Chapter 5
Alone in bed later, I felt restless. My room was dark and the farmhouse was quiet. Willow, Dylan, her dad and Maple were all fast asleep after the long day. But maybe my nap earlier was keeping me awake, or maybe it was just my jumbled thoughts. Either way, sleep seemed very far away.
I rolled over and looked for my phone. Then I remembered, I’d hidden it in Willow’s car earlier.
I dreaded what notifications were waiting for me but was also compelled to go and have a look.
My mind was running over and over what I’d said to Henry and what he had said to me.
What was he thinking now? I had spent most of the past five years lying next to him in bed.
It felt strange to be without him tonight even though I’d made the decision to walk away.
Deciding that there was no point tossing and turning any more, I jumped out of the bed in Willow’s spare room.
I quickly pulled back on shorts and a T-shirt, tying my hair up into a ponytail before slipping on my trainers and creeping downstairs past the kitchen, hoping Maple wouldn’t bark.
She stayed quiet thankfully as I slipped out of the front door and headed for Willow’s car.
She said she never bothered locking it out here so I knew I’d be able to get into the glove compartment.
A light caught my eye from the cottages. Clearly, Blake was also unable to sleep tonight. I hoped he was berating himself for how he’d spoken to me, but I doubted it. He probably was only thinking about himself.
I was unused to such quiet at night. There was no city noise here on the farm, and it was completely dark so I had to rely on the light from the silvery moon to find her car.
As I walked outside, I tripped a bit in the semi-darkness, letting out a loud, ‘Ow!’, which echoed around the silent farm. ‘For God’s sake,’ I added as I gingerly went the rest of the way to Willow’s car, wincing a bit. I opened it up and leaned in to reach for the glove compartment.
‘Hey, what are you doing?’ a sharp voice cried out from behind me as my fingers found my phone.
I started in surprise and hit my head on the car roof.
‘Ow!’ I said again, and scooted back across the seat, stepping back onto the ground.
I switched on the torch on my phone and shone it into the equally surprised face of Blake.
He stood next to my car wearing joggers, a hoodie and trainers.
‘You scared the crap out of me!’ I told him, annoyed.
‘Why are you sneaking up on me in the dark?’
‘Hey, you were the one who scared the crap out of me,’ Blake accused, holding his hand up. ‘I thought someone was trying to steal this car!’
‘Surprised you didn’t offer to help them,’ I replied grumpily. I rubbed my head then leaned down to rub my ankle, both of them sore now. Awesome.
‘You really think I’d do that?’ Blake questioned then, sounding offended.
‘How am I meant to know?’ I flung back. ‘You’ve been hostile to me since you arrived.’
He sighed. ‘I’m sorry but I was worried someone was trying to steal this car,’ he repeated.
I put my hands on my hips. ‘Out here?’ I asked, eyebrows raised, looking around at the dark, peaceful farm. ‘We’re not in the city now.’
Blake squinted at the torch on my phone, holding up his hand and wincing. ‘Okay, fine, I guess it was an overaction. But why are you out here at this time of night?’
‘You first,’ I returned as I shut the car door. I lowered my torch so it wasn’t shining directly into his eyes but so I could still see him.
‘I couldn’t sleep so thought I’d go for a run. I often do it when I can’t sleep,’ he replied with a shrug.
‘It’s not as safe out here with no street or car lights.’
‘I grew up with this, though,’ Blake reminded me.
‘Let me see you back to the farmhouse, make sure you don’t injure yourself more.
’ He smiled then, and I think it might have been the first time he had properly smiled at me since we met earlier.
I couldn’t help but notice that he had a dimple in each of his cheeks, making his smile very cute: a surprising development.
‘I don’t trust you being nice,’ I warned him, unsure whether to agree but on the other hand, I didn’t want to trip again.
‘Shit, we really have got off on the wrong foot, haven’t we?’ He stared at me for a moment then he cleared his throat. ‘Please let me.’
‘Okay, fine,’ I replied but I wasn’t sure if we could salvage our bad first impression of one another, or if I even wanted us to.
We fell into step to walk back up to the house together.
I dared to look at my phone then and I let out a sigh, causing Blake to glance at it too.
I let him see the screen, which now had over a hundred notifications on it.
My pulse picked up at the thought of reading all the messages and listening to voicemails from Henry and his parents, and whoever else wanted to tell me I was crazy and/or a bitch for running out on Henry like I had.
‘Bloody hell, who’s trying to contact you that much?’ Blake cried, shaking his head. ‘Oh, sorry, that was nosy…’
We reached the farmhouse door then and both paused, hovering as we faced one another, just able to see in the moonlight.
‘Who do you think?’ I replied. ‘I know you judge me for what I did today but you don’t know the full story,’ I snapped, suddenly weary right down to my bones.
Blake shifted uncomfortably. ‘I’m sure. Look, I think we both have a lot going on right now. Maybe we could start over again?’ He held out a hand in the darkness. ‘I’m Blake Daniels.’
I hesitated but I knew it was better if we could co-exist peacefully on the farm while we were both here. I held out my hand and shook his. His handshake was firm and warm. ‘Daisy Connor.’
‘Nice to meet you,’ he said, looking down at my hand and the diamond ring still on my wedding finger.
I hadn’t thought about taking it off; everything had happened so fast. He dropped my hand.
‘I am sorry for being so… cold towards you. It was just the wedding dress. And this ring. They remind me of what’s going on in my own life.
It was a shock. Like the universe was punishing me or something. ’
He seemed to feel bad and I didn’t like holding grudges so I nodded.
‘I really do feel terrible about leaving my wedding. Your reaction just made me feel even worse about myself but I know that most people would have probably reacted the same way. It’s not like I ever planned to be a runaway bride.
I’m judging myself so you don’t need to. ’
‘I’m not judging you,’ he said quickly. ‘As you said, I don’t know what went on.’
‘I know I left it too late but I haven’t been on my own for a long time and I was… scared to call it off,’ I admitted to this almost-stranger in the darkness, glad he could hardly see the shame on my face. ‘I don’t expect you to understand, though…’
There was a beat of silence. ‘My reaction was mostly about me. I found out my girlfriend – well, my ex now, I should call her – was cheating on me. Actually, I walked in and found him in our apartment…’ He coughed uncomfortably.
‘I thought we were in love, the real thing. That she was… Never mind. Let’s just say seeing you in a wedding dress reminded me that I’m alone now too. ’
‘Shit, Blake. I’m sorry she did that to you.
’ I didn’t exactly forgive what he’d said to me earlier but I did understand his hostility towards me now.
I knew if someone I loved had cheated on me, I would hate the whole male population for a very long time.
‘Now we know why we’re not at our best right now. ’
‘Hopefully, being on the farm might help us both. Do you know how long you’re staying for?’
I shook my head. I knew Willow and my uncle had said the spare room was mine for as long as I needed it but I had no idea how long I might want it for. ‘But we can stay out of each other’s way while we try to decide what to do next, right?’
‘That might be difficult but I’m glad we cleared the air,’ Blake replied. ‘We should try to get some sleep. Things always look better in the morning, don’t they?’
‘So people tell me,’ I said dryly. I opened up the farmhouse door. ‘Night, Blake.’ I walked inside and closed the door, surprised that we’d opened up to each other. But at least we both now knew why our first meeting had been so fraught.
I went back upstairs and sat cross-legged on the bed and took a deep breath before opening up the notifications on my phone.
There were so many calls and messages from Henry along with his parents.
Plus a few from my colleagues at their family business, along with a couple from Henry’s friend’s partners.
I knew my leaving would be prime gossip at their country club.
A couple did sound genuinely concerned about me but I was too worried they would report back anything I said to Henry so I didn’t reply.
I hadn’t got close with anyone in my city life.
Now I was back with my family, it felt surreal that I’d kept away from them for so long. But at the time, I had run from pain and grief and fear. That had made me keep everyone at a distance in the city. Even my own fiancé.
Nervously, I began to scroll through the messages he had sent me since I left.
Darling Daisy, you misunderstood what I told you, come back and we can talk about this, please? You can’t seriously have left me?
Darling, you’re being unreasonable and irrational. We are so good together. Why are you throwing that away?
Everyone is asking what is going on, come back so we can talk!
My father said come back now and we can sort it out. You can’t walk away from all of this, Daisy. All that we’ve done for you!
I can’t believe you’re ignoring me. How could you have left like that? My parents have spent a fortune on this wedding.
You are humiliating us. Why?
This is crazy. I’m your fiancé. You want to be my wife. I know you do. Where are you?
Are you sleeping with someone else? Is that it?
I closed down Henry’s furious messages at that point, and listened to one of the voicemails he’d left me.
‘I’ve just told my parents you’ve gone. They are as shocked as I am.
We have no idea why you’ve done this, Daisy.
Darling, I know you love me. You are happy with me and my family.
This wedding is a dream for any woman. You have everything you ever wanted.
Why are you throwing it all away like this? Come back and talk to me.’
I put my phone down and sighed. Henry still sounded certain that I loved him and wanted a life with him.
He hadn’t listened to me when I’d said that the future he and his parents had decided for us wasn’t what I wanted.
I’m not sure he had ever really listened to me the whole time we were together.
He liked to call the shots, and expected me to go along with what he wanted. He expected me to come back.
Henry thought I loved him. And that he loved me.
But how could he when I had kept him at arm’s length? When I hadn’t told him all my fears because of the past? Or my hopes for the future?
And could he really love me when he hadn’t asked about them?
Then a message came through from him. I jumped as my phone vibrated. He must have seen that I was online. Clearly, he couldn’t sleep either. My heart beat faster as I picked my phone back up to read his message.
Just please let me know you are safe at least.
My chest sagged when I read that. It was a sharp reminder that we had been together for five years.
I thought back to my first day working as his dad’s PA.
Henry came into the office looking handsome and suave and charmed the pants off me.
He was clear quickly that he wanted me and that had been flattering.
His parents seemed to think we made a good match too.
They made no secret of the fact they wanted him to settle down.
And I liked the security that he, and them, were offering me.
But I had kept my heart from him.
I felt bad about that. Although he hadn’t done much to try to break down my walls.
He was happy with our relationship as it was.
Working together, living together, attending functions together, having sex once a week and then rolling over to opposite sides of the bed.
I hadn’t reached for him for affection or emotional support.
I hadn’t ever asked that of him. Because I was scared that would open up my heart.
And he hadn’t asked me for it either. Which felt sad for both of us.
The message he sent though sounded like he did care about me. And I did care about him too.
I also felt incredibly guilty for leaving him on our wedding day. For the expense spent by his parents. I felt like I owed him something.
Taking a deep breath, I hit reply.
I am safe, Henry. I’m staying with my cousin. I really am sorry about today. I hope you’ll be able to forgive me.
He responded instantly.
We need to talk. You can’t end everything in one conversation. We almost got married today! Please, Daisy.
I hesitated. I didn’t know what to do. But I knew I wasn’t ready to talk to him just yet.
I need some time alone, okay? Some space while I sort my head out. I’ll be in touch soon.
I sent the message then turned off my phone so I wouldn’t see any more notifications, and put it on the table by the bed. Then I curled up into a ball and finally I was able to drift off to sleep.