Chapter 1 – Otis #2
“The fucking press will have a field day with this,” Lars replies. “I think they like the fact that you’re straight. Hence the Goddamn stupid questions today, about how you felt driving with a gay man.”
“You know I don’t care,” I say over to Lars.
“Oh God yeah, plus if you did you would be kind of up shit creek without a paddle. You signed the contract. We’re racing buddies.”
“I hope we’re more than buddies,” I reply, and then wish I could take the words back. Everything I’m saying makes me sound like I have a crush on them.
“Otis, you know Lars is engaged to Vincent,” Dave starts and I can see his shoulders starting to shake with laughter.
“I don’t fancy Richard, Lars, Vincent or David,” I start. “I have a crush on Jasper.”
Fuck. I didn’t mean for that to come out. I wasn’t supposed to tell them. Oh God. They are all super close to Jasper, and now they’ll tell him, and it will get super awkward. I don’t want that. I don’t want my F1 career to start off like this.
“Jasper?” Dave replies, and he is no longer laughing.
“Yeah, I think so. I don’t know. Jasper is just…...” I start.
“Jasper has a big personality. But Otis, sorry, I really don’t think Jasper is your type,” Dave replies.
“He’s a male for a start,” I add.
“You’ve never had a crush on a man before?” Lars asks.
“Sorry to be rude, but what makes you think that you have one now?” David asks before I’ve had a chance to answer Lars.
“I don’t think I’ve had a crush on a man before and, I don’t know if I have a crush now. It’s just I have thought about what it would feel like to kiss him,” I say, and even to me it sounds strange.
“Otis, I’m not sure what to say. If you have never been attracted to men before I don’t think you are now. Have you thought about sex? Do you want to sleep with Jasper or just kiss him?”
“Just kissing,” I confirm.
“Look, I don’t want to dismiss what you’re feeling,” Lars starts, “and I can only talk for myself. Growing up I knew that I only liked men. I had the odd fantasy of kissing a girl, but I never wanted to see them naked. Not like men.”
“Maybe,” I reply as I look out the window.
“Otis, we’re not saying that what you are feeling isn’t valid, but we also want you to make sure that it’s not just something else,” Dave adds.
“Again, I know.” I wish I never blurted out Jasper’s name. I wish that when Dave said it was a girl that I had agreed. Until I can fully comprehend what I’m feeling, it would have been better to say nothing.
“Is Jasper coming?” I ask. I need to spend more time with him. I’m sure that once we become firm friends that these feelings will go away.
“No. He was actually acting a little weird. Said he was going to his sister’s,” Lars tells us, and I have to admit that I’m disappointed.
“His sister’s?” I ask. I hadn’t been aware that Jasper’s sister was so close. Hell, I didn’t know that Jasper had a sister, but then I catch a look between Dave and Lars.
“That’s not good,” Dave replies, and I think he meant to whisper.
“What’s not good?” I ask them.
“Otis. Sorry, that isn’t something we can tell you. It’s personal to Jasper,” Dave answers.
“Fair enough.” I’m trying to be neutral with my answer, but in truth, I want to know, so badly.
Looking back out the window, I don’t say anything more until we’re pulling up to Vincent’s house and Lars is typing in the security code into the keypad.
“Holy shit this house is huge,” I gasp, causing Lars to laugh.
“Yeah. That was my impression too,” Lars replies. “Made me realise just how much money Vincent has.”
“You’re not intimidated by that?” What the hell is wrong with my filter today? I’m supposed to be bonding with these guys and I’m acting like an idiot.
“No, not really. Money has never been a big thing for me. Plus, Vincent pays me very well now. You too.”
“Holy shit, I never thought of that. Do you think I’ll be able to pay off Mum’s mortgage? She’s struggled a little since Dad died.”
“You drive like you did in Qatar and Abu Dhabi,” Dave starts as we park up, getting out of the car and pointing over to Lars, “and you have a chance of giving this one a run for his money. I’m sure becoming world champion comes with a nice bonus.”
“No. This year that title is mine,” Lars states.
“Not if I have anything to do with it,” I tell him. “Winning in my rookie year, just like you, that would be so good. Plus, I’m a couple of years younger than you.”
“Oh, I do like you, Otis,” Dave says with a chuckle.
“Personally, I’m going off you,” Lars adds, but I know that he’s just teasing.
“Lars, you know we raced better when we became friends,” Dave adds.
“No, we raced better when I told you to get your head out of your arse over Richard. Even though I didn’t know it was Richard,” Lars counters back.
“Dave’s already given me that piece of advice. On the race track everything else needs to be forgotten.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, Dave. He’s going to be unstoppable now. I’m actually going to have to work this season. When I ask Jasper for more physio, and he complains, I’m sending him your way. You can deal with him.”
“Bring it on. But don’t forget I’m working with Otis too.”
“You know that I’m still standing here. I think I’ve done pretty well by myself,” I tell them.
Dave comes over to me and throws his arm around my shoulder as we all walk towards the house.
“You did pretty well, yes. But with me by your side, and Richard, hell, you’re going to break records, and piss Lars off so much.”
“I want to make Richard proud,” I mumble.
“You do know that sounds really strange?” Dave asks.
“Sorry,” I start, “so I loved my dad and I miss him so much. He would have loved seeing me in the F1 car, but he isn’t here and Richard has been so supportive of me. I don’t want to let him down.”
“You won’t let him down. Richard is very fond of you. Trust me on that one,” Dave responds.
“You know this conversation has turned a little serious. This is supposed to be a celebration of you and Richard,” Lars announces as he opens the door.
“But it’s only us here at the moment,” Dave replies.
“Well, sort of.”
“Surprise!” comes a chorus of voices, and there are decorations everywhere and everyone has a huge smile on their faces. That’s when it dawns on me just how much of a family this team is. I thought the F2 team was close, but it’s nothing compared to these guys, and now I’m a part of it.
“What the fuck!” Dave exclaims.
“Vincent,” Lars states. “I think some of his issues were linked to the fact that he wasn’t at your wedding. So, he came up with this. The whole team is here.”
“Are we getting married again?” Dave asks.
“No. I think Vincent is thinking of this as like your wedding reception. There is a cake,” Lars explains, and I can’t help but giggle at the cake reference. Like having cake was what made this party acceptable.
“Did Richard know?” Dave continues as he looks around the faces in front of us.
“I think Vincent was going to tell him after the conference,” Lars tells him.
“Oh, I wish I had been there to see that. Richard was still pretty pissed this morning and I really didn’t get much of a chance to talk to him after the announcement.”
“Well…” Lars starts, and takes a step away from Dave.
“Hey baby,” Richard’s voice sounds as the group of people part in front of us and I see him walk up to Dave.
I swear Dave’s jaw drops open, and I can see why.
Richard has changed since the conference and is now wearing a deep navy suit that has orange pinstripes with a matching orange tie.
There is even an orange flower in his lapel.
I take a step aside to give Dave and Richard their space, and watch as Richard pulls Dave into his arms and seals his lips over Dave’s.
They’re in a kiss that is so passionate, I almost feel like I’m intruding, and yet I cannot keep my eyes off them.
The love that they have for each other shines out, and I can’t ignore the pang of jealousy that rushes through my body.
I want what they have. I want a love that consumes your whole body, that drives you to distraction. I just no longer have any idea how.