Chapter 33 #2
“Oh, I didn’t realize,” my mom says, looking down at our clasped hands. “I’m sorry. I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Tara. Thank you so much for staying with the boys today.”
Wells clears his throat and nods. “They’re great. I was glad to finally get to meet them.”
She turns her attention back to me. “Have you two been together long or–”
I cut her off. “Mom. This isn’t the time to discuss my love life. We have bigger issues right now.”
She nods and gestures toward one of the island barstools. “Can I sit down?”
Wells pulls out the chair and gestures to her. “Absolutely. I’ll get you some water.”
He busies himself getting drinks for all of us while I stare at my mom intently.
I’m losing my momentum watching as the tears continue to stream down her face.
I need to just blurt it out, so I do. “Whatever you’re thinking.
Whatever you want the best case scenario of this to be, it’s not.
” I take a deep breath and will myself to just spit it out.
“When I was younger, Rick used to knock me around, too. Never when you were around, and exactly in the same way he hit Sammy today.”
For long seconds, she’s silent, and then suddenly, her entire face crumples.
She pulls me toward her, arms encircling me.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” she says between ragged breaths.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I let this happen to you.
To the boys. I’m sorry.” She’s repeating herself over-and-over again, like a mantra that’s keeping her tethered to reality.
I shift backwards and look at her tear-streaked face. “Mom, I don’t need you to be sorry. I need to know what you’re going to do. Because I can’t let Joey and Sammy go back there. And if I need to call the police, I will.”
“I never wanted you to be part of this, Kellan. I know that Rick hasn’t been the father I’d hoped for the boys, but I never thought… I didn’t believe…”
I suck in a deep breath and grab her hand.
“I know he was different before you guys got married. I remember the days of Rick who said we’d be a happy family and actually made me believe it.
The man with a steady job. The guy who acted elated when you told him that you were pregnant.
” I’d been thirteen when they’d met, and they decided to have Joey a year later.
Things had been so different in the first year, when Rick had acted–convincingly–like he could make all my mom’s dreams come true.
“Your dad didn’t stick around, and I didn’t want that for the boys. I didn’t want you to lose a father again, either. I don’t know how everything got so bad.”
I could give her a play-by-play, but I don’t know that it would be helpful.
How once my mom was pregnant, I remember that he slowly stopped trying to get steady work.
Started drinking more. Would leave for longer stretches of time, under the guise of looking for work out of town.
He’s a textbook deadbeat, but she wanted so badly to believe he was that original version of himself that he presented.
And I’m sure, on some level, she didn’t want to be zero-for-two on picking men to have children with.
“Sometimes, I think that the bad stuff happens slowly, over time. It’s hard to zoom out and see how shitty things have gotten.
Especially when you’re trying to take care of three kids. ”
“I know. I know,” she repeats, like she’s convincing herself.
I watch as she runs a stressed hand through her hair.
It doesn’t look like it’s the first time she’s done that today.
“But none of that is an excuse. And what I said before, about you not being their dad–it wasn’t an insult.
You shouldn’t have to worry about things like this.
Rent and role-modeling and making adults protect their children.
I’m grateful for the way you’ve stepped up, but I don’t want this to be your life.
You’ve worked too hard to make a better one for yourself. ”
Wells isn’t saying anything, but just knowing he’s here is keeping me calmer than I’d be otherwise.
It’s also helping me not break down in front of my mom, who looks like she could crumble under the weight of a feather.
I hold her hand. “I have my life because of you, Mom. I know that you sacrificed so much to help me get where I am today. And I know that you were just trying to do what’s best for us.
It was my decision not to tell you about Rick when I was younger.
That was me being stupid.” I squeeze her hand.
“But I’m okay. I promise. It’s Joey and Sammy that we need to protect now. ”
After a few seconds of sniffling, I can see her start to pull herself together. “I need to talk to a lawyer. I don’t think that Rick is going to leave the apartment easily, whether he has a right to be there or not.”
Wells clears his throat from the other side of the island, and deep green eyes meet my own before he focuses on my mom.
“Mind if I offer some advice here? Or some help, even, if you’ll let me?
” He has that tone like he can solve the world’s problems if you just listen to him.
And the crazy thing, especially after how he showed up for me today, is that I believe him.