Chapter 21
Sebastian
“Sebastian?” Aliena calls out when she enters her home hours after my arrival.
“In the kitchen,” I reply loudly, and she appears seconds later. It’s hard not to notice how hunched her shoulders are now. As if the weight of the world was resting on them.
I had hoped that last night was the product of alcohol-induced sensitivity and that maybe, Aliena isn’t constantly feeling so overwhelmed. Seeing her now, I’m not convinced. In the very least, I hope that even though she’s struggling financially and worried about her parents, things will look up since she won’t have to pay rent anymore. It’s the only thing in my control at the moment.
I get to my feet and don’t think about it before pulling her into a hug, hoping to cheer her up at least a little. I’ve noted the way she melts into my touch and seems to soak up every embrace she gets. It’s clear physical touch is one of her love languages.
That’s why I hug her... And because I found myself thinking back to how nice it felt to have her in my arms last night several times already today and I’ve been longing to get another taste .
Yeah, this girl I agreed to be friends with, which I’m very attracted to and know feels the same way, is messing with my head. That’s why I hold her for a second longer than I should.
“I moved everything from the cupboards into boxes already. I only have the cutlery left and then the kitchen is done. Do you want to start on the other rooms or would you rather just get your essentials and let me take you home?” I ask. Funnily enough, I don’t even have think twice about calling my place her home. I like the ring of it. It just rolls off my tongue.
“I should start with the other rooms. It’s probably best if I just stay here tonight so I can pack things up until I pass out and then keep going tomorrow before I go to my parents’ place. You should go home, though. You’ve done more than enough.”
“I’ll stay too, if you let me. I don’t mind helping some more,” I insist quickly.
“I don’t have a guest room,” she argues.
“Luckily, I think we proved that we can share a bed just fine last night, no?” Am I inviting myself to sleep in her bed with her? Yeah. I guess I’m that guy now.
Aliena doesn’t protest any further. “Sure, suit yourself. When are the movers coming?”
“Whenever I tell them to.”
That draws the first soft smile from her, and she rolls her eyes at me. “Privileged prick,” she teases. I shove her slightly.
“Careful, this privileged prick knows where you keep your cutlery.”
“You’re threatening me in my own home? Bold, little boy. Real bold,” she says, trying to stare me down with a hand on her hips like a primary teacher or something. Never mind that she is way shorter than me, especially without her heels on.
I make a show out of looking down at myself, trying not to laugh out loud. “Little, huh? I don’t think anyone has described me as such in years.”
“Yeah, you’re not that pleasant to talk to. I’m sure there are many things the people around you never dare to describe you as,” she fires back without pause.
“Okay, rude. I am very pleasant.” My classmates would disagree. In fact, her observation is very on point. I’m sure people have said or thought things about me that they’d never dare to say to my face simply because I’m the dean’s son. It’s ridiculous considering my dad wouldn’t care if anyone cussed me out. He’d probably like them more if they did. Invite them for dinner and create a club exclusively to rant about me and all my faults.
“Mhm, sure you are.” As she says it, she gives me those bright eyes of hers, twinkling with amusement. She never lets me forget how gorgeous she is.
“Little troublemaker, I’ve had about enough of your big mouth,” I chastise her playfully. Her eyes light up with the challenge.
“That’s something I haven’t been told before. Usually, men can’t get enough of it,” she tells me, her double meaning clear. I curse myself for not having thought my words through more carefully before speaking since now, my mind is focused on her mouth and her innuendo has bad ideas coming to my mind. Even worse images.
“There’s a first for everything,” I reply lightheartedly in an attempt to steer this conversation back into more innocent waters before we can slip into flirting .
“I guess there is. Now, let’s get back to work. This place might be small but I’m a hoarder.”
Way past midnight, I’ve finally had enough of packing boxes. Here I thought I was in form but no, boxing stuff up is what exhausted me. I head to Aliena’s room, where she’s currently working her way through every nook and cranny.
She doesn’t hear me approach and I take a second to watch the unguarded woman for a second, lingering in the doorway. She looks tired, her back hunched and her steps slow. Still, her heavily-lidded eyes are determined. She’s a fierce one, that’s for sure.
I finally walk up to her and place a gentle hand on her shoulder. Her muscles tense under my touch for only a beat. Then, she turns and looks at me. It’s not the first time I notice how jumpy she is. I should really stop sneaking up on her.
“It’s time for bed, Sweetheart. Come on,” I say softly, the term of endearment falling from my lips like it tends to do whenever she seems so small and tired.
It’s that weird urge to make things better, to take care of her so she never has to worry about a single thing again. It rears its head at the sight of her red-rimmed eyes and takes control of my tongue.
I’m already moving her over to the bed. She doesn’t protest and practically collapses onto the mattress. I shimmy out of my jeans and take off my socks and shirt before asking the girl, “Where’s your pajama?” She’s still wearing her work clothes.
She lazily points to the dresser and I catch sight of a stack of folded clothes on top of it. I get it for her but she just blinks at it and doesn’t move. “Thanks,” she says, melting further into the mattress. She looks like she’s seconds away from passing out.
I shake her softly and tug at her arm. “Come on, baby, you have to change. You’ll be more comfortable.”
She blinks up at me in the most adorable way. “Yeah. Totally,” she agrees right before she shakes her head. “Don’t want to move, though.” Then, her eyes close again. I sigh loud enough for her to react to it.
“Help me if it’s so important to you,” she mumbles. I blink at her.
“Help you change?”
“Yes.” Then she opens her eyes. “Not if you’re uncomfortable. I can easily sleep like this. I just can’t move my arms anymore.”
I nearly chuckle at that. Yeah, lifting all those boxes made even me feel a bit of a burn. “I don’t mind. I’ll just open your blouse, okay?” I warn her so she won’t flinch away from my touch again. I can still remember when she thought I’d hit her after I walked in on her and Mattheo, even if only for a moment. I don’t ever want her to feel threatened by me again.
She nods, so I slowly bring my fingers to the delicate buttons, trying not to let my mind go anywhere that isn’t platonic. It’s no easy feat. Especially when I reach the middle of her shirt, which is revealing all of her cleavage and her navy blue bra now.
Once all the buttons are open and I helped her arms out of her sleeves, I say, “There, you have to help me a little with the shirt now, okay?” I slip her oversized sleeping shirt over her head and then help her raise her upper body enough for me to pull it down her back .
Hesitantly, I ask, “Do you want me to take off your bra?” It’s no big deal, anyway. I’d just reach beneath her shirt and unclasp it, then help her arms out of the straps. I’d see nothing, and yet, my voice sounds nervous and breathy.
Aliena rolls onto her back and says, “Yes, please.” So I do. I platonically take a girl’s bra off for the first time in my life. I don’t let my fingers linger at the feel of her soft back, nor do I allow myself the contemplation of how such smooth skin might look spanned over her slender back.
“Thank you. The scrubs are just fine. Come here, now,” she demands softly, patting the mattress next to her without ever opening her eyes.
With a chuckle, I untuck the blanket and cover her with it. Only then do I climb into bed with her, holding her like I did this morning. I’m oddly content now that this weird fuzzy feeling returns and settles deep inside my chest. I never spent a night cuddling with a girl. Ever. I had no idea what I was missing out on.
The next night, I’m already asleep by the time Aliena comes home. My home. Or ours, maybe, now that most of her belongings are already here. I planned on staying up, I really did. I even left the door to my room open so I’d hear her when she returned from her parents’ house, but after reading for over an hour, I must’ve finally lost the fight against sleep.
But now I’m waking up to the sound of soft footsteps. I rub my eyes and blink at the doorway where my new roomie is standing, looking hesitant. I sit up, growing worried that something might be wrong when she doesn’t speak. I texted her earlier about how long it should take until she came home but she never answered. Maybe I should’ve called her, but I didn’t want to interrupt anything.
“You’re home. How was the visit? Is everything okay?” I ask, trying to stifle a yawn. Shit, I’m sleepy. I look over at my watch to see that it’s three am. Jesus, did she just come home now?
“Can I sleep here?” she asks rather than replying to my questions. My heart grows a little heavier at how small her voice sounds and there are a million questions I’d like to ask.
Instead, I simply say, “Of course, Sweetheart. You can sleep here every night if that’s what you want.” She nods absently and crawls under the sheets with me, instantly curling up into a ball.
I don’t move for a second, unsure as to whether she wants me to hold her or not. When, finally, she wordlessly reaches behind her and pulls my arms over her middle to clutch my hand close to her chest, I get the hint and snuggle up to her.
“Do you want me to read to you?” I ask softly. She shakes her head and takes a deep, uneven breath. When she releases it with a heavy sigh, it’s like a world of tension bleeds out of her, and she melts against me.
I’m dying to know what happened. Dying to know if there is anything I can do for her, but this is not the time. Who knows, maybe just being here is enough for now.
Over the next few days, the two of us settle into an easy, comfortable routine. All of her belongings have arrived, and Aliena unpacked most of the boxes in her room. Still, she sleeps in my bed every night, though we don’t really talk about that. Sometimes, I read to her. Others, I just hold her. It seems like both are enough to help her sleep.
During the day, we barely see each other since we’re both busy with our usual lives. Despite that, there hasn’t been a second where I forgot she lived here too now. It’s surreal, yeah, but she never lets me forget it, leaving me leftovers or little notes in the kitchen.
It’s frightening how much I like it.
I’ve already established that we could never be more than friends. First and foremost, I don’t want a relationship and I doubt I’d be good at one. I’m my father’s son, after all. What if I inherited his unloyal traits and end up putting the woman I’m supposed to protect down instead of lift her up? I can’t imagine behaving that way, but who knows? I could one day wake up and realize I’m exactly like him.
Besides we don’t have time for anything more complicated than this.
Aliena gets home late almost every night since she likes to visit her parents after work, and I get up early to go on a run and hit my gym before my classes start. Yeah, there’s no way we would work, and yet sometimes, my treacherous mind plays a scenario where maybe, we’re more.
A scenario where I can touch her in a non-platonic way. Where her body is molded to mine every night because we both want it, not because she needs it. Where, maybe, she trusts me enough to confide in me again and talk about how her situation is developing now that she moved places or how her mother is doing.
But those thoughts are just slip-ups. Things are best this way.
Our friends don’t know about our new living arrangement judging by their lack of interrogation. I guess Aliena still hasn’t told Lily about her family problems and doesn’t want to explain why she had to move at all. I’m used to not sharing anything too personal anyway, so it’s no big deal to keep my mouth shut about my new roomie whenever I see my friends at school.
I’m just glad that she seems to be doing slightly better, shooting me a few weak smiles or teasing me whenever our paths cross. It feels like spending time with the old Aliena. I won’t do anything to jeopardize that progress by exposing her to our friends’ curiosity.
“Seb? I’m home!” Speaking of the devil. I look at the time on my phone, surprised when I see it’s just seven in the evening. I get up from the couch I was reading on and go to meet her near the entry, feeling my lips curl up in a smile.
“Hey, you’re home early,” I observe, leaning against my elevator as I watch her struggle out of her boots. When she straightens up and takes off her jacket, she rubs her hands up and down her arms.
“Yeah, no visiting my parents today. I need a break. I hope it’s okay I’m back so soon?” The question surprises me.
“Yes, of course. You live here now. You’re free to be home whenever you want. Don’t ever feel like you can’t, okay?” I try to assure her, hating the idea that she might’ve spent more time elsewhere because she thought she’d be a burden when she just wanted to come home and rest.
Searching my face closely, she finally nods. “Yeah, sure. Thanks. Now, have you eaten already? I went grocery shopping so I’ll probably cook anyway, in case you want to join me,” she offers.
“You didn’t have to do that, A. I have a lot more time on my hands. You can just make me a list of things you need, and I’ll do the shopping. I’ve always done it myself.” Not to mention that she shouldn’t spend her money on my food when I have enough to cover it without feeling a dent.
But this time, she just brushes me off. “I already don’t have to pay any rent. Let me at least do this so I don’t feel like a stray you had to save from the streets,” she argues.
Like I’d ever accept that sort of reasoning. “You’re not a live-in maiden or cook, Aly. You live here, and it’s not your job to get my groceries. I have the time and the money to spare, it’s really no big deal. It just makes more sense if you don’t have to worry about food on top of everything else.”
Of course, like every other time I tried to talk about her financial problems since the night she told me all about them, she gets defensive and dismisses me with a hard look. Shit. I should have known better than to go there. “This is non-negotiable, Sebastian. I want to contribute somehow. Now, can you help me get the bags up, please? I left them downstairs since my hands were too frozen to hold onto the thin straps any longer.”
Like a puppy beaten into obedience, too scared to upset her, I drop the subject and take the elevator downstairs with her in silence.