Chapter 22
After we eat, Tucker tends to the small fire and then plays a few songs on his guitar before we decide that it’s late enough to go to bed.
I walk into the bedroom and drop my bag on the floor. “There’s only one bed,” I say, stupidly.
“Um, yeah. Is that alright?” He sounds nervous.
“Yeah, I mean, I assumed we would…” And now my face is red again. “Yes, it’s great.” I smile at him.
“I promise to keep my hands to myself,” he tells me.
“Can we cuddle though?” I ask, innocently.
“Yeah, that’s probably okay,” he says. “The bathroom is through there.” He points to the door on the left side of the room. “If you want to get ready first.”
“Great.” I pick up my bag and walk to the small bathroom.
My cheeks are flushed from smiling, and laughing, and just being alone with him.
It seems like there hasn’t been a moment like this, ever.
As I pull open my bag, I don’t think about what my parents will say if they find out about this, or about Grace and what she’s doing right now.
Instead, I pull out the ‘pajamas’ that Nathan packed for me.
“Seriously?” I say to myself as I hold up a pair of short shorts and a tank top that I rarely sleep in, even in the summer. It’s freezing up at the cabin, and there doesn’t seem to be any heat except for the fire we just put out in the other room. I cannot go out there dressed in this.
I wash my face and brush my teeth, pacing the tiny bathroom. My dress is comfortable, but I don’t really want to sleep in it, so I change into the clothes Nathan packed for me and open the door.
“I did not pack my bag,” I say, clutching it in front of me. I feel oddly exposed, even though the tank top is looser than most of my leotards. I watch him swallow as he looks at me, and then his eyes meet mine.
“Um.” He clears his throat. “I might just kill your brother. I swear I told him to pack you something warm to sleep in because it gets cold.” The words make me shiver as I register the cool air on my skin, but his eyes don’t leave mine.
“It’ll be fine, there’s lots of blankets, right? And you’ll just get to hold me all night.” I trust him, and I trust what he promised, but the thought of spending the night in his arms thrills me. “That is what you wanted, right?”
“Mhm,” is all he says. “I’m gonna go change.”
I’m scrolling through social media when he comes out in a long-sleeved shirt and pajama pants. Much warmer and much more appropriate given the circumstances. “This cabin doesn’t have heat, but it has Wi-Fi?” I ask, as he crawls under the covers and settles in next to me, not touching yet.
“I cannot explain my grandparents to you,” he says, which makes me laugh.
“Well, it makes for a more interesting night.” I put my phone on the nightstand and turn toward him.
“Now what? I’m too wired to sleep.” It’s true—I don’t want to stop talking, because I know the second it’s quiet, I’ll think about Grace being mad at me.
“What do you want to do? Truth or Dare? Twenty questions? Make out? ”
“As much as I’d love to make out with you, maybe later?” Tucker smiles at me.
“Twenty questions, it is. When did you first get into music?” I ask, and then I shiver in the cool air.
It might be May, but in a small cabin like this in the mountains, it’s a lot colder than by the beach.
He wraps his arms around me, pulls me against his chest, and our legs tangle together.
I rest my head on his pillow, a few inches away from his face.
“Whew, that’s an easy one,” he says breathlessly, like he can’t believe I’m here in his arms. “Mom was always playing music. We didn’t have a TV until I started middle school, so we just listened to music—mostly country.
I was five when I asked for my first guitar.
Mom got a second job to pay for lessons. ”
“Wow. That was really awesome of her.” I don’t have to wonder what it’s like to have a mom who supports your dreams. I just wish sometimes that my mom didn’t only live vicariously through me. It’s so much pressure when you’re living your own dream and your mom’s. “Your turn.”
“Um, okay.” He thinks for a second. “What’s your favorite dessert?”
“I’m more of a savory gal,” I remind him, even though I know he already knows that I’d pick fries or chips or popcorn over anything sweet.
“But, I really, really love Erin’s cinnamon rolls, so I’m really looking forward to one of those tomorrow morning.
If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go? ”
“I’m right where I want to be.” He brushes his nose against mine. “But I’d love to go back to Nashville after graduation if I can. I’d love to show it to you.”
“I’d like that,” I say honestly, and push away the thoughts of when that could happen. We’re going to graduate soon, and then he’ll start touring and I’ll be heading to Paris.
“Why do you look sad?” he asks me.
“Do I?” I ask. “I wasn’t meaning to look sad. It’s been a long week, I’m tired, but trust me, I’m not sad to be here with you. And that totally counts as your question.”
“Fair enough,” he says.
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to do?” I ask him.
“Another easy one, darlin’.” He winks at me. “Get a record deal.”
“You’ll definitely do that someday,” I say, and I hope he can tell how much I believe in him; how much I know that he’s going to get everything he wants. “You’re going to be famous, I can just feel it in my bones.”
“Thank you,” he says quietly. “What’s one thing you want to do before you die?
” I freeze in his arms. “Sorry, I know that’s a rough question considering your past with cancer and all, but you’re here still, and fine, and I’m still fine, but I’ve been thinking about that lately.
Especially since you told me about the tumor. ”
I nod, forcing myself to be calm and collected.
I am fine. I’m alive and well. “I know I could say something about dance,” I start and my voice cracks—I don’t know why I’m so emotional about this.
“But I don’t think that’d be a truthful answer.
I think I’d love to see The Nutcracker again, on a stage.
I haven’t seen it in years, partially because I was in it for about four years and then they haven’t shown it at any local theaters the past few years.
But I’d love to see it again. And I’d love to spend at least one more night with you. ”
“Well, it’s a good thing we’ve got a lot of time together.
I’d love to see The Nutcracker with you.
And maybe we can make this happen again,” he says, and his eyes are dark as he stares down at me.
I kiss him. Tucker is frozen at first, but then he moves, pulling me closer to him.
My top shifts and his hands brush the skin of my lower back, which makes him pull me even closer. I kiss him harder.
I run my hands through his hair, full of desire. He slows his lips and pulls away slightly.
“Whoa.” He lets out a shaky breath, and when I lean in to kiss him again, it’s like he can’t refuse. I slip a hand up the back of his shirt, feeling his cool skin against my flaming fingers, and he lets out a groan, which makes me smile, and I pull him closer when his phone rings.
“Leave it,” I say, kissing his neck, but he’s already reaching for his phone. I see the name on the screen. It’s Erin.
“Can’t, it’s Aunt Erin,” he says, and I move away just enough so he can answer the call. “Hello?”
I can hear her over the speaker because it’s so quiet in the cabin.
“Tucker,” she starts, and I know whatever she has to say next won’t be good based on her stern tone.
“Grace told me where you took Rosie tonight. I’ve called Catherine and she’s on her way over here.
” I bury my face in my hands. I should have guessed that this is what she would do.
She’d tell my mom about my first ever romantic getaway, if that’s actually what this is.
“Crap.” He sits up. “I’m so sorry. I promise my intentions are pure. We weren’t, we aren’t…” I grab his free hand to let him know that I’m here with him.
“It doesn’t matter, Tucker, I think the two of you should come home,” I hear Erin say. “You haven’t been drinking, right?”
“No, Erin.” He sounds like a little kid who just got in trouble for stealing cookies.
“I’ll see you in a couple hours,” she says before ending the call, and Tucker sets his phone on the bed in front of him.
“I’m so sorry, Rosie. This is all my fault, I’m so sorry.”
My chest feels heavy—this was supposed to be our night, just us for once. And even though I didn’t know about it until we got here, I wanted this for us.
“Hey.” I crawl closer to him, putting my hand on his face so he has to look at me. “It was a perfect few hours.”
“You sure?”
“I’m sure.” I give him a quick kiss before jumping out of bed and pulling on my dress over my pajamas .
I help him grab the few things we brought and make sure—again—that the fire is completely out, before we walk out and he locks the door behind us.
The wind has picked up and I’m shaking by the time we get into his truck, so I climb into the middle seat and sit as close as I can to him until the heat kicks on. I’ve got my head on his shoulder and our hands in my lap.
“It’s all going to be okay,” I repeat several times, both to assure him, and also myself.
“Why would she do this?” he asks when we are out of the canyon. I know who he’s talking about.
“Um,” I say. “I’m guessing she’s going to be mad at me forever for not telling her about the tumor.”
“That’s dumb,” he says. “I mean, I guess I get that she’s mad, but… you’re fine, so it’s not that big of a deal.”
I don’t deserve his forgiveness. Grace has every right to be mad at me; I didn’t tell her the truth for months, even after telling Tucker. That wasn’t fair to her, and I just kept putting it off until it was too late.
“So, this is sort of my fault that our night was ruined,” I say glumly.
“No, Rosie, it’s not your fault. She didn’t have to do this to get back at you.”
“Yeah, I’m still sorry.”
“No, don’t be.” He presses a quick kiss into my hair. “Like you said, it was a perfect few hours together.”
“Yeah.” I let out a quiet sigh and enjoy the last couple of hours I have alone with him, since I don’t know what awaits us at home.