Natalie
three
We did it, we finally got his name!
“ J ulian.” I whisper to him as he still sleeps beside me.
I can’t believe he finally told me his name, I always thought it would be something crazy to match his personality.
But he has such a normal name. “Julian, wake up. I have to go.” I say a little louder. He holds me tighter against his chest.
OMG he’s so cute!
I must have turned around in the night because I’m now facing him.
His mask has slipped a little, showing a little of his jawline and the corner of his lips.
He has a small scar on his bottom lip, some more around his chin and jawline, small like scars you would get from chicken pox, but not round like them.
These look more like small, deliberate slices.
Reaching up, I glide a finger across the scar on his lip, down his exposed jaw, then down his neck.
The stubble tickles my skin. His lips lift in the corner with a small smile, making my heart skip a little.
I always imagined his smile, but now I know what it actually looks like.
Aren’t we lucky?
“Good morning.” He chuckles. “How are you feeling now?” I glide my hand up his cheek under his mask, he turns a little and presses his lips against my palm before turning back to me, making my heart skip a beat.
Even though yesterday was brutal, this man, this sweet, desirable, loving man, can always bring a smile to my face.
“Better than yesterday, but still in a bit of shock. Why did he do it?” I sigh.
Most people wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed the morning after a traumatic experience.
But for me this is normal. After being molested, raped and beaten from a young age, what’s one more assault to add to the list.
Yes I know I should go to therapy, but screw that. I’m not gonna sit with a stranger and talk about feelings. Not when I have you and Mr stalker.
“Don’t go to work today, please.” He speaks softly, tucking my hair behind my ear.
Swoon.
“I have to.” I lift my leg over his, trying to get as close to him as possible. He shuffles into me, obviously feeling the same.
“Then please don’t stay alone with him.” He pleads.
“I don’t want you to get hurt again.” He places his hand over mine where it rests on his cheek under his mask.
“You have no idea what I would do if you get hurt again.” His fist clenches behind my back.
I freeze, not knowing what he is going to do, but he relaxes his hand.
My skin goosebumps under his gentle touch as he lifts my top and strokes up and down my spine, his gentle side makes my heart flutter.
This isn’t the first time we’ve been close like this, I’ve hugged up to him many times, especially after a nightmare and I’ve got up to get a drink to find him asleep on the couch.
I’m not ashamed to say I woke him by snuggling up beside him, yet he never complained, not once. He just held me while I cried. Comforted me as I told him about my dreams. He stayed silent, never interrupting me, never cutting me off. Just silently consoling me in my times of need.
“I can’t promise anything. He is my boss.
I can’t stop him if he sends people home.
” I sigh, I understand where Julian is coming from, but I can’t cower away.
I didn’t cower away from Pa, or my coworkers.
I didn’t cower away when I first saw Mr Stalker in my kitchen.
So I’m not going to run away from Mr Howard.
“Then call me. Text me. Just tell me please.” He exhales.
“I don’t have your number.” I chuckle.
“ You do, I added it for you last night.” He smiles. God, I love his smile.
Stretching over his massive torso, I feel for my phone and hold it up behind him so I can see the screen. He seems to pout a little at me not rubbing his cheek anymore. Unlocking my phone I scroll through the limited number of contacts and laugh out loud. “Mr Stalker?”
“That is what you call me.” He beams.
“So I can’t call you Julian now?” He stills, his jaw dropping. “Oh, I was awake, I heard you.” I feel his smile against my neck as he hides his masked face. Is he embarrassed?
“I thought you were sleeping.” He huffs, then gently presses his lips to my shoulder in a soft kiss - again. When am I actually going to feel his lips on mine. I’m not complaining about the shoulder kisses, I think they’re so fucking sweet. I’m just…
I dunno how to explain it.
“What is the time?” He peeks over his shoulder to look at my phone, distracting me from my thoughts. “Almost time to get up right?”
“Yeah,” I sigh, “I’d rather stay here all day with you, but I can’t.
” I yelp as he snatches my phone from my hand, places it back on the table and spins so I lay on top of him.
“I can’t stay, Julian.” He covers us both with the duvet and the warmth of both him and the cover relaxes me.
I mirror his actions from last night, lifting his shirt up slightly and stroking his hip. He echoes me, stroking along my spine.
“You can, just call in sick.” He whispers and I snuggle my face against the crook of his neck. “And say my name again.”
“Julian.” I murmur against his skin. “ Mr Julian Stalker . ” I giggle. He laughs quietly. “I have to start getting ready.” I groan.
“Promise to keep me updated.” He tells me.
“I promise.” I whisper. “Now please let me go. I have to get showered and dressed.”
“My strong, brave woman.” He says quietly.
“You are such an inspiration, treasure.” I’ve read these words from him before but hearing them come from him is a different story.
“I always find myself worrying so much about you. I want to keep you safe, protect you in every way I can. I am so fucking obsessed with you it hurts. It hurts not being able to be with you. To be able to be open and honest with you. I want to, I really do. But I can’t.
If anyone finds out we’re together you could get really hurt, or killed.
I won’t risk it. Hell, even you knowing my name is a risk. ”
“I won’t tell anyone.” I assure him, lifting my head a little I place a kiss against his stubbled jaw. “I promise, I want to protect you as much as you do me, Julian.”
“I know, treasure.” I feel a slight press on my head.
“You don’t have to protect me, baby. I can look after myself.
I just don’t want you to be in any danger because of me.
” He jolts as I stroke along a sensitive spot on his ribs.
“I don’t want to let you go but I know I have to.
” He holds my waist to keep me balanced until he is sat up straight, then shuffles back until his back hits the headboard.
Bringing my arms up around his neck, I relax against him.
No matter what happens in my life, this man has brought me comfort time and time again.
After my suicide attempt, after multiple assaults - both verbal and physical - from my co-workers, and now after being raped by my boss.
I don’t know if I would have managed to stay as strong as I am without Julian .
Julian. I can’t believe I finally know his name.
I stare into his green crosses. My eyes drifting down slowly to his exposed lips. I must be going fucking crazy, after yesterday I should be afraid. But no, I feel the safest I’ve ever felt in my life.
I lower my face to his, slowly closing the gap between us. His lips part, getting ready to speak.
Probably going to tell me to stop.
“Natalie.” He whispers my name, “we shouldn’t. You’re in a vulnerable state right now.”
“It’s just a kiss. Julian.”
“Just a kiss?”
“Mmm.” I close my eyes, Julian's hands come up and grab my face. Caressing my cheeks, he presses his lips to mine carefully, before pulling back. He maneuvers my head back to the crook of his neck before his fingers continue their gentle massage up my back to my shoulder blades. His heavy breathing and racing heart make me smile slightly. He’s nervous.
I feel myself slowly drifting off in his arms when the ringing of my phone disrupts the peace.
I tense when I see the name on the screen.
Why is Howard calling me so early in the morning?
“Hello.” I answer, even though Julian tries to convince me not to.
“Miss Baker, I just wanted to let you know about a change in the schedule. You’re not needed this morning, but you can come in and do the afternoon and evening shift.
And don’t forget I still need you to stay late again tonight to help me count the money in the safe .
” Julian growls quietly under his mask. His hands now on my thighs grasp against my pyjama shorts..
He leans his head against my shoulder and takes some slow, deep breaths trying to keep himself calm.
“Umm, okay. Bye.” I cut the call and take his large hands in mine, “I’ll be okay. I promised to call you, didn't I?”
“He. Raped. You.” He spits out each word. “And you just agreed to be alone with him again.” He removes his hands from mine and lifts his head. “I really thought you were smart enough to stay away from him .”
“I thought we established this already. I have to go to work. And it’s not like I can do anything anyway. Not with his brother being the police chief.” Julian huffs a sarcastic laugh and I remember Pa’s blood covered watch. “Julian, promise me you won’t do anything.”
“I’m not promising that Natalie,” he looks away from me, out the window to where the sun is half risen. “He hurt you. You are mine and no-one damages my property.”
Oh, he didn’t just say that, did he?
“I’m not an object.” I grit my teeth. “And I’m no-one’s property . ” The last one to say that to me was Pa, he passed us around like we were his sex dolls. And at times he would dress us up like them too. The memory of that first time Pa lent me out comes flooding back.