Chapter 6 Raynor
Raynor
PAST
Vae lets out a shriek as she runs past; Mal chases her around the park. She flies up the pirate ship and climbs up onto the rails, holding the flagpole as she stares down at him. She looks wild and so alive.
“Give up!” Mal shouts at her.
“Never! I am the pirate king.”
I shake my head, amused at her sudden obsession.
“You’re a girl, you can’t be a king or a pirate,” Deacon growls.
She narrows her eyes at Deacon. I snicker, already knowing the answer.
“I can be the king and queen; I can be anything I want to be.”
“Of course, you can!” Mal shouts.
Deacon narrows his eyes. “Get down now. Pirates are bad.”
I stand up and climb up the pirate ship until I can grip her legs. She lets out a scream and spreads her arms, trusting me to catch her.
“Look, I can fly.”
PRESENT
“Not going to happen, not ever. Never!” I snap at Vae and lean over the kitchen table, bracing my fists on either side of me so I can give her my best glare.
She inhales, drawing herself up and narrowing her eyes. “You can’t stay mad at me forever, Raynor.”
“Try me. It’s not me that’s jumping and bailing out of this family.”
I swear, I see steam coming from her ears, but when she speaks, her tone is even and very carefully controlled.
“I’m not doing this with you. You have a gig. Have fun, good luck. I love you.”
I glare at her. “If you loved me, you wouldn’t be abandoning me when I need you most.”
She slams her mug down on the kitchen table. “I am not abandoning you; I’m going to help you transition to independent living.”
“We are independent.”
She turns away from me. “What appointment do you have at three today? How do you make a risotto? What cycle do you wash your clothes on? When was the last time you woke up to an alarm instead of a damn coffee and piece of toast with half jam and half peanut butter because you don’t like the two to mix but don’t want two pieces? ”
I grind my teeth.
“I’m going to show you how to do things so that they don’t disrupt your life too much. Just, can you trust me, please?”
I hang my head. I hate arguing with Vae, but this is too much. “You’re leaving. Just like that? How can you even contemplate just leaving? I can’t imagine even a day without you.”
She clenches the sink so tight her knuckles turn white. “Because I don’t have a choice,” she whispers. She turns and brushes past me, going to Mal’s door and pushing it open.
“Mal, you have to get up; you’re going to be late.”
“Get out, Vae!”
“You have practice.”
“Get OUT!”
She retreats and stands there looking at the door like she wants to cry. This whole situation is confusing me. Vae wants to leave, but she doesn’t. She’s angry and hurting, but she is resolute.
I want to go into Mal’s room and kick his ass for putting that look on her face. But I think I’m more angry with myself than with her.
I lean against the doorframe and try to look at this all objectively.
Vae does so much for us, but she’s never implied she was unhappy.
I thought she liked taking care of us. The only time I’ve really seen her upset is when some of the many passing girlfriends got a little bit too comfortable. But we always moved them on.
She knows that.
Is it the girlfriends?
They’re nothing to us.
Doesn’t she know that she’s our Vae? She’s one of us. Family. Besides…it’s been a long time since I touched one of them. They hold no interest for me.
She knocks on Deacon’s door and, to my irritation, he walks out naked, with morning wood.
Vae stumbles back, letting out a cute little meep.
“Morning, Hook. Do you need something from me?” The sly innuendo in his tone says he’s planned this well in advance.
Her eyes are wide as she looks down and then jerks her eyes back up to his face. Her cheeks burn red.
“You have…um, uh, practice. You need to get ready for practice.”
Deacon scratches his chin and reaches up to the top of the door frame and stretches. Asshole.
“Do I?”
“Yes, you have, and just get ready!” She snaps and stalks off.
Deacon catches her and hugs her from behind. Her eyes get huge, and her mouth drops open. I’m not jealous, I’m not. But the way her eyes glaze is really interesting.
Deacon lets her go. “What would we do without you?”
Okay, what is he up to now?
Vae must think the same thing because she wriggles free from his hold and bolts past me into the kitchen.
“Really, Deacon?” I hiss at him. I grab a t-shirt off the door handle and toss it at his head.
He bats it away and smirks, slowly reaching down to stroke his cock before slipping into Mal’s room. Two minutes later, I hear the rhythmic thumping and groans as my pack fuck each other’s brains out.
But I keep eyes on Vae. I half expect her to run, but she holds her ground, getting smaller and smaller.
I catch that honeycomb candy scent in the air again and find myself staring at her, a question I don’t dare voice hanging in the air. In the next second, I convince myself that I’m wrong. She exhales and relaxes.
“Let me show you Maria’s recipe book.”
I refocus on her scowl. “I’m an artist, not a cook.”
She scoffs. “You can do anything; you’re Raynor.”
“Whilst your blind faith in my abilities warms the cockles of my heart, I can confidently tell you that not even a pot of boiling water is safe around me. And you well know it.”
She closes her eyes. “I need you to try, Raynor. I need you to help me get Mal and Pan on board.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to be the reason their careers get flushed down the dunny.”
“So stay.”
She stares at me, and, for the first time in forever, I don’t see Vae, my best friend, or Vae, who is my family. I see a stranger, a young beta who is capable, talented, and floating away from me as surely as the wind steals a stray feather. I am afraid to lose her, but it seems inevitable.
I don’t want her to say what I know is coming, but I brace myself for it.
“I can’t.”
“Why? I don’t understand.”
“You have girlfriends and a life, and I’m just floating in your shadow. I want more. I don’t want to be eating on the porch because we only have four chairs.”
“I’ll buy you another chair!” I shout.
She flinches.
Flinches from me.
I feel like the worst kind of asshole.
“Vae, I would never hurt you.”
She smiles, and this time, it’s without artifice. “I know that.”
Does she, though?
“I need to get to my gig.”
She turns around, facing the sink. I approach slowly, unsure if it’s still okay for me to do this. I embrace her from behind, and she leans into me. The relief I feel as she relaxes into me is a balm to all the confused feelings churning inside me.
“I will bring you something nice.”
“Good luck today. I’ll be cheering you on.”
On impulse, I kiss her neck and then panic because why did I do that? And why did it feel so good? I step back, breaking contact.
My head’s all messed up, that’s why I’m thinking ridiculous thoughts like ‘hold on’ and ‘never let her go’ and ‘why I want to lick the flavour of her skin off my lips.’
“You’ll be here tonight?”
“I’ll be here,” she says, and her voice sounds strangled. “Until you get home.”
Shit, get out of here.
I take the coward’s way out and bail.
When I arrive at the wedding, I go up and play, but I’m distracted, and it shows. The music that I can normally get lost in doesn’t hold any appeal for me. All I hear is Vae’s determined words as she tries to stay happy, and, with distance, I can reflect on it and hear the strain in her voice.
Why?
None of it makes any sense whatsoever.
I focus on the music, forcing myself to do what I’m good at. Forcing myself to find my groove and push the confusing puzzle of Vae out of my mind.