Chapter 4 – David #2
“If he was, and he watched you race this weekend, he would have been in contact.”
“He watches my races,” I confirm, just leaving out the part that he watches them closer than Lars realises, “but I told you, he doesn’t want me.”
“If he calls, he wants you,” Lars states. “But be careful. My crash is what caused Vincent to realise that he wanted us to tell the world. I recommend not doing the same.”
As if the universe is listening to Lars’s words, my mobile starts ringing, and pulling it out of my pocket, I see Richard’s name flashing across the screen, quickly turning the screen away so that Lars can’t see the name.
“That’s him, isn’t it?” Lars asks, and all I can do is nod my head. “If you answer it, you’re giving him control. I know what it’s like to have to hide. Nobody deserves that. You don’t deserve that.”
The call ends without me answering it, but I keep looking at it, hoping that Richard calls back, and suddenly, his name is on the screen again.
“Hello,” I answer, and I see Lars give me a sad smile.
“I’ll leave you to it,” Lars whispers and walks out of the office.
“Care to tell me what the fuck is going on with you?” Richard states down the line. “First I get a call from Vincent when you crash, and now you and Lars are, what, BFF’s?”
“Lars and I decided to break the norm. On the track rivals, off it, friends.”
All I get is silence on the phone. I know that Richard, as the head of driver training, has to be tough, but it seems to me there’s an edge to his tone with me that seems harsher than before.
“Lars and I are going to behave,” I finally say down the line.
“Good,” comes the straightforward response.
“Anyway, we only have nine races left in the season. I need to concentrate on getting a world title. End my career on a high.”
Lars is right. I don’t deserve this. I know the best thing for me to do is walk away, but if I stay within the team, Richard is always going to be there.
I told Vincent I would stay a year. Well, in four months at Abu Dhabi that year will be up.
I know I can survive four months, and then I’ll leave.
“David, what are you talking about?”
“You told me to leave. So that’s what I’m going to do.”
“I meant to leave me. Not the fucking team. You can’t do that.” There’s now an edge of panic in his voice.
“Well, what’s the point in staying? You told me you don’t love me. Am I supposed to stay? Watch you from afar, and do nothing? We both deserve better than that.” I can feel myself getting angry. Why is he suddenly acting like he doesn’t want me to go?
“So, now you’re going to blame me for making you give up driving?”
“I never said that. Me leaving was always in the cards. Our situation has just confirmed this decision for me.” I wish I could understand what changed between us. We have never been this cruel to each other, even when we were secretly dating.
“Look, I’ll talk to you in Italy.”
“I don’t think we have anything further to say to each other. You made yourself perfectly clear back in England.”
“Dave, please.” Richard suddenly pleads, and the switch in him is worse than the G force in the car. “It’s only a week. Just don’t do, or say, stupid things.”
“What I plan to do is no longer really any of your concern.”
And before he has the chance to speak, I hang up the call.
Lars was right, I don’t deserve this. So why am I holding onto every shred of hope that Richard will come back?
His reaction to hearing I’m leaving wasn’t that of someone who doesn’t care for me, so why is he determined to push me away?
I suppose I’m just going to have to see what happens in a week.
“How are you doing?” Lars asks, coming up to me.
“Good,” I lie, because I’m far from that. I already know I’m distracted. That my head isn’t in the right place, again. I’ve been trying to find Richard. To get this talk over with, but I haven’t been able to find him.
“Bullshit,” Lars whispers, causing me to laugh.
“Okay, fine. My head is up my arse again,” I tell him, truthfully.
“I’m guessing the dick again?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, look. I’m not going to tell you to walk away, because, at the moment, I don’t think you can. But out there on the racetrack, you don’t need him. You don’t need his acceptance. Out there, you are whoever you want to be. Remember that.”
“I will.”
“Plus, you keep going as you are, and you’ll be giving me a run for the world title. That could be a lovely little bonus. Maybe you can get the house in Monaco you fancy.”
“Lars, I’ve had a place in Monaco for years,” I say with a smile.
“Shit, I forgot you’re old. Why haven’t you had a world championship? Oh, that’s right. You needed me to show you how it’s done.”
Both of us are laughing when Vincent comes over to us. He shoots a wink over to Lars but that’s it. When we’re trackside, like this, they never embrace or kiss. I heard Vincent say once it’s because he didn’t want candid pictures of him and Lars in the press.
“Ready for today?” Vincent asks.
“Yeah,” Lars and I respond at the same time.
“Good, have fun out there. I think it’s going to be a good race.” Vincent turns and walks away, and I watch as he leaves the garage.
“Thank you,” I say, turning to Lars, his words from a few minutes ago have stuck with me. In that car, I’m just David. It doesn’t matter who loves, or doesn’t love me. All that matters is the car and the track.
“For what?”
“Stopping me from miscalculating again.” I smile, turning, and heading over to my team.
Climbing into the car, I feel calm. In fact, I don’t think I have ever felt this at ease at a race.
Lars is a genius. No wonder he’s a phenomenal driver if this is the mentality he’s had at every race.
For the first time in a long time, I’m excited to get on the track, to put everything that’s happening in my life behind me.
All I have to do this afternoon is drive.
“Care to explain what just happened?” Vincent asks, as I climb out of the car to rounds of applause, but there is a huge smile on his face.
“Sorry?” I say, confused at the question.
“David, you’ve been my driver for a long time, and in all your years, you’ve never driven like that.”
“Oh, right,” I say, smiling back at him.
“So, what the hell happened?”
“Lars,” I tell him, and I think I hear him audibly groan, causing me to laugh.
“No, Vincent, Lars said something to me just before the race. Something I had never really considered before, and it calmed me.”
“Well, it caused me to have heart palpitations. Do you know you beat Lars by almost a second? That is virtually, completely, unheard of.”
“You’re shitting me! There’s no way I could beat Lars by that time.”
“Go look for yourself.”
Going over to one of the TV monitors, I watch a replay of the race, and even I can tell that I’m driving the best I ever have, and when I cross the finish line, the time confirms I beat Lars. I got pole position.
“David. Next time I give you a pep talk, tell me to shut the fuck up,” Lars says, rushing over to me, and pulling me into a congratulatory hug. “That drive was amazing. My plan for the evening, now, is to study your driving. Got to try and catch you tomorrow. It’s going to be a great race.”
“Oh, great. You know that’s all I’m going to get, all evening now, is Lars comparing his driving to yours. No doubt, asking me loads of questions,” Vincent states, but he isn’t really complaining.
“Maybe you should get separate rooms then,” I counter back.
“You keep driving like that and I’ll have to. He,” Vincents points to Lars, “will be more of a pain in the arse than normal.”
“Hey. You want me to be the best,” Lars says, pretending to pout, and the three of us are laughing again.
That’s when I spot him, my laughter going silent.
He’s in the corner of the garage. Otis is next to him, but he’s looking in my direction.
Richard. His face is blank of any emotion, but we became very skilled at hiding our feelings from our faces.
Still, I don’t miss the slight nod of his head, or the way the smallest of smiles touches his lips, and a light hits his eyes, and for a second, I think I see pride in those eyes.