Chapter 44
Forty-Four
JARED
Felix runs past my bedroom in a pair of jeans, a T-shirt in one hand, while the other holds his phone up to his ear. "Wait, slow down. What happened?"
The grogginess of waking up extra early vanishes with his words, and I'm immediately out of bed and grabbing yesterday's clothes off the ground. Declan rushes down the hallway too, and I hear Roman asking questions.
My heart beats wildly, and my mind is tumbling over all kinds of possibilities. I barely manage not to fall down the stairs as I hurry to catch up with the others. The sun isn't even up, and I'm more awake than I am after nine a.m. with two cups of coffee in my system.
"Speaker," Roman barks, forcing his feet into his winter boots.
Violet's voice rings out, sounding incredibly scared. "I said something I shouldn't have, and she just completely shut down! Then she left and didn't respond to me. Her eyes were all cloudy, and she was crying."
What did Violet say to make Blue react like that? Felix has a different question, though.
"When did she leave?" Felix grips his phone tight as he snatches his keys off the island.
"Mama's been crying so much lately. I made it worse! Oh my god. What if something happens to her again because of me?!"
"Violet..." Roman murmurs, sounding pained.
Part of me wants to know what Violet said to Blue because I'm pissed. But this is so complicated because there's this heightening protectiveness of Violet too. She hurt Blue, but Violet's also hurting.
"Don't pick sides," Declan whispers to me as Roman works to calm Violet down. We're standing at the back door, waiting for more information. Declan and I take a deep breath together. He's right, but damn.
"Alright, we're on our way. Stay there, okay?" Felix says softly, pulling me from my inner struggle. I don't like either woman hurting, but standing here thinking about it isn't going to help.
Violet agrees and says she'll call us if Blue comes home. I'm worried, but the lingering fear beneath it is hard to squash. It's a trauma response to think the worst is going to happen, isn't it?
During the entire drive to their apartment, I struggle with my thoughts. They're jumbled and all over the place. I manage to settle on finding comfort in the fact that there's no way we're letting her keep us at arm’s length anymore.
Felix is fuming, Roman looks ready to lecture, and Declan's eyes are narrowed. I'm counting on them to back me up when I tell her she's either moving in with us or we're sleeping over from now on.
I was planning on fixing up the primary bedroom—my room—for Blue this morning and going to see her later, but that's alright. If she comes home with us tonight, she'll just have to sleep with us in our beds. Or take Declan's room, which has been vacant more often than not lately.
Jumping out of the car and rushing through the doors of their apartment building, I lag behind the others. They seem to have a one-track mind that's pulling them to Violet, which is good. But someone needs to pause and look around.
Blue only left the apartment about fifteen minutes ago. There's a possibility that she's still here. The building is nice. Maybe she's in one of the reading corners they have set up, or at Declan's coffee shop. I still think it's crazy that the coffee shop opens at five in the morning.
The other three don't seem to notice that I'm not following as they bypass the elevators and run up the stairs. I do kind of question why they chose that route, but whatever.
Spinning in a circle, I eye the couches and lounge areas in the lobby, but only see an older woman sitting with her laptop. I debate asking her if she's seen Blue, but decide to check the coffee shop first.
And there she is, my beautiful Blue Bennet, slumped over a hot coffee cup with her back to me. I breathe a sigh of relief. She may have chosen a table in the farthest, darkest corner, but she didn't run far. Just enough to get some space.
Softly, so as not to startle her as I get closer, I whisper, "Good morning, Bee."
Still, Blue jumps and whirls around to look at me. I smile and kiss her cheek before settling into the chair opposite her.
She looks adorably ruffled and depressingly sad all at once. "Good morning," she mutters politely, then asks, "What are you doing here?"
"A blonde girl called Felix in a tizzy. Scared about where her mama ran off to or something." I wink, trying to lighten the mood. Maybe I should have texted Roman to come down here and help me with this conversation.
Blue sighs, deflating like I just dropped the entire world on her shoulders. "I'm so sorry she called you."
"Why?" I ask, bewildered.
She frowns at me. "Because I didn't mean to burden you with this. Had I known she was going to call you, I would have asked her not to. I just needed some space."
Studying her, I take in the bags beneath her eyes, and the far away look in them.
She looks exhausted and almost lost, which is something I have never seen before on her.
Blue has always been confident and direct with her wants and needs.
Even after the kidnapping, she has slowly been finding the badass woman I've come to love.
There's a softness, a vulnerability in her since then too. One I'm not sure how to read or even begin to understand.
The first step would be asking her questions and allowing her to speak. Two things we haven't been doing all week.
"What did Violet say to you, Blue?"
Assuming I'll need to pry it out of her, I open my mouth to I don't know, beg? But she surprises me when she immediately answers.
"She said she doesn't know me."
What? A slight flare of anger rises to the surface, making me blurt, "That's not fair. I don't even know how that came up, but even I know that isn't fair."
Blue looks at me with narrowed eyes, but I really can't tell what she's thinking. It stresses me out so much I keep talking.
"You've done everything for her. Been everything for her. I can't begin to imagine how hard it was for you to survive with Linda on your own, but raising a kid, too? No way. To be honest, I've been madly impressed with you."
"Impressed?" she asks, head tilting to the side. I wish I could read her mind right about now because I can't tell if she's testing me or just really listening.
I nod and lean back in my chair. "Yeah, Bee. Erica made a lot of sacrifices, and Blue? She created opportunity. I know you think they're different and that one died a long time ago. But I don't think that's the truth."
"What do you mean?" Tears well up in her eyes, but this time I don't panic. Has she never thought about this before?
"Bee, you are Erica and you are Blue. You're a mom and you're the head of security at the hottest club in Chicago.
You can be sad and cry while also clenching your fists and demanding the respect you deserve.
You've sacrificed so much of yourself and you created an opportunity to build the version of you that you love. "
She just stares at me, blinking her wide blue eyes, like she can't believe I just said all of that. Me neither, but it's the truth. Probably the easiest truth I've ever acknowledged.
"You are all of your experiences. Good and bad. There was a lot of bad, but shit Blue, what you've done with all of that is absolutely amazing. So yeah." I smile and grab her cold hand. "I'm impressed."
"Jared..." she whispers, openly crying now.
I have more to add, so I cut her off because I'm on a roll now, and I think I'm actually helping without making a joke. "And Violet...what she said wasn't fair. But when you're young, you miss some stuff. Some things don't quite register. Priorities are a bit different."
I'm also making another case for myself and the other guys. We were young and dumb once, and we lost the best thing that ever happened to us.
"It takes a lot of emotional growth to see every part of someone.
Violet's growing, and this is a big lesson for her," I say gently, not wanting Blue to feel like I'm judging her daughter's poor choice of words this morning.
"And maybe for you?" I ask, wondering if I was right about the fact that she hasn't given this much thought.
Slowly, Blue nods and grabs my hands in a firm hold. "Jared…nobody..." Her voice cracks, and she sniffles. "Nobody has even seen me. Like seen me. But you? I think you do."
"Of course, I see you," I declare and scoot my chair around until I'm next to her.
"You're still the girl with petals in her hair.
Still the girl who bought me a candy bar in junior year with the last of her cash from mowing a neighbor's lawn.
All because my fish died and I missed an answer on my math test."
Her lips pull into a smile that absolutely warms my soul. I did that. I made my woman smile. "You're my woman. All kinds of beautiful, complicated, driven, and downright sexy when you stand up to Felix."
At this, Blue laughs and shifts closer to me so she can rest her head on my shoulder. "Sometimes I worry I'm not enough. Or like I could have done better. Or maybe I did too much for myself and not for her."
"Ah," I hum and tickle my fingers down her arm. "Is this what people call mom guilt?"
She giggles this time, all high-pitched and happy. "That is exactly what they call it. And I'm starting to wonder if it ever goes away."
"I don't think so. My mom asked me the other day if I felt like she had ordered too much pizza when we were younger. Dad said she was feeling guilty for not making enough home-cooked meals for me and Nichole. Who, by the way, is very excited to have you back in class soon."
"Kevin won't let me," she pouts.
I laugh this time. "Girl, Kevin is the least of your worries. We still might have to convince Felix that you can talk again."
More giggles and even a soft snort slip between her lips. She sighs, deflates a little and looks up at me. "I suppose we should head up, huh?"
"Uh huh," I mutter, my focus now completely on how close our lips are to one another.
"Jared," she hums and licks her bottom lip.
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me first. Please," Blue begs. Fucking begs.
Without preamble, I press my mouth to hers. We lock lips a few times, starting our kiss slow and sweet. Holding myself back is hard, but ever so gently, I lick her lip. She teases me with a small swipe of her own, but we don't take it any further.
It's not a hot and rabid kiss, but it's perfect. Intimate without scorching hot passion. Connecting. Even when we pull back and hold hands all the way up to her apartment, I still feel connected to Blue on a new level.
I am hers, and I'm almost positive she just decided she's mine.