Chapter 25
twenty-five
CAMILLA
I couldn’t help but think of Greyson and how I wished he was there as I stood in front of the mirror in my bridesmaid dress. When I woke up the next morning, I’d be going back home, and throughout all the chaos in my head, the one thing I knew for sure was I wanted to be in his arms.
“So, you’re leaving tomorrow, right?” Taylor came to stand behind me and spoke through the mirror.
I nodded. “Yeah. Don’t worry, I was going to say goodbye first thing in the morning.” I wasn’t going to make the same mistake twice.
She ran her fingers through my hair. “Good, because I didn’t want to fly to New York and hunt you down.” Our laughter carried over the other voices in the room.
It probably was neither the place nor the time to explain myself, but after she’d let me back in her life without hesitation, I owed it to her to tell her the truth. “I’m sorry I didn’t reach out after I left, Tay. I wanted to every day, but I?—”
She stopped me by grasping my shoulders. “Cami, stop. It doesn’t matter what you did. I’m sure you had your reasons, and I used to want to know, but who am I to judge you for them? All I want you to do is promise me you won’t forget about me again.”
I wasn’t worthy of her forgiveness or kindness, but that was Taylor—gracious in every aspect, even to people who didn’t deserve it. “I promise.” Another thing I knew for sure was, I didn’t want to go another day without her again.
Everyone in the room paused when Sofia entered. She looked like the image of perfection in her white dress. Her long, brown hair fell in beach waves down her back, and her makeup only enhanced her natural beauty. The dress was even more stunning than I remembered from the day in the store, the long train cascading behind her gracefully.
Taylor gasped and looked at her with adoration while I held back tears. “You look amazing.”
“We all do.” Sofia looked around the room and beamed a smile, tears threatening her shimmery eyes.
I rushed over and blotted her with a tissue. “Don’t cry. You’ll ruin your makeup.”
“Thank you,” she said softly, then turned towards the girls who were putting the finishing touches on their makeup. “Could you guys give Cami and me a minute alone, please?”
Taylor smiled over at us before shutting the door.
“You really are the most beautiful bride Willow’s Cove has ever seen, Sof.” I adjusted the lace veil she’d let me pick out while I choked on tears.
Her freshly manicured hands gripped mine. “Thanks, Cami. I just wanted a moment alone with you since today’s gonna be crazy, and I know you’re leaving tomorrow.” I blotted away a tear that had managed to run halfway down her cheek. “I know you must have a beautiful life in New York, but I hope you know you’ll always have a place back here with us too, so don’t let it be six years before we see you again.”
I didn’t plan on crying until the ceremony started, but she managed to break me. “I promise I won’t.” It was her turn to fix my makeup.
“I’m sorry my brother is an idiot for not going after you.”
My breath caught in my throat. “It’s okay. Some things just aren’t meant to be, but you and Levi are the exception.” I had no doubt in my mind she was marrying the person she’d be with forever, especially when her face lit up just at the mention of his name.
Taylor slowly made her way back in. “Everyone is set, Sof. Ready to get married?” Her high-pitched squeal made the air in the room feel lighter. “Absolutely.”
“We’ll meet you at the end of the aisle,” I said.
“I’ll be the one wearing white.” She threw us a wink and dragged her dress’ train behind her to a private room while Taylor led me down the hallway where the rest of the bridal party waited. I peeked behind the curtain that separated us from the guests to see the room filled to the brim with people smiling from ear to ear. It was like the whole damn town was invited, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they were, since the Willows were like royalty there.I met with Julian’s firm chest that nearly knocked me over. He’d hardly spoken since we got back from The Bluffs. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I knew him long enough to know something was bothering him.
He looked down at me with his eyes wide and a subtle smile. “You look beautiful.”
“Thanks.” I got on my tiptoes to adjust his crooked tie. “You look nice too, Perez.”
He grazed my arm with his fingertips. “I’m sorry I’ve been a little on edge lately, Mila. I promise, today will be different.” The familiar light in his eyes was gone, and I hated to admit I missed it.
“Okay, everyone, let’s take our places. Sofia and the mayor will be making their way out in a few minutes.” While Sofia’s wedding coordinator directed each couple to our designated places, I was stumped with a question I hadn’t thought to ask before.
“Hey, why aren’t your parents here? I would assume your dad would be the one walking Sofia down the aisle instead of Levi’s.”
His face grew tight, and his face blanched, as if he was going to vomit. “They couldn’t make it back in town on time.” His answer was brief and sharp, which told me not to ask for any clarification, but I wondered what kind of parents would miss their kid’s wedding? I hadn’t spoken to my dad in years, yet I knew he’d move mountains if I was getting married.
The music started, and I watched each couple descend down the aisle until it was our turn. “Please don’t let me fall on my face, Julian,” I whispered close before we walked out with our arms tangled, just like we’d practiced.
“Never.”
It was hard not to notice the eyes glued to us and the whispers that followed. Almost everyone in that room knew us both in some way, so they were probably shocked to see us together after nearly a decade.
“Don’t worry about the stares. They’re just jealous I get to walk down the aisle with you and they don’t.” He could always get me to believe anything that came from his lips, no matter how absurd it sounded.
I hid my laughter behind the bouquet of lilies in my hand. “That was cheesy, but it worked, so thanks.” I was relieved when we reached the end and all attention turned to Sofia. She’d always been graceful and poised, but that day, she radiated in a way she’d never had before. Marriage already suited her well. Her smile lit up the entire room, but it was only aimed at Levi, whom she hadn’t looked away from since she entered. He looked at her like she held the moon and sun, and everything started and ended with her. It was how every girl wanted to be looked at.
I was able to hold back my tears until the vows started. “Levi, I didn’t think it was possible for someone to own my heart until you, but I’d let you have it in any lifetime. You’re engrained in every good moment of my life, and even in the moments that weren’t, you managed to make me see the light. Your kindness and your ability to see not just me, but everyone around you, is something I’ll admire about you forever.” Her voice became muffled as I locked eyes with Julian, who was already gazing at me with an intensity that made heat rise on my neck.
I couldn’t help but compare Sofia’s vows to words Julian had confessed before. I also couldn’t help but think if it would have been our wedding everyone was attending, if he’d made a different decision six years before—that idea came with an overwhelming pit of guilt.
* * *
“Can I just get a water, please?” I sat at the bar to get some distance from the crowd, but I avoided any alcohol to avoid a repeat of the bachelorette party.
“Camilla? I knew it was you walking with Julian, but I had to be sure.”
I turned around to the familiar voice. “Jaime Torres.” She wrapped me in her arms before I could process her new look, but I immediately thought blonde hair suited her better than brown.
“I was hoping I’d see you.” Despite her stilettos, her gold-specked dress dragged behind as she took the seat next to me. “Congratulations on selling out the bookstore last week. I had to work, but I wish I could’ve been there.”
Her pleasantness made me grow suspicious. “Thank you.”
She didn’t seem to get the hint that I was avoiding any further conversation by taking a swig of water. “You’re the last person I expected to see back in town. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you never came back after living in New York.”
“I didn’t plan on it, trust me. I was only supposed to be here for the book signing, but I got roped into staying.” She followed my eyes to where Julian sat at the table, then back at me with a knowing smile. “I knew you two would find each other again.”
I laughed under my breath. “We’re just friends.”
She waved the bartender over and ordered a red wine. “It’s funny, because I swear, I heard that in high school right before you started dating.” She shook her head. “Take it from me, Camilla: you and Julian can never be friends.”
I was on the verge of going stir crazy. “Why do people keep saying that?” She was the last person I thought I’d be talking about Julian with, but maybe I needed an outsider’s perspective.
She chugged down her wine and ordered another. “I say this as someone who used to hate you two together. Once you and Julian became a thing, there was no chance for anyone else. If you paid any attention, you’d see he still looks at you the same way he did back then.”
The funny thing was, I had noticed a glimpse of what she was talking about. I just didn’t let myself acknowledge it because doing so would betray everything I had with Greyson. “Maybe if you were this pleasant in high school, we could have stayed friends.” As our laughter carried over the live band, I was taken back to middle school when me, her, and Taylor had inside jokes about boys.
“I’ll admit, I wasn’t the nicest, but you know how brutal high school was if you didn’t fit in, so I made sure I did.” I suddenly realized I couldn’t blame her for the way she acted back then; it was eat or be eaten. I chose to stay invisible until Julian forced me out of the shadows.
I let a genuine smile touch my lips. “I never thought I’d say this, but I’m really glad I ran into you, Jaime.”
We were suddenly joined by Julian, whose hand came to rest on my back. “How about that dance, Mila?”
“Julian, you remember Jaime, right?”
His lips parted in shock. “Jaime Torres?” She raised her glass up at us. “The one and only.” She subtly threw me a wink before getting up from her seat. “I should get back to my date, but you guys enjoy the rest of your night.”
Julian pulled me towards the dance floor. “I never thought I’d see you laughing with Jaime Torres of all people.”
I looked over and saw her greet a man at her table with a kiss on the cheek and a bright smile. “We just have a new understanding of each other.”
I didn’t notice we were dancing to a slow song until we started to sway. “How do I always let you rope me into slow dancing?” I craned my neck up to look at him.
“I can be pretty persuasive.” His smile made my heart flutter. “There it is. I thought you forgot how to smile.”
He towered over me even when I was in heels, so he had to crouch lower so our foreheads were nearly touching. “I’m sorry, Mila. It’s been a weird couple of days.”
I tightened my grip around his neck. “Trust me, I get it. I know coming back, especially with a boyfriend, must’ve been weird for you, but it means a lot you let me stay and see the house. I’m leaving knowing it’s in good hands.”
He winced. “Will you ever come back?”
I didn’t have an answer for that, because I wasn’t certain if I came back, I wouldn’t find a reason to stay. “Can we just have fun tonight, instead of thinking about the future?” We never seemed to be good at that anyway.
“Whatever you want, Mila.” The clinking of glasses made me back away from his heated stare.
“I’d like to make a toast.” Levi’s dad pulled the attention to him. “Sofia, you’re all we could ask for our boy, and we promise to take care of you forever. Welcome to the family. To my son and new daughter.”
I felt when Julian stiffed at my side, and I sympathized with how hard it must’ve been to see Sofia be greeted into a powerful family that would take over his job of protecting her.
“Since we’re doing speeches, my big brother should have one I’d like to hear now.”
I nudged him forward when Sofia raised her champagne-filled glass. “Duty calls.”
He forced a smile. “Try not to laugh.” I could tell he was nervous from the way his chest heaved in jagged breaths, but the sip of champagne he took before raising the glass above his head seemed to help him speak confidently.
“I think I can speak for everyone when I say, to be around Sofia, is to know what sunlight feels like. She’s special, so I knew whoever she decided to spend her life with, had to be too. I’ll admit, it’s hard to see my baby sister all grown up. I never thought I’d trust her with anyone else, but now, I know she’s in good hands.” He quickly glanced over at me. “Take care of each other, learn from one another, and take it from me: once you have something good, hang onto it for dear life.” He raised his glass higher. “To the newlyweds.”
I stood frozen while everyone around me drank and clapped for his beautiful speech. Take it from me: once you have something good, hang onto it for dear life.
If only he’d listened to his own advice.
* * *
It was a little after one in the morning when the reception ended, and since Julian had a little too much to drink, I drove us home, my head spinning the entire time.
I had a flight in nine hours to leave everything behind again, but the thought was unbearable. I was so fueled with my desire to escape the first time, I forgot how much Willow’s Cove had ingrained themselves into my soul—I would miss Sofia’s humor and free spirit, Taylor’s ability to know what I was thinking without having to say anything. I’d miss the smell of fresh coffee accompanied by the sound of bacon sizzling in the morning, picking out fresh fruit from Mr. and Mrs Asher’s booth at the farmer’s market.
“Alright, we’re here,” I said as I parked in the driveway.
He entangled our hands as we climbed out of the car. “How about one last visit to the cove?”
I had to get some sleep if I was going to be able to function the next morning, but I got the feeling he didn’t want me to say no. “Can you even walk?”
He chuckled. “I’m not that drunk, Mila. Besides, the breeze will sober me up.” He was right about being persuasive, because I followed him down the hill towards the ocean without a second thought.
“Actually, let’s go down to your secret spot, for old times’ sake.”
I’d been avoiding going to my spot to spare myself the reminder of all the moments I shared with Julian. The secret cave was exactly how I’d left it, and the view of the open ocean was as beautiful as ever. I memorized how peaceful it was, how my feet felt when they sank into the warm sand, the aroma of salt in the air.
“Do you come down here a lot?” I asked as we walked along the edge of the water.
He shook his head. “I haven’t been here in six years. I couldn’t come back to the place that reminded me of you.”
I let silence fall between us so I could listen to the sounds of the waves crashing against each other. “Promise me something, Julian.”
We stopped to look at each other. “What?”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Promise me, after I leave this time, you won’t just sit in that house and let your life pass by.”
The smile he’d had moments before turned into a frown. “I can’t, Mila.”
“Why not?” I pleaded, but deep down, I knew what his answer was. He inched closer and traced my face with his fingertips. “Because a life without you is meaningless.”
His words poured over me, making me aware of the gravity I could always feel but never see that tethered me to him from thousands of miles away. The only question was, why did it decide to pull us back together when we weren’t the same people as when I left Willow’s Cove?
“Julian…” I’d waited years to hear those words from him, but they came too late.
“Stay here, Mila.” I looked for any sign he was joking, but his face was stern. I knew there were so many unsaid words between us, but I hadn’t prepared myself for those three. “I…I can’t do this right now.”
I tried to walk away, but his desperate voice called me back. “When can we talk about it then, Mila?”
I only pictured Greyson’s face when I turned back so quickly, he nearly plowed into me. “Fine, you want to talk? Let’s talk. You can’t say things like that. I can handle your sly smiles, the reminiscing, but not that. You had years, Julian, so why now? Why do you want to ruin everything when you know I have a life back in New York with someone else?”
“I’ve seen something in your eyes this past week. You miss the person you were here, with me. You said so yourself, you weren’t sure if New York was the place for you anymore.”
I felt mascara run down my cheek as I shoved him back so hard, he nearly lost his footing. “Screw you, Julian.”
I tried walking back up to the house, but his voice followed me. “You know I’m right, Mila. You’re just too stubborn for your own good, like you’ve always been. If you were so happy in your new life, you wouldn’t have agreed to stay in Willow’s Cove.”
He didn’t even know me anymore, yet he felt the right to make assumptions about my life. Maybe it was for the best we were parting ways for the last time. I’d only been back for a week, and somehow, we ended up arguing, just like we always did.
Rage suddenly turned me numb, and I shouted as loud as my voice could carry. “It was supposed to be us, Julian! All of this was supposed to be our life, but you made it clear you didn’t want it. I went out and gave my heart to the guy who made it clear he does, and I’m going home to him tomorrow, so I’m gonna ask again: why now?”
“Because I’m in love with you, Mila. Maybe it’s a goddamn long shot to admit now, but I can’t imagine waking up another day and not seeing the morning tangles in your hair, or watching the sun beam on your face as you read on the hill. I’ve loved you since I was sixteen, and I can’t just shut it off. Look at me and tell me you haven’t felt anything since you’ve been back.” When I first moved to the city, I always imagined getting a knock on my door one day, him telling me he was crazy for letting me go, but he never did. There he was, saying all the right words, but it was six years too late.
“I haven’t felt anything. There, you happy?” Before I could react, he pulled me in and crashed his lips against mine. It was only for a second, but that second made my head rush. “You feel anything now?” he whispered against my lips.
I shoved him back. “I hate you. You’re the one who ended us, do you remember that? You don’t get to say you’re in love with me.”
“I never wanted to hurt you, Mila.” His voice broke.
“Then why did you, huh? Why?” I couldn’t control my hands as they shoved his chest harder and harder until our feet hit the water. “I waited for you! You knew where I was for six years, Julian, and you never came for me. Why?” My words came out as sobs.
“I didn’t know you wanted me to!” He shouted with his brown eyes rimmed with tears, his legs getting hit with waves.
Everything stood still. We’d gotten into arguments before, but never like that one. I wiped the evidence of tears from my face, and spoke sternly. “I’m going to bed. When we wake up tomorrow morning, this never happened.”
Had we always brought out the worst in each other? Did my mind just leave out all the bad parts because he’d once taken up so much of my heart?