11. Preacher
11
PREACHER
W e’ve all had those mornings when we know we woke up on the wrong side of the bed. It had happened to me more times than I could count, but this morning was more than just the typical rough morning.
Hell, the second I woke up, I felt it.
It was a low hum of tension buzzing in the back of my skull like a fucking hornet caught in a jar. It didn’t help matters that it was barely seven, and the clubhouse sounded like there was a fucking party going on. There was music playing, pool balls clacking, and someone was laughing entirely too loud in one of the back rooms.
Normally, I would’ve let it slide. Hell, most mornings, I wouldn’t have even noticed. But today wasn’t most mornings.
I hadn’t slept. At all.
I spent the whole night tossing and turning, trying to make sense of my night with Tabitha. It had me all tangled up, and that wasn’t something I was used to. And I didn’t like it. I didn’t like it one fucking bit.
My jaw was clenched tight as I got out of bed and got dressed. I knew I was on edge when I left my room, but I didn’t know exactly how bad it was until I walked into the kitchen and found a gallon of milk sitting on the counter. It was already sweating and half-warm, and the sight of it threw me into a rage.
“Who the hell left this out?”
Goose glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. “That’d be me. I’ll get it in a sec.”
“Don’t bother.” I picked it up and tossed it in the trash. “It’s garbage now.”
“Woah,” Goose gasped. “That was still good.”
“Yeah, if you like drinking curdled milk.” I started pouring myself some coffee as I grumbled, “Next time, put the damn thing back in the fridge.”
He muttered something under his breath, which only twisted the screw in deeper. My mood was far from improving when Memphis strolled into the kitchen. As he opened the pantry door, he glanced over his shoulder and asked, “You hear about the flat on the SUV?”
That had my entire throat turning into a knot. I turned to face him as I snarled, “ What flat? ”
“The back left,” he answered like it was no big deal. “Looked low yesterday, but it’s damn near dead now.”
“And no one thought to fix it?” I snapped. “No one thought, ‘Hey, maybe we shouldn’t let the only reliable set of wheels we got sit on its ass in the lot’?”
“I was gonna…”
“Don’t say you were gonna take care of it,” I cut him off. “You either did, or you didn’t, and clearly, you didn’t.”
I could feel the whole room shift. The boys sitting at the kitchen table looked down at their food, doing their best to avoid eye contact, and those who were standing by the door made their way out. No one wanted to poke the bear, not when I was already halfway to losing it.
But Goose was never one to tread lightly.
He ignored all the red flags and turned to face me with a smirk, “So, I’m guessing your night out with your new lady friend didn’t go so great, huh?”
I glared daggers at him, but he didn’t flinch.
He just sat there with that shit-eating grin and added, “Ah, damn. It went that bad.”
And just like that, it hit me like a punch to the gut.
I wasn’t pissed about the noise or the stupid milk.
I wasn’t even all that pissed about the damn tire. Not really.
It was her .
It was the way she’d looked at me last night when she told me she couldn’t do this. I’d thought things were going fine. Better than fine. But somewhere between the ball field and the ride home, I’d felt her pull back.
It was subtle, but it was there.
I couldn’t figure out why it had happened.
Regardless, it had nothing to do with the boys, and it wasn’t fair to take it out on them. I raked a hand down my face, and I felt the fight drain out of me like air from a slit tire. “Shit.”
Goose raised an eyebrow but didn’t press.
He just gave me that look, the one that said we all get hit sometimes , and it meant something to me that he got it. They all did. Without saying anything more, I turned and walked out of the room.
I went to my office and slammed the door with a little more force than necessary, but I didn’t care. I needed some space, and I finally had it. I walked over and sank into my chair. I leaned back with a heavy breath and tilted my head back. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. I needed a minute, and I was damn well going to take it.
The quiet was good.
There were no questions. No sideways looks.
No damn milk on the stupid counter.
It was just me and the hum of the ceiling fan. Too bad it wasn’t loud enough to drown out the thoughts in my head. Maybe then, I wouldn’t have been thinking about things I had no business thinking about.
My mind should’ve been on club business. On shipments. On keeping our boys in line. But every time I tried to shift gears, she was there, and I kept hearing her say the same thing, over and over—'I’m sorry. I can’t do this.’
I couldn’t help but wonder if she meant she couldn’t do it or couldn’t do it with me. She hadn’t said the words outright, but I didn’t know any other way to take it. And I sure as hell didn’t know what to do about it. It felt like a door had closed that I didn’t even know I’d walked through.
It made no sense, and I wasn’t sure it ever would.
I was thinking back over our dinner together when there was a soft knock on the door. Without waiting for me to answer, Memphis stepped inside, flipped the light on, and sat down in the chair in front of me.
He gave me one of his looks before asking, “You wanna talk about it?”
“Nope.”
“Didn’t think so.” He leaned back in the chair and folded his hands over his stomach. “So, Goose was right?”
I didn’t answer.
“I was afraid of that. Damn.” He raised his eyebrow. “He was talking about Sergei’s mother, right?”
I still didn’t answer.
Not that I had to. He was my kid. He knew me better than anyone. He let out a slow breath like he didn’t want to say what he was about to say. “I know you don’t wanna hear it, but maybe it’s for the best.”
“You’re right. I don’t want to hear it.”
I glared at him, hoping it would be enough to shut him up.
It wasn’t.
“Come on, Pop. We’re going into business with her sons. She’s just gonna complicate things.”
“She’s got nothing to do with it.”
“She’s their mother. Of course, she has something to do with it,” he snapped. “And even if she didn’t, she’s gonna make things complicated, and you don’t do complicated.”
I didn’t respond. Partly because I’d already said too much and partly because he was right. He looked at me for a beat, then said, “You really like her.”
It wasn’t a question. It was a fact.
A damn truth I couldn’t bring myself to deny.
When I didn’t answer, he leaned forward, forearms on his knees. “That changes things.”
“Does it?”
“Well, yeah. You don’t like anyone,” he chuckled. “If this woman has gotten to you, then there has to be a reason. A good one.”
“Like you said, it’s complicated.”
“You know, if the roles were reversed and it was me sitting there, you’d tell me to quit my fucking sulking and go get my woman.”
“Not that simple.”
“Of course it is. You just tell her what’s what, and don’t take no for an answer.”
“Not doing that.”
“Why the fuck not?”
“Cause people have been telling her what to do her whole damn life. I’m not going to be one of those people.”
“So, what’s the deal? She tell you to fuck off or what?”
“Didn’t tell me much of anything. Just that she couldn’t do this.”
“Couldn’t do this?” His brows furrowed. “Sounds like she didn’t think she had a choice in the matter.”
“Maybe not. I know she’s been through it.” I shook my head. “Hell, I don’t know. Maybe she thinks we couldn’t work, and she’s saving us the trouble.”
“Or maybe she thinks it will, and it scares the shit out of her.”
“Either way, it’s a lose-lose.”
Memphis sat there for a moment, then said, “How about this? Maybe you don’t tell her shit. Maybe you just show her what’s what.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“Show her the kind of man you really are, and then, she’ll see she’s got nothing to be afraid of.”
I’ll be damned. He might have something there.
Memphis stood as he said, “This old guy once told me you don’t lose the fight by getting knocked down. You lose it by staying down.”
“Old guy, huh?”
“Yeah, he’s a real pain in the ass. Like huge . He’ll have you second-guessing all your life choices.”
“Um-hmm.”
“But he’s a good one.” His tone softened. “A damn good one, and any woman around would be lucky to have him by her side. It’s time he remembered that.”
Without saying anything more, Memphis turned and walked out of the room. I didn’t think. I was afraid if I did, I would talk myself out of it, so I turned on my computer. I started searching for the different types of bedding and how they can affect each horse.
When we were working in the barn, I couldn’t help but notice that Tabitha had a sweet spot for her pregnant mare. She was constantly going to check on her and talking to her, and she looked so concerned when she let her out to pasture.
I got it. The horse was in rough shape. She was not only pregnant, but she had a bum foot that was causing her to limp. She’d told me all about her. Explained how the vet had come and how they were working to get her better, but it was slow going.
I’d seen how she was with that animal. I knew she was more than just some horse to Tabitha. She meant something to her, and she hated that the mare was in pain. She shrugged it off like it wasn’t anything major—just one more burden that she’d have to carry, and maybe it was. But I wasn’t going to let her carry it alone.
I spent the better part of an hour reading about stall flooring. I had no idea there were so many options. Most used rubber mats, straw, sawdust, or peat moss, but after a little more digging, I discovered that crushed limestone topped with pine shavings was the best option. It wasn’t just cushioned. It had good drainage, which would help keep her hooves dry, and it was easier on the joints.
I grabbed my keys and headed out to the parking lot. I hooked up the trailer, and half an hour later, I was at the Co-Op, signing for two loads of bedding, bentonite clay, and limestone.
I didn’t say much to the guy loading it into the truck. I could tell by his expression that he was wondering what I was up to, and I had no desire to explain. Once he got the trailer loaded, I drove over to Tabitha’s place. Without even asking questions, the guards motioned me through, and I drove up to the barn like I belonged there.
I didn’t knock.
I didn’t ask.
I just started hauling the bags and buckets from the trailer down to the barn. When I walked up to her stall, the mare didn’t look all that happy to see me. It was like she knew I was up to something. I gave her a smile and said, “Easy there, missy. I’ve got ya something I think you’re gonna like.”
I lifted one of the bags of pine shavings, showing her what I’d brought. “I’m gonna help ya out with that bum foot.”
She nickered softly in what felt like approval. I dropped the bags at her door and headed back for more. I was bringing up my third load when I heard her boots coming up behind me. I didn’t have to look to know it was Tabitha. I could feel a shift in the air.
I glanced over my shoulder, and my stomach took a nosedive when I saw how incredible she looked. She was wearing a white button-down with jeans and boots, and her long hair was pulled up, revealing her wide, surprised eyes. She put her hands on her hips, and her brows furrowed as she asked, “What are you doing?”
I dropped the last bag by the stall door and brushed my hands off on my jeans. “You mentioned something about her vet saying she might need better footing.”
She didn’t respond.
She just stood there, staring at me, and damn if that look in her eye didn’t hit me square in the chest. She didn’t know what to do, much less say, so I helped her out. “This should help her.”
She blinked, and a single tear slipped down her cheek. Her mouth parted like she was about to say something, but the words didn’t come. Not right away. Eventually, she managed to mutter, “Hudson.”
Something shifted in her, and she gave me a look that nearly gutted me. It was the kind of look that would make a man do just about anything to keep it there. “It’s nothing.”
“No, it’s not nothing.” A light blush crept over her cheeks. “It’s the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me.”
And there it was.
That damn blush.
It got me every damn time.
I wasn’t sure what to say to her. I wasn’t doing it for credit. I just wanted to do it for her. I couldn’t do what needed to be done with the mare still in the stall, so I asked, “You got a place for her to go while I get this done?”
She nodded, then opened the gate and walked over to the horse. She slipped on the halter as she said, “Come on, sweet girl. We’re going to get you some fresh grass to munch on for a bit.”
When she started to lead the horse out of the stall, she looked over to me and said, “I’ll be back in a minute, and I’ll give you a hand.”
“Don’t gotta do that.” I grabbed one of the shovels and stepped into the stall. “I’ve got it.”
“I thought you didn’t want to shovel shit .”
“I don’t, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do it. Now, get going so I can get this done.”
“Okay. If you say so.” She took another step, then turned back to me and whispered, “Thank you, Hudson.”
I nodded and got to work.
I had to clean out the stall first. That wasn’t something I was looking forward to. I hated shoveling shit, but it had to be done. So, I got it all cleared out and down to the base floor. The barn was state of the art and all, but they were in dire need of some TLC.
I laid out the bentonite first, and once I had it good and level, I went in with the limestone. It was the tricky part. It had to be just right, or it would shift. I’d tamped it down before I added the shavings. I put more down than I’d planned, but I wanted to make sure it was thick enough to soften every step.
Once I had it just the way I wanted, I closed the gate and gathered my things. By the time I made it to the trailer, the air was cooler, and the sun was starting to set. I was feeling pretty good as I got behind the wheel.
Not in the proud, beat-your-chest kind of way.
Like I’d done something that mattered kind of good.
There was no sign of Tabitha as I started the engine and eased down the drive. Not that it mattered. She knew I’d been there, and I wasn’t giving up on her, not yet.
But the ball was in her court. It was her turn to make a play. I just hoped she would take the chance. That’s all either of us needed.