Chapter 22
Aliena
I’m drained and it’s barely nine pm. After I unloaded the groceries with Sebastian’s help, I shooed him out of the kitchen and made dinner. We ate in comfortable silence and when we were done, I insisted he couldn’t help me do the dishes. It was a quick chore, after all.
I went on and cleaned the kitchen, anything to stay busy since I don’t know what else to do with myself anymore. When I tried to simply clean some other parts of the house, Sebastian stopped me, reasoning that he had a very capable crew of cleaning ladies coming over once a week and that I didn’t have to do their job.
Now, we’re locked in battle. He has my arms pinned at my sides with his hands around my wrists to keep me from moving away and cleaning another counter while I stare up at him with childish defiance. Whatever, I get cranky when I’m tired and it doesn’t help that I’m supposed to get my period in a few days. At least I have a day off tomorrow and the day after that.
It doesn’t lift my mood enough to be compliant now, though .
“Aliena, stop fighting me on this. You’re clearly tired. Why won’t you just rest?” he asks, softening his voice so he sounds less demanding.
The answer would be that I don’t trust my mind not to go dark places when I give it the chance. Like, for example, how my mother is still not recovering. Instead, she starts looking more and more like a ghost from my past.
On top of that, my dad’s mood has been becoming darker by the day. I know he’s mostly mad at himself because he thinks it’s his fault that our family is struggling once again and maybe a bit frustrated with my mother for being such a screwup.
Still, yesterday, he snapped at me for dropping a fork when I did the dishes. His face got all red and a vein appeared at his temple. When he raised a hand to run it through his hair in agitation, I flinched away.
That sobered him up a bit and he apologized for losing his temper. Still, for a second, I was scared that he might hit me again. I don’t know what I’d do then. When I was younger, he never used much force on me so I’m sure I could take it. I’m just not sure if I want to.
Of course, I need to be understanding and help my parents as much as I can, but there are things I don’t ever want to experience again. Too much already feels like old times. I want to feel like myself again.
Instead of saying any of that, since I know that being a bitter pill all the time is how you bore friends into leaving, I just shrug. “I don’t have anything better to do.” I’m being stupidly defiant at this point. At least, it’s good entertainment to get a rise out of Sebastian.
The man scans my features thoughtfully. Finally, he smiles and lets go of my wrists to softly touch one of my shoulders instead. “I think you do. Or have you forgotten all about the unlimited access I granted you to a specific part of the house?”
At that, I perk up a little. He chuckles.
“That’s what I thought. Come on, I’ll explain how everything works again,” he proposes, already turning to walk up the stairs. I beam and follow him, feeling some of my energy returning at the prospect of some good old me-time. I can’t believe I forgot about baths. Such a fool.
When I enter the master bathroom after the owner of the house, I halt in my tracks, gaping at all the new candles placed around the tub and the array of scented bath oils that are lining the wall.
“What is all this?” I ask, then turn to him. “You bought all that? Why? You had more than enough already,” I protest, unsure of what I’m feeling. I’m touched, yes, of course. Still, it feels wrong that he spent money on me. There was no need for any of this. The bathtub in itself was enough, and he had scented oils he swore he wouldn’t use on hand.
I was fine with the thought of using them. But this, this is excessive, the kind of ambience supposed to stay in fantasies and dreams.
Sebastian raises his hands in defense. “I didn’t buy any of that. This was all my mom,” he argues, making me frown in confusion.
“Your mom?” He told his mom I liked baths? And she bought things for me?
“Oh right, I didn’t tell you. She’s a housekeeper and occasionally comes here with the other cleaning ladies. She saw that someone moved into my guest room, so I told her about you. I should have known she’d do something like this when I told her the oils she’s been giving me for years are finally going to be used. Please, don’t be upset with me. My mother surely got a lot of pleasure shopping for all that.”
“I don’t know what to say.” His mother knows about me. His mother is his housekeeper? He told his mom, who’ll be around the house unannounced from time to time and whom I might meet accidentally, about me.
She got me gifts.
“You have to give her my sincere thanks. Please. Oh god, and is there a way you could make her never buy anything for me again without offending her? I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I can’t accept all this.” Shit, why am I getting upset? The more I speak and think about this nice, thoughtful gesture, the more the lump in my throat grows.
Sebastian must notice it too, the attentive idiot. He takes my hands in his and lowers his voice to a softer, more intimate tone.
“Aliena, there’s nothing wrong with letting the people that care about you spoil you from time to time,” he tries to explain to me. Before I can protest that his mother doesn’t even know me, he goes on. “And no, there is absolutely no way that my mother wouldn’t take offense if I tried telling her anything of the sort.”
I chuckle softly and nod, pulling myself together. “All right then. At least tell me when she’s coming over the next time so I can leave her some flowers.”
“I’ll let you know. Now, let’s get your bath started,” he proposes, only to hesitate for a beat. “You’re sure you’re okay, right? You’d talk to me otherwise. Or someone else. Whatever,” he rambles and I’m instantly mortified.
Great, now that I nearly burst into tears because of a gift I deserve in no way, he’s worried about me. I hate that. Making someone worry about me is easily the worst thing I can do to a person. It’s such an unnecessary headache .
“I’m fine. Just tired. I get stupidly sensitive and I don’t know how to react to gifts. I was just surprised,” I tell him. Eager to deflect, I add, “What about that bath now?”
After taking advantage of Sebastian’s gigantic bathtub filled with soothingly hot water and bubbles for over an hour, I dried myself with one of his fluffy, smooth towels and put on my pajama. Then, I climbed into bed with him, and he read to me until I fell asleep, stroking the back of my hand soothingly as I drifted off,
When I wake up, we’re in the same position as always. My back is to his front, one of his arms is curled around my chest while the other is under his head. Only this time, my mind instantly focuses on something at my back. Something I’m no longer used to feeling so close to me.
Oh, god. Yeah, there’s no mistaking the erection Sebastian is sporting. And it’s placed perfectly against my ass, too. My sleepy mind doesn’t have enough self-control to shut down the road my thoughts are now going down and I nearly burst out laughing as I realize why Sebastian is as cocky as he is.
Yeah, I find that very funny. Only until I become aware of the two fingers that are moving against my underboob when my torso shakes softly with laughter. After that, I’m careful to stay very still.
Technically, I didn’t mean to wake up so early. Judging by the greyish light streaming through one of the windows, it’s way too early to start my day off work.
I planned on sleeping in to an outrageous degree, maybe late afternoon if I could. I was fully intent on it... Until now. Now, it feels impossible that I could fall back asleep with my awareness rising. The way my skin is tingling is both familiar and yet so much more intense than I remember.
Maybe it’s because I know I can’t act on it. That indulging in the way he’s making me feel with this unconscious show of his arousal is off limits. I’ve never been much of a rule breaker, but I hear it’s a common inclination when it comes to sex.
And it’s been quite a while since I’ve had that... Or maybe it’s just that I’m feeling Sebastian’s erection against me, something I’ve been fantasizing about more since I met him than I’d ever admit. Not just in the short time between meeting him in the nursing home and then at his party. No, he remained the lead in all my fantasies even when he acted like he couldn’t stand me.
The tingle on my skin wanders lower, gathering between my legs as those unbidden fantasies rise to the forefront of my mind. He’s so close and so warm and so safe. What would it feel like to have him cage me to the bed, shield me from the entire world while he made me forget everything so thoroughly I wouldn’t even remember my own name? To have him sink into me and kiss me, to worship my body and own me entirely.
Shit , stop thinking crazy things like that. Abort. Abort before you get too attached to an ideal you can never have.
What do I do? Do I just wake him? It’s not that I mind the position I’m in, and I’m not sure it would be fair to wake him now only because I’m up. But maybe it’s wrong to enjoy this. Sebastian agreed to be my friend, after all. That’s what we shook on. I have no permission to enjoy the way the feel of his erection makes my blood heat.
It’s easy to forget how long it’s been since I last had sex, and with sharing a bed with a very attractive man every night, tension sure has been building .
But Sebastian is just a friend. I can’t let my mind go places.
Slowly, very slowly, I try to move my ass away from his front to put at least a little distance between us. Maybe then, I can go back to sleep and forget about this slip up.
When I move, his fingers brush against my boob again, and hell, if my body doesn’t react ridiculously much to that simple, accidental touch. It’s always the same with Sebastian. My attraction to him intensifies with every touch we share, and the fact that he told me nothing could ever happen between us only adds to my desperation.
His words return to me and in the clarity of the morning, they hit me a lot harder than they did at the party when he’d first said them.
Because one kiss wouldn’t be enough. Nor would two, or ten, or fifty. Once I felt your kiss, I’d want to feel it all, Aliena.
You are so beautiful, it’s hard to believe you’re real at times.
Make that sound again and I’ll fuck you up against the closest wall. Don’t test me.
Don’t pull away. I’m not ready for this to end. We said one kiss.
I feel myself getting turned on and grit my teeth, trying to carefully move my hips away again. This time, the arm around my chest tightens, damn near bringing Seb’s hand close enough to cup my breast. It does nothing to stifle my uncalled-for lust.
Sleepy me a few days before my period is a horny bitch.
I don’t give up my task to put a little distance between the man behind me and myself but when I finally create the smallest of gaps, he’s quick to scoot back all the way against me with a sleepy rumble of protest.
Great, so much for not waking him. Although I’m not sure whether he’s really conscious or if the reaction was mostly instinctual; the urge to stay in a comfortable position in his sleep.
When I move again, he really does wake up and speaks in that deep, husky voice of his. “What are you doing?” he grumbles into my hair, tightening his hold on me some more. I nearly make a sound of appreciation when his arm brushes against my stiffening nipples.
“Nothing, I’m just warm,” I lie, resorting to just clenching my thighs to get at least a little relief. My neglected clit is pulsing weakly as she recognizes the feel of an excited man at my back. Unbelievable.
Sebastian hums and, moves a little in preparation to go back to sleep. What he doesn’t realize is that I’m a burning, needy mess by now and that his move basically pushed his dick right between my butt cheeks. It makes me want to wish it was somewhere else.
I cross my legs but the move isn’t as subtle as I hoped. I feel Sebastian stiffen behind me as he notices what has me shifting around so restlessly.
For a second, he doesn’t act at all. Then, he clears his throat and loosens his hold on me. Finally, he whispers a curse. “Shit, I’m so sorry. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” He tries to let go of me and maybe turn away, but I hold his hand in place before my mind can settle on a game plan, keeping him from getting away.
“Aliena?” he asks softly after a few beats of silence, still seeming hesitant to get closer. “I’ll just take a quick cold shower and I’ll be back. It’s no big deal,” he tries to reason .
“You didn’t make me uncomfortable,” I argue, my voice breathy and low. It feels forbidden to say. Absolutely reckless. Sebastian doesn’t speak but I can feel some of the tension bleeding out of his body.
“No?” he finally asks. I shake my head and ever so slightly move back against him, not so accidentally rubbing my ass against his erection this time. The man behind me releases a low, anguished sound and his arm flexes around me.
“What are you doing, little troublemaker?” he asks into my ear. I shudder but don’t reply. Memories are rushing back to me now, reminding of all the times the tension built between us only for him to shut me down. Then more recent images resurface of how Sebastian took care of me since we made peace. In all sorts of ways. I suddenly get the urge to return the favor.
I rub myself against him again, more conscious of the movement now, and more heat goes straight to my clit at the sound Sebastian makes. Yeah, I missed this.
He doesn’t try to restrict my movements, similar to when we danced. Instead, he lets me work both of us up as his hand cups one of my breasts. That’s what finally draws a soft moan from me and Sebastian curses, giving my nipple a soft pinch.
“Shit, I’ve been dreaming about that sound,” he confesses breathily. The validation is all I need to finally untangle my body from his and push him onto his back. He blinks up at me as I kneel at his side, still looking slightly sleepy and hot as hell.
I move to kneel between his thighs and he finally asks, “What are you doing? ”
I grin. “I can think of a better way to take care of this than a cold shower,” I tell him. He closes his eyes briefly.
“You don’t have to do that,” he assures me even though his want is clear. It still turns me on that he tries to assure me there is no pressure.
“I know,” I confirm, placing my hands on his knees at my side and moving them up to fiddle with the end of his boxers. “I just really want to.”