21. Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Aspen
“ D o you remember everything I told you?” Alice asks with a smile.
I nod. It was a pretty long list, and I wrote everything down.
“Tell me,” she prompts.
“Don’t shake my ass and tits at customers. That’s your job. Customers are here to see dancers, and I’m here to serve drinks.”
She nods, making a “go on” motion with her hand. She’s like a freaking drill sergeant.
“Be friendly and flirty, but not too friendly and flirty.”
I’m not too sure about that one. Where exactly is the line between the two? I guess I’ll have to wing it. Trial and error, right?
“Keep the drinks flowing. The more they drink, the more they tip.” I’m encouraged by her nod. I’m killing this. “Be firm but friendly with other waitresses. If their section is quiet, they will try to encroach on mine. Shut that shit down immediately. In a friendly way.”
Here we go again with the friendly shit. But this one doesn’t have me confused. I’m quite capable of telling someone to fuck off with a smile.
“Never divulge my real name. That can lead to all kinds of issues I don’t need. Pick an alias and stick with it.”
“What’s my name?”
“Havana,” I dutifully reply.
“What’s your name?”
She’s testing me to see if I’ll hesitate. A lot of our customers are regulars and they’ll notice if you hesitate or change it.
“Hadley,” I say, not missing a beat.
It’s the first name I thought of, and it had me sniggering for hours. Petty? Maybe, but it’s my silent “fuck you” to her.
“How are you feeling?” she asks, eying my tense shoulders. “Do you need a drink to relax?”
“Nope,” I say, remembering one of her rules. If you’re too wound up, have a drink or two to relax, but don’t get sloppy drunk. Despite my promise to myself to never drink again, I’m desperate to down a shot to settle my nerves. But I’m scared if I start drinking now, I won’t stop. I’m that nervous.
She nods in approval. “You’ve got this.”
I’m thankful for her. It didn’t take me long to decide to do this—half a day, in truth, to decide between this and losing my dream. There wasn’t a choice. Not really. And it won’t be forever. Just long enough to get back on my feet and have a bit of extra cash in case of rainy days.
True to her word, when I called her, she arranged an interview with Devlan, coaching me on how to handle myself. Then, when I got the job, she took me under her wing. She sat me down and gave me the lowdown on everything. She kept an eye on me during my first few shifts while I was shadowing Lacey, giving me a thumbs-up whenever our eyes met.
I don’t know if I’d be able to do this without her.
Tonight I’m on my own. It’s my first shift by myself and I’m silently freaking out. I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves.
“Hey,” she says, grabbing my shoulders and looking into my eyes. “You’ve got this.”
“I’ve got this,” I parrot her, sounding unconvinced at best.
“Look at it as just your normal, run-of-the-mill waitressing job. One that tips way more.”
“That includes poles, naked bodies, and barely there clothes,” I say with a wry smile, trying to pull my booty shorts down. Just a fraction of an inch and it might cover my whole butt cheek. Pulling up my corset doesn’t work. I tried, but all it did was pop out more of my boobs.
“Exactly,” she grins.
Four hours in, and I’m killing it. Okay, maybe not killing it, but I’m handling it with a smile on my face, pain in my feet, a throb in my ears from the loud music, and a growing stack of dollar bills. I have about three and a half hours till my shift ends and four hours till I can leave, fall in bed, and sleep for about five hours before I have to get up to be at the clinic at nine.
“I think you have an admirer,” Neve says when we meet up at the bar, waiting for the bartender to complete our order. Her section is next to mine, and we must have passed each other a hundred times tonight.
I grunt, because there’s nothing I can do about it. If lingering eyes bother me, I shouldn’t be working here, dressed like this.
“No, seriously. He hasn’t looked at the dancers once. He can’t keep his eyes off you.”
An uncomfortable feeling slithers up my spine. I’m here to serve drinks. I don’t want that kind of attention.
“Which one?” I ask, keeping my head down. I want to know what he looks like, in case he might become a problem, but I don’t want to make it obvious.
“Blondish. On a couch towards the back. The only one by himself.”
Well, that’s not creepy at all. You get the odd guy coming in alone, but mostly it’s groups. Bachelor parties, a group from work kicking back and looking for a good time. But guys by themselves? That feels different to me for some reason.
I patiently wait for my drinks, and then I’m winding my way between tables and couches, trying to unobtrusively glance towards Neve’s section. I stumble, almost falling over my feet, when golden brown eyes, simmering with anger, meet mine.
Ryan. He’s here, and he’s not happy. With a deep breath, I plaster my smile back on my face, continuing to the table and unloading my tray. I don’t have to try too hard with my not-too-friendly smile because it’s a good table. They’ve been respectful, thanking me for their drinks. They haven’t tried to stuff bills down my corset, or “accidentally” graze my butt cheek.
After checking that they’re happy, I head to another group to check on them. I’m off kilter, humiliation trying to crawl up my spine, knowing that Ryan’s here and seeing me like this. But I stiffen my spine. There is nothing wrong with what I’m doing, and anyone that thinks differently can go to hell. So, I cement my mask and toe that line of being too flirty while checking up on the rest of the groups in my section. But now that I know Ryan is here, it’s like I can feel his eyes on me, judging and finding me wanting.
He can’t keep his eyes off you.
Satisfied that everyone has what they need, I head back to the bar. I’m due for my break, and I’m so damn ready to take it. I just need a few minutes to sit, massage my feet, and regroup. Wearing heels while working is continents away from wearing them for a night out.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen.
“Aspen,” Ryan says, grabbing hold of my arm.
Before I can reply, Jordy’s by my side.
“This guy bothering you?” he rumbles, his hands already clenching at his sides.
“No, but thank you, Jordy,” I say, throwing him a reassuring smile.
He looks unconvinced, but steps away a few paces, leaning back against the bar.
Turning back to Ryan, I purse my lips, taking him in. Seeing him hurts. The upside to taking this job is that I’m so damn busy. I don’t have time to breathe, much less wallow in self-pity when I think of him.
“What are you doing here?”
“Carter told me you’re working here.”
Carter and I will be having words later.
“And? You thought tonight would be a good night to come check out the dancers? Rub it in my face that we’re not together anymore?”
I know I’m baiting him and by the narrowing of his eyes; he knows it as well.
“I’m not here for the girls.”
“Then why are you here? In case you haven’t noticed, I’m working,” I ask, exasperated, because I’m aware of every second of my thirty-minute break ticking away.
“I want to talk to you.”
“I thought we said everything there was to say.”
“No. You did. I didn’t.”
Talking to him is the last thing I want to do, but I eye the mutinous set of his jaw. I wouldn’t put it past him to stay until closing, and the thought of enduring his eyes on me all night…I just can’t. Best to just get it over with.
“Fine,” I sigh, and he’s hot on my heels as I lead him outside.
“So, talk. Time is ticking and every minute I spend with you is a minute I could be making money.”
“Aspen.” His voice is soft, sounding pained, his eyes jumping all over my body, lingering on all the bits that are exposed. They feel like brands, judging me and finding me wanting. I’m betting I’m a far cry from his precious Hadley.
Feeling vulnerable, I fold my arms across my chest. I don’t like that he’s here, seeing me like this.
And suddenly, I’m furious. I hate him. I hate that he’s here, that he’s been watching me all night. That our relationship led to this. It’s a hate, filled with excruciating pain, but hate nonetheless.
“What do you want, Ryan? I only have a half-hour break, and I would love to sit down for at least a few minutes.”
His mouth opens and closes a few times, and I would have found it funny if I wasn’t so angry. And to add to my discomfort, I’m getting cold. The club is hot, but the night air has a bite to it, and a corset, booty shorts, and thigh-high boots don’t provide a lot of warmth.
I clench my fists to stop my hands from rubbing my arms. No way will I show Ryan any vulnerability.
I sigh when the silence stretches too long. Maybe he just came to gawk at me. I turn to head back inside. I’m too tired to waste my time on him.
“Aspen. If you need money, please, I’ll help you. You don’t need to do this.”
I freeze, slowly turning back to him. “So that was the plan? Come here and make me feel like dirt?”
He flinches back in shock. “No! That’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m worried about you.”
“Well, you can stop worrying,” I spit out. “I’m not your problem anymore.”
“I’ll always worry about you,” he says, his voice dropping. “How can I not? I love you.”
I shake my head. “No. I don’t think that’s it. I think you’re worried about what people will think if they find out your ex-girlfriend is working at a gentlemen’s club. What it will do to your precious reputation.”
He explodes. “Fuck other people. I’m worried about you, Aspen. This place isn’t safe.”
A movement catches my eye, and I see Jordy standing in the doorway, his eyes on us.
“Well, don’t. Jordy keeps us safe enough.”
Jordy is awesome. Sure, he’s as wide as he’s tall and sounds like he chews rocks for breakfast, but he’s a sweetheart. He keeps an eye on all the girls and makes sure they get to their cars safely.
But if you’re a customer harassing one of the girls? Then he hulks out completely. On my second shift, I saw him grab a handsy guy by his collar and literally drag him outside. A few minutes later, he came back inside by himself. I don’t know what happened outside, but I don’t think we’ll be seeing that guy again at this particular establishment.
I’m generally not a fan of violence, but what Jordy did? That I can get behind.
“Look, Ryan,” I sigh, so over this conversation. “What I do, where I live, where I work, is of no concern to you anymore. If your intentions stem from some misplaced sense of responsibility, thank you, but I absolve you from it. I’m free to live my life the way I please, just as you are. Let’s keep it at that.”
“Just like that, huh? It’s that easy to throw away everything we had?”
Damn, he’s angry, but guess what? I’m angrier because nothing about this is easy. But I don’t say that. Instead, I pull on every bit of strength I have inside me to keep my face emotionless.
“You made it easy when you chose Hadley.”