11. Chapter Ten
Chapter Ten
Jax
I t took me hours to fall asleep because I just stared at Allie sleeping on my chest. I was too scared to move more than simply breathing, and it felt surreal. Surreal but natural at the same time, and I didn't want to close my eyes.
As my consciousness returns, so does that voice in the back of my head, telling me that this is still just an elaborate dream, and when I open my eyes to find her gone from the bed, I panic.
Jumping up, I don't bother to find my slippers or my robe to slip on. I just run out to the kitchen and nearly fall over when I see her standing in the middle the room looking confused.
I sigh in relief and bend over to rest my hands on my knees as though I just sprinted a mile. Allie turns to me and frowns. "What's wrong?"
"I woke up, and you were gone. I... I thought..." I try and get the words out as I gulp in air.
"That it was a dream," she finishes. "I'm sorry. I woke up and had this strange urge to make blueberry pancakes. "
My heart flutters as I stand upright. This was her thing. Every weekend, she'd make us pancakes. Blueberry pancakes. "You did?"
"Yes, but then I realized a couple of things."
"What're those things?"
She points at the cabinets. "I don't know where anything is. And I don't actually know how to make them."
"I can make them," I say with a smile and rub her arm. "I'll show you how you taught me to do it."
Her eyes look up into mine. "I used to make them?"
"Every weekend. Unless you were mad at me. Then you only made them for yourself," I say with a chuckle.
"Are they my favorite?"
I nod. "Do you want the story?"
Smiling a little, she gives a quick nod, giving me the okay. After last night, I'm scared to just tell her things because I don't want her to feel as though I'm pressuring her.
"When you were little, your grandma would make them whenever you stayed at her house. She passed away when you were about twelve, I think. You always said you never really appreciated it until she wasn't around anymore to make them for you. You wanted to make sure you never forgot."
Her face falls, and she looks at the ground. "Except I did forget. I forgot it all."
"It's not the same," I say, resting my hands on her shoulders. "It wasn't necessarily specifically the pancakes. It was how you lived life. You loved the little things, and you never wanted to take them for granted. You remembered them, even if you don't remember how to make them. Or why you want them. It's still in there." I tap her temple, determined to reinforce the significance of my words .
"It's so frustrating," she says and steps back, slapping her thighs with her hands. "It feels like everything is right there. Right under the surface, waiting. I know there's a trigger that will bring it all back. I feel it. I just don't know what that trigger is."
"We'll find it," I assure her.
I can't help but feel elated that she wants to remember it all. Remember me. And it gives me hope that she feels like it'll happen. I have the same feeling, but I'm not the one who forgot.
I move to the refrigerator to grab the milk and berries when a knock comes at the front door. Sage has a key and would have walked right in, and no one else would be here at ten in the morning on a Monday.
"Do you want me to answer it?" Allie asks.
"No, I'll get it," I say, quickly setting the items on the counter and moving towards the door.
Relax, Jax. It's not like the guy who did this will knock politely and ask to take her back as his hostage.
Opening the door, I hold back my annoyance at seeing Detective Parsons' face behind the storm door. My heart races, and I hide my shaking hand behind the open door. "Morning."
"Hi, Jax," Detective Shields says, and I glance down to see her hovering behind his large frame. "May we come in?"
"Of course," I say, moving to the side and letting them into the house.
Allie appears and instantly bristles. "Oh, hello."
"Hi, Allie," Detective Shields says. "How are you?"
"I'm doing okay. Still trying to adjust to everything, I suppose, but at least I know what the sun looks like now. That's a plus."
The female detective gives her a warm smile while Parsons just wears his neutral face. I can never tell if he's annoyed, angry, content, or happy. He seems to possess only one facial expression. At least that I've seen.
"You aren't working?" Parsons asks me.
It's ten in the morning on a Monday. It's a logical question, but everything this man does puts me on the defensive. Probably because he peppered me with question after question about what I did to Allie for years.
"I'm taking time off to help Allie adjust to being back," I say. "I'll be returning to work next week."
"Helping her get reacclimated. That's a very nice thing to do," Shields says.
"We were hoping to take you with us for a bit, Allie," Parsons says.
"Where are we going?" she asks and glances down at her sleeping attire.
Shields smiles, and I can't help but notice how pretty the woman is with her dark hair pulled up in a bun on the top of her head, making her dark brown eyes stand out. She wears very little makeup, and she doesn't need to. She's a natural beauty.
"We want to drive around the other side of the woods to see if you can recognize where you were being held."
"No," I say. "Why would anyone want to go through that again?"
Allie looks at me and gives me a reassuring smile. "I can try. It was dark, and I only saw the back of the house. But if it helps catch whoever did this, it's worth it. I feel bad there's a cop outside all the time."
The friendlier detective gives her a sympathetic nod. "We understand what we're asking is a lot, but it's worth a shot to see if we can't find out where you were and trace it back to the owner. The person who likely did this. If we can find him, maybe we can end this nightmare for you both. "
"Let me go and find something to wear," Allie says and walks into the bedroom.
I look at them with my jaw clenched. "I want to come with."
"No," Parsons says, the sunlight from the window reflecting on his bald head. "We need her to feel free to say whatever comes to her mind as she remembers running through those woods. Your presence will just complicate matters and cause unnecessary stress."
"You still think I had something to do with this, don't you?" I ask.
He says nothing, waiting to see my reaction. He thinks I’ll slip up and say something incriminating.
Shaking my head, I want to strangle him. "What will it take to clear my name? Huh? I called you as soon as she showed up here. I took her to the hospital. If I had anything to do with this, don't you think I'd have just taken her back without letting anyone else know? Oh, and how about everyone who was with me when she disappeared? That's not enough for you? "
"Jax—"
"Allie is my world; I would die for her. You wasted years focusing on me for no reason other than you had nothing better to do. Or you believed her mother who never got along with Allie in the first place. The fact she was locked up for over seven years can be attributed to your lack of actual investigating. You were so determined to pin it on me that you stopped looking anywhere else."
"Jax, I think it's obvious we're not concerned you're a threat to Allie. And for what it's worth, you're no longer a suspect. You're on a list, yes, but everyone is. We're going back through everything and looking at it with fresh eyes. We know you have an alibi, and you have witnesses to your whereabouts. Just give us some time to comb through it again."
I sigh and roll my eyes. "I don't like this."
"I know it's the first time she'll be out of your sight for more than a few minutes since she returned home, but I promise we'll take good care of her."
The idea makes me nervous. I know it has to be done, but I don't trust Detective Parsons. Shields seems nice enough, and she seems competent, but he just rubs me the wrong way. The only way for me to ensure Allie's truly safe is to find who did this to her, but it's hard to trust the people who spent more time investigating me than anyone else.
I know we have to find where she was held, and I also know it's probably best if I don't go with. The hell I imagine in my mind makes me itch. If she happens to find the house she ran from, I'd be pounding on the door, breaking it down, and killing whoever was on the other side of it. It still doesn't make it comfortable for me to let her leave.
Allie walks out in loose fitting jeans, a gray sweatshirt, and sneakers. "At some point, I'm hoping these clothes start fitting again. My closet looks fantastic, but nothing fits. It doesn't even look remotely good hanging on me like it does on the hanger."
"The doctors say you lost almost forty pounds," Shields says. "And from what I saw of you before you were taken, you didn't have forty pounds to lose."
"I'll be fine, Jax," she says, clearly sensing my warring emotions. Warmth floods me as she reaches out to take my hand and squeezes it. "They're cops. What's the worst that can happen?"
"All the terrible things that keep running through my mind, but you're right. They're cops. Just... come back soon, okay?" I say and squeeze her hand the same way she did mine. "I love you."
She gives me a gentle smile before following the detectives outside to their car. Watching her leave makes me feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin. What am I going to do while she's gone? How the hell do I pass the time without scratching my skin off?
My phone chimes from the bedroom, and I walk over to see who texted me. I've had quite a few people reaching out to check up on Allie, and I've responded to everyone with the same message. She's adjusting .
Picking it up, I see Laura's name and a feeling of guilt washes over me. At the hospital, I kind of just blew her off. I didn't really care about how upset she would be at the change of events with Allie being back, and I feel like a jackass about it. She really was there for me while I wanted to jump off a cliff. And she never once tried to tell me that I needed to let go of Allie. In fact, she made it known she understood that my feelings for her would never go away. That she appreciated them.
Can you come over? We need to talk.
I do owe her a conversation. I kind of disappeared on her at the hospital. Plus, it'll help pass the time while Allie's with the cops. I just hope she isn't too upset with me. We were friends before anything more happened.