Journal Entries - Present Day
Dear Journal,
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. About what Lucy said at group therapy and then the conversation I had with my dad, and I guess this is where I’m at:
Things in life happen to all of us and sometimes it really, really sucks. And there is this big God somewhere (at least, I think there is, maybe, but I think there’s some peace I find in believing in that) but He doesn’t always take the pain away from us. I still don’t understand why.
I still don’t understand why I had to get cancer again or why Lucy keeps having to have surgery. I don’t understand why Tucker’s dad is such a loser or why most people don’t want to live by the ocean—okay, they don’t have to come live here, there’s already a ton of people here so…
So, I feel like I’m still in the same spot I was.
Lucy called me the other day and we talked for a little while, and she invited me to come visit her on Sunday next week to chat more about what she shared in therapy. Maybe I’ll get some more answers there .
Okay, now I feel like I should/want to write a letter to him about some things I’ve been thinking about that I just want to share with him.
Love, Rosie
Dear Tucker,
My body still seems so weak, I haven’t been dancing or training like I was before my surgery. I’m still taking it slow, but it’s killing me.
I am really grateful that I only had a tumor because cancer is exhausting. Surgery was exhausting.
But, it’s been 4 months that we’ve been together :)
I’ve never really thought about soulmates or if I believed in them or not. Not even with my parents, but they were definitely meant for each other. Dad loves Mom so much, and while most of the time Mom is stuck in ballet mode, she’s obsessed with Dad, too.
But then—then there’s us.
It’s always been you for me, which is why I fought so hard against it.
I dated Shawn as a distraction. We never even kissed. It wasn’t like that—more of a business contract, which I know when you and Grace learn about that you’ll really hate me. So why am I writing it in this letter? Probably because I’ll never give it to you, so it really doesn’t matter.
When I met you, everything changed. I don’t think I realized it at that moment though.
It was one of those seemingly insignificant moments at the time.
You know the ones—you meet someone new, or you make the choice to go down one road instead of the road you usually take.
It doesn’t seem like a big deal until someone runs a red light.
I feel like that’s what meeting you was like. It was at that moment that everything shifted, even though I didn’t know it yet.
But the thing about soulmates, and I’ve been thinking about this a lot—the thing about soulmates is that they could be anyone.
The friend you’ve had forever or maybe the person you met for the first time today.
Sometimes a soulmate looks like a best friend, but sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get to fall in love with your person, the one that lights you up and fills you up with this joy that you can’t even explain.
They are the ones who understand you better than anyone else in the entire world.
And you get to love them and be loved by them every single day.
I’m so grateful I get to be loved by you, even if soulmates aren’t a thing. I hope you’re right and that we get to have forever, cause that sounds pretty great.
I love you.
Love, Rosie