43. Sean
CHAPTER 43
SEAN
A fter the fiasco of an evening at The Heritage, when I almost succumbed to temptation, I kept myself busier than usual. Less time to obsess about Ashley. But it’s impossible to completely avoid hearing about her when her best friends are dating my teammates.
It’s Sunday evening, and I’m getting in a late workout at the Warriors gym when Logan, Alex, and Noah come in.
“See? I told you Sean would be here,” Logan tells Alex.
I put the dumbbells down and turn around. “What’s up?”
“Gia and Blair gave these fools an evening off, if you can believe it,” Logan replies. “Do you live at the gym now?”
“No,” I grumble.
“Bullshit. Look at those biceps.” Alex hits my arm playfully, which doesn’t necessarily mean lightly.
“Are you here to work out or annoy me?”
“Geez, what’s with you?” Alex steps back.
“Nothing. Why aren’t you and Noah on a date with your girls? Aren’t Sundays officially movie night?”
“Gia has to study,” Noah replies.
“And Blair was tired,” Alex adds. “We went to a gala last night, and I kept her up all night long afterward, if you know what I mean.”
Noah makes a face. “We all know what you mean.”
I shake my head, then ask, “Gala for what?”
“An art charity thing. Ash invited us.” Alex shrugs.
My stomach coils. There goes my peace of mind. I clench my jaw and grab another set of dumbbells, heavier than the ones I was using before.
“And Alex ate his weight in shrimp.” Noah laughs. “I think that’s what kept him up all night.”
“Shut up, rookie.”
“So was Ash’s new boyfriend there too?” Logan asks, but he’s staring in my direction.
What is he playing at?
“Oh yeah. Man, what a tool.” Alex stops in front of the dumbbell stack. “I don’t think he’s going to last.”
I try not to show interest, but my heart beats faster. I’m happy about the prospect of Ashley dumping that fucker. I start my reps and ask nonchalantly, “What did he do?”
“He’s very… clingy.” Noah moves to the machine behind me. “And he got upset when he found out Ash was planning to join an art residency program in Europe.”
I stop my exercise mid-rep and look at him. “What? She’s leaving?”
“It’s not for certain yet.”
I look in the mirror again and restart my reps, focusing on the burn of my muscles. It’s better than acknowledging the pain in my chest. Ashley going to live in Europe would be the best thing. She’d be happy there, and I could maybe finally move on. But the idea that I won’t see her as often as I do now—even if all I get are glimpses of her around campus or when we’re hanging out with our friends—doesn’t sit well with me. I guess I like to suffer.
“I hope she goes, or that she at least dumps that weasel,” Alex chimes in. “Blair and I didn’t vibe with him at all.”
“Yeah, Gia and I weren’t impressed with him either.”
“If he’s giving off weird vibes, maybe someone should say something. We don’t want another Martin.” Logan makes a point of staring into my eyes through the mirror’s reflection.
My stomach bottoms out. I want the guy to be a jerk so Ashley can dump him, but I don’t want him to be a psycho.
“Don’t fucking remind me of that motherfucker,” Noah grits out.
I’m no longer in the mood to work out. I stand up and put the dumbbells back in the stack.
“Are you heading out?” Alex asks me.
“Yes. Logan’s right, someone needs to check on Ash.”
Logan smirks. “You go do that, man.”
He thinks he’s being all helpful by sending me straight to Ashley. Little does he know it isn’t by choice that we aren’t together. Destiny dealt us a cruel hand. But I can’t stand back and do nothing when our friends noticed her boyfriend waving red flags.
ASHLEY
I wanted to spend Sunday evening alone, but Brian showed up and surprised me with a box of Ditzy Donuts and meat-lovers pizza. He knows my weaknesses. Now, we’re watching a movie while eating dinner. My roommates went to a comics convention and won’t be home until much later.
Tonight, we’re watching the last Spider Man movie, which we’ve both seen before, but I love Tom Holland and Zendaya.
Brian stands suddenly and says, “I’m going to the bathroom, but you don’t need to pause it.”
“Okay.”
A couple minutes go by, and then I have to pee. I forget to hit pause, but the movie is in a slow part anyway, and I’m quick. Since Brian is using the bathroom in my room, I use the one for visitors. When I return to the living room, Brian isn’t back yet, so I go to check on him because an action scene is coming up.
He’s standing next to my bed with his back to the door, so he doesn’t notice my presence. My attention immediately zeroes in on all the condom wrappers spread out on the mattress.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
He turns around fast, hiding one of his hands behind his back. “Nothing.”
“Why are all those condoms out of the box?” I move closer.
“Uh… I was going to do a heart shape with them, but there aren’t enough.”
I’d believe him if he wasn’t acting so shady. “What’s in your right hand?”
“Nothing.”
“Let me see your hand, Brian,” I grit out.
He moves his arm a little as if he’s putting something in his back pocket, then he shows me his empty hand. “See? Nothing.”
A sinking feeling makes me nauseated. The conversation from the gala where Brian got weirdly excited about the possibility of me being pregnant comes to the forefront of my mind. I grab one of the condom wrappers from the bed and inspect it closely. My heart shrivels into nothing when I notice tiny holes in the package. “You compromised these condoms.”
His eyes widen. “What are you talking about?”
I shuffle back. “I can’t believe this. Did you mess with my pills too?”
“Ash, you’re talking crazy. Of course I didn’t. Why would I do that?”
He’s going to deny it until he goes purple, but I’d bet he has my nail scissors in his pocket. “Turn around.”
“What? No, I’m not going to do that. If you don’t trust?—”
“Turn around, Brian,” I growl. “I’m not fucking kidding.”
His nostrils flare. “Fine.” He reaches back and pulls out the scissors. “Fine. I was messing with the condoms, but not because I want to get you knocked up. I was hoping that if they broke, you wouldn’t make me use them anymore.”
“Unfuckingbelievable.”
“I didn’t touch your birth control pills. I swear.”
“Get out.” I point at the door.
“Ash, come on. Let’s talk.”
I walk out of my room, fuming. I can’t drag him out, but I can call the cops on his ass. When I don’t see my phone on the coffee table or the kitchen counter, I realize I must have left it in my car. I grab my key and stomp out of the house in a huff.
My body protests. It’s fucking cold, and I’m wearing a sweatshirt with leggings.
“Ash, where are you going? Come back inside,” Brian pleads from the door.
Sean appears out of nowhere, and I stop in my tracks. He must have parked farther down the street and walked here.
“What’s going on?” He takes one look at my lack of winter clothing and then switches his attention to Brian.
Brian steps out of the house. “It’s nothing. Ash is being unreasonable.”
You fucker. If you think I’m not going to tell Sean what you did, you’re sorely mistaken . Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t, but I’m too fucking pissed.
“I caught Brian poking holes in my condom wrappers. I asked him to get the fuck out of my house, but he refused.”
“ What? ” Sean blurts out.
“It isn’t what it sounds?—”
Sean cuts off Brian’s half-baked explanation by lunging forward and punching him in the mouth. Brian’s head whips back, and he staggers, almost falling on his ass.
Hell and damn. I jump in front of Sean, stopping him from pouncing on Brian and beating the shit out of him. “Don’t, Sean. Please.”
“What the hell!” Brian touches his busted lip.
“Just go, Brian!” I shout.
“Fine. But this isn’t over, Ash.”
“Oh, this is fucking over, motherfucker. Come near her again, and I won’t stop at one punch.”
Sean is shaking, and his aggressive stance doesn’t change until Brian gets in his car and drives away. Once he’s gone, I step back from Sean and look away, mortified and angry. My vision goes blurry. Tears are forming now that the adrenaline is leaving my body, but I don’t want to cry in front of him.
“Ash… are you okay?” He touches my shoulder, and I stiffen.
“I’m fine.” I rush into the house, but Sean doesn’t let me get far. He wraps his arms around me and turns me around.
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?” Sean’s blue eyes are wide and worried. I allow myself to get lost in them for a moment and don’t answer him right away.
He touches my face, wiping away a tear that rolled down my cheek. “Ash… talk to me.”
A shiver runs down my spine, but not because I’m cold. Sean is reeling me into his orbit again, and I can’t allow that to happen.
I step back, needing to put distance between us. “I’m fine. Why are you here?”
“I came to check on you. Alex and Noah didn’t get a good vibe from Brian and… fuck, they were right. What a piece of shit.”
I hug myself, rubbing my arms up and down to get warm. I feel ice cold all of a sudden, even though the heater in the house is working fine. “Yes, he wasn’t who I thought he was. Thanks for helping.”
“I’ll always be there for you, Ash. I told you that.”
Like he was there for me at The Heritage when I had the panic attack. “Yes, you’ve appointed yourself my knight in shining armor,” I reply bitterly.
“I’d rather be that than not be in your life at all.”
My heart squeezes so tight, I can’t breathe. Being alone with Sean while I’m reeling from a traumatic experience is playing a number on my feelings.
“If you truly believed that…” I shake my head. “No, I’m not going there with you again. You can leave now.”
I expect him to shut down or make an annoying comment. I’m not prepared for him to pull me into a bear hug and hide his face in the crook of my neck. A zing of electricity spreads through my body, bringing me back to life. I curl my fingers into his jacket, burying my face in his chest. I’m crying again, but not because of what happened with Brian. I’m bawling my eyes out for the happy ending that I’ll never have with Sean.
“I miss you so much, Ash. So fucking much,” he whispers.
My spine goes taut. I pull back, ready to give him a piece of my mind. But he frames my face between his hands and slants his lips over mine. I fight him for a split second before I succumb to the emotions that are coursing through my veins. His kiss is demanding, raw… desperate. My heart is beating at the speed of light, soaring with all the feelings I had to suppress in order to survive.
I dare to hope he’s finally come to his senses, but as soon as I start to believe we can be together again, he jumps back as if an elastic cord yanked him away from me. His face is as white as a sheet of paper, and his eyes are round and frantic.
“No… this can’t happen.” He shakes his head.
The glint of horror and remorse in his eyes is like a punch to my chest. He did it again . He pulled me in, gave me a glimpse of what we could be, only to take it away. My heart shatters, but I focus on the rage that erupts from the pit of my stomach.
“You’re a fucking asshole!”
“I know.” He swallows hard. “I’ll go.”
“Do whatever you want, Sean.” I stride to the front door, but this time, I grab my coat and purse from the peg by the door before storming out of the house.
“Where are you going?” He follows me.
“None of your business. I don’t ever want to see you or talk to you again. Leave me the fuck alone!”
I get into my car quickly and drive off without looking back. Hot tears are streaming down my face. I don’t have a destination in mind. I just want to put as much distance between myself and Sean as possible. It’s ridiculous that I had to run away from my own house.
There isn’t a soul on the road at this hour, plus it’s snowing heavily again. Visibility is shit. I drive at a snail’s pace until I’m out of the residential neighborhood. But when I’m clear of that area, my foot becomes heavier on the gas pedal.
I don’t notice how fast I’m going until my headlights light up a pair of glowing eyes and I can’t stop the car before I hit the deer crossing in front of me. It happens too fast, and then all I feel is pain everywhere.