Chapter 23
“It’s going to be okay.” I’m still attempting to reassure both of us as we pull off the freeway and into our neighborhood.
We were both pretty quiet the whole way home, which made the drive feel even longer.
Tucker seems nervous, like he only planned for a night away, and didn’t actually think it all the way through.
Not that I did either, even though I didn’t know where we were going.
Now it seems like it probably wasn’t his best idea, even though I’m grateful for the alone time.
I don’t actually know what will happen when we get home. Mom might forgive me because of the whole tumor thing, but I really don’t want her to say anything in front of Tucker.
“I hope so.” His knuckles are white on the steering wheel. I wish I could kiss him again, get him to relax. My body goes warm, thinking about the kiss that got interrupted. I want to kiss him like that again. But there isn’t time when we pull into the driveway.
It’s way past midnight, but all the lights are on at Tucker’s house.
I’m already exhausted and not ready to have a shouting match with Mom, which is bound to happen.
My body feels like it’s going to collapse and my mind won’t stop running.
He smashes his lips against mine before we climb out of the truck; it’s urgent and messy, like we both know we don’t have enough time.
Because it feels like there isn’t enough time.
I want to linger, but he pulls away too soon.
“It’s going to be okay,” I whisper again, and I take his hand as we walk up to the front door. “Ready?”
“Not really, no. You’d think this would be a little less scary since my mom isn’t here to see this, but your mom kind of freaks me out.”
I let out a small, nervous laugh. “Me too, honestly.”
He squeezes my hand three times and then opens the door. Mom and Erin are talking softly on the couch. Nathan is asleep on the floor and Grace is curled up on her dad’s oversized chair, scrolling on her phone.
Mom looks worried and furious.
“You are in so much trouble,” she whisper-yells, if that’s a thing, but I know she’s tired and doesn’t want to wake Nathan up yet. “Lying about this?”
“I didn’t know, and then when I did, I just wanted to enjoy it. We didn’t even do anything.” I cling to Tucker’s hand since it’s the only thing really keeping me grounded right now.
“You still went,” Mom hisses at me. “You still were going to spend the night with him. And you.” She turns to Tucker and I take a step closer to him.
“I’m sorry, Catherine,” he says sincerely, and I see Mom’s eyes soften slightly, but I know she’s not going to back down. “I wasn’t thinking…”
“You’re right, you weren’t thinking. You are both too young to be having sex,” she says.
“Mom.” I know my face is bright red. “That wasn’t what happened. Or what was going to happen.”
“We just wanted some time alone.” His face is also pink, and his ears are bright red. “I am sorry.”
Mom lets out a long sigh. “It was a stupid idea. Both of you might be eighteen, but that doesn’t make you adults. ”
I look straight at her; there’s a lot I want to say, but nothing I want to say in front of Tucker. We may not have graduated from high school yet, but technically, we are adults. Doesn’t that mean we should be able to make our own choices?
“Go upstairs, get some sleep,” Mom says quietly, surprising both of us.
“In separate rooms obviously, but we’ll talk more in the morning.
” Then Mom hugs me, which makes Tucker’s eyes go wide.
I know mine must look just like his. Mom doesn’t do hugs, so I have no idea what’s happening.
But before I can register the hug, she releases me and gives me a nudge in the direction of the stairs.
I head up to Grace’s bedroom and Tucker stays behind while Erin whispers to him in hushed tones at the bottom of the stairs. I wait in the doorway for Erin’s door to close downstairs, then I’m down the hall and going down the stairs, where I meet him.
“What did she say?” I ask, my hands on his shoulders.
“That it wasn’t my smartest move, which she might be right about.”
“But it was a good night, and it gave me something to look forward to in the future,” I whisper.
His eyes darken.
There are so many things I’d like to do with him, but exhaustion has hit. “I am tired, though.”
His eyes clear. “Me too. I’ll see you in the morning?”
“I’ll be here,” I say, and he kisses me softly before heading back downstairs. I sink into Grace’s bed and I’m asleep in minutes.
Grace is watching Grey’s Anatomy on her laptop when I wake up.
“Morning,” she says without looking at me. The sinking feeling in my gut that’s been there for days hits full force again.
“I’m sorry for not telling you,” I finally get the words out .
“I don’t really care,” she says, still watching her show and not looking at me. “But why did you tell him and not me?”
“It just came out after the Valentine’s Dance, and even though I’ve had so many opportunities to tell you, I just couldn’t get the words out.
I didn’t want to be the girl with cancer again.
” She and I have always been friends, but when I was sick the first time, she got closer with other girls.
And even though I was young, I understood.
I was in the hospital, and she needed new friends.
But it still stung. Still stings. I think that’s part of why I didn’t tell her; I didn’t want to lose her again.
“Rosie.” She slams her laptop shut. “This isn’t like last time.”
I sigh. Of course she knows what I’m thinking. We had plenty of chats about everything after I was in remission. “I know.”
“Obviously you don’t, or you would have told me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” My voice sounds small. “I should have, and you have every right to be mad at me. But did you have to do this? Tell our moms about where Tucker and I were last night?”
She looks a little guilty. “You’re my best friend, we’re supposed to tell each other things.”
“You didn’t tell me about you and Nathan. I wasn’t mad about that, just surprised.”
“Dating your brother and finding out you had a tumor are two completely separate things,” she huffs out.
My chest is tight. I hate when we argue. But we’ve both kept secrets that we should have been open about. I know that now.
“Can we finish this conversation later? I know we need to hash this all out, but my mom’s gonna ground me for literally the rest of my life, so, ya know. I can’t really add more on top of that.” She gives me a look that says You’re being an idiot. But I don’t say anything else.
“You’re just mad that I ruined your night.”
“Yeah, I am.” I stand, pulling my hair into a ponytail as I pace the room. “You couldn’t let us have one night together? ”
She rolls her eyes, and I clench my teeth.
“It’s not like you guys aren’t going to have more nights together. He’s in love with you. I didn’t ruin anything.”
Except she did. Mom is going to kill me. Despite her being weirdly nice last night, I know that once I go downstairs to talk to her again, she’s going to let all hell break loose and accuse me of being just like her.
“You did, though,” I whisper.
“Knock-knock,” Nathan says as he opens the door. “Mom’s back, and she’s ready to talk. Erin made cinnamon rolls.”
My stomach twists.
Even though it was Tucker’s idea, I still went with him. She may think I deserve whatever punishment she’s about to dole out, but I’m eighteen now. I graduate ina month. I can make my own choices.
Nathan and Grace don’t follow me downstairs. Tucker’s already sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a cup of Erin’s famous hot chocolate. She hands me a mug as I slide onto the bench next to him.
He puts a hand on my leg and looks at me with apologetic eyes. “It’s okay,” I whisper. “No regrets.” He nods and we both look at my mom, who sits down across from us, and Erin next to her.
Mom looks calm as she looks at both of us.
“I’m disappointed in you, both of you,” she says, and I wish she’d yell instead of talking so softly.
“After talking to Erin, though, I guess I understand a little more. I was a young teenager in love once, too. But there are still going to be consequences,” she says, and both Tucker and I nod.
My resolve from a few moments ago? Completely gone.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stand up to her.
“Rosie, you’ll work the front desk at the studio right after school for two hours instead of one, every day for the next month.
And no phone for two weeks.” I slide my phone across the table, and she gives me an appreciative look for not fighting.
I don’t want to get into this with her. She doesn’t trust me, and I don’t know if she ever will.
“As for you.” Erin clasps her hands in front of her on the table as she looks at Tucker.
“I talked to your mom this morning. She said she’ll call you later, but said that she’s fine with whatever punishment I deem fit, as you live in my house.
I can assume most of this was all teenage hormones and caring for each other.
That being said, the two of you do need to be careful.
So, for the next couple of weeks, I want you to have a chaperone: me, Grace, Nathan, Kenny, or Micah.
Just to help things simmer down a bit. Deal? ”
“Deal,” he says. “Can we go now?”
“Yup, as long as there’s someone else with you.” I hate this new rule more than I hate not having my phone, but we’ll just have to live with it. We head up to Grace’s room, where Nathan and Grace are waiting for us.
“Well?”
“Mom wasn’t as mad as I thought,” I say, and Grace looks disappointed.
“You should have seen her last night,” Nathan tells us. “She was livid.”
“My mom talked her down,” Grace says, still frowning. “So what’s the punishment?”
“I don’t have a phone for the next few weeks and I have to work the front desk at the studio.
” Which is more of a punishment than I’d like to admit.
I don’t mind being in the studio, but working the front desk is the worst job because you have to deal with all the crazy dance moms. I already have a mom who is a coach and a mom.
I hate having to talk to the other moms. And it’ll just be more time not dancing while I’m there.
“And one of you gets to be our third wheel for the rest of time,” he says, and Grace groans.
“Noooo… that’s punishment for us. ” Grace pulls a pillow over her face. “Just keep it… well, not gross? ”
“We can do that,” I say, and suddenly feel lightheaded.
My stomach is in anxious knots as I wonder why, so I sit on the bed as quickly as I can, but slow enough to not raise anyone’s suspicion.
But Nathan knows me too well, and he’s watching me carefully.
“Disney marathon today?” I ask to move the attention away from me.
“YES!” Grace jumps up so quickly that I wonder if she’s forgiven me. But after the fight we just had, I know this is far from over. “We could watch all day since you all are already here. We’ll get through so many movies! I’ll go see if I can bribe Micah to play Mario Kart on a different TV.”
“I’m gonna go shower, but I’ll be back.” Tucker waves and winks at me before heading out the door.
“Are you okay?” Nathan asks as soon as they’re both gone.
I nod. “Just a little lightheaded, probably from all the excitement of the morning. I also haven’t had anything to eat yet.”
“Okay,” he says, but I know he doesn’t believe me. I don’t even believe me. But I’m fine, it was just one tumor. I’m clear.
“I’m really okay.” I give him a hug. “Was Mom really mad?”
“I thought she was going to be that dark shade of purple forever. I don’t know if she was more mad about the idea that the two of you might have, well, ya know, or the fact that you had gone off without telling her. I know she was mad, but I think she was scared.”
“I know.”
“And we almost lost you once before, but this time...” Nathan trails off. This time is different, and we all know it.
“This time I just had a tumor,” I try to say brightly.
“And I’m gonna be fine. No one is almost losing me, and I’m not having sex, so my dance career isn’t on the line.
Plus, if I was, there is this thing called birth control.
” Nathan shudders at this information. “I am sorry for freaking everyone out. I’ll apologize again to Mom.
And not ask for my phone back until next week. ”
“You can live without social media for a week,” Nathan says, rolling his eyes.
“But I won’t be able to text Tucker.”
“You don’t have to live in isolation. You’ll still see him at school, and all day today, because now, thanks to you, we’re watching movies all day. Grace and I did have other plans.”
“She seemed up for a movie day.”
“I think she’s still mad at you for not telling her about the tumor, but I think she wants to forgive you and Disney movies are her love language.
” Nathan says it like I’ve asked him to pull out his teeth one by one.
“But I’m glad she knows. Are you sure you’re okay?
” he asks as I sink onto the bed a little more.
I need to eat something. Last night wiped me out.
“She is still mad at me. And don’t baby me, I’m okay, I was just up super late,” I say because I’m exhausted from the long night. “And I probably just need something to eat.”
“This has been hard for me, too,” he says, and he leaves before I have a chance to respond.
I sit in the middle of the room, wondering when things got so weird between me and my twin—the person I’ve always been the closest to.
I knew things would change a little as we got older, but I feel like there’s a void between us and I want to fix it.