26. Chapter 26
He left me.
The February day dumped a foot of snow outside. Sam and I are huddled together on the floor of a homeless shelter. It’s so crowded, and they don’t have any beds left. There are so many people without homes, and so many more are still outside with nowhere to go.
We sit on our sleeping bags with bellies full of cold pizza donated by a local restaurant. It’s better than nothing, which happened some days. Sam and I have gone two days without eating. You wouldn’t think that’s very long, but two days is a lot before the gripping stomach pain takes over.
Sometimes the food we’ve scrounged is gross, and we’ve gotten sick from it, but you do what you can to survive.
I hate it like this. I wish I could do more for Sam.
Living on the streets is far from ideal, and my only consolation is that Sam hasn’t been hurt by others again, not that there aren’t bad people on the streets either.
We need to get out of this, having done this for far too long, but I didn’t know how.
I’m still only a kid at seventeen with no education.
When I took him, I only had vague plans about what we would do. I didn’t think far enough ahead to figure out how to get off the streets once we were living on them. But it’s been nearly two years, and here we still are, with no home or job.
Our fingers are threaded together, and I pretend Sam is my boyfriend.
His head rests on my shoulder while he’s trying to sleep.
The place smells so bad. We stink, too, but at least when we’re outside, it washes away some of our stench.
Inside, with so many homeless people, the place is ripe and makes the greasy pizza dough in my stomach turn.
“Promise me you won’t ever leave me?” Sam asks.
“I thought you were sleeping.”
“Promise me.”
“Of course, I promise. I didn’t pull you out of that hellhole and spend two years on the streets just to leave you.”
I won’t ever leave you because I love you. You’re mine. Always mine.
The ache of need for him hurts so much. My stomach clenches, and my heart beats so fast when the overwhelming love for him fills me. I really don’t understand love. Why does it feel so good yet hurt so much? What’s the point of something so wonderful that could be so painful?
“I promise you, too. We will always be together, forever.”
“Forever.” I rested my cheek on his greasy hair. “What brought that on?”
Sam shrugs. “I’m just having a moment.”
“One day, I’ll find a way to get you a home, Sam. A home we can share together. Forever.”
“I’d like that.”
Sam left me.
We promised each other we’d always be together three years ago. Now, he left because of me—because I broke my promise. Why should he keep his when I didn’t keep mine?
I should never have told Alpha about Sam’s past. That was so fucking wrong.
What have I done?
I clawed at my heart and stared at the closed front door for who knows how long, blurred behind tear-filled eyes.
“Come back, Sam.”
I choked on a sob. What would I do without him? I would die. I was being dramatic, but I didn’t care. He was everything to me, half of my soul. Everything I’d done for the past seven years had been for Sam, and I’d ruined everything by betraying his trust.
I wanted… No, I needed to chase after him, but he said he needed to think. The last thing I should do was betray his trust again. But did he really need to think about things? Or did he want to make plans to leave me for good?
No, I had to fix this.
I couldn’t lose him.
I rushed to my room to get dressed before running back out to grab my jacket and board. As soon as I stepped outside, the rain started coming down. Fuck it. I had to find him. Most likely Sam went skating, which was one of the few things he did to calm himself.
After dropping my board onto the sidewalk, I pulled my hoodie underneath my jacket over my head and pushed off to find Sam.
I weaved in and out of obstacles on the sidewalk, jumping off and pumping my leg on the asphalt of the road, uncaring that I was getting soaked.
There was very little traffic and hardly anyone was walking around in the rain, letting me make good time.
Shit, but what if he headed to the indoor park because of the rain? He preferred the outdoor one, so I planned to check there first. If he wasn’t there, then I’d check the other place. Hell, I’d look for him forever if I had to.
But what if he came back, and I wasn’t home? Would he assume I left? He’d have to come back, right? Even if he intended to leave me, he had everything at the apartment. No, I needed to find him before he ‘thought’ himself right out of my life. I had to make this right.
It all happened in slow motion, exactly like how you imagined it in the movies.
I felt nothing other than weightlessness before I landed hard on the street, bone and muscle smacking on the road with the sounds of cracking.
The pain suddenly registered in my head, and across my body as bright light flashed behind my eyes.
Then, the darkness consumed me.
I woke up to stabbing light and a throbbing head. The pain tingled down across my entire body. I sought out what didn’t hurt, but I couldn’t find it. My head, back, left leg, and shoulder were the worst.
When I tried to shift, the pain became unbearable, and tears slipped out from my efforts. I’d never been in so much fucking pain in my life. Every time I tried to adjust, so it hurt less, I grew dizzy and nauseous.
“Fuck…”
“Hey, Nach. How are you feeling? It seems like you’re hurting a lot, judging by your facial expression.”
Alpha ? I tried to blink my eyes open again, and he came into view. Alpha looked tired, with dark circles under his eyes.
“Wha-what happened?”
“Some prickhead hit you with his car and ran. The police tracked him down and arrested him. Thank fuck, there were cameras nearby that caught the entire thing.”
“S-someone… hit me?”
“Yeah, he ran a red light and tried to stop, but the road was wet. He hit you pretty hard, too. You went flying before you landed. Your new board is broken. I’m sorry.
We’ll get you a new one.” Alpha rested his hand on my forearm.
“Fortunately, there were witnesses who called 9-1-1 and rushed you to the hospital. Someone on staff reached out to our chat group using your phone.”
The pain and loss of my board were quickly forgotten when I remembered why I was even out there. “Sam?”
“He’s at home.”
“He… came back?”
The relief flooded me so much that I quit hurting for a second before the tears spilled.
Sam came back .
“Yeah, he’s back at your place worried sick for you. I’m sorry, but he won’t step a foot inside here. I understand why, but… no one else understands since we can’t tell them. They’re not happy with him right now, especially knowing how close you two are.”
“It’s not his fault.”
“I know, but they don’t understand that.”
“Poor Sam. Please tell them something simple, and that he can’t help it. I don’t want them upset with him. He’s under enough stress, and I’m sure he’d love to be here if he could.”
Alpha nodded. “Yeah, I’ve been trying to talk some sense into them. They’ll come around.”
Despite knowing why Sam couldn’t step into a hospital, it still hurt. I really needed him right now, to hold his hand and tell him how grateful I was that he hadn’t left me. Did that mean he forgave me?
“Can… I text him?”
“I’ll text him. No phones for you for a while. You’ve got a nasty concussion.”
“He’s going to freak out if he doesn’t hear from me. Even if he’s afraid to step foot inside a hospital, he’s going to worry about me.”
Alpha’s smile was kind and patient. “I’ve been keeping tabs on him and letting him know what’s going on.
He knows you’re okay and why you can’t reach out.
” He chuckled as he patted my hand. “Look at you. You’ve been seriously injured, and all you can do is worry about Pippin.
I think it’s high time you start worrying about you, too. ”
Between the worries, fears Sam would leave me, the pain… The tears spilled freely now, and I had to choke back a sob. “He was so angry with me that I told you. I didn’t lie and told him the truth, but he felt so betrayed, and I don’t blame him one bit.”
Alpha sighed and sat on the edge of my bed, grabbing some tissues and dabbing my face and nose.
“Look, I get why he’d feel hurt. But he needs help, Nate.
You can’t keep taking this all on your own.
If it was only ADHD, that’s one thing, but he’s got past trauma, anxiety, probably PTSD, memory loss, and phobias.
That’s more than any one person can handle who’s not a professional.
No doubt he needs some medication. That’s not something you can take on.
I know you love him, and you tried, but it’s non-sustainable emotionally and psychologically.
Love doesn’t fix everything. Admittedly, Sam did a great job masking it all.
I never noticed beyond his neurodivergence, and I don’t think anyone else has either.
I’m sure he could do that, thanks to you, but you two can’t do this forever. ”
I shifted again in bed, wincing and groaning at the pain.
Fuck, so much pain. “I know, but I tried. He won’t listen.
Besides, now that I’m in the hospital… this shit is going to cost more than I make in a year, then to pay for therapy, too?
If we could find a free group therapy like what Stix and Stone have, that would be great, but Sam won’t do it. ”
“You worry about you. I’ll help with medical bills. I can’t take it all on, but I’ll take most of the burden off of you.”
“I just started on some insurance for work. Maybe they can help… Fuck, what about work?”
“They’re going to have to deal. Stix will talk to them. As for therapy, there are lots of therapists who are just starting their private practice and will work pro bono to build their business. I’ll help you find someone. Seriously, right now, you worry about you. Your body needs time to recover.”
What was it like to focus on only me? I’d been helping Sam for years and years. He was as dependent on me as I was on him. “I’ll try.”
“All of us… your family is going to help you through this and take care of you. They’re all going to chip in.
You’ll need to be off your feet for weeks with the concussion.
You’ve also got a broken leg, a dislocated shoulder, and a sprained wrist. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t have it worse or internal injuries.
However, the concussion is serious shit, Nacho.
You don’t mess around with the head, so you’re going to be bedridden for a few weeks at least.”
Fucking hell.
“Yeah, okay.”
“Sam is going to have to pick up some of the slack, too. I’m sure he can do that, but we’ll all be around to help out.”
I was just glad Sam was back with me. That was the only thing important to me.