Chapter Thirty
MATT
After talking to Nate, I feel a little like I might be losing my mind. I need someone to walk me off the edge, so I pick my cell back up and dial.
The cell rings a couple of times, and then she answers, “Hey, you. It’s really late, you okay?”
I sigh. I’d forgotten the time. “Oh, shit, sorry! I should’ve called tomorrow. Sorry, I will call back then.”
Charlie’s voice is wide awake, no hint of sleepiness in her tone. “No, it’s fine. I’m working on something anyway, so I’m up.”
“Oh, okay, sorry to interrupt.”
“No, all good, I needed a break. You okay? You sound a little, I don’t know… frazzled?”
Nodding even though she can’t see me, I reply, “Yeah, a bit. I’m overwhelmed at the moment.”
“Oh, that doesn’t sound good, Matt.”
“No, it’s not. Can you come over? I could do with some company.”
She sighs. “Sure, message me your address, and I’ll come now.”
“Okay, see you soon.”
“Sure.”
We end the call, and I send her the details.
Thankfully, it doesn’t take her long to arrive, so I’m not left drowning in my pit of despair.
I let her in with a smile, and she hugs me, then takes a look around my place.
“Your home is really nice, Matt.”
“Thanks.”
“And Nate used to live here, too?” she asks, looking at everything.
I dip my head in answer.
Charlie nods like she’s taking it all in. She turns, plopping down on the sofa, and I follow suit. “Okay, so what’s got you frazzled?”
Running my hands through my hair, I exhale and slump into the sofa. “Fuck! I don’t even know.”
She glances down at me. “Well, something has you upset.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I can sit here and we can chill.”
“I think I’m a bit overwhelmed. Everything and nothing is happening at the same time, and to be honest, I don’t know where I see myself.”
She nods again and reaches out, grabbing my hand. “Okay, well, we just ride it out. It will be okay. I’m not too worried. Matt, you’re amazing. You’re gifted. You’re a wonderful man. Things have a way of working out how they’re meant to.”
I suppose she’s right.
Maybe Alex is giving me space, or perhaps us being away from each other will only make us stronger in the end. Or perhaps we aren’t supposed to be friends. Fuck, I don’t know. But maybe things will work out how they’re supposed to.
“True… okay, so you think just wait it out for now?”
“I do. Don’t make any rash decisions. Take each day as it comes. Everything happens for a reason, Matt. People come into your life to test you, to change you. Everyone is in it for a reason, even if you can’t figure out why.”
That I believe and nod emphatically.
I wish I knew the future for Alex and me.
I wish I knew my future, period.
This not-knowing bullshit is doing my fucking head in.
“How about we watch some television?”
“Sounds good.”
“Parks and Recreation?” she asks, and a sinking feeling filters through my stomach.
“No, how about a thriller or something?” I try to make it evident that I’m not affected by her asking to watch Parks and Recreation.
That series was Alex’s and my go-to.
God, I miss her.
***
I’ve been catching up with Charlie casually over the last week, and right now we’re in the kitchen making coffee, and my mind is a mess. I wish I knew where my head was taking me. I’m zoned out as I pour the pot. The boiling liquid splashes out over the mug and onto the countertop.
“Shit!” I call out and quickly grab the dishcloth, moving in to wipe up the hot mess.
Charlie slides in, grabs the mug, and carries it to the sink, emptying it while I wipe down the counter and let out a heavy sigh.
“Thanks,” I murmur.
She chuckles, moving in behind me to catch the liquid now spilling over the edge that I didn’t see, and collects it with another cloth, wiping it in time with me as we stand next to each other. With our sides touching, she smiles as I turn to lean against the counter.
“We make a good team, you and me,” she says.
That’s when I notice something shift in her. Her eyes sparkle, and she draws her bottom lip in with her teeth.
Something is happening.
I’m just not sure what.
“We do,” I say.
Charlie steps closer, suddenly in my space, and her hands move from the counter to my chest while her eyes stay focused on mine.
My hands move to the side like I have no idea where to put them, as I’m kind of lost. I think I know what’s happening, but like a deer caught in the headlights, I’m stunned at the moment.
“I was hoping you would say that,” she murmurs and pushes up on her toes.
My body tenses, and not in a good way.
I should want this.
Charlie’s practically my perfect ten, but right now, all I can see flashing through my mind are images of Alex, and my chest heaves as her lips inch closer to mine. Charlie’s so close her breath tickles my skin. I wince away as her lips go to touch mine.
I can’t do it.
I pull back, grabbing her shoulders to stabilize and hold her away from me. At the same time, her eyes fling open, and she looks at me like she’s in shock.
“I’m sorry, Charlie,” I blurt out.
She swallows hard, her face dropping like she’s going through a million thoughts in her mind all at once. Her eyes flicker from side to side like you’d see in someone who’s having a mental breakdown.
It unsettles me. “Charlie?”
She steps back, breaking free from my grip forcefully, and glares at me so fiercely it shocks the hell out of me. Her stare is cold, hard, and calculating. “I didn’t want to have to do this, Matt,” she says.
“Sorry… what?”
She flares her nostrils and opens her handbag, pulling out a ream of paper.
It’s quite thick, maybe thirty pages, and I furrow my brows, looking at the typed notes.
On the front page is a profile—on me. Tensing up, I take a step back as my breaths come in hard and fast, trying to figure out what the hell is happening right now.
I grab the profile and turn to page two, and it’s dot points—on me.
Details of everything I’ve told her. She’s written everything down.
I slam my fist onto the pages and glare at her. “What the fuck is this?” I yell. She doesn’t even budge like she knew it was coming.
“It’s not just on you, it’s about all your band mates, too. Everything you’ve said, everything I’ve dug up. Every little detail I could find or get out of you.”
“Charlie!”
“C’mon, Matt, you know I work for an LA paper. You can’t honestly think I’m going to let a story like meeting a Recoil band member go by, do you? I couldn’t believe my luck when you turned up. It was like all my dreams had come true at once,” she declares.
I throw my hands in the air. “So what? You think I’m just going to let you print all that stuff about me? About Madeline… fuck, about Alex?”
She shrugs. “The readers will love it!”
“Charlie, seriously, why would you do this to me?”
She flares her nostrils and rolls her eyes. “Matt, this whole time I’ve been building us up, working toward us being together, and when you had your chance to prove to me that we could be together, you failed. You still chose her. So, now sure… I don’t get you, but I do get my big break. Unless…”
I listen to her ramble as she pauses at the end, and I decide to bite. “Unless what?”
“I change my story to something you want. Something that’s more of a hero piece for Recoil, and I get it published somewhere much better than my lousy paper.”
“And how exactly is that going to happen?”
She smirks. “You’re hooked up. Get me a column in an issue of Rolling Stone, and I’ll write you a glowing article, which you can approve before publication, and this all goes away.” She sing-songs the last two words.
“Great! This is just fucking great!”
“Can you do it?” Charlie’s eyes light up like she’s hopeful.
The excitement in her voice annoys the shit out of me. What the hell! She cares more about her career and what she can get out of me than the damage she’s causing me right now.
“Sure,” I murmur as I wave my hand through the air in agreement. “But all this, all this info you have on me, stays fucking here. You can’t take it with you.”
“Okay, fine. I have it on my computer at home anyway.”
“Charlie!”
“Okay, fine, I won’t use any of it. I’ll do the piece on how you guys are having a break from music at the moment, but you’re going to be going back to it once Danger is back from wedded bliss. Right?”
“Yeah. We’re going to start recording again, then eventually, we’ll do another round of touring to promote that album.”
“Okay, this is going to be great…” Her smile is so wide it makes me want to slap it right off her damn face, but I wouldn’t of course, I would never hit a woman. Doesn’t mean she doesn’t make me see red, though.
“Why aren’t you happy, Matt? This is a win-win for everyone. Can’t you see? I get a piece in Rolling freaking Stone, and you guys get an article slanted in your favor.”
I fold my arms over my chest. “Was this your angle all along?”
“No, I came in wanting to be with you, Matt. But I could see early that you were way too into someone else for it to go anywhere. So I made the decision to get as much out of you as possible and see where it could take me. It worked, hey?” Charlie’s so damn happy she’s bouncing up on her toes.
“I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“Okay, you’re angry, I get it. I do. But in time, you’ll see this as a blessing, Matt.”
“Not fucking likely, Charlie. I thought Madeline was bad, it seems like you’re even worse. Now get the fuck out,” I say, grabbing her arm. Charlie picks up her bag on the way and simply walks with me. She doesn’t fight or argue as we head to the door.
Charlie turns to face me. “For the record, I think we could have been good together.”
“For the record, I don’t do conniving psychopaths.” I open the door, and she smirks, walking through it.
“I’ll be in touch.”
“Contact Tillie Marks, she can handle everything from now on. I’ll let her know you’re doing a story on us, and she’ll give you everything you need. Refrain from contacting me again,” I say, slamming the door in her face.
I take a deep breath and turn, slamming my body against the door and scrubbing my hands against my face. “What the fuck!” I yell.
I bang my head against the door, wondering how the fuck my life got to this? Fangirls, hookers, thugs, crazy reporters? What the hell is next?
I couldn’t have strayed further off course if I tried. Losing Alex was the breaking point, the moment everything fell apart. And now, on top of it all, the harsh truth settles in—I had Alex in my life, and now I have nothing. The weight of that realization is almost unbearable.
My friends? Nearly nonexistent.
Even my own brother feels like a stranger.
I’m completely, utterly alone.
Chasing the idea of a perfect ten was ridiculous.
I see that now.
I thought I’d found her—three times, no less—but each one turned out crazier than the last.
There’s no such thing as a perfect ten. I was stupid to believe otherwise. And by clinging to this fantasy of the ideal woman, I pushed away someone who might have been perfect for me.
No, she’s not the polished, innocent-looking woman I pictured. She has tattoos, piercings, and brightly colored hair. She swears like a sailor and drinks like a man.
But dammit, she’s my perfect ten.
What the fuck was I thinking?
It’s only when you’ve lost what you had that you truly see it for what it was.
Alex was my friend, my best friend. I didn’t want to change that. But I fucked everything up by not realizing sooner that we were more, so much more. We had the potential to be something epic. One of those great loves. The ones that romance lovers dream about.
My heart beats rapidly in my chest as her voice echoes in my mind. “To let me be happy, you have to let me go.”
I clench my jaw tight and smack my head back against the door again, hard.
I’ve fucked up. I know I have, and I want Alex to be happy, but I’m fucking miserable, and this realization is coming way too late.
It’s been nearly three weeks since I’ve spoken to Alex.
Way too fucking long! I need something, anything, to tide me over. I’m a sinking ship.
So I pull my cell out of my jeans pocket and dial Nate’s number.
“Hey, you know it’s like stupid o’clock, right?” Nate tells me, and I close my eyes, trying to hold it together.
“Sorry, I’m just ah… I, ah… I needed to talk to someone,” I murmur.
Nate’s quiet for a pause, and then I hear him shuffling, like maybe he’s sitting up in bed. “Matt, that sounded serious, and your voice is kind of strained, like you’re just holding it together.”
“I am only just holding it together, man,” I blurt out, and he exhales.
“Babe, I’m just gonna go to the living room. Go back to sleep,” he murmurs, obviously to Ria. I hear her mumble something incoherently in the background, then there’s movement, like he’s shifting around their home. “Matt, tell me, what’s going on?”
I exhale. “I’ve fucked up.”
“Okay, are you in trouble?”
My bottom lip trembles, and I clench my eyes tight so they don’t water. “I think I’ve lost her, man.”
He exhales and murmurs under his breath. “Alex?”
My chest tightens, and it’s hard to breathe. “Yeah.”
Nate sighs. “So she told you then?”
My eyes flick open, and my body jolts at his words. “Told me? No. I haven’t spoken to her since the fight. Told me what?” I ask, and he groans, followed by a slapping sound as if he’s slapped his hand to his forehead. “Nate!”
He mumbles under his breath, then blurts it out, “She’s moving. Alex was packing the last of her stuff tonight. She leaves tomorrow morning.”
All the air leaves my body.
I feel like a lead weight.
My head spins while trying to take this in. “Wait, she’s leaving, but what about your gallery?”
“She hired some pompous, arrogant ass. I fucking hate him. But he knows what he’s doing, so that’s all that matters, I suppose.”
“But I don’t… what? Why?” I blabber, and Nate sighs.
“Because she has trouble looking at me, Matt. I remind her of you.”
“Fuck! I have to fix this—”
“Hallelujah! Finally, one of you is seeing sense.”
“I gotta go,” I blurt out.
“Matt, make this right. Get the girl. Fix this fucking mess. Okay?”
I nod in pure compliance. “She’s my perfect ten, Nate. I couldn’t see it till now.”
“I know, brother, I know. I’ve known all along. Now stop talking to me and go to her.”
“Already on my way,” I say, reaching over to grab my keys before I walk out the door.