27. Chapter 27 #2
Stix still held my hand, keeping me grounded, but another hand rested in the crook of my elbow.
Stone. Stone was cold and why everyone called him Stone.
His name was Damien, right? He didn’t seem the type to give comfort, but he did.
Stix was my height, but Stone was big and tall.
He was comforting and not as scary as I first thought of him.
He had no smile on his face, but his hazel eyes turned kind and understanding.
My hand became a clammy mess in Stix’s, but he didn’t let go.
I was so grateful for my friends. I couldn’t have done this alone.
My ass would still be at home, not helping Nate.
God, why hadn’t I opened up to them earlier?
Why hadn’t I trusted them enough? I was beyond grateful they proved me wrong.
Nate needs me. Nate needs me .
That became my repeated mantra to keep me moving forward as I slowly walked through the halls and to an elevator. My heart beat wildly in my chest. It hurt so much. My lungs squeezed tight—so tight that deep breathing was a struggle. I couldn’t find air.
A vise pinched my heart and chest. Was this what it felt like to drown? I didn’t enjoy swimming. While we had a harbor, I didn’t like water. I didn’t know how to swim, but I imagined this was what it felt like to fall down, down, down into the fathomless liquid pit, unable to reach the surface—
Squeezes from friendly and comforting fingers kept me pushing through step three and silencing the fears in my head.
When the elevator doors slid open, we stepped into a smaller hall with nurses all over the place.
Some were busy. Some watched us. Another smiled as Stix talked to her.
I couldn’t hear his words. My vision started to grow dark with all the medical staff wearing scrubs.
Similar scrubs to what they wore when I was a kid.
They looked the same. All the same. Their faces morphed into blackness and sharp teeth.
They won’t hurt you. They won’t hurt you. Not here.
But my mind was tricky. It loved to torment me during my lowest moments. It talked nasty to me, telling me hateful and scary things. Stix was talking to a nurse, and when she looked at me she stopped smiling, and I took a step back, followed by another.
Stone abruptly stood in front of me, blocking my view of the nurse. His big body distracted me from my spiraling fear.
I told my mind to shut up. That I didn’t know her. She wouldn’t hurt me. Plus, I had friends to protect me. They would never let anything happen to me. No one would take me away and do horrible things to me again. I had a family that cared about me. And Stone was huge. He’d protect me.
Stone tapped on his ear, and I removed the sound-canceling with a tap. “Don’t look at her. She doesn’t matter. She won’t touch you,” he said.
With several deep breaths, I nodded and turned my earbuds back on, bathing me in lo-fi music. Stix and Stone led me toward a closed door, and I stood in front of it, not moving.
Step three was done. I did it. I fucking did it. The hardest part was over, and happiness was on the other side. My Nate. My Polaris. My fucking galaxy.
Fourth step .
The last step was to walk inside Nate’s room. With more confidence than I had earlier, I rested my hand on the doorknob, turned it, and gently pushed it open.
When I walked inside, I found Nate sleeping in the hospital bed, full of wires, bruises, bandages, and a cast on his leg.
All my fears washed away with this growing need to be by his side.
Closing the door behind me, leaving Stix and Stone to wait outside as sentinels, I grabbed the only chair in the room and pulled it next to Nate’s bed.
He looked so bad and broken… so injured. My eyes watered at the sight, and I took a shuttered breath.
I popped off my earbuds and shoved them into the pocket of my jacket. My ears were filled with some beeping, and Nate was breathing steadily.
I did it. I finally got to be next to my soul mate without running out of there.
It hurt, and I was still slightly terrified and a bit ill, but I was strangely proud of myself, too—a rare sensation.
My eyes watered from the relief of seeing my Nate alive.
He didn’t look so good, but he was alive.
If he died, I’d gladly leave this world with him.
Who knew if there was an afterlife, but I’d take the risk to be with him for eternity, even if we just turned to dust.
I took his wired hand in mine as I pushed back some matted curls from his face. Home. I was home. Wherever we were, we’d always have a home in each other, no matter what. I became whole again.
Nate’s dark eyes fluttered open, slowly focusing on me. “Am… am I dreaming? Sam?”
“Not a dream. I’m here. It took a lot to get me here, but I did it, Star. It hurt, and I was scared. I’m still scared, but I tried. Stix and Stone helped me, but I made it. I pushed through my fear. I still feel like I’m going to be sick, but…”
He pulled his hand from mine and touched my face. “I’m so fucking proud of you, baby.”
Nate grabbed the hood of my hoodie over my head and pulled me close. “Get in with me.”
“I won’t hurt you?”
He shook his head and bit his trembling lip as his eyes watered.
I climbed in, careful of his wires and injuries. He nuzzled his face next to mine as I gently wrapped an arm around his middle. “I’m so proud of you,” he said again, taking a shuddered breath. “You’re so fucking brave, and I’m so glad you’re here.”
He said nothing else as his body trembled from quiet crying, making my eyes water, too. I kissed his head. “I’m so glad you’re okay. It was so scary when I got that text.”
“I know, baby. I’m so, so sorry I betrayed your trust. Do you forgive me? Please forgive me.”
“Shit, Nate… I’d forgive you for anything. You’re my shining star. My soul mate. Nothing will ever change that.”