37. Jax
jax
I look at the number on the sheet, wondering if I am wrong or if my eyes need checked. “Are we sure about this?”
Bonnie nods her head, looking at me with a concerned expression. “Just for equipment, Jax. That doesn’t include space rental—which we agreed to give the Trevors—or the cost of liability insurance.”
“Fuck.” I lean forward over the small table we are using at Belle’s Bakery. The only solace I have right now is the sleeping baby in the stroller next to me and the cinnamon bun that is sitting comfortably in my stomach. “We can’t afford this.”
Bonnie shakes her head, clearly feeling as defeated as I am. “Not unless Mr. Mayor comes through.”
I hear her resentment in her tone, and I can’t blame her. Jet had blown us off. I’d called his office several times trying to get him to see us again, to talk about the money and see if he was becoming more open to the idea of opening the rodeo school again, and he hadn’t returned a single call.
His receptionist had told us that he was going through some personal things.
“Well, shit. What do we do?” I look over the sheet, willing it to change with my eyes.
“Unless you know of someone else who would like to donate to the cause, we’re kind of out of luck.”
I shake my head, hearing what Bonnie is implying. “No. Felicity is not getting involved.”
Bonnie sighs, giving me a sheepish smile. “Worth a shot.”
I know Felicity would put up the money. Hell, she wouldn’t think twice. But I selfishly don’t want her to have to. I want to have something I create all on my own without help.
“We’ll just have to keep trying. It’s not like we have a deadline.”
Bonnie grimaces. “Not really. But it would be nice to start contributing to my household.” I can tell Bonnie is slightly embarrassed to say what she did, and I get it. I feel we are in similar boats.
“You work at the ranch.”
She scrunches her nose. “Like part, part-time. And that’s as a favor to Stetson more than a fact of them needing me.
” She shrugs her shoulders. “I feel like you do, Jax, like I need my own thing. Trust me, training horses with Stetson is amazing, and I really enjoy doing that. But I’m not helping out. He’s carrying the load, and I hate it.”
It is like looking into a female mirror.
I feel that way every time I walk into the house Felicity bought, with the things inside that she purchased. Then she looks at me like I’m the one carrying her world around, and it doesn’t bother me anymore.
“By the way, I don’t think I’ve ever met a baby this cute in my life.” Bonnie looks over, peeking around the cover to see Law’s sleeping face. He is fucking cute.
“I do think he takes after me a bit.” I joke, wanting to pick him up and snuggle him even though I know that would disrupt the whole day. The little dude needs his sleep.
Bonnie looks over at me, an inquiring look in her eye. “Can I ask you a question?”
I lift a brow and shrug. “Shoot.”
“It doesn’t bother you? To be raising a kid not biologically yours?” Her cheeks tinge pink almost immediately, and she waves her hand. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that.”
“It’s fine, Bonnie. You’re practically my sister. You don’t need to be afraid to talk to me.” I look back over at Law and let out a sigh. “You know, it’s always been about Felicity. Not really about where he came from for me. I know he’s not my blood, but that doesn’t make him any less mine.”
Bonnie nods her head before clearing her throat. She sighs before tapping her nails on the table. “You’re a good man, Jax.”
“I could be better,” I retort, wishing that the news about the rodeo school was better, wishing that things were going to plan. On the bright side, my father has left us alone, at least so far.
“Well, I guess I’ll head out to the ranch and get some productive work done. At least it will be helping someone out.” Bonnie pushes her seat to stand, and I get up with her, cleaning up our mess before thanking Aveline, Belle’s daughter, and walking out with her.
There is a massive storm heading our way, and I want to get home before it hits.
I say goodbye to Bonnie, feeling more defeated than I wanted to after our meeting, and walk down to the market. I enter, greeting my aunt and uncle and letting them fawn over Lawson for a minute before I shop.
It feels good to be home. It feels right to be walking my son down aisles of groceries I used to stock as a teen, to see Dani’s parents here and have family on nearly every corner.
It is a good life, one I took for granted as a teen, and until I got out and explored the world a little, I had no idea how good I actually had it.
Snow starts falling just as I pull my truck into the driveway, and I spot lights on in the house, which means Felicity beat me back. Something in my chest swells at just the thought of her being inside, waiting for us to arrive.
Fear is also lingering there, wondering if all of this is too good to be true, if it is going to be ripped from me at any moment.
I grab the car seat and rush Law and me inside, smiling at the sight of my beautiful girlfriend sitting on the couch with a book.
“Now, this is what I like to see,” I say, coming closer and setting the car seat down. Law is just starting to fuss, but I want one minute with his mom first.
Felicity beams, reaching immediately for Lawson.
“There are my boys.” She untucks her feet and stands, giving me a chance to wrap an arm around her and pull her in.
She doesn’t hesitate to kiss me when my lips land on hers, and she moans into the kiss, letting me know by the way her fingers rake through my hair and her other arm holds me tight that she missed me just as much as I missed her.
“How was your day?” she asks, slightly breathless as she pulls away and gets Lawson out of his seat.
I smile at the two of them. Lawson just surpassed his two-month birthday and was showing every milestone he should have. Smart boy. “It was good. We had a meeting with Aunt Bonnie.”
Felicity smiles at Lawson as if he knows what I said and sits down, positioning herself to nurse him while I move the car seat out of the way. I come back over and sit for a minute before I go get the groceries. Thankfully it’s cold enough out that I have a minute.
“How did the meeting go?” Felicity asks, looking over at me after the two of them are situated.
“Oh, it was fine.” I hedge, not wanting to lay it all out there for her, but knowing she’d be hurt if I didn’t fill her in. “We need to push on Jet a bit. Get him to give us the funding.”
Felicity frowns. “Still no word from him?”
“No,” I say, tracing a finger over her cheek. All I want to do is hold this woman in my arms and let the snow fall around us. It is kind of ridiculous how much I want to do that.
“Maybe he’s got something going on. I heard he missed a ribbon-cutting ceremony for that new sewing shop downtown.”
“That’s not like him.” I think of my friend, of how responsible he is and how seriously he takes his duties as mayor. “Maybe I should go check in on him tomorrow.”
Felicity nods. “Good idea. If you can get out. They’re calling for a couple of feet of snow. I told everyone at the studio I’d see them next week.” She sighs contently and looks at Lawson. “I won’t mind a few days home with my boys, anyway.”
A couple of feet quickly turned into five as the snow piled on us overnight. I kept our fireplace lit, working slowly through the large stack of wood we had. I hated bringing it inside, but I was glad I had because what I didn’t bring in was now buried.
I’d called around, and it seemed that everywhere got hit. I offered to dig us out and get to the ranch so I could help, but CT insisted I stay home for my safety and to be with Felicity and the baby. I was grateful because I really didn’t want to leave.
Ezra was at a hotel in town and was pissed he couldn’t get to us yet, but I had to admit, with spotty internet and reception, and no one able to come to our door, I was enjoying the solitude with my family more than ever.
Lawson is in his room, warm and cozy and taking a much-needed nap after not sleeping most of the night.
We lost power at one point, making it so his sound machine wasn’t working.
Felicity and I both agreed to start using it on an incredibly low setting until he didn’t need it anymore so he could learn to sleep.
For now, it is on so he can catch up with his rest, and I am looking forward to some time with my girl.
I find her already in bed. There are candles lit around the room, and she’s sitting there waiting for me.
A sexy champagne-colored silk camisole and shorts with lace on the edges cover her silky skin.
She sits on her knees, her eyes on me as I walk into the room, and I can’t help but think she’s the most gorgeous woman in the world.
“Planned something, did you?” I ask, already reaching for the hem of my shirt and pulling it over my head.
She smiles slyly at me, her cheeks tinged pink. “I may have. I was hoping he would sleep so we could have some time.”
Since having the baby, we’ve been able to have sex a couple of times, but I never want to hurt her, so I’ve been letting her lead when she wants to.
This is definitely the lead I was waiting for.
I kick off my shoes, my jeans quickly following, and crawl up on the bed, my knees meeting hers as I grasp her head with my hands, pulling her mouth up to mine in a slow, sultry kiss.
I take my time, hearing her little moan as I kiss her, and slowly, I lay her until she’s on her back, her legs wrapped around my waist.
“I love being right here,” I say, kissing down over her jaw, my hands still on her face and body. The silkiness of her skin feels amazing under my rough hands.
“Where?” she asks breathlessly.
“Right here,” I say, flexing my hips so she can feel what I’m talking about, so she knows without a doubt in her mind that I’m talking about her legs wrapped around my waist while I kiss every inch of her body. “This is my favorite place in the world.”
She laughs lightly, her nails scratching over my shoulders and down my back as she uses her legs to hold me firmly to her. “I can’t help but agree.”
I hum as I find her lips again, my attention fully on her as she uses her toes to try and knock down my boxers.
I reach my hand down, my calloused fingers rubbing against the extra soft belly.
I love this belly. It’s what gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life, and I intend to prove it to her.
I let her go, only so I can scoot lower and kiss across every mark left behind from our son, every bit of it proof that my girl is a fucking rockstar of a human. I move, my fingers reaching up to take her shorts off and slide them over her legs.
While kissing her belly, I slide my fingers over her, letting my hand do the work. Her breathy gasps are encouraging.
I take my time with her, wanting to show her how in love I am with her and her body. This life she is giving me, this life we are building together is better than anything I could have hoped for, and I am both exhilarated for what will come and terrified to lose it.
Her mouth meets mine in a greedy but passionate kiss, and I let myself melt into her body, moving my hand and unable to wait any longer before our bodies come together as one.
She gasps into my mouth, and I still, waiting for her to give me the go-ahead.
“More, Jax,” she says, her eyes closed but her nails digging into my shoulders, encouraging me to continue.
I move deeper, our bodies connecting in ways I couldn’t have dreamed of.
And as we both let ourselves unravel, I send a silent prayer up above that I can keep this life forever.