Chapter 30
Thirty
ELLIS
What the fuck did she just say? Violet hates herself? That's far more fucking concerning than trying to convince her that Nate and I don't hate her.
My gut is protesting the gentle look she's giving me. In no way should she look so calm while spouting the shit she just did. The longer the silence drags on, the more her face shifts with worry.
I can practically feel the anger rolling off of Nate beside me. Hell, my teeth might turn to dust any second here from how hard I have them clenched.
Unable to form words, I snap my focus to the one person who might deserve my anger. Jamie. "Did you know she felt this way?" I grit out.
I swear to god, if he tells me he knew, I might punch him.
We all know I'm not the most dominant man in the room, but it's common fucking sense to put an end to negative self-talk and feelings immediately with your partner.
You're supposed to build them up, show them they're more than what they think, and help them see how amazing they truly are.
How long has he let her fester in this horrible feeling?
Jamie looks absolutely gutted. So much so that he doesn't even spare me a glance since he's so locked in on staring down at Violet. "My love, look at me," he pleads softly.
Violet shimmies in her chair and leans back to look up at him. "Yeah?"
"You don't mean that, do you?" Okay, I no longer feel the need to punch Jamie. He looks like Violet just told him something truly devastating.
"I mean," Violet murmurs, glancing at me and Nate still kneeling in front of her. I squeeze her calf to give her some reassurance. "Yes. I don't really care for who I've become, but I've been working hard to find the parts of me I miss."
Be still my breaking heart.
Jamie reaches for her and tucks a lock of hair behind her ear. Envy scratches at my breastbone—I would like to feel their ease of intimacy. As much as I like fucking with Jamie, I hate how he freezes when I'm near now. And Violet...I saw her flinch when I first grabbed her leg.
Jamie looks ready to go to war with her demons. I can't say I blame him, because Nate and I will be right fucking there with our swords and arrows. Cool weapons only. "Violet—"
"Please don't try to force me to shake the thoughts away," Violet interrupts, sounding stern.
"They're mine and have been incredibly motivating to open up to you.
I used to be a very happy, open book kind of girl, and I'm trying to find that again.
So please just leave it. I swear to let you know if my icky thoughts get out of hand. "
I know she's only talking to Jamie, and promising him these things, but goddamn it, I plan to do whatever I need to do to make her include me.
It's taken about forty-five minutes for my adrenaline to settle. After Jamie agreed to give Violet the mental space she requested, Nate and I slowly moved away from them.
We sat back on the couch, and I ordered pizza while Jamie offered to get everyone a beer. Well, Violet received a White Claw. Once again I was struck by their closeness because I learned Jamie has a whole shelf of things Violet likes in his fridge.
He's practically moved her into his kitchen, and she doesn't bat an eye at it. I half wonder if she even realizes.
Dinner has been a silent affair, but now that we've polished off the slices, the air shifts. Nate tucks me into his side, and I curl my legs up on the couch beside me. I'm shocked Jamie hasn't kicked us out, actually. But if I'm here, I have no problem getting comfortable.
"So Violet," Nate says and continues even when she jumps and eyes him warily. "What do you do for work?"
Jamie smirks and leans back against the wall. With him sitting on the floor across from us, it gives me the perfect view to read his facial expressions. His reaction to Nate's question makes me excited.
"Um. " Violet sips her drink, seeming to need a moment before sharing. "Do you know what a ghostwriter is?"
"Like people who write books for the authors but don't get credit or share their name?" Nate clarifies.
Violet nods. "Yeah, well, I guess you could say I'm a ghost photographer."
"What?" I gasp, sitting upright. "That's so cool!"
She blushes, but Nate steals the happiness from our interaction with his next question. "So nobody knows it's the amazing Violet Bennett behind the images? Everyone thinks it's someone else?"
"Yeah. I want nothing to do with social media or the spotlight. I've had enough to last a lifetime, and I learned my lesson." Her voice shifts to monotone, making me anxious.
Nate doesn't let it go even though it's obvious she's shutting down."V—"
"So I take monthly trips and do a lot of hiking, which I've always loved. Only now I take my camera with me and take the images that feel good. Then I load them up and send them to my employer."
"Who posts your stuff? What's their handle?" I'm so invested. I’m eager to see the work she's done.
Jamie snorts, and my hope fizzles when he says, "I've tried to find that out for four years. Good luck getting her to tell you."
Violet rolls her eyes and tucks her legs beneath her. My heart pitter-patters happily at the relaxed way she's presenting herself. "Jamie's right. I also take images for a few businesses' social media."
"Can you tell me which ones those are?" Batting my eyes at her, I try to put her at ease. I don't want her to think she has to tell us everything, but I need her to know I'm curious about her life.
She smiles a little at me, and I swear I die on the spot. Violet actually looked happy to have me near for a moment! How could I ever have convinced myself I hated her?
"I work for three places in Detroit while I'm in town. Club Surreal is a nightclub. Strands and Stories—a hair salon. And most frequently is a coffee shop. Espresso Yourself."
"Oh we've been there!" I blurt out not thinking about the repercussions of sharing that piece of information.
Nate pokes my back, and I fight like hell to keep the blood from draining from my face. Violet can't know we saw her and Jamie there, and that's what set this all in motion. That finding her sitting across from an attractive man sent me into a tailspin of rage and revenge.
My throat closes over as Jamie and Violet wait for me to continue. Fuck, did my eyes widen in panic? They must have, because there's no way I could control my worry.
Thankfully, Nate steps in all smooth and ready to cover for me. "When we moved to Ferndale, we were looking for the best places for a date. Espresso Yourself caught our eye. Your photos brought us there, V. They are amazing!"
Violet blushes so prettily, and she takes another sip. "Thank you, Nate. Their coffee and pastries are amazing. I love bringing in more business for them."
I make a mental note to give Nate a lengthy blowjob later. He saved our asses with his explanation and praise.
"When is your next trip again?" Jamie asks this time, and I'm struck by their odd relationship. They're so comfortable with each other and move like they're in love, yet Jamie doesn't know some of the most basic things about her.
Violet frowns and pulls her phone out. She fiddles with it for a few moments, and I imagine she's checking her calendar or something.
Her lips twist in concentration, then she answers Jamie without looking up. "End of February, then another one mid-March."
"How long are you usually gone for?" I ask just as Jamie narrows his eyes at her.
"A week or two," Violet says, still focused on her phone.
Jamie taps her knee. "This will be the longest you've been home in a long time. Then two closely scheduled trips after. Is something going on with your boss?"
Violet glances at him. "They are working on their new vibes, and direction for this year. I won't waste my time taking photos until we have our meeting about what they're looking for."
"Okay." Jamie nods like he gets it. I'm sure he does. He can't create a tattoo design until he knows what his customer is looking for.
"So anyway—"
"What are you doing for your birthday?" I ask at the same time, unintentionally cutting Violet off.
"Well, I was going to ask Jamie if he wanted to go out to eat after I'm done hanging out with my roommate."
"You were?" Jamie looks like a kid who got a load of candy dumped on his lap. "You want to celebrate together this year?"
"Jamie and I share the same birthday," Violet explains before nodding at Jamie. "Please?"
"Of course, Sweets!" Jamie beams and kisses her hand once he steals it from beneath her blanket. "I would love to. Thank you."
Jesus. If I wasn't sure before about their love for each other, I would be now. The way they're looking at each other is the same way Nate and I do. The same way Violet used to look at us and us at her.
The night continues with surface-level conversation. Sharing more about our work lives, what brought us to Ferndale, and upcoming vacations. Once the topics fizzle out, leaving us with a strange tension, Nate and I decide it's time to head home.
Maybe in the future we can do something about the tension we felt. Whether it's having a deeper talk, or acting on our attraction, I hope we can make it there.
As much as I want to stay with Jamie and Violet, tonight went way better than expected. So leaving V feeling positive about us is the best choice, especially when she starts to yawn.
I didn't get a kiss or a hug, but Jamie did shake my hand, and Violet offered us a small wave. The small wins are enough for now.