Chapter 31
Thirty-One
VIOLET
Ifeel like I can't breathe.
The unknown is a suffocating void, and the only thing that can give me oxygen is having my mama back.
A flash of a black hoodie rushes past me, making me choke on a terrified scream. I'm not scared for myself, but terrified of what he finds as he crashes to his knees a few yards away from me.
Where's Mama?
I swear I just saw her a few minutes ago. She said she would follow. Mama told me to go inside, so I did. I should have stayed with her. Maybe then she wouldn't be missing and I wouldn't feel like I'm going to die without her.
MAMA! Nothing comes out, only a pained whimper. A plea for someone to fix the mistake I've made. Someone bring Blue back! I need her.
Suddenly my throat begins to burn, and bile rushes past the barrier of anxiety. I turn to hurl into the nearby bush, but I'm shoved off balance and struck in the hip with something solid.
Vines of horror wrap around my throat, halting the fiery bile where it rose. It feels like my esophagus is burning, which only heightens my fear.
My vision swirls as worried eyes stare down at me. I can't make out who they are, but they aren't helping me anyway.
Just as I lose sight of the murky world around me, the sound of someone talking jolts me awake for a moment longer. "You are the only one who can help yourself, Violet."
My eyes fly open at the sound of the voice ricocheting through my brain. Mama? I can't fucking speak! I can't shout for her to come get me. Words don't make it further than a terrified croak at the back of my throat.
Tears blur my vision as I rapidly look around to see her. Maybe Jared was wrong and he didn't find her blood on the ground. Maybe Mama was with me this whole time, and I just got lost. When I'm lost, she's always there.
But she wasn't. She went missing. And it was all my fault.
"Breathe..."
A muffled curse follows Mama's encouragement. "Breathe, my love."
The endearment slams a shocked gasp into my lungs.
"I want Blue!" I scream on my exhale, lunging for the sound of my mama's voice. "I want my mom!"
"Whoa, Sweets..."
Warmth rubs lines up my back, and something encompasses my chin, making me screech and rip to the side. Where am I? Why am I sitting up?
"Hey, hey, hey! Careful," the masculine voice warns me right as the touch on my chin snaps to my bicep.
"Is she okay?" a quiet voice asks. "Here." Just as the new voice says that, a lamp is flipped on. Cassidy.
As if Cassidy flipped a switch inside of me, I release a big breath and slump forward. With my face in my palms, I finally register the fact that Jamie is sitting on my bed, chatting quietly with my friend.
Once I hear Cass leave and close my bedroom door behind her, I peek between my fingers to glance at the man in my bed. A man who has never once been in here, let alone inside of my apartment.
"I'm too tired to ask," I murmur when he just continues to stare at me.
He winces and moves to petting my thigh. "Sorry, Sweets. Cassidy texted me. You were screaming in your sleep, and she didn't know how to help."
I blink. He should know what I'm going to ask now.
"She has my number because she was helping me plan a birthday surprise for you. Nothing more. I'm glad she had it for tonight," he whispers, plucking my left hand from my face. "What were you dreaming about? Your mom, right?"
Tears immediately fill my eyes as I recall the warped dream I had. Two different traumatic scenarios wove together to create something truly awful.
"Come here," Jamie coos, tugging me onto his lap so I'm cradled sideways in his arms. "Just please keep breathing. You stopped for a moment there, and it scared the shit out of me."
"I'm so—"
"Don't apologize. Just tell me what your nightmare was about if you feel comfortable to. Or just rest and try to fall back asleep. Here, take a sip." He presses the spout of my water bottle to my mouth, and I greedily suck the cool liquid down.
"Thank you," I sigh once I'm done.
Curling up on him is becoming so natural, and I can't say I'm mad about the trajectory of our relationship. If only there weren't two complicating factors. But Nate and Ellis aren't here right now, so this can be as simple as I want it to be.
I'm just a woman being comforted by the man who owns a part of her heart. And it's okay. It's okay because I know I'll never do anything to hurt Jamie, and pushing him away would go against my silent vow to protect him. Once my heart has calmed, I offer him a bit of my trauma.
"I was reliving a mixture of when we found out Mom was missing, and how I felt when I was mugged."
Jamie tenses and hugs me closer. "Fuck, Sweets. We haven't really talked about the mugging, have we? I'm so sorry."
I'm a little confused about why he's apologizing, but I don't want to get into it right now. Our birthday is tomorrow, and I'd rather not drag us down. "Can we talk about it later? I don't want to rehash everything right now."
"Of course." Jamie is quick to agree and allow me time to process. I appreciate his maturity in knowing when to push me and when to let me be. "Do you think you'll be able to sleep?"
I sigh, knowing it's unlikely. "I'm not sure.
You can head home, though. You know, if you want.
" My tone sounds sad and small, like I don't actually want him to leave.
Which is true. Maybe if I weren't so frazzled by the nightmare, I'd be kicking him out and feeling horrified by the fact that he's seeing my depressing bedroom.
"I'm not leaving you," Jamie declares firmly. "Which has multiple meanings again, but for now I'll just say I'm not going anywhere until I know you're okay tonight."
I should tell him that I'm fine and he doesn't need to stay, but damn it feels good to have him here. "Okay," I whisper and wiggle on his lap.
A rumbly sound vibrates through his chest, and I gasp when he slips a finger through the side of my panties. "First, let’s take care of your restlessness, hmm?"
I'm pretty sure I was about to say something in response or feel embarrassed about only wearing one of his T-shirts that I stole last week with a pair of bright purple cotton underwear, but everything flees from my mind when his thumb brushes over my clit.
"Jamie," I gasp, arching and spreading my thighs for him so easily.
He shushes me and presses his lips to the top of my head. "Just relax, my love."
My toes curl, and the stretch of the fabric accommodating Jamie's hand heightens my arousal. Just that slight bite of pain along with his finger dipping into my pussy has me thrusting against his expert touch.
"So wet, V. You're doing so well. Breathe in and hold it," he commands so gently I have no issue obeying when he's being so sweet. "Good girl. Now feel your little clit pulse against my thumb. And as I enter your tight cunt, suck me in just a little. Goood."
The breath in my lungs begins to burn, but I'm quickly forgetting the need to breathe as my desire trumps all other bodily functions.
His fingers slip and glide inside and outside of me, bringing me to the edge.
The encouragement and praise make my lips tingle with the urge to kiss him or express my love for him.
Just as I feel like I'm about to burst, I clench my pussy at the same time Jamie curls a finger against my walls. "Now breathe out, Violet. Now. Breathe for me, my love. Come for me."
My exhale tumbles out of me with a choked cry. Every muscle in my body tightens as if struck by lightning which sends white dancing across my eyesight. Then my whole body slumps with a wave of exhaustion and satisfaction.
"Sweet girl...you sleep now," Jamie murmurs. He moves a little and covers us with my big comforter. "Sleep. I'm not going anywhere."
I really hope he means that because I know when I wake up in the morning, my first instinct will be to reach for him. So as I let sleep claim me, I clutch him just a little tighter. Just in case.