Chapter 6
When I finally woke up the following morning, the farmhouse was empty.
Coffee had been left in the pot for me and there was homemade bread by the Aga with butter and jam plus a fruit bowl so I had a quick breakfast, showered and pulled on the same outfit as yesterday.
Then I went in search of my cousin, needing to take my mind off of the fact that my life suddenly was completely different today.
Willow was leaving the barn with faithful Maple, carrying a bucket. She wore denim shorts too but with wellies and a long cardigan slung over her T-shirt. And her hair was in a messy bun. She waved me over when she spotted me. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Actually, I slept well in the end. I looked at the messages on my phone from Henry and his parents,’ I said as I fell into step with her, giving Maple a pat as she wagged her tail excitedly.
‘He asked if I was safe so I said I was here and needed some time and space. I suppose I didn’t really think what would happen after I left yesterday. Like, what do I do next?’
I looked around the farm. The hazy morning light made it look even prettier. Birds sang from the birch trees. There was no city noise out here. It was peaceful. Usually, I woke up feeling jittery for the day ahead. My mind started listing a hundred things I needed to do. I never felt rested.
But this morning, I didn’t feel tired. I didn’t have a to-do list. It was disconcerting. I was confused and unsure about what lay ahead for me. But there was also a part of me that was glad to be out of my routine. That wanted to embrace this change.
‘I get that must be scary. But maybe it’s also a bit exciting too?’ Willow asked as if she could read my thoughts. ‘I find nothing helps me make decisions or come up with ideas more than being out here. Keeping busy doing manual things has always soothed my mind.’
‘Is this your way of saying I should make myself useful?’ I joked with her.
She smiled but then a frown took over as we reached the chickens.
‘I woke up early a bit worried about the summer season. Our usual staff can’t come this year – a mixture of finishing studies, going travelling, taking other jobs – but it means there is a lot for us to do to get things ready to open for the pick-your-own season.
It’s usually our busiest time although last autumn, we had a big influx of visitors to our pumpkin patch. ’
I smiled. ‘You sent me a photo of that, didn’t you? It looked so cute. Did you have help for that?’
‘Well, a lot of the town ended up helping out. But I had Dylan and Dad working with me. I don’t want to put pressure on my dad to help too much this summer, though.
And Dylan will have to split his time between the farm and the cottage renovations.
’ She slipped inside the chicken enclosure and scattered their feed from the bucket.
‘Has Uncle Adam’s arthritis got worse?’ I asked as I followed her inside. ‘Can I do anything?’
‘Can you collect any eggs, please?’ She pointed out a basket that I picked up and I ducked inside the pen to hunt for eggs. ‘Yeah, he signed the farm over to me, actually.’
‘Wow. That’s what you’ve always wanted,’ I said as I crouched down to find the eggs in the hay, something I didn’t think would have been in my plans for today. I was supposed to be waking up in a room at our wedding venue next to my husband and then off to our honeymoon later in the Maldives.
Willow came over and smiled. ‘It is. He did it because he is struggling to do manual labour now. And we were in trouble last year, to be honest. I was worried we’d lose the farm.
But the pumpkin patch allowed us to clear our debts and carry us through the quiet winter.
’ Her smiled faded and she frowned again.
‘We need to make sure that success carries on this summer, though, just in case. We are due to open in June for people to pick fruit and vegetables and I had big plans to make it more of an event like the pumpkin patch but now I might have to scale it back. I need to move the pumpkins I’ve sowed indoors outside so they can grow ready for autumn and this year’s pumpkin patch.
But with less help, I don’t know if I can do all that I had planned.
’ She bit her lip and I could see she was unsure what to do.
‘You can’t put the renovation of the cottages on hold?’ I asked as I carried the basket of eggs out.
‘It’s all booked in. I’d feel too bad taking work away from local traders. But I want Dad to start his retirement soon like we all planned.’ She sighed. ‘Sorry, is this too much farm talk for you?’
‘Of course not. You’ve listened to my problems!’ I brought the eggs over. ‘So, what do you do next?’
‘Let’s go out to the crop fields and check everything is being watered properly and nothing has been damaged overnight. I usually do a lap around everything in the morning,’ Willow said. ‘If you’re sure you want to come? I was only joking about helping out.’
‘I’m happy to,’ I assured her. ‘It’ll take my mind off of worrying about the future. Plus, I can earn my keep.’
We laughed and dropped off the eggs into the farmhouse. We passed the cottages and I saw Dylan and Blake talking with a builder. They both waved and I thought back to bumping into Blake last night. I found myself telling Willow all about it.
She chuckled. ‘He thought there was a carjacker out here?’
I smiled. ‘Yeah. I’m glad we cleared the air a bit. Sounds like he’s pretty cut up about his ex. I hope Henry isn’t feeling just as bad.’
‘He’s going to have wounds to lick, I’m sure,’ Willow said. ‘But hopefully, he will see that it was the right thing for you both in the end?’
I nodded. ‘That would be good. I hate hurting anyone. He probably hates me right now.’ That felt strange.
Although I wasn’t sure Henry had real feelings thanks to the wall I kept up to keep him out, I also didn’t want him to think badly of me.
We had spent almost five years together. I did want him to be okay.
‘I think you need to remember why you left. You said he didn’t let you have any say in the wedding, and planned your future without you…
He has to realise that was wrong,’ Willow said as we walked around the farmhouse out to the crop fields, beginning with the sunflowers that were curled up to face the morning sun.
I wasn’t sure Henry had ever admitted he was wrong but I didn’t say anything. It was nice that Willow was on my side but it didn’t stop me feeling terrible for telling Henry how I felt so late. ‘So, what did you want to do differently for this pick-your-own season?’
‘I wanted to make it more of a day out so people don’t just come and pick the one or two things they want, but can spend a few hours here, like they did at the pumpkin patch,’ she said, excitement creeping into her voice.
‘We could have photo opportunities, food and drink, a picnic spot maybe… I don’t know, I have so many ideas but Dylan said maybe it will be too much work to do it all myself before we open in June.
I thought I’d have my usual summer staff to help or I would have started earlier.
But I was so focused on getting the crops in the best shape possible.
And they are but will that be enough to bring more people to the farm?
’ She shook her head. ‘Dylan is really good at business plans while I’m the one with the big ideas. ’
‘It sounds like you make a good team,’ I commented. I couldn’t help but envy her a little bit.
‘We do. But I need to be able to put my ideas into action, don’t I?’ Willow went over to check the sprinkler that was currently watering the sunflowers.
‘I forgot how big and beautiful this place is.’ I looked around at the rolling fields of crops, the polytunnels that covered anything that needed protection from the elements, and the chickens off to the side, enjoying the sunshine too.
It was idyllic out here. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with fresh air.
I had spent so long hunched over my desk, it felt really good.
We left the sunflowers and went over to the polytunnels and she showed me the pumpkins she had sown.
‘I need to plant them out in that field there,’ she said, pointing.
‘I sold pumpkins I had bought in last year but this will be even more special selling ones I’ve grown myself.
If they flourish like I hope they will. And we’ll make more profit this way too, of course.
’ She then took me past the rest of the fruit and vegetable crops before we reached the final two fields.
‘These are the strawberry fields, always the most popular part of our pick-your-own selection.’ She bent down to check some of the plants as I looked out at the ripening fruit stretching as far as my eyes could see.
‘It’s beautiful,’ I told her. ‘I bet they will taste delicious. I remember us sneaking out here when we were younger to eat as many as we could,’ I said with a smile as I thought back to those times.
‘That was so fun, although my mum told us to leave some for our customers,’ Willow said, shaking her head as she picked off a strawberry. ‘Almost ready,’ she said, holding it up so I could see. ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked when she saw my face fall.
‘I just feel really bad that I stayed away for so long. That I didn’t keep in touch as well as I should have done. That you guys were in trouble and I wasn’t there for you. I really am sorry, Willow.’
She nodded. ‘I know. We missed you. But I understood. It’s been a difficult few years for us all. And I get why you wanted a fresh start in the city… I buried my head in the sand about the farm being in trouble for a while. I avoided the truth. It’s not easy to face tough things.’
‘That’s for sure.’ I had done the same thing about my relationship with Henry. ‘But the farm is doing better now, right? And you have your ideas for the summer?’
‘Yeah. Things are better. I just don’t want to rest on any laurels. I saw this being the big finale out here,’ Willow said, gesturing to the growing strawberries around us. ‘But can I make that happen now?’
* * *
For the rest of the morning, I followed Willow around and tried to help with her farm chores.
She then said she needed to fix the door on one of the barns as it wasn’t closing properly.
My uncle said he was meeting Taylor in Birchbrook for lunch, and Dylan and Blake were still with the builder so I went into the farmhouse and made Willow and I sandwiches.
Then we took them onto the grass outside and sat down to eat.
‘I rarely eat lunch,’ I said as we tucked into the chunky sandwiches. ‘Or if I do, it’s at my desk in a hurry. This is much better.’ I smiled as the sun kissed my bare arms and I drank in the silence out here.
‘Working in an office would probably be my worst nightmare, I have to be honest,’ Willow said with a wry smile.
‘Dylan did that but once he came to the farm, he didn’t want to do it any more.
Don’t get me wrong, he still loves inputting numbers on his laptop but nothing beats being outside all day. ’
‘You look much healthier than me,’ I had to admit. ‘So, you convinced Dylan to leave the office behind?’
‘Dylan worked for his brother’s property company. That’s why he turned up here. They wanted to buy the farm.’ She saw my wide eyes. ‘Yeah, it was a big turnaround, wasn’t it? But he fell in love with this place.’
‘And with you,’ I said.
She grinned. ‘That too. I don’t often stop for a picnic lunch, though; there’s too much to do. We loved doing it as kids, didn’t we? My friend Sabrina would come over too and my mum would pack us up a basket to take out into the fields.’
‘That was so fun,’ I agreed. ‘I remember Sabrina loved horses, didn’t she? We kept begging your parents to buy a pony and offer pony rides. Your mum thought it would be popular but your dad said it would be too much work, didn’t he?’
‘Oh God, yeah,’ Willow said. ‘We all argued about it over breakfast almost every morning one summer.’
‘And I was freaked out by the scarecrows you guys had over there,’ I said, pointing to the crop fields, the memories flooding back to me.
Willow smiled. ‘Oh yeah, the old owners had them even though they didn’t actually do much to deter birds. Dad took them down years ago. But I used some in my autumn display last year.’
‘I don’t know if I’d ever want to see them again,’ I said with a shudder.
‘They have cute faces,’ she said with a laugh.
‘It has been really nice today. Thank you, Willow. I didn’t realise how much I had missed it here. And you and my uncle.’
‘There’s no rush to leave again. We love having you here. And if you don’t know what to do next, you might as well hang out with us until you do?’
‘That would be great,’ I admitted. ‘I guess if it’s completely over with Henry then I have to find a new job, and a place to live…
’ I trailed off worriedly. I knew that when I stood in front of Henry in my wedding dress, I had realised that we shouldn’t get married.
But I hadn’t thought any further ahead than that.
The summer was now suddenly stretching out uncertainly.
‘It’s all still so raw; you need some time to think about what you want, right?’
‘I haven’t thought about what I want in a long time,’ I confessed.
‘You can do that here.’
‘If I can,’ I said, wondering what I even wanted to happen next.
I had lost so much already and now I’d also lost the future I had thought I was going to have.
Even though that had been my choice, it still left me unsure.
So much had been decided for me for five years; now I needed to make decisions for myself. And that was scary.
‘Of course you can. You just need to remember the girl you were when you were here. And get her back,’ Willow replied firmly.
She made it sound so simple. I hoped she was right, but that girl had been through so much since those carefree childhood days here on the farm.
What if she had disappeared forever?