Chapter 25
Allegra
Derek’s hands are hot on my body. His words imprint on my mind, the heartfelt sincerity behind them ripping through my soul. His kiss seals my fate, making every heartache up to this point worth it.
Each disappointment. Every doubt. All the moments of wondering and searching and hurting morph into an exhilarating satisfaction as my body, my heart and soul and mind, succumb to his.
“Allegra.” His voice is tortured.
I arch underneath him, pressing my chest into his. “I love you, Derek,” I admit, giving him the words. Giving him every part of me. “I always have.”
He rears back and his eyes latch onto mine. Two dark pits of coal shine with gratitude. Fathomless.
“Stellina. My everything,” he repeats. Then his kiss consumes me.
I wrap my legs around his hips as he presses against me. His hard length teases me, offering the briefest glimpse, a hint of sensations, of what’s to come. Derek makes quick work of my shorts. He loses his T-shirt and I tug playfully on the waistband of his joggers.
He tilts his head. “You sure about this?”
“I’m sure,” I confirm. I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.
I belong to Derek. He belongs to me. We’re an us.
An us who is desperately in love. Recklessly so.
I’ve known it since the moment he kissed me years ago. I felt the pull on the bus ride from LA. I may have doubted it, tried to deny it, fought against it, but it’s always been there.
In some way, Derek has always belonged to me. And I’ve always yearned for him.
“Stellina, you are the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs. His eyes scan my body slowly, drinking me in like a cognac to be savored. His eyes heat and his nostrils flare.
I squirm under the intensity of his gaze, feeling more vulnerable than ever before. I’ve never told a man I love them. I’ve never felt this emotionally connected to a man in my life. My heart sings for him and yet, his look is primal.
Predatory and hungry and insatiable.
Want pools between my thighs and my heart rate jumps.
A spray of nerves runs through my limbs and my hands move to cover myself.
Derek shakes his head, his eyes flashing. “Don’t hide yourself from me, Allegra.”
“I,” I stammer. “I’ve never had a man look at me the way you do.”
His eyes glint and a muscle tics in his jaw. “That’s because you’ve been with boys. And I don’t want to fucking hear about them.”
I roll my lips together to keep from smiling. “Jealous?” I taunt.
“Always,” he growls.
Derek’s body shadows mine and our mouths part at the same time.
We come together like music. A perfect harmony, blending his dark with my light. Layering his rhythm with mine. Our tempo increases as Derek kisses a path down the column of my neck. His tongue darts out, licks at my clavicle, before peppering open-mouthed kisses along the swells of my breasts.
I unclasp my bra and maneuver it off my frame, freeing my breasts for Derek’s attention.
He gives it readily, touching and kissing. He savors my breasts the way he does for each part of my body. Thoroughly, deeply, passionately.
When he sucks my right breast into his mouth, his hand parts my thighs and his fingers push the lace of my thong aside. Two fingers drag a lazy line through my folds, and I groan.
He sucks harder in response.
I’m wet and wanting for him. This moment has been years in the making, a culmination of too many failed attempts. This time, we’re moving in sync.
Mentally vulnerable, emotionally honest, physically insatiable.
He slides two fingers inside, and I reach for him. I roll his boxer briefs down his hips, until his cock springs free. Wrapping my hand around his thick shaft, I pump slowly.
“Fuck,” Derek moans, letting my breast go with an audible pop.
His eyes hold mine. We stare at each other, unwilling to blink, as our hands continue their ministrations. The sound of my arousal dances in the air. Derek’s eyelids grow hooded, heat flaring around his irises.
I drag my thumb along the head of his cock, loving that he shudders. It’s a powerful feeling, having this effect on him.
He slips his fingers over my clit, rubbing slow and steady. I moan, moving my hand faster along his shaft as my eyes close.
“Look at me,” Derek demands.
I work a swallow and drag my eyes open.
His gaze is nearly my undoing. He’s staring at me like he can see all the way to my soul. Know that it harbors so much love for him.
I begin to grind against his fingers, sensations building deep in my core.
“That’s it, baby,” Derek encourages.
My hand works him quickly, a desperate motion that is more aligned with my own wants than his needs. But he doesn’t care. He doesn’t drag his gaze from my mine.
Derek’s fingers slip inside me again. The pressure on my clit is relentless.
“Derek,” I cry out.
“Come for me, love. Wanna see you shatter,” he says. He curls two fingers deep inside my core and my hips lift, my pussy grinding against his palm, as I cry out.
I come hard and fast. A rush of sensation flowing through me like a waterfall. My body shakes, my mind soars, and everything feels right.
Like a homecoming. A gift. A premonition of what the future holds.
My chest heaves as my body relaxes, my mind coming down from the most beautiful free fall.
My hand is still gripping Derek’s cock. It twitches against my palm, the head weeping for the same relief I just experienced.
I squeeze him tightly, my eyes holding his.
“You’re fucking perfect. My little star,” Derek murmurs, his voice guttural.
“Derek,” I whimper.
“You ready for me, Stellina?”
I nod. “Been ready for a long time.”
He grins and leans over to grab a condom from the bedside drawer.
I release him and he rolls it on, positioning himself at my entrance.
“You sure, baby?” he asks, again.
It surprises me how nervous he looks. How careful he’s being.
I study his face, trying to understand what’s holding him back. What would give him pause in a moment this wonderful?
“Ready,” I swear.
His hand brushes over my ribs, holds on to my side, as he presses a deep kiss to my lips and slowly enters me.
I quiver as his body plays mine like a song. He holds steady for a whole note before bottoming out and my overly sensitive flesh ripples with pleasure.
Derek breaks our kiss to capture my gaze, our noses nearly brushing. “You okay?”
“I’m perfect,” I say as he stills. The slight burn eases and my body naturally accommodates him. A perfect fit. His cock twitches once inside me and I grin. “You’re amazing.”
He smiles and his expression transforms. For a blink, he looks truly happy, lighter and brighter and beaming. My heart soars and I commit this moment to memory.
“Don’t feed my ego,” he warns playfully. God, I love this side of him.
“You’re mine,” I remind him, draping my arms over his shoulders and clasping my hands behind his neck. “I’ll do whatever I want.”
Something flashes across his face. Alarm or desperation, but it’s gone before I can read it.
My eyebrows pull together, a silent question.
Derek begins to move, and all my questions float away.
As he slides in and out, the only thing that matters is us. This moment. Together.
Derek brings me to the precipice twice as his body works mine over in the most delicious and satisfying way.
A slow burn with bursts of need. Our hands track each other’s backs.
Our mouths taste each other’s skin. Our bodies move in perfect sync, creating friction and desire, giving in to pleasure and heat.
The next time Derek brings me to the peak, he’s panting fast. His eyes are wild, his biceps shaking.
“Give it to me, Allegra. Give me everything,” he demands.
“Derek,” I groan, feeling myself slip over the edge.
“Fucking love this with you,” he nearly cries, his hand in my hair. He tugs once and I let go.
I break for him again, a total combustion of feelings and sensations. My body quakes, my mind reels, and my heart sings.
Derek thrusts into me three more times, hard, precise, and fast. Then, he swears my name and falls over my frame, hugging me to his chest.
We come down together, our limbs entangled, our exhales each other’s inhales. Derek kisses my eyelids, the tip of my nose, the corners of my mouth. His hands brush my hair away from my face and his eyes, smooth whiskey, search mine carefully.
Rolling onto his side, he pulls me against his chest. His heavy breathing fills my ear and I melt into him, wishing I could disappear inside him. Wishing we could be like this forever.
I wrap his arms more firmly around me and smile into his bicep. I’m going on tour. We can be.
As my mind clears and my breathing regulates, the possibilities of tomorrow and beyond beckon.
Derek and me, together in Paris. Atop the Eiffel Tower. Walking leisurely along the Seine before stopping for a cafe au lait at a cute cafe.
Flying to Barcelona. Enjoying paella and sangria on a rooftop patio that gives a perfect view of La Sagrada Familia Basilica.
Rome. Lisbon. Berlin. Prague.
Kisses. Touches. Glances. Together.
Everything I’ve ever wanted is within grasp. Everything I’ve dreamed of is on the horizon.
Derek kisses my temple. “I’ll be right back. Gotta clean up.”
I nod, too sated to turn.
I hear him in the bathroom. Listen to the sound of the water turn on and off. The toilet flushes.
It’s dark outside now. Dusk has come and blotted out the grey of the day with more darkness.
Except now, with Derek by my side, some of the hopelessness has receded. The grief and loss and longing are still there but they’re not as sharp. More muted and slightly bearable.
He leans down to whisper in my ear, “I’m gonna step out for a second, baby. I need to talk to the guys.”
I nod as my eyes close, the pull of sleep dragging me under.
“No matter what happens, know that this is real,” Derek’s voice murmurs.
The gentle whine of the door opening, the hushed voices of Maverick and Derek, a ringing phone, follows me into slumber.
At one point, I feel Derek’s lips brush across my temple. “My everything,” he reminds me. “Sweet dreams, Stellina.” My lips curve and I sigh contentedly, sinking deeper into sleep.
I dream of macarons and spaghetti. The Mediterranean at dawn and sunsets that look like fire. Derek’s beside me, his fingers laced with mine, his kiss in my hair.
The future has never looked so bright. So alluring.
Like a beautiful star.
Stellina.
I wake with a start. Derek’s navy sheets twist around my torso and I smile as last night comes back to me. Then, I wince, recalling Buck’s death. The heaviness of his loss, the ferocity of grief, sits on my chest like a lion.
I suck in an inhale and close my eyes against the sunlight streaming in through the window. It’s much too bright, much too cheery, for the pain I feel.
Sighing, I stretch my body, loving the soreness that ripples from a night well spent in strong, capable hands.
I turn, knowing that Derek’s already slipped from bed. Did he go for a workout? Or to the studio?
Wait a minute.
I sit straight up in bed, my hands groping the bedside table for my phone. Where the hell is it? What time is it?
I stumble from bed, nearly tripping in the sheets. Tugging on my shorts and T-shirt, sans undergarments, I rake my fingers through my hair and move toward the hallway.
I hope I don’t run into Levi. I don’t want to explain this to him until we’re safely in Europe and Derek’s by my side.
Pulling the bedroom door open tentatively, I peek outside. But the hall is quiet. The house is silent. I strain my ears but don’t hear the boys’ laughter or conversation. There is no last-minute travel bustle or the whir of the espresso machine.
I pad down the hallway, glancing into each room I pass.
“Guys,” I call out. “Derek? Mav? Levi?”
No one responds.
I move down the stairs, taking them one at a time, my eyes darting over every object.
The couch cushions are neat. The butcher block in the kitchen is wiped clean. The hoodies that litter the chair by the front door, gone. In fact, the only thing out of place is my lone suitcase, lined up by the front door. Yesterday, it stood in a row of luggage pieces; today, it’s all by itself.
I frown as disbelief builds in my bloodstream.
“No,” I whisper, whipping around as if Mav is going to jump out and scare me.
He doesn’t. No one does.
I spot my phone on the kitchen counter and pick it up. I frown when I note that my alarm was turned off. My text thread with the girls appears on the screen. Thoughtful messages wishing me a great flight and a fun adventure. There’s one lone text from Mav.
Mav: See you in Europe soon, A. Message me after Buck’s funeral and I’ll book you a flight.
I frown and spin around. What the hell is going on? My cheeks burn with humiliation as my disbelief grows into denial. A desperation builds in my veins as my mind tries to process the obviousness of the situation. The evidence is right here.
The knowledge of fucking knowing burns from the inside out.
“No fucking way.”
I run through the house, tearing open doors, and screaming for someone to answer me.
My toe snags on the carpet and I pitch forward, the side of my head connecting with a doorframe.
“Shit,” I swear, my hand slapping against my temple.
Pain explodes in my head, but I barely feel it. It’s nothing compared to the excruciating crack in my heart. My blood drains from my face and pools in my feet. I can’t move. Not forward or backward.
I remain stuck, leaning against the doorframe.
The knowledge of knowing sears my mind, twisting my thoughts down pathways they never wanted to travel.
The house is empty.
The boys are gone.
I drop to my knees outside of Derek’s bedroom door on a wail. My hands plant on the ground, my head bowing, as I sob.
My heart breaks and my body quivers as I accept the truth.
They left me.
Derek left me.
Gone. Without a second thought.
Without a backward glance.
Without a good-bye.