Chapter 9 #2
“That’s really nice of you.” Then I remember the package I just ordered and without thinking, I blurt out, “Does that mean you won’t be making deliveries every day next week?”
His sexy mouth curves into an even sexier smile. “Depends. Are you expecting something?”
How obvious can you be, Shannon?
I blame it on the mountain of shirtless torso staring at me. Broad shoulders sit atop inked pecs that give way to deliciously sculpted abs with smooth skin. And God, the lines. The lines at his hips damn near have my knees buckling.
I can’t help but scan the rest of him. His swim trunks are short and I see the bottom of the tattoo on his thigh peeking out. The beautiful artwork adorns the most glorious quads I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“You don’t skip leg day, do you?” Immediately, I realize I said it out loud and wince. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me today.” I’m like a middle schooler talking to her crush for the first time. Except I’m five years older than this man and married, for fuck’s sake.
When he laughs, I swear my orgasm is imminent.
“Leftover habit from the military that became a life philosophy. If I can’t even take care of myself, how can I take care of others?”
“I feel the exact same way,” I admit. “That philosophy was part of the reason my personal trainer was one of the first calls I made after giving birth. It isn’t just about looking good. It’s about being healthy, having energy, and passing on good habits to my daughter.”
He waves a hand in the direction of my torso. “It’s working.”
Having a man show appreciation for the body I’ve worked so hard to regain and maintain after having a baby is an aphrodisiac and a much-needed ego boost. It’s heady, and if I don’t start backpedaling, I’ll be in deep shit soon.
“I like your ink,” I tell him, trying to redirect this dangerous conversation. Although, why I thought directing it there would be helpful, I have no idea.
“Thanks,” he says, running a hand absentmindedly across his pec as if he forgot his tattoos were there. “Do you have any?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Always wanted one, but my husband thinks they’re trashy.”
Hudson takes a step forward, and leans in. “For what it’s worth, I think one would look killer right here.” His index finger is a whisper of a touch against the skin over my ribs, but it’s enough.
The whimper that escapes between my lips is mortifying, but there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. My desperation to be acknowledged is far worse than I realized, and Hudson is temptation personified. He can’t possibly know that he’s giving me so much just by being kind.
Before I can do something stupid, like swan-dive into Hudson’s swim trunks, Serafina coos loudly and lunges for the man, catching me totally off guard.
Thankfully, he’s ready. Otherwise, I would have spilled her right in the sand.
“Well, hey there, gorgeous girl,” he says, bouncing her easily on his hip, looking far more comfortable with her in his arms than I am most of the time.
“Are you having fun on the beach with your mom?” His attention is focused solely on Serafina right now, even knowing she obviously won’t answer.
Which means his words are for me. “I’m happy to finally meet you…
” he looks down at me, asking me to fill in the blank.
“Serafina,” I say, giving him my daughter’s name.
“Serafina,” he finishes, turning back to the smitten girl in his arms. “I’m Hudson.
I have a niece and nephew just a little older than you, but my niece is already obsessed with babies even though she still practically is one herself.
” He cuts his eyes back to mine. “We should get them together to play sometime.” He quickly adds, “Out here maybe. Neutral ground.”
“No kids of your own?” I ask, taken aback. He doesn’t wear a ring, but, “I remember you mentioned knowing how precious naptime is.”
“No kids of my own,” he confirms succinctly.
Determined to make an absolute fool of myself and get burned by the fire I’m playing with, I add, “Well, I’m still not sure your girlfriend would approve since I obviously can’t find my manners around you.”
“No girlfriend, either,” he answers with a wry smile, seeing right through my pathetically transparent statement.
“That’s shocking,” I declare out loud. I barely know the man, and even I know he’s a catch.
“I haven’t been looking. My sister lost her husband recently, and is a mother to a three and four-year-old, and she just went back to work full-time and it’s kicking her ass. I help out where I can, but it doesn’t leave much room for a relationship of my own,” he explains.
“I’m really sorry to hear that.” Before I even process what I’m saying, words come tumbling from my lips. “I don’t work.” Hastily, I clarify, “I do want to go back some day, but right now, I’m just home every day, so if she ever needs help, I’m happy to watch them.”
What the hell did I just offer? I’m just getting acquainted with my own child! I have no idea what to do with someone else’s! Especially because hers walk.
“Thank you for that. I’ll pass it along. And you do work, Shannon. Being a parent requires that you give everything you have and then some. And forgive me for overstepping, but something tells me you shoulder most of that responsibility alone.”
I give him a tight smile, neither confirming nor denying his statement. I’ve crossed enough lines for one day, I don’t need to bad mouth my husband to another man. “Gregor helps when he can,” is the answer I finally settle on.
I see something flash in Hudson’s eyes at the mention of my husband before he turns his attention back to my daughter who is burrowing in his chest with heavy eyes.
“Do I need to keep her awake or is it okay to let her sleep?” he asks.
She really needs to stay awake until we get home or I’ll pay for it later, but she looks so comfortable and content and honestly, she earned a little shut eye after the ordeal at the doctor’s office. Besides, if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not ready for this conversation to be over quite yet.
“She can sleep, but I don’t expect you to hold her for the next hour. Would you mind just carrying her back to the blanket and laying her down?”
Hudson looks up the beach and spots our stuff.
“I probably should’ve asked sooner, but is your husband here?”
“No, he’s working late again.”
Hudson shrugs casually. “Okay, well, if it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, I don’t mind sitting for a few and letting her sleep on me.”
And just like that, I’m jealous of my infant.
“Be my guest.” I wave him toward the chair.
I take a seat on the blanket next to him and Serafina, but angle myself so I can see Hudson instead of the lake. The view’s better this direction anyway.
“Were you just out for a walk?” I ask, quietly making conversation while trying like hell to stop noticing the way his hair is wet and single droplets are trailing a path down his neck and shoulder.
Serafina is completely unbothered by the minuscule amount of water, whereas I’m about to pay homage to it.
“A run and a swim,” he corrects.
“A triathlete, huh?” I ask, impressed.
His laugh vibrates low in my stomach. “Hell no,” he whispers.
“I hate cardio. I love the health benefits, but not enough to subject myself to that kind of training every day. Tell me,” he says, flexing his free arm and my mouth goes dry when his biceps pops.
“Do I really look like I have the physique of a triathlete?”
I take the opportunity to really look him over. His pecs alone make his argument. Not that bulky, muscular guys can’t be triathletes, it’s just really hard to maintain that kind of mass while you’re burning four thousand calories or more in a day.
“No, I suppose you don’t,” I manage to croak out before following it up with, “do you come here often?”
“Every chance I can. I love the water. I grew up on Florida’s coast and my family used to joke that I was born with lungs, but should have been born with gills. Never thought I’d end up in a landlocked city…especially in a state that has a coastline.”
My heart stutters as I huff out a humorless laugh, turning my head to look out at the lake. “I feel that more than you know. I grew up on the North Carolina coast and I miss it every day. Hence the reason I’m out here all the time. It’s my place of peace amidst the concrete jungle.”
Conversation happens easily from there. We talk about growing up, my medical training, his time in the military, and briefly touch on his work as a firefighter until he brings the conversation back around to me.
“You know, a lot of moms, most, I would venture to say, work full time and are still great mothers. If you want to go back to work, you should pursue that,” he says vehemently.
“We only get one chance at life, Shannon. If it’s not everything you want it to be, you should make changes before it’s too late. ”
The sincerity and concern in his voice gut me.
“If only it were that easy.” The corners of my mouth lift in what I think is a smile, but is probably more of a grimace.
“It’s not easy. In fact, it’s hard as fu—” he looks down at Serafina who’s still sound asleep, “—crap. But what’s harder is doing nothing and being in the same spot a year from now with overflowing resentment and a distaste for the only life you get to live.”
“I’m already there.” The words fly from my mouth as if they were prisoners hellbent on escape. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why?” he asks, pinning me with a stare.
With my head a chaotic mess of guilt, desire, anger, lust, and admiration, I sigh, but stay quiet as I shake my head, meaning I don’t have an answer, just let it go.
A few minutes go by without conversation, both of us entranced by the ripples in the lake, but then Hudson starts speaking more truth.
“You deserve to be happy, Shannon. Serafina deserves to see her mom happy,” he whispers, nearly shattering my heart into pieces on this blanket.
Choking back tears, I admit, “I’d settle for fulfilled at this point.” Needing to change the conversation yet again before I lose it out here and embarrass myself even further with this man, I ask, “How’d you know it was me?” Hudson had approached Serafina and I from behind.
“I was on my way back to my truck when I recognized your profile. I think it was the hair that caught my attention, though. I think it was up like that the last time I saw you.”
My hair was down the last time he saw me, remembering that day because Greg had been home for lunch and Serafina cried when he tried to put her down for her nap so I came in to do it instead.
She pulled half of it out when I laid her down in her crib as if I were Rapunzel so I just took the ponytail holder out and let it fall around my shoulders.
And then I realize Hudson’s talking about the day I took those pictures for Gregor.