Chapter 7
7
Cole
W hen Cole had awakened to a silent house, Kai’s heartbeat no longer present, he’d almost lost his mind. He’d rushed through every room, searching for Kai but coming up empty. When he’d managed to stem his panic enough to think, returned to Kai’s bedroom, and found the beloved pack missing, he knew Kai had run. The animal instinct in him kicked into overdrive, and moments later he was on his wayward mate’s tail, praying he’d reach him before he could disappear again.
He’d never imagined the night would end the way it did. The taste of Kai’s lips still crackled along his tongue, making him want more. Gods, the fire he’d experienced the moment their mouths touched had been unlike anything he’d ever known. Electricity had sparked a flame through every inch of his body. It had taken his entire being not to pin Kai to the forest floor and take him right there, everything else be damned. The knowledge Kai still didn’t trust him stopped him. He couldn’t risk damaging the tentative foundation their relationship perched on. Not if he wanted to keep Kai forever.
Kai’s admission had made his inner beast howl for joy, but it had also been extremely telling. The battle Cole fought included not only Kai’s fear of being hurt physically, but emotionally as well. The small step taken uphill gave Cole hope again, made his usual positive mental attitude return, and Cole swore he would take every chance he got to show Kai he wanted nothing more from him than to remain by his side. With every stride toward the house, his resolve grew stronger. He wouldn’t give up. Not now. Not after this. He’d allowed his fear of losing Kai to make him weak, and it shamed him. He’d never given up easily and even less so when it came to something that mattered.
When they reached the house, Cole opened the door and waited for Kai to enter first. “Why don’t you go get some sleep?” Cole suggested, noting the dark circles underneath Kai’s eyes.
“You should t-too,” Kai protested, his words broken by a yawn.
Cole smiled and reached out to pat Kai on the head. “I’m fine. Just need to check on the greenhouses first.”
He couldn’t sleep even if he wanted to. The progress with Kai left him too wired to relax enough to go to bed. “Go,” he said, nudging Kai toward his room.
Kai yawned again and nodded, trudging down the hallway. Cole chuckled a bit and reached for the phone on the bar. He dialed Nick’s number and waited. “You better have a damn good reason for calling at such an ungodly hour” came a gruff, annoyed greeting.
“Sorry, Thayne,” Cole replied, “I need to speak with Nick.”
Thayne, Nick’s mate, grumbled, and Cole could hear the rustling of sheets before Nick came on the line. “Cole? What’s wrong?”
“Sorry to wake you and your mate, but I need to see you. As soon as possible.”
“Are you okay?” Nick sounded more alert, and he could hear further rustling of the bedding as Nick sat up.
“I’m fine, Nick. Something happened tonight—something fantastic.”
“You’ve bonded?” Nick asked excited.
“Not yet.”
“Oh.” Disappointment sounded in Nick’s voice. “Am I to guess, or are you going to tell me?” Nick mused.
Cole sat on one of the stools and grinned. “I could tell you, but I’d rather you come here. Besides, I think Thayne is about to reach through the phone and strangle me for calling…” he trailed off as Thayne finished his sentence on the other end, “…at an ungodly hour.”
Nick laughed. “I’ll be over as soon as I can.”
Cole heard Thayne give a throaty growl just before the phone disconnected. He smirked, knowing Nick wouldn’t be as quick as he indicated. “Someday,” Cole murmured to himself and stood up to make some coffee.
He was already on his second cup when Nick arrived. Nick entered the house without knocking. They’d been friends for years, aside from Nick being his intended Beta when Cole took over as Alpha. Cole picked up on the just-ravished flush on Nick’s cheeks, and he noticed several red marks over Nick’s throat. He couldn’t be happier for Nick. When Nick had returned all those months ago from Wyoming, Cole had wondered if Nick would survive. He’d watched as Nick lost weight and became a shell of his former animated self. Not even Elijah had been able to help. When Cole had received the call about Nick ending up in the hospital, having collapsed while at the airport, Cole had been certain Nick would go the route most wolves did when they lost their mates. Nick pulled through despite everyone’s doubts.
Nick gave a sheepish smile and rubbed at the side of his neck. He didn’t offer any excuses, merely grabbed a mug and filled it with coffee before sitting across from Cole at the small breakfast table. “You want to tell me what’s going on?”
Cole spoke in a hushed voice, not wanting Kai to overhear him as he recounted what happened, including Kai’s true nature.
“A fox?” Nick asked incredulously.
“Keep your voice down,” Cole warned, glancing toward the hallway. “He doesn’t want anyone to know.”
“Sorry,” Nick grunted. “How is it possible no one knew? I mean, I guess it is possible, though. Thayne’s pack in Senaka thought only Native Americans could be wolves because of their ancestors. Even now they don’t exactly believe anything else. Why couldn’t there be others out there? What about his parents? Family? Does he know of any others?”
Cole shook his head. “No. His parents died when he was just a kid. He hasn’t told me anything else.”
Nick winced when Cole got to the point in the story where Kai had left, his own experience with his mate abandoning him most likely playing through his mind. When Cole finished, Nick had a wide grin on his face, and he reached out to tap Cole’s shoulder. “I knew things would work out,” Nick said.
“It’s not as if we’ve bonded,” Cole replied. “Things aren’t settled yet.”
“Maybe, but you’ve made progress, which is a good sign!”
Cole ran the fingers of one hand through his hair. “Is it? What if one tiny step forward means three giant ones back? I’m trying my damnedest to keep my hopes up he’ll be able to trust me someday and will want to remain with me, but I promised him I’d let him go at the end of the month. How the hell am I going to keep my promise, Nick? It’ll be like tearing my own heart out.”
Nick reached out and gripped Cole’s forearm. “You won’t have to keep your promise, Cole. His fox must recognize the connection. No matter how much he may want to, he can’t deny you’re his mate.”
“Thayne did.” Cole spoke before he thought and then covered his face with his hands. “Fuck! I’m sorry, Nick. That was a shitty thing for me to say.”
“It’s okay. You aren’t wrong. He tried to reject the connection, but couldn’t. It ate him up inside every day, as I am certain Kai is slowly working his way through. He won’t leave, Cole. Give him the chance to accept everything. He’s gone from living a life where he’s obviously been abused and believed he had no one in his corner to being thrust into one with mates and shifter packs. Try not to push him or yourself so hard.”
Cole dropped his hands and looked at Nick. “How did you survive this never-ending feeling as if your chest were going to cave in at any moment?”
Nick gave a mirthless smile. “I’m not sure I did during those months apart from Thayne. Even less when we bonded at first. I took it one day at a time and tried to muffle the pain however I could.”
“Was the pain worth it?” Cole asked.
“Oh yes,” Nick breathed, his green eyes softening as he thought of his mate. “More than you can imagine.”
Jealousy ate at Cole’s insides. He wanted to experience what Nick felt right then and to know Kai waited for him in their bed, anxious to accept him instead of fearful of him. Cole’s throat tightened, and his hands balled into fists. One day, he promised himself, one day soon he’d have the same kind of relationship.
“What are you going to do about the summit, Cole?” Nick asked, breaking Cole free of his thoughts.
Cole grunted. He prayed he could gain Kai’s trust by then. “I have no choice. If things are not settled between Kai and me by then, I will have to tell my father I can’t go.”
Nick grimaced. “Are you sure that’s wise?”
“What else can I do? I can’t leave him here, and I won’t force him to come with me to the summit.”
“Perhaps things will change by the day we leave,” Nick suggested hopefully.
“Perhaps.” Cole held no delusions about how difficult a road lay before him. The few inches he’d gained last night could easily be lost if he didn’t tread lightly. He changed the subject, needing to relax his mind for a while. “How’re things with Ryan?”
Ryan, Nick’s business partner and friend for eight years, had confessed his feelings for Nick during the time Nick completed his bond with Thayne. While the union of true mates was considered a sacred one, Nick and Thayne’s connection hadn’t been a real one. Oh, they’d bonded as a pair in the usual claiming, but the lack of acceptance in Thayne’s heart kept it from being complete, a fact Ryan had hoped would send Nick running into his arms. Only Nick had rejected Ryan’s feelings, and it created a rift between them. Cole didn’t know if the two of them could ever repair their friendship. When love became involved, things weren’t so black-and-white.
Nick sighed and rubbed at his stubbled chin. “It’s only been a few weeks, but I think him seeing how Thayne and I have become over the last month has helped a bit. He sees the mating bond has strengthened. I just don’t know if he’ll ever truly understand, to be honest.”
Cole nodded. “Maybe once he’s located his own mate, he’ll finally realize how hard it is to let them go, no matter how they treat you.”
Nick shrugged. “It’s possible. Maybe then he’ll forget his feelings toward me and we can be friends again. I miss him.” An exasperated expression came over Nick’s face, and Cole gave him a questioning look. “Thayne doesn’t like it when I think about Ryan,” Nick explained.
Cole laughed even though the reminder of the depth of a mate’s bond left a hollow feeling in his chest. The stronger their connection became, the more they were able to communicate, even telepathically. Thayne apparently had picked up on Nick’s thoughts about Ryan. “If you need to leave to reassure him, I don’t mind.”
Nick shook his head. “No. Thayne has to work at the diner today. Jo has promoted him to one of the cooks.”
“Jo must like him.” Cole chuckled. “Not many get on her good side so quickly.”
“Thayne has a silver tongue when he wants one. I figured it wouldn’t take him long to graduate from dishwasher to cook.”
“I need to check on my greenhouses this morning, and then we can have some breakfast if you want to stick around,” Cole suggested.
Nick looked at his watch. “I actually have a conference call with a new client in an hour and still need to get to the office, but rain check?”
“Always.”
Nick smiled and stood, clasping Cole’s hand and yanking him out of the chair into a brief hug. He slapped Cole on the back before stepping away. “Have faith, Cole. Things will work out.”
Cole wondered if Nick was right as he watched Nick leave.
L ater, after taking a walk through each greenhouse and giving instructions on what to plant next, Cole pulled Julie aside.
She gave him an exasperated look. “How long?” she asked.
Cole shook his head. She knew him too well. “A week, maybe two.”
Julie sighed. “Things aren’t going well with your mate, I take it.”
“I need to spend time with him, Jules. If I’m here in the greenhouses every day, it’s not enough. You know I’d never ask you this soon after returning if it weren’t important.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “I know, Cole. It’s fine. You owe me, though.”
“A nice long vacation!” he promised.
“Paid for,” she growled without menace. “To Hawaii or someplace with beaches and sun.”
“Done!”
“Fine, fine. Go. Everything will be taken care of. But don’t forget the meeting tomorrow with the Bryson’s Market rep. Nine at their headquarters in Redwood.”
Cole grinned and hugged her tight. “Thanks, Jules. You’re the best.”
“I know. I know. Now get out of here. Go claim your mate.”
With Julie, everything was in good hands, and she grumbled just to grumble. She’d never really tell him no or mean it when she did. The only reason she even seemed disgruntled was because he’d asked so soon after the last time.
When he returned to the house, the clock read a little past ten, and he could hear Kai’s steady heartbeat, indicating the younger man still slept. Cole had no idea how he would explain the summit to Kai, or if he even had a prayer of convincing Kai to come with him. Kai didn’t want to meet anyone, and Cole felt pretty certain Kai would completely balk at the idea with how many wolf shifters would be there.
He made breakfast for himself and ate in silence while lost in thought. His father wanted him to take over the pack soon, but he didn’t feel ready at all. How could he lead when he couldn’t even convince his mate to trust him? Would he be able to do it at all if or when Kai left him? The fears and worries swirled around inside his mind, eating away at the little bit of confidence he’d gained from the kiss they’d shared. It agitated him even further because he’d never been a timid or self-conscious person before. He’d always known he’d be a great Alpha when the time came. Not because it was part of his DNA, but because of his father. Since he could remember, he’d shadowed his father during pack meetings, listened to the powerful speeches his father gave, and seen the way the pack followed him with all their hearts. Now, he faced the greatest challenge of his life, and he wasn’t sure he could take it head-on without faltering and still hold on to the belief he would be as great an Alpha as his father.
A sound brought Cole out of his musings. He had no idea how long he’d been sitting there, but the remainder of his breakfast sat cold and untouched. Looking to his right, he saw Kai standing in the doorway, hesitation written on his expression. Cole dredged up a smile for him. “Good morning,” he greeted. “Are you hungry?”
Kai edged farther into the room with a slight nod. Cole got up and dumped the contents of his plate into the trash before setting the dish in the sink to wash later. His appetite had fled, and he didn’t relish the idea of eating cold eggs. “Anything you want in particular? I can make eggs or pancakes or anything else you want to eat.”
“You don’t have to go to any trouble,” Kai murmured. “Cereal is fine.”
Cole turned toward Kai, who’d taken a seat at the table. “I don’t mind. Really. Do you like pancakes? I used to eat them a lot when I was a kid. Now it’s more of a food I have to be in the mood for.”
“O-okay.”
“Pancakes it is.”
Whatever had caused Kai’s reluctance to come into the room moments ago faded away. Kai relaxed his shoulders and a slight smile crossed his lips.
“How’d you sleep?” Cole asked while grabbing the box of Bisquick from the pantry and the milk from the fridge.
“Good.”
One-word answers, Cole thought to himself with a sigh. “Is the room comfortable? When I had the house built, I kind of just let my mom run with the decor.”
“It’s fine.”
Two words! They were getting somewhere at least. Cole started mixing the ingredients in a bowl. “I took some time off from the greenhouses. My assistant manager, Julie, is going to be taking care of them for a couple of weeks.”
“Why?”
Cole looked over at Kai, who stared at him, confusion on his face. “So we can spend time together and get to know each other, Kai.”
Fear chased away the confusion, and Cole’s heart dropped into his stomach. The kiss hadn’t changed anything. His hand tightened on the wooden spoon until he heard a snap, and he worked at loosening his grip. Cole swallowed hard and pretended he didn’t notice Kai’s horror as he tossed away the broken utensil and grabbed another, mixing the pancake batter a little more vigorously. “It’s the only way you’ll learn you can trust me, and I thought maybe we could go for a run in the forest later too.”
Satisfied the lumps of powder were gone, Cole took down a frying pan and set it on the stove. He stopped and stared at the wall behind the stove. “I thought what happened last night meant you were starting to realize I don’t want to hurt you,” he said softly.
Cole had no idea if Kai would have responded because there came a sudden knock on the front door. Kai made a small sound of terror and stood, his chair legs scraping along the floor. Cole swung around to find Kai staring wild-eyed at the door. Frowning, he moved to Kai’s side and laid his hand on Kai’s shoulder. “It’s okay. No one here will harm you.”
The panic didn’t leave Kai’s face, and Cole pulled Kai against his chest, wrapping his arms around him. Maybe the animal instincts within Kai caused him to accept the comfort. Kai buried his face into Cole’s chest, shudders wracking his thin form.
“Who is it?” Cole called out, giving the person a chance to identify themselves before opening the door. Not normally something he would have done, but he wanted to reassure Kai it wasn’t whatever demon the younger man thought it would be.
“It’s your mother” came a dry response, curiosity buried in his mother’s voice.
Kai gripped him tighter when he made to move toward the door. Cole would have chuckled if the situation weren’t so amazingly tragic. Kai had never had a true childhood and a chance to experience the things in life that led to being an adult. It hurt Cole’s heart how deep Kai’s true nature had been buried inside him, stifled as he’d grown up. Cole could sense the spitfire his mate was meant to be and prayed he could someday bring out the real Kai. “The door’s open,” he shouted.
The snick of the handle turning sent Kai into a frenzy, and he attempted to push away from Cole—no doubt to run and hide.
Cole held on tight. “Shh,” he whispered, “she isn’t going to hurt you.”
Kai continued to struggle but eventually grew tired, still weak from malnourishment. Cole looked up at his mother, who stood there with sympathy on her face. “Hey, Mom.”
“Hi, honey. I came by to see if you needed help with any… ah… thing.” Her gaze flicked to Kai for a split second before returning to him.
Cole could practically hear the thoughts chasing one another in his mother’s head. She wouldn’t ask, at least not with Kai right there. “We were just about to have some breakfast. Would you like some?”
His mother glanced at the stove and saw the pan and bowl. “Why don’t I do that while you introduce me to your young friend?”
Cole nodded. “Sure, Mom, sounds great.”
Sara moved to the fridge to get some butter for the pan and then turned on the stove. Cole looked down to find Kai’s eyes pinned to his mother’s slender form. “Hey,” he whispered to get Kai’s attention.
Kai didn’t even flinch. “Kai,” Cole tried again. Finally, he raised his gaze to Cole, who didn’t look away while introducing them. “I want you to meet my mother. Her name is Sara. Mom, this is Kai.”
His mother smiled at Kai, but remained by the stove. “Hello, Kai. It’s wonderful to meet you.”
Kai returned to staring at Sara. Cole attempted to help Kai to his seat, but Kai dug his fingers even farther into the shirt at Cole’s lower back, clinging to the one person he knew in the sea of the unfamiliar. Cole didn’t move. He remained by the table, holding Kai, and started talking to his mother, hoping the normality of the situation would help Kai calm down. “Where’s Dad?”
“Your father had some pack business to handle with the upcoming summit. He wanted to check the accommodations were all in order.”
Sara expertly flipped the pancake in the pan and allowed the other side to cook before sliding it onto the stack already started. “Nick tells me things are going great with Thayne. I’m glad to see things on track with those two.”
“Yeah, he was over here this morning for a while.”
As they talked, Cole could feel Kai beginning to relax bit by bit with the two of them not focused on him. Kai still wouldn’t look away from Sara, but Cole picked up on the fear in Kai beginning to change to something else. When Sara came toward them to set a plate on the table, Kai didn’t tense or shy away. Instead Kai seemed fascinated by his mother. “What do you two boys have planned today?” Sara asked as she began to clean up.
Cole managed to lower Kai into a chair without him and nudged him to pick up the fork, tipping his head to indicate Kai should eat. “I wanted to show Kai around the greenhouses if he’s willing, and then I thought we’d go for a run later on.”
“Sounds fun. How’s Julie doing?”
“She’s great, really helped me out the last few weeks. You know how I’ve been trying to land the account for Bryson’s Market?”
“Of course. It’s all you’ve talked about for two years!”
Sara filled two mugs with coffee and came to the table, setting one cup at the third seat and sinking into the chair across from Kai. Kai stopped moving immediately, fork halfway to his mouth, and stared at her, but when she didn’t do anything except take a sip and continue talking to Cole, he resumed eating, slowly.
“What about Bryson’s Market?” she asked.
Cole pulled out the other chair and sat, picking up the mug his mother had brought him. He preferred his coffee black and strong. He never understood how people could load the drink down with sugar, creamer, and everything else and still call it coffee. “George’s brother Thomas happens to know the owners, and when the wife used my bath salts, she insisted her husband give me a meeting. I have a conference with a representative from their company tomorrow.”
“Such wonderful news, honey!” Sara exclaimed. “I’m proud of you. You’ve done so well with this place.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Cole smiled and took a sip of the dark liquid.
His mother glanced at Kai, who still had not taken his eyes off of her, and then she looked toward Cole. “Your father wants you to be at the summit,” she said without censure.
Cole knew she already suspected what he’d say. He shrugged. “We’ll see how it goes. I can’t guarantee I will be right now.”
Surprisingly, Kai asked, “What’s a summit?”
Cole raised his eyebrows but didn’t make a big deal of Kai speaking up in front of his mother. “Remember how I told you there are other packs out there?”
Kai nodded.
“There’s a pack in Wyoming who believed only Native Americans could be true wolves. Because of the ties we now hold with them, and in order to give the wolves of each group a higher chance for finding their mates, we’ve planned a summit at a lodge in neutral territory where we’ll meet and spend a few days together.”
“And you have to go?” Kai asked.
Cole picked up on the edge in Kai’s voice. “Depends.”
“On what?” Trepidation shone on Kai’s face.
“Whether or not you go with me. I can’t leave you here on your own.”
“I can take care of myself,” Kai snapped, a bit of his fire showing through. Then Kai seemed to realize how he’d responded, and fear of retribution flitted across his pale features.
Cole ignored it and calmly explained, “I know, but I can’t leave you because I need you. My wolf won’t allow me to be separated from you.”
Kai gaped at him, surprised. Before he could recover or ask further questions, Sara chuckled and reached out to pat Kai’s hand gently. “He’s always had a way with words, baby.”
Cole noticed Kai jump at his mother’s touch, but he didn’t pull away from her. Jealousy warred with satisfaction. Kai was already getting comfortable around his mother, but it also frustrated Cole at how easy he’d come to trust her and not him. He gave a humorless grin and hid his emotions behind his coffee mug by taking a sip. “Do you think you can soften the blow with Dad?”
Sara gave him a resigned look. “I’ll try. You know your father wanted you to be there for more than just the reason for the summit.”
“I know, Mom, but you can’t tell me he would handle this any differently if he were in my place.”
Kai had grown quiet again, but Cole could sense it wasn’t out of fear. He picked up on a strand of agitation and frowned, studying Kai, who’d returned to eating, gaze locked on the plate.
“I understand, honey. You don’t have to explain or defend yourself to me. I’m happy for you and will do what I can to help.”
Cole sighed and set his mug down. “I know Dad thinks I’m ready to take over the pack, but I don’t think I am.”
Sara set her hand on his forearm. “Trust your father’s judgment, Cole. He would never jeopardize you or the pack. He’s seen the progress you’ve made with your business. The dedication you give it is inspiring. He knows you’ll make a great Alpha. Besides, your mother wants some time alone with her husband for a change.”
She grinned at him. Cole laughed and leaned over to kiss her cheek. “You’re the best, Mom.”
“I know,” she replied cheekily.
They continued to chat about the pack and news about other members, eventually bleeding into the topic of Cole’s current crops. Kai didn’t speak up again, and it wasn’t until he stood that he drew Cole’s attention away from his mother. “I need to use the bathroom,” Kai muttered and, to Cole’s surprise, practically stomped out of the room.
Cole sighed. What had he done now?
Sara gave a soft laugh and reached up to pat his cheek. “He’s going to be a handful, Cole, but give him time. The abuse he’s endured is much worse than I expected from what you told your father and me the other night. I can see it in his eyes. Don’t push him too fast or too far before he’s ready. There’s still a fire in him his abuser hasn’t managed to eliminate.”
“I don’t know how to handle this, Mom. I’ve seen a lot of things shadowing Dad all these years: the banishment of pack members, the Created Ones, and even the deaths of other wolves. But this… this is something I don’t have a clue what to do about. I don’t want to push him, and I’m fighting my wolf’s instincts to ignore Kai’s fears and take what I want, but how do I get past the wall?”
Sara glanced toward the hallway Kai had disappeared down and lowered her voice. “He needs to speak with a therapist, Cole.”
Cole shook his head. “I doubt he’d agree to. Not yet anyway. Maybe later on.”
“Then I suggest you spend some time reading, honey. If you can’t get him to see someone, the only answer is to try to learn what you can to help you help him.”
He couldn’t believe he hadn’t already thought of looking things up online. Giving a wry smile, he replied, “Thanks, Mom.”
She shrugged. “That’s what moms are for, sweetie. I think I’m going to head out, though. I need to check in on Paulette. She’s been feeling ill the last couple of weeks. I think she’s pregnant again.”
Paulette was a human mate to one of his father’s Betas. She’d already had three pups and swore she’d never have another one. “George must have super seed or something,” Cole joked.
Sara batted him on the shoulder and rolled her eyes. “Men,” she scoffed. Standing, she leaned in and hugged Cole. “I’ll see you later, honey. Remember what I said. Give him time.”
Cole walked his mom out and watched her get into her car. He closed the front door when she’d driven onto the main road and turned around to find Kai standing in the hallway entry, arms wrapped around his waist in a protective manner. The expression on Kai’s face did not give him hope time would make a difference.