CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
Katarina
The following day I was out hustling again, at a different bank trying to get another loan.
If I could clear everything and owe a bank rather than shady businessmen, then it would give me some breathing room to plan.
I had one or two ideas starting to filter through to me now that I’d realized why I was blocked. I couldn’t picture doing this without Daddy, but I was going to have to start tackling it on my own. The block was cracking and ideas were slipping through. Nothing concrete yet but the suggestion of something, maybe to do with riding lessons, renting out one of the pastures seasonally, stuff like that.
I didn’t get laughed out of this bank. They needed a bit more from me and I had a follow-up meeting in a couple of weeks, which I needed to do some prep for but I left in better spirits. I made it home a little later than anticipated after stopping by Mom’s bench and having a chat with her.
I’d left Jack in charge all day, trusting him with the ranch and annoyingly, I missed him. I was eager to get back and see him but when I arrived home, I found all my sisters around the kitchen table, looking solemn.
“Everything okay?” I asked, glancing at each of them nervously.
“We need to talk,” Daisy said, the first thing she’d said to me for a couple of days since our spat the other morning. Maddy stood up and pulled a chair out for me and I frowned at her before slowly sliding into the seat.
“We know about the debt,” August spoke softly. Each one of them met my stare with concern and pity, and heat flushed my cheeks, my pride prickling.
“How—”
“It doesn’t matter,” Daisy interrupted.
“The important thing is, we’re not mad you kept it from us, we just want to help,” Maddy added.
“I was thinking I could start riding lessons for kids and adults. I bet there’s a load who would love to learn,” August said, her eyes bright.
“But—” I began, my anxiety flaring at the thought of them swooping in to save me. Frustrated at the fact that I’d buried my head in the sand for so long that they’d had to step in.
“I have an idea too. Raleigh Ranch is some fancy ass spa retreat thing but there aren’t any true cowboy Dude ranches in the area, so we could be the first and bring in some tourism. That way we can put them to work and save on staffing there. Jack could help build it and—”
I cut Daisy off. “Jack?” Since when would Daisy ever suggest working with Jack? Unless…dread filled me. “Did Jack tell you about the debt? Did he put you up to this?”
Daisy shook her head. “No.”
A rushing sound filled my ears as I replayed my conversation with him. The one where I opened up to him, trusted him with the affairs of the ranch, and my feelings of inadequacy. How little I’d been doing to fix everything.
“You’ve done a great job but…” Maddy trailed off, looking to the others and the but twisted in my gut like a knife.
“The debt’s been paid,” Daisy spoke quietly.
“What!” I shouted, leaping up. I glanced around the table but none of them would meet my gaze. Humiliation crawled through me, the flush creeping up my neck to rest on my cheeks.
“H…how?” I stuttered, clamping my mouth shut as my stomach churned with sickness.
“It doesn’t matter,” Daisy said.
“Daisy!"
“It’s all paid. We just need to focus on making money now so we can—”
“You don’t need to focus on anything, that’s my job!” I snapped. I’d never raised my voice to my sisters and the room went silent. I couldn’t look at their disappointed faces a moment longer so I left the kitchen and ran upstairs to my room to escape.
I struggled to catch my breath as all my inaction caught up with me. I’d prided myself on being able to handle things here, setting good examples, and yet I’d done fuck-all for weeks, months even since Daddy passed. My sisters had been forced to take action when I wanted them to remain removed from the issues here, all because I couldn’t handle my shit. I was meant to be the leader. Daddy had left it all to me and I’d let the girls down. I’d let him down.
There was a soft knock on my door. “Kat?” August called softly.
“Leave me alone, please!” I called back. I was too hurt, too embarrassed and emotional to have a rational conversation about this. There was a beat before I heard August’s footsteps pad away.
You’ve done a great job but…
The debt’s been paid…
We’re not mad you kept it from us…
Their words played over and over in my brain until I couldn’t take it anymore and got into bed. I needed sleep, I needed this night to be over.
I slept fitfully, bad dreams of the ranch being repossessed, and the girls being kicked out on the streets tormented me.
In the morning, I awoke. My eyes were stinging from lack of sleep. I dressed slowly, my enthusiasm for a hard day’s work waning. It was only just getting light but I wanted to get out and start work, the labor would force me to focus on something other than my miserable failings.
I worked hard baling hay, tidying the stables up, and then saddled Chester to ride out to the pasture and check the fence line. But my thoughts wouldn’t leave me. How I felt ambushed by my sisters, and their disappointed expressions. But how did they know there were issues to begin with? I didn’t want to think it could be him, but it was the only way that made sense.
“Jack,” I hissed, remembering what he said the day before about his bright future . He told them, he must have. How else would they know? The timing couldn’t be denied, I just happened to tell him everything and the next day I’m confronted by my sisters? Rage filled my veins at my own stupidity, letting him in and trusting him after all the red flags I so casually ignored.
Like he knew I was thinking of him, he appeared at the mouth of the pasture. And when he spotted me, he urged Pickles on.
“Here you are,” he said when he rode up to me, flashing me that big smile that made my stomach twist. Oh, how stupid I’d been. He played me to get what he wanted. Whether that was the cabin, the ranch or a contract to develop it or God knows what. He swung down off the horse and jogged over, leaning in to kiss me but I jerked away.
He frowned. “Everything okay?”
“You tell me.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Sweetheart, what’s going on?”
“Sweetheart,” I scoffed. “I’m surprised you’re not lording your victory.” Had he always been after the ranch? He’d come here straight out of prison, maybe he knew about the deed after all. Then he bumped into me and realized he wasn’t going to get his hands on the place.
Until I handed it right to him.
He looked around, confused. “Wh-what victory, what do you mean?”
I glanced away. Of course he would play dumb. “The girls. You won. Whatever it is you wanted, you got it.”
He reached for me. “Won? I don’t understand.”
I stepped back. “I trusted you; I can’t believe I opened up to you, and told you everything only for you to go and immediately tell the girls. For what? So you could talk them into a guest ranch that you get to build? Haven’t you done enough to us? You’re so calculated and cruel that you just had to take it one step further?”
His expression shuttered. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do, you know exactly what you did!” I shouted.
“I haven’t told anyone anything you’ve said to me. Those are conversations between us,” he dipped his voice lower, softening it. “They mean something to me and I would never do that to you. Do you really think I would betray you like that?”
The earnest look in his eyes, imploring me, had me faltering. I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He reared back. “You really don’t know me by now?”
I just stared at him, wanting to believe him but I’d already fallen for his schtick once. When I didn’t reply, he shook his head and kicked at the grass.
“Will you ever see me as anyone but the man who took your mom away from you?” His tone was filled with despair, the words rasped from him.
I bristled, folding my arms over my chest. “Why are you bringing that up?”
“Because I need to know if you can ever forgive me?”
“Do you need my forgiveness?”
“Of course I do! I need to know that you can forgive me so we can move forward!” His voice raised, startling the birds pecking at the grass and they flew off with a disgruntled caw. He scrubbed a frustrated hand over his jaw.
I watched the emotions fly over his face and thought of his nightmares. This wasn’t about me, not really. “I think you need to forgive yourself.”
He whipped back to face me. “You don’t, do you?” he challenged.
“You think it’s that easy?” I snarled. “A few orgasms and sweet words and what, all is forgiven?”
“Of course not, but I thought this was more than orgasms and sweet words. I thought this was serious, I thought this could be forever!” he shouted. His admission startled me but before I could process the words or react, he continued. “You think it’s easy for me to picture our wedding day and know the reason your mom isn’t going to be there is because of me? Like with all those amazing women back at the ranch? You think it doesn’t break my soul to look each one of them in the eye and see the sorrow and know that it was me that put it there?”
“Jack—” I began but he kept going.
“So many times I nearly left and walked away, finding it too hard to face you all each day. But I didn’t. I stayed because I owe you, I owe you all everything I’ve got and always will. I owed it to Charlie.” His chest heaved with emotion and the release of all the words he’d been keeping inside.
His expression slipped into a blank mask. “But hey, if this is all just orgasms and sweet words then I guess that makes it real easy to walk away, don’t it?”
He spun and stalked away, the ground practically shaking under his bootheels. He gripped Pickles’ reins and lifted himself into the saddle with a grace I still admired. He tugged the reins and flexed his heels, urging Pickles to move and then he was tearing back across the pasture.