Chapter 11
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Dominic
“He had a tough day,” Sebastian said, slightly tipsy, as I crouched down next to Kilian.
“And? What were you two doing outside earlier?” Jacob asked, clearly more intoxicated than Sebastian, his nose glowing like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.
“Nothing,” I answered, peering over at Kilian.
He seemed so peaceful. His features were relaxed, his lips slightly parted.
Those lips were beautiful—not too full, yet not too thin.
Just right. But what struck me most was how the dim light highlighted his chiseled jawline.
A soft shadow fell across his jaw, and for the first time, I noticed a bit of stubble on his face.
I couldn’t help but smile; it reminded me that Kilian was just as human as anyone else.
He needed to shave, and yes, he needed to sleep, even if he often came off like a perfectly styled machine with an oversized ego.
Seeing him like this made him so much more endearing. He was genuinely sweet.
I inwardly shook my head. The guy had managed to charm me.
Pushing the thought aside, I gently shook Kilian’s shoulder until he let out a low grumble.
“Just leave me here,” he murmured, eyes still closed.
“Sorry, no can do.”
He gradually opened his eyes and blinked at me. His gaze wandered briefly to Sebastian and Jacob before returning to me. But his eyelids were too heavy, and he closed them again.
“Come on,” I said, helping him to his feet. “I’ll take you home.”
Kilian groggily got up. With a lazy wave, he bid Sebastian and Jacob goodbye as he shuffled toward the exit.
“Did he drink?” I asked, watching him stumble away.
“No!” Sebastian replied. “Just one beer, that’s all. But when his batteries are drained, the lights go out.”
And not just metaphorically, it seemed.
“Get home safe,” I told them as I followed Kilian out of the club.
Not even the crisp night air could wake him up. He leaned against a wall, eyes already shut again.
“Where do you live?” I asked, pulling out my phone.
Kilian mumbled his address, and I ordered an Uber. A short while later, the car arrived. Since his place was about a mile away from mine, I figured I’d walk the rest of the way—a little stroll would help clear my mind.
“Too much to drink, huh?” the driver joked as Kilian slumped into the back seat and promptly fell asleep.
“No,” I corrected. “Too much work.”
The driver glanced at me, his expression inscrutable, but said nothing more as he drove off. Before we’d even made the first turn, Kilian’s head drooped onto my shoulder. He stayed like that for the entire ride until we arrived in front of his building.
As I walked around the car to assist him, Kilian clambered out clumsily.
“Well,” I said as the Uber drove off, “this is where I head home on foot.”
He wasn’t having it. Taking hold of my arm, he drew closer until I could feel his warmth against me.
“Come upstairs,” he whispered, eyes closed, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I was torn. Part of me wanted to see how he lived, but it went against every principle I’d been trying so hard to uphold over the past few weeks. “I’ve already crossed too many boundaries,” I said, attempting to get away.
Kilian wrapped his arms around my waist, holding me like a pillow. “What do you want to do with me?” he asked, half asleep.
“Nothing. That’s the point.”
“Will you blow me?”
I snorted. “You’re impossible.”
“I’d love to return the favor, but I’m too tired. Who knows how many hours it’d take. And if you’re offended by that comment, I’m sorry. But I’d still love to see your dick—I’d open my eyes for that.”
“Incredible. You just never stop.”
“Stop what?” he murmured, snuggling closer.
“You clearly have no boundaries.”
“Come upstairs. You can watch me fall asleep. It’ll take ten seconds. Then just stay.”
“Fine,” I finally relented. I was too curious to resist the urge to see how Kilian lived.
He opened the front door and led me upstairs to the top floor. While the building had three levels, the ground floor was a garden unit, one story below the main entrance. The old building had just three apartments, and the stairs creaked as we climbed.
At the top, Kilian unlocked his door and gestured me inside. A hallway led to the left and right, with a bathroom directly opposite the entrance. Somewhere, a window was open, letting in a fresh breeze scented with rosemary and lavender.
Kilian reached for my hand and guided me. In the living room, he flipped on the lights, and I immediately noticed the work of a lighting designer. Warm, perfectly positioned light sources created a cozy atmosphere.
I surveyed the room with curiosity. The decor was stylish, contrasting beautifully with the old wooden floor and white-painted beam walls.
A brown leather armchair and a black couch framed a polygonal coffee table stacked with books.
A light rug lay over the dark wooden planks, and minimalist artwork adorned the walls.
I didn’t have time to take in all the details before Kilian tugged me toward the bedroom.
Its double sliding doors were open to the living room.
He didn’t bother turning on the light, just shrugged off his jacket, embraced me with a gentle kiss, and then flopped face-down onto the white-covered bed.
“See? Ten seconds.”
I stood there, stunned. He was so exhausted he hadn’t even managed to take off his shoes. Sitting on the edge of the bed, I removed them for him.
“Don’t you want to get out of your clothes?” I asked.
He wrestled his sweater over his head and fumbled with the buttons of his black jeans before falling asleep.
It wasn’t easy to get the rest of his jeans off. In the faint light from the living room, I noticed he was wearing dark green briefs. I left his white T-shirt on.
Kilian rolled onto his side, burying his face in the pillow and wrapping himself snugly in the blanket. I draped his jeans over the chair in the corner, closed the curtains—though the shutters were already closed—and stored his shoes back in the entryway.
After work, I always needed time to unwind. Jumping straight into bed wasn’t an option. Besides, I wasn’t crossing any boundaries I’d set for myself here. This had nothing to do with sex, so I was in the clear.
I flinched at the memory of giving Kilian a blowjob in the control room. That had been a spectacular lapse in judgment, one I was determined not to repeat.
Abstinence mattered to me now. It felt good to free my mind from the constant allure of sex. Just allowing myself not to think about it was a relief. As long as Kilian kept his promises, I was safe.
What he didn’t realize, though, was how much his kiss earlier had caught me off guard.
I could still feel the tingle coursing through me, and the spot where our lips had met lingered with a sensation I couldn’t shake.
It made me feel like an addict—and maybe I was—desperately clinging to sobriety.
In my head, I reviewed every strategy I had to avoid crawling under Kilian’s blanket and giving him another blowjob.
He hadn’t outright asked for it, but his intentions had been clear enough.
I shoved the thought aside, trying to ignore the intensifying longing of desire. Sure, I couldn’t physically get an erection, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel aroused.
I turned and wandered in the opposite direction, finding myself in what was more of a dining area than a kitchen.
To my right was the kitchen, complete with a central island that appeared like it had been renovated a few years back.
The autumnal color accents on the cabinets suggested Kilian had had a personal hand in the design.
To my left, the space opened up to reveal a rectangular wooden table with four chairs. Beyond it, a balcony likely connected to the living room came into view, with half-drawn curtains obscuring a large window.
I paused in the doorway, struck once again by the warm, inviting ambiance created by the lighting.
Papers and bills were scattered across the table, while the walls were decorated with a variety of small artworks.
As I stepped closer, I realized that the pieces were a mix of photographs featuring dramatic lighting and hand-drawn illustrations.
Feeling parched, I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a glass, and filled it with water.
As I stood by the island, glancing around, I had to admit I felt surprisingly at ease in this apartment.
The rooms—or perhaps the lighting—seemed to have a calming effect on me, and I could feel my fatigue creeping in.
I visited the bathroom next, wondering if Kilian had a spare toothbrush. Finding one would determine whether I stayed or went home. To my relief, the medicine cabinet held two unopened toothbrushes inside a cup. I took one, unwrapped it, and began brushing my teeth.
As I brushed, I scanned the contents of the cabinet: deodorant, aftershave, razor, face cream, hair gel, a brush, body wash—and a bottle of pills with Kilian’s name on the label.
They were prescription, and though the name of the medication didn’t ring a bell, I noted the words lithium carbonate. I had no idea what it was for.
After rinsing and cleaning the toothbrush, I left it on the edge of the sink. Once I washed my face, I returned to the bedroom. Kilian hadn’t moved an inch, still lying facedown on the bed.
I slipped off my pants, grateful I had a T-shirt under my sweater instead of a dress shirt, and climbed under the blanket, turning to face him.
I had turned off all the lights in the apartment, but the first rays of sunlight were beginning to filter through the shutters. Kilian’s head was turned toward me, his face sculpted in the dim light like something carved from stone.
Lying here in his bed didn’t bother me as much as the fact that I couldn’t stop admiring him. He was undeniably handsome, though I wasn’t sure if he was even aware of it.
Who am I kidding? With an ego like his, of course he knows.
At that moment, Kilian rolled over, draping his arm and leg over me and snuggling into me like I was a pillow. I instinctively turned onto my back so I could breathe more easily, as his head was nestled into the crook of my neck. He slept soundly, completely at ease.
It surprised me how easily I fell asleep myself.
Rest had been elusive for me since my chemsex days, when I’d used drugs to stay awake for days on end.
My sleep schedule had mostly realigned since then—though not entirely, thanks to my irregular work hours.
But I preferred keeping busy to confronting the uncertainty of unstructured free time.
The fear of relapsing loomed large—especially after that blowjob I’d given Kilian.
And yet, the thought of staying away from him never crossed my mind.
Even in the dark, the man glowed like a sun I couldn’t—and didn’t want to—look away from.