me.” And then she leaves without another word .
I blink several times to focus on the road in front of me as Tucker turns off the freeway.
“Seriously, where are we going?” I ask. Now, it’s not even to know what our surprise date is; it’s to distract myself from the knot inside my stomach. My best friend hates me.
“You’ll see!” He grabs my hand. “You’ll like it.”
“I guess I’ll just have to trust you, then.” I smile, pushing away the memories of Grace and the tumor. I just want to enjoy the night. I can enjoy this surprise and think about how to fix things between me and Grace tomorrow.
“I guess you will.” He winks at me and then starts humming along to the song playing on the radio.
“Why aren’t you talking?” I ask after a moment.
He lets out a laugh. “Mostly because I’m terrible at keeping secrets, so if I don’t talk, I can’t let where we’re going slip. But we’re almost there, so just a few more minutes.”
We’re both quiet when we pull up to a small cabin.
“Did Grace ever tell you about this place?” he asks as he turns off the engine; he doesn’t move to get out though.
“Um, no,” I say, wondering why Grace would ever tell me about a cabin up in the mountains. We’ve been best friends for all of our lives, but I know we still find out new things about each other all the time.
“It’s our grandparents’. They still live down in Costa Mesa, but they wanted something in the mountains; not that you can really call this the mountains, but I guess it sort of works.”
“And it’s ours for the night?” I ask, my heart beating fast in my chest.
“And it’s ours for the night.” He looks nervous, too.
“Originally, I wanted to spend the night in the bed of my truck, under the stars, because that seemed more romantic. Until Grace reminded me that it’s still pretty chilly outside, and even though it’s not as cold as I’m used to, it’s too cold to stay out all night. ”
I shiver just thinking about it. “The cabin is a great idea.”
He squeezes my hand three times and says, “Let’s go inside.”
I help him with the bags that are in the bed of his truck. “I had Nathan pack you a bag,” he says, and his face is as red as a tomato when he says it. He unlocks the door and we head into the small cabin. There’s a kitchen to our left, and to the right are two couches arranged around a fireplace.
“Wow, I haven’t been up here since I was, like, six. I’ll get a fire started.” Soon, there’s a roaring fire, and I settle in next to him on the floor as he unpacks the Chinese takeout we picked up down the road.
“So,” I ask as I pull out a spring roll. “Why are you so embarrassed?”
His eyes go wide and he chokes on his water. “What?” he sputters.
“Your face has been the color of a cherry since we got out of the truck—why?” I’m in my favorite gray T-shirt dress, and I should be cold, but it’s comfortable.
“Um… er.” He coughs, clearing his throat.
“What is it?” We’ve always been able to talk about everything easily. It’s weird to see him at a loss for words.
“I guess, uh, I just realized how this looks.” Tucker lets the words out with another cough. “I take you up to this cabin, just the two of us, I, er… I’m not planning to do anything…” Now my face grows red.
This isn’t something we’ve talked about before, and I honestly hadn’t even been thinking about it.
“I, um.” He lets out a laugh. “Why does this feel so awkward?”
I grab his hand. “It’s not awkward, I promise.”
“Right.” He looks at me. “I care about you, a lot.” His voice is softer now.
“You've brought so much light into my life and I really care about you. I didn’t bring you up here to have sex with you, even though a lot of guys our age would have jumped at the chance. But I’m not that guy and I think that’s partially why my grandma gave me the key to this place.
I know everything has moved pretty fast since we got together.
I feel all of these feelings that are overwhelming, and if my mom were still here, she’d probably tell me that no teenagers could actually feel the way I do, but I do. I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I smile at him and then I lean forward to kiss him so he doesn’t notice the tears in my eyes. His lips are warm, the heat from his embarrassment is fading, and he moves his hand to my neck, since my hair is up in a bun.
“I really, truly love you,” he whispers against my lips and then he kisses me hard.
This is the first time we’ve ever been truly alone.
Even in his car, there are other people who could walk by at any moment.
But this, right now, we’re alone. I feel an ache in my body that I’ve never felt before; it’s like I can’t get close enough to him.
I shift so that I’m in his lap, a movement that makes both of us gasp, and then he’s kissing me again.
He moves his hands up and down my back, and it feels like he’s blazing a trail of fire with his fingertips.
I lean into him more and hear him groan.
He pulls away from me slightly, our foreheads touching, and I notice how dark his eyes are. “Rosie.” He breathes and I move to kiss him again. “Let’s eat.” His tone is serious, like he’s trying hard to keep all that he’s feeling out of his words. “Please.”
I kiss him softly, one more time. This time, the passion and heat are still there, but it’s slower. He keeps his hands still on my hips, moving only his lips. I ease away from him slowly, and settle back into my space on the floor next to him. I lean against the wall and put my legs across his.
Tucker grabs a carton of chicken and starts eating. I grab an eggroll and he meets my eye.
“I really like kissing you,” I tell him, and he smiles.
“I like kissing you, too, darlin’.” Then, we settle into a comfortable silence while we eat.