Chapter 6
6
Kai
K ai huddled in the same spot Cole had left him in. He leaned his head on the side of the bed to stare at the ceiling, attempting to analyze why he felt guilty. The look on Cole’s face when he left made Kai uncomfortable in the pit of his stomach. When he’d heard the door open and shut, indicating Cole had gone, Kai had to grab hold of his fox to keep from running after him. Cole wouldn’t leave him for good… would he? Kai had instantly dampened those thoughts. This was Cole’s home, why would he leave? He’d kick Kai out first. Another thought that left him squirming in discomfort.
He’d never wanted to reveal his animal half to Cole. It made him feel vulnerable, but he now knew Cole would never use it or him to his advantage as his uncle had. Cole’s awe and wonder upon seeing him in his animal form wasn’t something he’d anticipated, and Cole calling him beautiful sent a warm feeling through his stomach. Kai’s fox had almost preened at the compliment, and he’d been unable to stop the small sound of pleasure his fox let out. He’d noticed the immediate nickname Cole had given him. Kit. He’d managed to do a little bit of research over the years when his uncle hadn’t been watching, and he knew young foxes were called kits. Somehow, it didn’t offend him that Cole called him by the name. He didn’t want to examine too closely how it did make him feel, though.
When he’d shifted for the first time at the age of thirteen, his uncle Jerrod’s initial reaction was disgust and fear. He’d threatened to kill Kai, locked him away in his room, and called Kai a freak. It took a month, in which Jerrod almost starved him to death, before Jerrod came up with the idea of using Kai to infiltrate people’s homes and rob them blind. Kai tried to resist at first, but his uncle beat him into unconsciousness. His ability to heal faster than humans saved his life each and every time Jerrod took out his frustrations on Kai. Sometimes the houses he targeted weren’t as fruitful as he expected.
Kai remembered waking up the morning after his first shift to find himself shackled to a bed in the basement. He’d been terrified, yanking at the chains and cuffs in desperation to get free. Until then Jerrod had merely ignored him, giving him the bare minimum he had to. Thinking back on it, Kai didn’t understand why Jerrod never abandoned him to the foster care system during the year and a half after his parents’ death. In fact, it might have been better if he had.
Jerrod kept him chained to the bed in the basement every minute except when he sent Kai on a job, threatening to kill him if he tried to run away. Too afraid to do anything at first, Kai believed Jerrod and did everything his uncle asked. As he got older, he started to mouth off and tried to refuse to steal from unsuspecting people, only to end up beaten severely anytime he attempted to deny Jerrod’s demands. It wasn’t until he turned twenty-one that he started to plan to get away. He squirreled away money he’d stolen whenever he could, a quarter here, a dollar there. For the two years it took him to save up enough money and a small amount of food to take with him, he lived in terror his uncle would find the stash and finally carry out his promise.
Somehow Kai managed to keep Jerrod from discovering it, and he made his escape one night while Jerrod slept off his latest alcohol binge. He’d stolen the key when his uncle came downstairs to the basement to intimidate him and kick at him. Too drunk to feel it and too angry at life to see it, Jerrod didn’t notice when Kai fell against him and slid the keys free from his pants pocket. After Jerrod had tired of bullying him, he’d stumbled upstairs and passed out on the couch. Kai freed himself, gathered the things he’d hidden all over the basement, stuffed them in the backpack his uncle placed on him when he sent Kai into a house, and left. He didn’t stop to rest for well over twenty-four hours, putting as much distance between himself and Jerrod as possible.
He’d been moving ever since, stopping only long enough to sleep for a few hours and then running again. The last two days were the first time he’d slept for more than two or three hours at a time. Since being with Cole. Kai frowned and lifted his head up from the side of the bed. He was still in a cage, though. He couldn’t leave and he couldn’t do whatever he wanted to do. Cole’s face when Kai had called it one flashed through his mind. Kai sensed he’d hurt Cole, and his stomach turned at the idea. Everything Kai’d expected to happen hadn’t. He hadn’t been tied up or locked in his room. Cole didn’t actually seem to want anything from him.
Except this mate thing, he taunted himself. He didn’t even know exactly what being Cole’s mate meant. What did it mean Cole wanted from him? Kai rested his forehead against his knees as Cole’s words echoed in his mind. “I want nothing but to make sure you are safe and happy.” The idea of someone caring enough about him to want him to be happy seemed foreign to him. His parents had wanted him to be safe, loved, and happy, but they were his mom and dad. Cole was a stranger, someone he’d bumped into once and only known a couple of days. He couldn’t accept the idea of someone who didn’t even know him wanting to take care of him.
Kai knew his fox seemed inclined to believe it. The struggles he’d had with his fox made it more than clear how he felt. He’d never distrusted the instincts of his fox, but their ideas of what Cole wanted didn’t align at all. Cole might also be a shifter, too, but a wolf, a completely different species. Yet Kai knew his companion would accept Cole without reservation if Kai gave it half a chance.
Kai realized the room had grown dark, and his stomach gave a painful growl. He dragged himself to his feet and clicked on the light, blinking against the sudden brightness. The digital clock on the stand beside the bed read 9:00 p.m. No wonder he was hungry. He hadn’t eaten since early that morning.
He left his room and headed to the kitchen. He hoped to get something to eat before Cole returned. Where did Cole go this time of night? Maybe he’d gone to the greenhouses, or maybe he’d met up with the pretty woman from earlier. The idea of Cole meeting the dark-haired woman twisted Kai’s guts, and he jerked open the refrigerator door angrily. It frustrated him to not understand the feelings raging through him whenever he thought of Cole with someone else. He’d never experienced any of these emotions before. Anger because of his uncle, yes. Fear and pain, for sure. The emotion seemed to be a combination of both, and yet another unknown element mixed with them, causing his blood to burn beneath his skin. Overwhelming agitation made his hands shake and his jaw clench.
Kai grabbed packages of cheese, sandwich meat, and mustard from the door. He’d make a sandwich and take it to his room to eat. He also snagged two cans of soda—one to drink with his sandwich and the other to put away. Once he’d finished building his sandwich and replaced everything in the fridge, he turned off the lights and trotted back to his room, shutting the door behind him. He heard Cole enter the house as he put his sandwich and the can of soda on the nightstand. He didn’t want to analyze the relief that poured over him too closely. Cole hadn’t been out but an hour or two, which couldn’t have been long enough to have met anyone. Right?
Kai listened to Cole’s footsteps trail through the house, past his room, and into the other at the end of the hall. He really needed to get out of there. The idea of running again scared the hell out of him with what had happened in Phoenix, but he couldn’t stay. The longer he remained at Cole’s, the more in danger he was of believing Cole’s words about wanting to help him. He planned for the next day while stashing the extra soda in the same place he’d put the few packs of crackers and small bags of chips he’d already taken.
He managed to eat the sandwich he’d made, although each bite scraped harshly along his esophagus whenever he swallowed. His fox prowled and paced in his mind. Kai knew his fox wasn’t happy with his intention of leaving the following evening after Cole went to bed, but he had to go. He had no other option. His ribs were almost entirely healed, and by tomorrow they’d be nothing but a bad memory and another scar on his subconscious.
He finished the last bite of the sandwich and set the plate on the nightstand before gulping down the remainder of the soda. He flipped off the light and slid between the covers, curling into a small ball. “We can’t stay here,” he whispered into the darkness, trying to persuade his companion but also to convince himself.
At some point he fell asleep because when he next opened his eyes, sunlight shone into the room. Kai sat up, gingerly testing his ribs, and smiled when he found he could move without pain or even tenderness. He remained in bed for a moment, listening for any movements in the house. No sounds met his ears, and he got off the bed, exited the room, and went into the bathroom to relieve himself. He decided to scope out the house to make sure he was really alone. After a thorough inspection, Kai knew Cole had gone. He returned to his room and grabbed his backpack. Guilt stabbed him briefly on his way to the kitchen, but he shoved it aside and entered the pantry to stuff as much food as he could in the bag. More crackers, a jar of peanut butter, a few ready-to-open cans of vegetables, a box of pretzels, and a tin of cookies joined the few possessions he owned. He stashed the bag in the closet for later. Tonight, once Cole had gone to sleep, he’d make his escape.
Kai had already explored the house and didn’t want to leave the safety of his bedroom. He’d seen a TV in the living room, but he didn’t want Cole to find him on the couch watching it. He left his room and wandered down the hallway. The house reeked of money, and Kai knew Cole had a lot. His uncle would love to hit Cole’s home, to steal anything possible. The idea rankled more than usual, and Kai frowned.
The wood flooring throughout the house gleamed in the light, and Kai knew Cole took pride in his home. Thinking of his uncle defiling it made him angry. Why should someone who hadn’t worked hard to get it take something from someone who had? He’d hated doing what his uncle wanted. There were a few times he’d walked away empty-handed on purpose. Pictures of a smiling family sent remorse crashing over him, and he’d lied to his uncle and told Jerrod the family had nothing. It had earned him a beating more than once, but he didn’t regret his choice.
Colored photographs in frames drew him to the counter between the kitchen and the living area. He’d noticed them yesterday during his exploration but hadn’t stopped to look at them. Cole had a lot of family from what Kai could tell. There were pictures of picnics, smiling groups of people, Cole as a kid with two adults—Kai figured they were Cole’s parents because of the resemblance—and Cole with Nick. Kai touched the edge of one frame, studying the wide grin on Cole’s face. If he’d been normal, Kai would definitely admit how gorgeous he found Cole.
Sighing, Kai moved to the small bookcase close to the couch and read over the few titles he saw on the shelf. He figured maybe he could try reading a book. He’d never progressed past a fifth-grade reading level, but he’d always been a little ahead of his classmates in most areas. There were about twenty books overall. Kai only recognized a couple of the authors: Stephen King and J.R.R. Tolkien. The rest he’d never heard of. George R.R. Martin stood out, and he pulled the book off the shelf. A Game of Thrones sounded interesting from the outline on the back of the book.
He grabbed an apple from the kitchen and returned to his room. It didn’t take long for him to become engrossed in the story. The various characters were not easy to keep track of, but he did his best. The idea of dragons made him wonder if there’d ever been dragon shifters. After all, there were apparently foxes and wolves. Why not dragons? Kai would love to be a dragon shifter. He could have eaten Jerrod. Maybe gotten indigestion from him too. Snorting, Kai focused on the book. He became so engrossed in the story, most of the day passed by before he pulled himself away. The sun hung low in the sky, and the room had grown dark. He had started to strain to read the words in the dimming light, and he gave up, setting the book down, marking his page in the process, and sat up on the bed. Maybe he’d take the book with him in order to finish it.
The scent of body odor reached his nostrils, and Kai sniffed at his armpit, wrinkling his nose as he realized how bad he smelled. He decided he’d gone long enough without bathing and got off the bed to pick up the borrowed jeans and T-shirt he’d dressed in on the plane. He only had one other shirt and another pair of pants besides the ones he wore at the moment, also from Cole’s friend, and he wanted to keep them for wherever he ended up. He needed to at least look halfway presentable to get a job. Although he wasn’t sure what he could qualify for. He didn’t have any official skills, and he’d never finished school because of his uncle. Despair loomed over him, but he refused to let it get to him. Someone would give him a job. They didn’t need to know the truth about his past. Maybe he could be a simple dishwasher in a diner somewhere or something.
The shower felt amazing. He hadn’t bathed in hot water for years. Once his uncle had locked him in the basement, he’d been forced to rinse as best he could in the sink downstairs on the nights when Jerrod was too drunk and passed out to notice the noise of the running water. The hot tap hadn’t worked, and he’d only been able to use the cold side to wash off with. Kai wondered more than once how he hadn’t ended up with pneumonia during the years down there. The hard, cold cement and lack of central heating during the winter months had been brutal, yet somehow he’d managed to survive it all.
He scrubbed at his skin with a bar of soap he found on a small ledge jutting from the wall, cleansing away some of the memories of the men in Phoenix and their hands on his body. Bottles of shampoo and conditioner sat on another larger shelf built into the tiled shower, and Kai used some to wash his hair, closing his eyes in pleasure. The differing clean scents almost made him dizzy. He sighed and dipped his head under the spray, rinsing off the suds. The sound of Cole entering the house made him tense, and he tried frantically to remember if he’d locked the bathroom door.
Kai needn’t have worried because Cole’s footsteps didn’t even hesitate near the bathroom. They kept going, and Kai relaxed, but the knowledge Cole didn’t seem to want to check on him as he had every other time disappointed Kai. Maybe Cole had finally given up on him. He should be happy, yet the truth caused him a small bout of depression. He really needed to get the hell out of there.
Finishing his shower, Kai turned off the water and grabbed a towel from the rack beside the tub. He dried off and dressed in a matter of minutes. When he exited the bathroom, he couldn’t help but glance toward Cole’s room. No light showed from beneath the door. Had Cole already gone to sleep? Kai scurried to his own bedroom and glanced at the clock. He’d taken longer than he’d thought. The red letters showed almost eight. He sat down on the bed and yanked on his shoes before retrieving his bag and putting everything in it. The backpack weighed quite a bit, but Kai had carried heavier in his fox form. His uncle never let him leave a house without taking anything of value he could fit in his bag or mouth. If he did, he’d regret it later when Jerrod beat the shit out of him for missing something. Of course, Jerrod used whatever excuse he could to hit Kai, a valuable object left behind or not.
Kai sat on the bed, waiting. His pulse sounded loud in his ears as he listened for Cole’s heartbeat to even out, signaling the man had fallen asleep. It wasn’t until almost one in the morning when he heard Cole finally slip into unconsciousness. Kai ignored the cry his fox gave as he stood and hefted his bag onto his shoulder. He just needed to get outside, and then he could shift and run. An acrid taste built in his throat as he crept out of the room and into the hallway. Time moved slowly, and by the time his hand was on the handle of the front door, Kai thought for sure his heart would explode out of his chest. He swallowed hard as he carefully unlocked the door and turned the knob. When it clicked, he froze, listening to the sound of Cole’s heart. The sound never wavered, never increased, and Kai knew Cole still slept.
Despite the darkness outside, Kai could see as if it were daylight still, his eyes easily shifting to canine form. He didn’t latch the door, just closed it to where the door rested against the jamb. An owl hooted close by, and Kai shivered a bit. The sound seemed ominous in the empty night. Kai waited to shift until he’d reached the trees. He set his bag down, closed his eyes, and gathered the energy around him. When he opened his eyes again, the ground appeared about a foot away from his face, and the slight breeze tickled each individual strand of hair covering his body. His ears twitched at the new sounds he could pick up: the same owl ruffling its feathers, the scurry of some small creature in the underbrush of leaves beneath the trees, and the howl of a lone wolf far off in the distance.
He hesitated for a moment, remembering Cole’s words, but he shook his head. What sane person would be roaming the woods at one in the morning, he mused as he wriggled his legs into the arm holes of the pack and hefted it onto his back. Years of experience made it easier than one would think for a fox to accomplish. Kai trotted toward the trees and followed along the edge in the direction Nick had driven from a matter of days ago.
The night air felt cool. Drops of dew built along Kai’s whiskers as he traveled, and he shook his head once in a while to dislodge the water. A sense of despair and anxiety edged in on him the farther away he got from Cole’s place. He fought it and kept moving, continuing to follow the same tree line. Once in a while, he’d glimpse a light shining from a car driving by or from a nearby house. He remained hidden in the shadows, never allowing the glow to reveal his presence.
Kai couldn’t be sure how long he’d been moving or how far he’d gotten when another howl came, this time closer than the one he’d heard when he first started out. The sound sent a tremble of fear along his spine, and he picked up his pace. His paws dug into the soft soil, and dead leaves crunched loudly beneath his feet. Kai heard the rustle of bushes a few yards away, behind him and to his right. His heart jolted, pounding at his rib cage. He started running faster, but the bag hindered him, slowing his stride a fraction. Oh God, was he going to die out here? After everything else he’d endured, would this finally be his end? Killed by another animal? Maybe it was his time. He’d cheated death for ten years while under his uncle’s eye; it would only be right for it to be over now.
Midstride, something hit Kai in the side, and he tumbled down, the backpack dislodged and sent flying into a nearby tree with a loud crack. His attacker wrapped around him, they rolled in a ball of fur for several feet before coming to a complete stop. A heavy weight on top of Kai pinned him to the ground. Kai issued a sharp, high-pitched scream. The sound echoed eerily through the forest. He scrabbled for release, punching his hind legs at the soft underside of whatever animal had tackled him. Another cry, an alarming bark, rattled in his throat. He didn’t want to die, not here, not as some wild animal’s dinner. He screeched again only for the sound to die halfway when the warm length atop him shifted in a bright flash of light and Cole’s human form appeared, holding him down.
Elation rushed through Kai, followed by relief and then fear. Would he beat Kai for running? When Kai met Cole’s gaze, the disappointment and despair there punched him in the gut worse than a fist.
“Why?” Cole asked, his voice a broken sound in the silent night.
Kai couldn’t answer, not just because of being in his animal form, but because he didn’t know how to answer Cole. He didn’t understand the feelings eating away at him the longer he remained in Cole’s presence, or the way he wanted to bury his furry face in the hard chest above him and beg for forgiveness. Kai closed his eyes and returned to his human form, keeping his head turned to the side to avoid the piercing stare. “I don’t know.”
“You promised to give me a month. I didn’t ask for anything else. Just one month.”
“I know,” Kai whispered. He couldn’t even begin to sort out why Cole’s hard body pressing his into the ground didn’t terrify him. Rather, to his utter horror, he felt himself getting hard and twisted his body to the side, trying to hide it. Cole must have taken it as a sign of struggling to get free because he abruptly rolled off of Kai into a crouch a few feet away.
Kai curled into himself to hide the bulge in his jeans. He knew about sex. He’d experienced wet dreams and masturbated a few times over the years, even heard Jerrod with his women sometimes. He’d never once been turned on by anyone. Maybe the fear of what they would do to him if they knew the truth kept his libido in check, but his body’s reaction to Cole embarrassed and shamed him.
“Is being around me so unbearable to you you’d rather live scared and alone? Rather be on the streets and hurt by strangers than let me help you?” Cole asked quietly.
Shaking his head, Kai closed his eyes again, fighting the burning sensation of tears.
“Then why? I have asked nothing of you since bringing you here. Nothing except to remain with me, get to know me, if only for a little while. Why did you agree if you can’t stand to be near me?”
Kai heard a hitch in Cole’s voice, and he shuddered at the intense desire to throw himself at Cole, plead for the other man to absolve him of the agonizing guilt liquefying in his veins. He’d never hurt anyone in his life on purpose, but in some way he’d deeply wounded Cole, the one man who seemed to want nothing except to help him. Kai swallowed several times past the lump in his throat. “I-I can’t….”
“Can’t what, Kai?” Leaves rattled, and Kai opened his eyes to find Cole kneeling now, studying him intently. Kai couldn’t answer. The words stuck in his throat. “Kai?”
“Please stop,” Kai pleaded. “I can’t!”
“Tell me. You can’t what?”
“I can’t care about anyone!” Kai exploded. He sat up in agitation and gripped at the sides of his head. “I just can’t!”
Warmth surrounded Kai’s wrists, and Cole pried Kai’s hands away, lowering them to Kai’s lap. “Look at me, Kai. Please.”
Kai shook his head.
“Look at me,” Cole demanded gently. Several tears escaped as Kai raised his gaze to meet Cole’s. “There are many things in this world not worth doing, but caring about someone is not one of them. Are you saying you care about me?”
“I-I don’t know,” Kai stuttered.
“Why did you run, then?”
Kai closed his eyes again, unable to meet Cole’s probing stare and the hope in the depths of his eyes. “I ca—”
“Don’t start with that again,” Cole rumbled.
Kai sensed the lack of menace behind the growl but felt Cole’s power. He shuddered and replied in a whisper, “I could.”
“Could what, kit?” Cole didn’t let him hide, wouldn’t let him go without explaining his obscure response.
“Care. I could care, and I don’t want to.”
Cole released one of Kai’s wrists, and Kai flinched at the touch of Cole’s fingers on his cheek. A sigh tickled the hair along Kai’s forehead, tousled in their struggle moments ago. Kai opened his eyes again to find Cole extremely close. A small sound, one he knew didn’t come from fear, slipped free. Kai found himself frozen at Cole’s nearness. When Cole began to stroke his cheek in a light caress, Kai’s pulse sped up a fraction, and his heart tripped a beat. Heat trickled along his veins, spiraling toward his lower half, causing his body to respond once more. Kai prayed Cole wouldn’t notice, but he knew if his own senses could pick up the scent and see through the darkness, Cole’s had to be keener, sharper. The predator residing within Cole must be stronger than his own if he’d found Kai so easily.
“Why don’t you want to care?” Cole whispered, never freeing Kai’s gaze from his.
Kai wasn’t sure how he had the strength to answer. His limbs grew heavy with the warmth spreading through him, and it seemed as if cotton suddenly filled his head. “Because it hurts,” he managed.
“What does?” Cole prodded, seeming to get even closer, his nose almost touching Kai’s.
“When you leave.”
Cole gave a soft growl. “Never going to leave you, kit.”
Kai trembled as Cole’s mouth settled on his. He whimpered at the brief touch and squeezed his eyes shut tight. Cole broke the kiss, only to return again when Kai didn’t object, this time deeper and firmer. Kai instinctively opened his mouth when Cole probed along his bottom lip. The slick sensation of Cole’s tongue across his lips brought out another whine, louder and needier. If his body had responded before, the new feelings rushing through him now made him even harder. Cole didn’t ask for more despite Kai realizing if the bigger shifter had, he wouldn’t have stopped him. He’d never experienced any of the sharp bolts of desire stabbing him all over his body. When he moved, his cock rubbed at the front of his briefs, a profound dampness making him wonder if he’d come in his pants from the kiss alone.
Cole freed Kai’s mouth, breathing heavily through his nose. Kai knew Cole couldn’t miss the tangy scent of his arousal, and he flushed even more. He opened his eyes but refused to meet Cole’s again. Embarrassment at how he’d responded forced him to fix his gaze on one broad shoulder and not look up. When Cole didn’t say or do anything else, Kai wondered if they would sit in silence the rest of the night. It had to be edging on to dawn soon. Of course, he had no clue how long they’d been sitting there.
“Kai?”
He continued his study of the corded muscle along Cole’s throat disappearing beneath the edge of the soft green shirt Cole wore. A single callused finger slid under Kai’s chin and tilted his head up, forcing him to either close his eyes or look at Cole. Kai almost opted for the first choice, but he couldn’t bring himself to deny Cole what he asked.
“Come home with me, kit. Please. Give me the agreed-upon month,” Cole murmured while searching Kai’s face for whatever answer he needed.
If Kai remained with Cole and Cole continued to be kind to him, his heart and his fox would never let him leave at the end of the month. Twenty-eight more days. Could he give Cole those days and still retain every piece of himself by the time they passed? His fox chirped, urging Kai to remain with the bigger shifter and accept what Cole offered. Kai found he couldn’t argue with either Cole or his fox. He wanted to stay.
“Yes.”
Cole seemed to sag at the single word. “Thank you.”
Kai looked around in discomfort and spotted his bag. He moved away from Cole and stood, then walked over to pick it up. He hefted it onto his shoulders in a deft shrug and looked at Cole, who had also gotten up from the forest floor. No words were exchanged as they began the walk home, their shoulders occasionally brushing. When they finally entered the clearing behind the house, the sun was just peeking over the horizon, gold and red fingers of dawn spreading across the inky darkness. Kai wondered if maybe it were a sign things were going to be different for him from then on.