18. Chapter 18
I paced back and forth in my bedroom as we got ready for work, feeling the stress of our finances weighing on me. Sam did great making money as a bartender. In fact, he made a lot more than I did, so I didn’t fault him for spending his own money. He had every right to.
He worked only three nights a week, sometimes four.
Anything more than that was too much for him.
He made enough to cover rent and utilities, and whatever I made went toward food and other necessities.
It was the most money we’d ever made in our lives, but we also had a lot more responsibility and bills.
We had no such responsibilities living on the streets other than keeping ourselves fed.
Regardless, the bills were worth it to have shelter over our heads.
Sam spending too much at the store wasn’t his fault. I should’ve told him our budget, and I’d forgotten. He’d been so sweet to take the shopping burden off me, and I tried not to control every aspect of his life. But I did that too often, which was why when he offered to help, I took him up on it.
It was a weird balance between doing everything for him, not because he needed it, but because I wanted him happy. If he was happy, he wouldn’t ever leave me.
Sam was good at so many things, but he sometimes got lost when shopping. And I didn’t know why he needed to buy so many things we already had.
When we first got our phones and internet for the first time, I looked up ADHD and shit, but I didn’t understand things like dopamine or half of what they said.
I never made it to the tenth grade, and my reading ability was basic at best. Sure, Sam and I got our GEDs, but we had to study our asses off.
So, when I read about brain shit, my mind just got all confused, and I blanked out on all the complicated words.
Regardless, I needed to get a second job.
The extra work at Alpha’s would help, but it wouldn’t be enough.
Sam and I didn’t need to be rich, but it would be nice not to worry if we would have food on the table the following week or electricity.
It would also give us a buffer if Sam wanted to spend some extra money.
Tomorrow, I’d go out and look. I hated to have that time taken away from me, but I had no other choice. Sam made more than me, and it wouldn’t be fair to ask him to work more. I was the one who had to take up the slack.
But this money problem was a reason why being with Sam could take its toll on me. I loved him and would change nothing, but I got tired sometimes, needing a mental break from not sleeping most nights. Sam couldn’t help it, but I needed to remember to take some time for myself.
The early evening was cold as hell as Sam and I skated to work. We could’ve taken the bus, which had heaters, but skating was mentally relaxing and freeing. It soothed both of us. Our friends weren’t much different. Whenever life got to be too much, skating the day away helped ease our stress.
Sam and I swerved around corners, popped off of curbs, and pumped our feet to move as fast as we could. The air numbed my face, but skating quickly warmed us up.
As we came to an intersection, all my worries washed away when Sam reached back with his hand for me to take with a smile on his face.
His fair skin was flushed red from the cold, and his red hair peeked out of the gray knit beanie.
He looked so youthful and cute right then.
Sam glowed with a happiness that made my already exerted heart beat more furiously.
“I love you,” Sam said, unprompted.
I fucking swore I wanted to die right at that moment because then I would’ve died happy.
Sam’s words and bright smile suddenly righted all wrongs in this world, making it a better place, even by a little.
That he loved me back was a miracle in itself.
It was a wish I’d never imagined would be fulfilled.
“I love you,” I said back, choking on my emotions.
Sam suddenly hopped off his board, yanking me with him as he forced me against the brick facade of a building.
Our breath came out in clumps of steam as we looked at each other until he bent down and kissed me.
It wasn’t like Sam to be this bold, and I ate it up.
He pushed back all his uncertainties and insecurities to claim what he wanted, and I was here for it.
It was a glimpse into a Sam who could’ve been had his family been kinder and never sent him away to that hellhole.
Our kiss wasn’t desperate, but slow and deliberate. We took our time to taste, lick, suck, and nibble our mouths. I instantly grew hard, but there was little I could do about it out here.
My hands slid underneath his coat, feeling the hard planes of his back, prickled with goosebumps, and he did the same to me.
When we came up for air, Sam rested his forehead on mine. “Sorry, I just had this urge to kiss you.”
“Never apologize for wanting to kiss me.”
He smiled and kissed the tip of my nose. “I love kissing you. Every moment, I think about how grateful I am to have you in my life and that you fucking love me back. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”
“Same here. It sounds corny, but I feel… complete now.”
“Exactly! That’s how I feel, like something was missing from my life.
I was missing your kisses and touch. How could I miss something I never had until now?
God, to have your love… no one has ever loved me before.
Not my parents, not my foster parents… I’d felt so alone for so long until you came. Conversion therapy tried to break…”
“Shhh, I know. We just need to promise each other that we’ll stick together, no matter what, forever.”
“I promise… forever.”
I pulled Sam back into a sweet and too short of a kiss. “We should go before we’re late.”
We skated the rest of the way to work, holding hands like a vow never to let go.
As Sam got the bar ready for the night, I headed back to the employee lounge to put away our boards and coats. Stone was there doing the same thing when he turned around to face me.
“‘Sup?” he said.
“Hey.” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling the need to thank him for his help the other day. “So, ah, thanks and all for your advice.”
His face turned blotchy red, and he nodded. “Sure.”
“Thanks for what? And why does my boyfriend look like he’s about to incinerate?” Stix asked as soon as he walked in.
“Nothin’,” Stone and I said at the same time and a little too quickly.
Stix raised a brow and folded his arms. “Why do I get the sense you two are hiding something?”
Stone clenched his jaw and looked as if he was trying to climb into his locker to hide. It was one of the funniest things I’d seen in a while. How was this huge man so shy and wanting to cower away from his boyfriend’s irritation? I burst out laughing and shook my head.
“Relax, Stone. I got this.” I shrugged at Stix. “He just helped me out with some advice about Sam. You weren’t at home, so he was sweet enough to help me.”
Stone’s face grew even more red. “I am not sweet.”
Stix snorted a laugh. “Please, beneath all that stone exterior, you’re a marshmallow inside.”
“Anyway, please don’t say anything yet. It’s not a secret, but I don’t want all our friends to overwhelm Sam. I’ll tell them soon. So, ah, Sam and I are… together.”
Stix’s eyes popped out of his head, and his jaw dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me? How? When? What happened? Holy shit… I can’t believe it. Finally! Give me all the fucking deets… stat! And what the hell does Stone have to do with this?”
Stone rolled his eyes and huffed. “Leave them alone, Nico. You don’t need to be such a busybody all the time.”
Stix tsked. “I’d rather die than not get the details. I’ve been waiting forever for this magic to happen.”
“Drama queen,” Stone huffed as he walked out, but he turned with a slight smile on his face and love in his eyes. He could be a hard man, but Stix was right. Stone was a marshmallow when it came to his boyfriend. He loved Stix, flaws and all, which was how love should be.
Stix started bouncing with the energy of a toddler. “Out with it! Now! Need to know!”
“Ugh, it was an embarrassing accident, actually. I… kissed Sam while he was sleeping like some creeper, and not for the first time.” I rubbed the back of my neck as my face heated. “He woke up and caught me, forcing me to tell him the truth. But then…”
“He said he liked you back?”
I looked up at Stix, wide-eyed and still in awe. “Yeah. Exactly.”
“God, you two are the biggest dumbasses. Now, I had no idea Sam felt the same, but shit, if you two had just been honest…”
“Tell me something I don’t know.”
Stix rushed at me and pulled me into a hug. “Thank fuck, your dumbass was a creeper. Now, you two can finally get on with loving each other.”
I huffed against him as I held him back. “Truth.”
“I’m so fucking happy for you.”
“Thanks. Just… Please, Stix. Keep it low-key.”
“You’re talking to the least low-key person ever.”
“Stix…” I warned.
“Fine, I’ll behave.”
“Just let me tell them the news. I want to do it.”
“Fair. So, what did you and Stone talk about? Because I had no idea you’d even stopped by.”
I pulled away from my friend and stared up at the ceiling for strength. “Ugh… I needed tips on blow jobs and shit. I thought you were the best person to ask, but only Stone was there.”
Stix snorted a laugh. “I don’t know how you managed to pull that off. Oh, god, to be a fly on the wall that day.”
“Leave Stone alone. He was awesome and helpful.”
“Oh, I’m never letting him live this down. I’m going to tease him relentlessly. It’s good for him. It keeps him grounded.”
I chuckled. “How does he even put up with you?”
He smiled and shrugged. “The world may never know. He just does.”