Chapter 18
18
ALEC
I stayed inside, pounding my fists against the punching bag as I waited for Sherry to give me the go-ahead. That was where she found me about an hour later and forced me out of the house to go grovel.
I was not looking forward to that. Not that Rae didn’t deserve it, but it just meant I’d have to lay it all out there. Tell her why I panicked, the stories I really wanted to forget.
On my way toward the pool, the slate stone hot beneath my bare feet, my cell phone rang. I raced toward the table where I left it earlier and answered it.
“What did you find?” I asked, scanning the pool area for Rae, but came up empty. I strode to the pool and checked the water. Nothing. I spun on my heels toward the cabana and released the breath I was holding. She appeared to be sleeping on the mattress, hat covering her face.
“You and Rae fighting again?” Charlie asked.
To keep from bothering her, I moved to the far corner of the concrete. “It’s complicated.”
“It always is when it’s important. Listen, I just left the coroner’s office. The new victim had the same strange ligature mark. We’ve found his signature, and do you want to guess what the coroner thinks he’s using as the ligature?”
“No, I don’t want to guess. I don’t have time for that.” I sighed and glanced back to Rae to make sure she was still sleeping. “Apparently I have some groveling to do. Just tell me what the bastard used.”
A loud high-pitched whistle belted through the phone. “Damn, man. From what I’ve witnessed, you’re terrible with women. Need pointers?”
“I’m a little out of practice,” I muttered. “Rae is different from some random hookup.”
“That she is. Hey, if you fuck this up and I?—”
“Don’t even say it if you value your life,” I threatened.
“Right, which I do, so moving on. It was a shoe string. That’s what this guy is using to strangle his victims. The coroner also said half the beating happened antemortem. Then he was strangled and beaten some more.”
Lips pressed in a thin line, I processed his words. “That’s odd. Oddly specific.”
“Very. And difficult to trace. I asked the ME to swab the wound to see if we could get anything from it. Maybe we’ll be lucky and he’s used the same shoestring in all the murders.”
“That would be a huge connection clearing Rae’s name for sure.”
He hummed in agreement. “There’s so much more.”
“I’ve missed out on all the fun, it seems.”
“Work, you mean. You’ve missed out on all the work I’ve been tasked to do single-handedly.” I chuckled. He was right. “We questioned that guy, and you’ll never believe what he told us. He couldn’t give us a name, said the man who put him up to this didn’t have a name. And, Alec, this guy literally pissed himself in the interrogation room when talking about the other guy. He’s some enforcer, takes out anyone who steals from the dealers or doesn’t pay up. So on a hunch, I did a little searching through other cold cases.”
“Hacking. You did a little hacking.”
“Touché. I found fifteen other murders that might be our guy’s. I have a program pulling the autopsy photos now, and I’ll check for strangulation marks.”
“Fifteen?” I cursed. I stared at Rae, suddenly hating the distance between us. If the guy who’d done this also killed fifteen other people, she’d been in more danger than she realized over the years. “Are you saying a serial killer is stalking Rae?”
“Perhaps, but there’s nothing in the cold case victims that tie them to Rae, nor did the other murders have the same level of overkill. I don’t know how Rae ended up on this guy’s radar, but….”
“This is bad.” I could almost hear his answering nod. “We need to find the connection between Rae and this fucker. That’s the key to unraveling it all. Did you at least get a description of the killer?”
“White, shaved head, dead eyes.”
“Fuck.” My stomach tightened with dread.
“I’m digging into her background, financials, and records later today. I sent that evidence to Dallas via courier earlier, along with a sample I took from her house. It won’t take long for them to compare the two samples and possibly give us a lead.”
I tightened my grip on the phone. “We’re staying here, where it’s safe, until we know more.”
“Yep. I’ll call you when I have anything else.”
“Charlie,” I said before he could hang up. “Thank you for everything you’re doing. I appreciate it.” I clicked the phone off and tapped it against my chin. This was worse than I initially assumed. A serial killer was stalking my Rae.
I’d kill him if he came after her and enjoy every second. One thing was for certain, she wasn’t leaving my sight until we caught this guy.
The phone clattered to the metal table. Stealing a few grapes, I popped them all into my mouth and set across the pool deck, ready to explain and grovel to the woman who owned me body and soul, then detoured, jumping into the clear water instead.
I sank to the bottom, allowing the cold water to soothe my aching muscles and calm my racing thoughts. Only when my lungs burned with a desperate need for air did I press the balls of both feet to the rough bottom and push to the surface. Half my face submerged, I glided along the top of the water, my eyes on Rae, who was awake and watching me in return. Apprehension pulsed through my veins as I climbed out of the pool, water cascading down my shoulders and back, which she tracked with a guarded gaze.
“Hey,” I said. Grabbing a fresh towel, I wiped the streaming water from my face. Taking one end, I wrapped it around my neck and grasped the other end. “Listen, I….” Fuck, how am I going to explain this without displaying how much of a shit show I am on the inside? “I want to explain.”
“Alec.” She sighed. Sitting all the way up, she stretched those long muscular legs out and crossed one ankle over the other. My fingers twitched to caress down them. “I don’t want an excuse. If you’re not ready to—” She looked to the sky like the right word was there. “—work at this, then we can leave it. We can focus on the case and nothing more. Because I can’t… no, I deserve better than you walking away from me every time you doubt yourself or it gets difficult.”
I nodded as I twisted the towel’s ends around my hands.
“You do deserve better. You deserve the best of everything, Sunshine, and that’s not me. I’m….” I groaned and shut my eyes. “I’m not good at this. I don’t open up. I sure as hell don’t have any relationship that lasts longer than a night or two.”
“Thanks for the visual,” Rae grumbled as she picked at the terry cloth towel beside her.
“What I’m trying to say is be patient with me. I don’t deserve you, or you giving me a chance to make this right, but I promise to try and be the man who can earn the privilege of being with you.” Her gaze softened. “I’ve always had issues with being restrained. I have little control over who I hurt or how I react when that panic takes over. I thought I’d conquered that defect?—”
“It’s not a defect,” Rae snapped like I’d somehow offended her instead of degrading myself.
“Fine, that issue , but today proved me wrong. It’s never happened when I was with a woman, mostly because I maintain control the entire time. I never let them have the upper hand. That’s probably why I like restraints so much,” I mused. “It allows me full control even if the woman gets a little overzealous while we’re together.”
I couldn’t help my grin at Rae’s hiss.
“Why are you telling me all this, Alec?”
“Because you deserve an explanation, not an excuse. Earlier in the pool, when you wrapped your arms around my neck, that panic slammed into me, and I wasn’t prepared for it. All I could think about was getting out of your hold.”
She frowned. “I wasn’t trying to restrain you, though.”
I shook my head and sat on the edge of the mattress. “You’re thinking about it logically. Did I…?” I took one of her arms and inspected the slightly pink smooth skin, searching for bruising or red marks. “Did I hurt you?”
“Not the way you’re thinking.”
I shook my head in disgust at myself. I wasn’t a man; I was a fucking coward who hurt the woman he loved because he was weak.
“I still hurt you. Physically or emotionally, it’s all the same to me. I don’t want to be that man you’re guarded around all the time. And that’s all I’ll ever be. I’m broken without a way to be fixed, Sunshine. It’s why I left all those years ago and why I should walk away now. All I’ll ever do is cause you pain.”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip in an attempt to conceal her grin. “Pretty sure what you made me feel last night and today in the pool, before you pushed me away, wasn’t hurt. I’m feeling a little tortured sexually after being that turned on and left hanging.” Releasing her teeth, she let that full smile bunch her cheeks. “You’re being too hard on yourself. I’m not great at this either, but I’m willing to try. For you.”
“This is serious, Sunshine. I’m trying to give you an out before you get hurt.”
“Listen.” She pushed off the bed and rested on her knees. “I’ve had a long time to daydream about us together, and now you’re here, with me. I don’t want an out, I want you. Broken bits and all.”
I sighed and slumped my shoulders in defeat. She wouldn’t let me go no matter how many times I warned her away, so where did that leave me?
“I want you, Alec, even if it’s just for a little while.”
“You’re too good for a hookup. You deserve a forever with a man who?—”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” she exclaimed and tossed her hands into the air. They slapped against her thighs as she turned angry eyes on me. “Please stop telling me what I do or don’t deserve and leave that up to me. Right now, I’m just a girl who’s really horny after being left hanging and needs you to follow through on what you started.”
I blinked, turning to face her squarely. An empty bottle of wine along the bed caught my eye. “How drunk are you?”
She laughed. “Tipsy enough to not have a filter. Your wine is fantastic, by the way. But I’m not drunk enough to not know what I’m doing or what I want.”
My cock stirred to life at her suggestion. “You don’t know what you’re asking for.”
“Try me,” she stated and crossed her arms. My gaze dipped to her cleavage.
“I have rules. No restraining me. I’m in control at all times. And whatever I say goes. Do you have a safe word?” My chest rose and fell with my rapid breaths. I was already rock hard, and I hadn’t even touched her.
“Bananas. I hate bananas.”
I smirked. “Bananas it is.” Kneeling to the concrete, I wrapped both hands behind her thighs. “Use it if you need to. I’m not gentle,” I mused. “But I assume it’s been a while for you so I’ll go easy – for now.”
“A while since sex?” I nodded. “With a real-life penis, yes. Fake, almost every night.”
My caressing hands stilled. “Toys. You masturbate with toys. Now that I have to see.”
“The last time I had sex with a person, it wasn’t that great. Terrible, actually. Not that the toys have been that fulfilling lately anyway.”
Well, this conversation took an interesting turn. I leaned forward and placed a kiss on the top of her slightly sunburned thigh. “Oh?”
“Yeah,” she breathed, those brown soulful eyes finding mine. “It does the job, but it’s just not as fulfilling. Like when you get a piece of cake that looks delicious only to bite into it and find out it’s gluten-free with sugar-free icing. I mean, you eat the cake because it’s cake, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as you’d hoped.”
“And the gross cake is your toys?” I wasn’t sure if I was tracking.
“Yes. And a real cake is a penis attached to a living man.”
“Can we please stop saying the word penis?” I grumbled and adjusted myself in my suit.
“And not just any dick, but a connection with the dick. Or the person attached to the dick. Toys don’t form a connection, so it’s so impersonal. Unless you’re drunk and they’re anyone you want them to be?—”
I pressed three fingers to her lips. “So to summarize, it’s been a while since you’ve been with anyone.” My voice rumbled with even the suggestion of another man touching her.Hands beneath her armpits, I stood and tossed her back to the bed. Dark hair fanned around her smiling face. “And your safe word is bananas.”
Wrapping a hand around each of her ankles, I pulled her to the edge of the bed, legs spread around me. With a single finger beneath each of the tiny suit straps, I pulled them over her shoulders and down her arms.
She sent a panicked look toward the house. “What if Sherry?—”
“She won’t. Don’t worry, Sunshine, I won’t let anyone see you but me.” I worked the top of the swimsuit down, exposing her rosy nipples. I groaned and cupped myself, giving my impatient dick a hard squeeze. I wasn’t a small guy, so she needed some warming up before my cock could have some fun.
Her lids fluttered closed, back arching when I palmed both breasts, pinching the peaked nipples until she cried out. A dark chuckle rumbled in my chest. I made quick work of removing the swimsuit, tossing it aside as I stared at her weeping center.
Last night was torture, touching her without seeing every inch of her beautiful body. Today, seeing all of her displayed for me, spread around my thighs, was so fucking erotic. I shivered at the sight as I palmed her hips. Her thighs tightened around mine, a look of unease flittered across her face.
“What if you…? Can we go somewhere dark?”
Ah. That’s what she was worried about. I dragged a finger through her core and pushed inside. “No. I want to see all of you.” Her lips parted. Adding another finger, I pushed both into her and pressed a thumb to her swollen clit. “I said no. We’re staying out here. Now relax.”
Knees to the pool deck, I yanked her closer and dipped my nose between her thighs. Our matching moans echoed through the pool area, disappearing into the Texas landscape.
Gentle.
Gentle.
Gentle.
I repeated the mantra to keep my control locked in place. Rae wasn’t a virgin, but she might as well have been. I would need to soften my rough tendencies for now.
“Tell me, Sunshine,” I said while parting her lips with both thumbs. I gave her sweet center a long lick. “Has anyone ever eaten your sweet pussy?”
“Oh fuck,” she cried out.
“Answer me,” I demanded and pinched her nub for emphasis.
She screamed a “No”.
“Well, I think we should change that, don’t you?”