Chapter 16
Kellan
T hings with Felix were picking up. Part of me was floating on clouds, but a smaller part, the part that clung to self-preservation, was holding back.
The sex was still incredible. Felix was opening up to me a little. But I could sense his hesitance and the way he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, I suppose. Or something along those lines anyway. I didn’t know where we’d end up, but the fact that we were on our way to Oak’s birthday party was… promising?
Felix was having a moderate pain day, based on his body language. I’d started to pick up on things, even those he hid from me, and I had decided to observe silently instead of pointing it out when I saw him hiding his pain from me.
I couldn’t push, I’d done enough of that already. Besides, that self-preservation? It was reminding me of all the words he’d spat at me when he wanted me gone and all the ways he’d made me feel unwanted. It was… a lot, to trust the current situation.
As I drove up the little hill at the Inn and turned onto the Yellow House’s driveway, I glanced at Felix.
“You doing okay?” I asked gently.
He huffed out a chuckle. “Yeah.”
I wasn’t sure he was telling me the whole truth, but he was here, so I’d just roll with it.
There were a few vehicles parked in the yard already, but there was a very big gap to one side, which they’d clearly left for us. I could tell Felix clocked it, too, but he didn’t say anything, so I didn’t either.
These friends of his, of ours, were so damn loving. It was sometimes incredibly easy to see how those who hadn’t been blessed with a loving family at birth went on to build their own out of friends, and then did everything they could to make those they included feel at home and safe.
Felix had his cane today, but I’d put his walker into the trunk when he wasn’t paying attention just in case. I’d called Oak and asked how even the yard was, since the party was largely outdoors, and he’d assured me that it should be fine for Felix.
As I got out of the car, I smiled at the sounds coming from the backyard. Tristan’s delighted shriek was a familiar sound now.
Low music was flowing from somewhere, and suddenly Steve appeared next to me.
“Holy shit, buddy, you scared me!” I told him as I reached down to pet him.
He wagged his tail and then went to say hi to Felix.
“Yes, for this event, our butler is a dog,” Harper deadpanned from the porch.
Felix chuckled. “He’s a good boy.”
I went to check if she needed help carrying whatever tray she was balancing, and she gladly gave it to me.
Since I had the gift bag Felix and I had filled together hanging off my arm, all Felix had left to do was to get to the backyard safely.
Harper waited for him, and I could hear her when she said, “Dad made a few new benches for different spots in the backyard. Not just for you, of course, but you know.”
“That was… nice of him,” Felix said, then I could hear a smile in his voice when he added, “Thank you for telling me, sweetheart.”
I rounded the corner and saw a long buffet style table, and three picnic tables that were set in a row so it felt like one big dining table.
“Hey, Mr. Kellan!” Tristan yelled from where he was hanging upside down over Teague’s shoulder.
Everyone perked up and called out greetings. Then Harper and Felix stepped into view and yeah.
Oak’s eyes lit up as he hustled closer to me. “Let me take that tray and all the deets,” he said ever so smoothly.
I frowned at him. “What, friends can’t give friends rides now?”
“Well, that depends on what kind of rides we’re talking about,” Charlie deadpanned from the other side of the buffet table.
I… blushed. They cackled. I dropped the pretense of not being more than friends with Felix because what was the point?
At least Marlie came over to grab a drink off the table and saved me from the inquisition.
“Hi, Mr. Kellan!” she said brightly.
“Hey, Marlie. Are you having a good time?”
“Yup! I’m hanging over there with Gramps and Ranger.” She pointed to a shaded spot by the wall where I could see Teague’s dad sitting on a bench with Marlie’s dog resting by his feet.
I smiled. “Sounds nice. I’ll come say hi to Ranger later, if that’s okay?”
“It’s okay! He’s real friendly. You just gotta be calm.”
“I think I can manage that,” I promised.
“Okay!” With her bottle of water in tow, she ran back to her chosen grandpa—who was actually her sort of stepdad’s grandfather. Got to love modern families.
I handed Oak the gift bag. “This is from both Felix and me. It’s mostly boring stuff, but….”
He took the present and pointedly didn’t look inside. “I promised the kids I’d open them later,” he explained.
I could swear I saw him pout as he went to take it to the gift table set up against the house.
I looked around, and realized almost everyone was there. Felix had moved to Teague and Law, who had moved closer to Sean.
“I bet they’re talking about something super manly, like chopping wood and drinking whiskey,” Charlie snarked.
Mary, who had been examining something on the other side of the yard, walked up just in time to hear her son-in-law’s statement. She guffawed, then looked over at the men. “You know, you’re probably right about that.” Mary wrapped an arm around Charlie’s waist and squeezed. “I’m so damn happy my son found you.”
Feeling a bit like an intruder suddenly, I grabbed a can of Coke and went to look around the yard.
There were plenty of fairy doors everywhere. They were Oak’s thing, which was why we’d ordered one from Etsy for him for his birthday.
Some of them were clearly store bought, but many were made by small hands, and something about that delighted me.
I opened my Coke and sipped, strolling along the edge of the yard.
“Is this where I give you the shovel talk?”
I lifted my gaze to see Teague.
Smiling, I shook my head. “Nah. I’m good.”
“I thought you would be.” He sighed, his gaze wandering over the edge of the yard and toward the woods as he chose his words. “He’s challenging. He doesn’t always know how to let people in, even if he knows we love him.”
I was quiet for a moment, thinking on his words. Then I said, “I’m not sure if he truly gets it.”
Teague frowned. “Gets what?”
“That you love him and he’s part of the family now. He has this lone wolf thing going on and….” I sighed. “Look, I don’t know how he was before the accident, but he has these walls and maybe… maybe he thinks people either don’t care for him or they pity him. Or maybe it’s more that he thinks everyone just sees his disability first and he hates that.”
Teague hummed. “You might be onto something there.” Then he beamed at me, and I knew instantly why everyone kept saying he was a Golden Retriever type. “It’s clear to me that you aren’t scared of the barriers he’s put up.”
I chuckled. “No, I’m not. I have my limits, but he hasn’t scared me off yet.”
“That’s good.” Then he squinted at me, the sun in his eyes. “I’m glad you found him again. He needs someone who won’t give up on him.”
I wasn’t sure how much Teague and the rest of them knew about my shared history with Felix, but clearly Felix had said something for Teague to make the statement.
“I’ll…. I’ll do my best. I won’t take his BS, and he knows that. I hope.”
Teague waved a hand dismissively. “He’ll learn.”
I really hoped he was right.
Oak sidled up to me as soon as his uncle left me be.
“I peeked into the bag,” he confessed. “You got me a fairy door.”
He hugged my arm as we stood there looking at all the other little doors sprinkled around.
“We did. I hope you can find a place for it.”
He snickered, then pointed up at a nearby tree. As I followed his eyeline, I could see a door pretty high up on a branch.
I laughed. “Ah, well that suggests you have plenty of space for more.” The house was, after all, surrounded by trees.
“Did Uncle Teague give you the shovel talk?” he asked quietly.
“Kind of. He doesn’t need to, though. I… I’m trying to be patient with Felix.”
Snorting softly, Oak patted my arm. “Good luck with that.”
“Hey, just because you’re not a patient person doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t practice some restraint.”
“Ooh, restraints.” Oak’s tone was dreamy, and I rolled my eyes at him. Then he got serious again and looked up at me. “I just want you to know that we all think you’ll be good for him. Like… don’t give up on him?”
It spoke volumes about Oak’s age and the love he had for Felix that he would take that approach.
“I won’t.” Maybe even to my own detriment, if I was completely honest.
“Oak?” Law called him, and he patted my arm again, then went to see what his man needed.
I went to Sean and Marlie. She was incredibly sweet with how she explained to me how to greet Ranger, who was doing his best to be the goodest of boys.
As I sat on the bench and began to chat with Sean about the summer camp—I profusely thanked him again for the knowledge he’d bestowed upon the kids during our field trip to Mulligan’s Firewood—I noted that Felix was deep in conversation with Teague and Mary.
He took a seat on one of the benches, and I was pretty sure nobody else noticed the way he tensed for a moment, but I did. I couldn’t imagine—and knew how infinitely lucky I was—how it was to live with chronic pain, but I wanted to help him any way I could. Maybe it was my bleeding heart or whatever, or maybe it was just that I was in love with him and hated to see him suffer in any way.
D ana had closed the kitchen for the afternoon for a couple of hours, and Nic had her phone in her hand for any guest-related calls, so they could come to hang out with us, too. When Teague’s sibling, Regan, arrived with a spectacular three-tiered cake, the party kicked off for real. The cake was decorated with a rainbow theme on a dark gray background. The topper was a unicorn farting rainbows, because that was apparently a thing.
“What’s on the inside?” I asked Regan when I helped them carry it into the house.
It was too hot outside for the fondant or frosting or whatever, apparently. We’d have dessert, including the cake, indoors where it wasn’t “hotter than Satan’s taint” as Regan had called it.
“Mocha cake with cream cheese and strawberry filling. Oak said to do whatever I wanted to, so I did.” They grinned as we heaved the cake onto the island. “Thanks for helping me out.”
“No problem. Good thing I was in the front. This way we didn’t have to dodge small children—”
“Aunt Regan!” Tristan screamed from the doorway.
“Busted,” I whispered, making them laugh.
“Yes, dear?” Regan asked him, stepping away from the cake and readying themself to the imminent impact.
Tristan wrapped himself around them and then peered around. “It looks awesome !”
“Thank you, kiddo.”
Dana walked into the house, then. “Oh, hi,” she said, surprisingly awkwardly.
“Hi,” Regan replied, smiling.
Yeah, for someone who seemed unflappable in her kitchen, Dana wasn’t so good with… whatever this interaction was.
“Babe, did you—” Nic almost collided with her wife’s back as she noticed Regan and blushed. “Oh, hi.”
Tristan observed the interaction was about to open his mouth when I gave him my patented teacher look of “shut up, shut up.” His eyes widened, and I nudged his shoulder.
“Let’s go outside. Tell everyone the cake has arrived, eh?”
I managed to coax him away from the trio who were awkwardly shuffling—both mentally and physically—in a very aww shucks kind of way.
While Tristan ran down the steps, I saw Felix making his way toward the back porch.
“Hey,” I said, just happy to see him. I might have smiled sappily.
He gave me a smile that did reach his eyes, but I could tell he was hurting. “I’m just going in to use the bathroom.”
“Oh, beware that there’s a weird standoff going on in there between Regan, Nic, and Dana.”
Felix stopped, looked thoughtful, and then shrugged. “You know, I wouldn’t disturb them but I really do need to pee.”
I chuckled. “Fair enough!”
As he was going past me, I stilled him by touching his arm. When he looked up, I gave him a “may I kiss you” expression. He grinned, then put his hand on my waist and pulled me closer.
It was a simple kiss, but it was… everything.
When he let go and stepped back, I could see him wince. He continued on his way up the steps and inside, and I watched his gait and the pain in his body language.
He’d been moving a fair bit, but I could tell he was having trouble getting up after he’d sat down. Maybe it was the height of the benches or something else, but the cane wasn’t cutting it and he seemed too proud to ask anyone for an arm to support himself on when he stood up.
Sighing, I went to the trunk of my car. I’d hoped it wouldn’t come to this, but now I pulled the walker out and took it inside.
The trio in the kitchen were chatting amicably now, so the moment had been resolved or passed. I went to the hallway to wait for Felix outside the bathroom.
I heard the flush and then the tap running. Then his now-familiar slight shuffle as he came to the door. As he unlocked and opened it, I smiled.
“Oh,” he said, then his gaze dropped to the walker.
“I brought this just in case,” I explained. “I can tell you’re in pain and since the ground is uneven…,” I trailed off, because suddenly I couldn’t read his expression at all.