Chapter 27
Allegra
“Derek!” I scream as his taillights disappear down the street.
“Let him cool off,” Dex advises, his hand steady on my shoulder.
I spin toward him, my eyes wild. “You’re Derek Madden?” I sound accusatory.
He nods. “I am. But everyone—”
“Calls you Dex,” I bite out, finishing his sentence. “Did you know?” I demand, my arm flailing to the side to indicate the place where Derek’s car was parked. “Is that why you—”
“No,” he cuts me off forcefully. “I’m—Jesus, Allegra, I’m just as surprised as you. Come into my office; let’s talk.”
I regard him coolly but, wanting answers, follow Dex inside. On the short walk to his office, I call Derek. He ignores the call.
Me: Derek… Please, come back. Please.
I glare at the blank screen, but he doesn’t call me back. Or respond to my text.
Dex sighs heavily. “Take a seat, A.”
I plop into the chair in front of his desk. It’s a seat I’ve occupied countless times since the night Dex found me drunk in the back alley. But this time, it feels strained. Almost like I’m betraying Derek by being here, hearing Dex out before my boyfriend.
“I swear I didn’t know that Derek Reiner is your ex,” Dex starts. He folds his hands together on top of his desk. He looks tired. Older. As if meeting Derek and having him take off aged him.
“I remember Derek mentioning you last summer,” I murmur.
Dex nods. “I’ve been trying to connect with him for over a year. Ever since—”
“You learned you had a son,” I whisper, my eyes widening as I remember Dex’s story.
“Since I got sober and got my life on track,” he amends.
“He’s the son you regret not having a relationship with. The one you didn’t know existed until his mother passed.”
“Exactly,” Dex breathes out. “Fuck, he was right here. This whole time. I thought he went back to Boston after his whiskey label but…”
“He stayed.”
Dex nods. “He stayed for you.” Even though it should be a question, he voices it as a statement.
I shrug. “Things were going good between us. Finally, we were in sync and planning a future together.”
Dex frowns. “Why do you think anything’s changed?”
I snort. “You don’t know Derek.” His face falls and I regret my word choice. Still, I forge on. “This is going to crush him. If only he would sit and talk to you.”
“You don’t think he will?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I should get home. I need to see him. Talk to him. I’ll tell him what you told me, Dex. I’ll tell him you didn’t know.”
“I’d appreciate that,” Dex agrees. “I’ve tried to do right by him, Allegra.
I tried to go through all the proper channels.
To ensure I wasn’t crossing any lines. I just, I want to know my boy.
And if I had known he was your boyfriend, I still would’ve done it by the book.
I want a real relationship with him, that’s it.
I want whatever he’s willing to give me. ”
“I understand,” I say. I hate how defeated Dex looks. “You’re a good man, Dex.”
He chuckles humorlessly and it reminds me of Derek. “I should’ve been better.”
I roll my lips together to avoid telling him how similar he and his son are. It’s not the right time. Right now, I need to find my boyfriend.
“I’ll see you later this week,” I say, standing from the chair.
“Let me give you a ride home,” Dex offers.
Since Derek dropped me off for my shift, I mutter a thanks and follow Dex to his car. For the entire ride, I call and text Derek. He never picks up or replies to my messages. I send two texts to Mav, but both go unanswered.
I debate going to his condo but don’t want to put Dex or Derek in another awkward situation. Instead, I thank Dex for the ride and enter my apartment.
Then, I sit on the couch, and leave Derek a voicemail.
“Hey, Derek, it’s me. I know that you’re angry and confused.
You probably feel blindsided. But I need you to know that I had no idea Dex is Derek Madden.
And he had no idea that you are my boyfriend.
This is seriously one of those crazy, small world, six degrees of separation things.
Please, call me. Or come over. I want to see you and talk to you.
I want to know you’re okay. I want to explain things I know and have Dex explain the rest. You deserve to know the full story, Derek. Come home to me. I love you.”
I end the call and spend the next thirty minutes pacing my apartment.
When my phone rings, I snatch it up, my stomach sinking when I spot Mav’s name on the screen.
“Are you with him?” I answer.
“Allegra!” Mav hollers through a swell of voices. “Hang on.” The sound of voices quiets. “Hey, I’m out with your girls.”
“Oh yeah,” I mutter, closing my eyes. “Kenny mentioned that.”
“Oh?” Mav says. “What else did Mckenna say?”
“Did you get my messages?” I ask. Now is not the time to joke around with Mav or tell him that he drives Mckenna bananas with his playful teasing.
“Yeah. Reign’s not with me. What’s going on? I thought you guys would be on your way up the coast by now.”
I sigh. “It’s a long story but…Derek took off. I’m trying to find him. I’m worried about him, Mav.”
“Fuck,” Mav swears, hearing the seriousness in my tone. “All right, let me bounce. I’ll meet you at Derek’s?”
“Do you care if I stay here? I’m hoping he comes over,” I say.
“Okay. I’ll call you as soon as I’m at his place,” Mav promises.
“Thanks, Mav.”
He disconnects the call. My pacing continues.
Is Derek at a bar getting shitfaced? Is he driving around aimlessly, his mind turning over parts of his past? Is he alone or with people? Is he angry or sad?
“Why the hell won’t you talk to me?” I growl, muttering to my empty apartment.
I know Dex blindsided Derek, but this is an opportunity for him. For both to get to know each other. And I know they would like each other if Derek gave Dex a chance.
“Why are you so damn stubborn?” I toss out.
My heart hammers and my thoughts twirl. Every minute that passes without a response from Derek feels like an eternity. My concern spikes. My thoughts swirl faster, half panicked and all assuming awful scenarios.
By the time Mav calls, I’m out of my mind with worry.
“Maverick,” I answer.
“Allegra.” Mav pauses and takes a deep inhale. “Fuck, girl, he’s gone.”
“Gone?” I murmur, my eyebrows pulling together. I sit down on the edge of the couch. “What do you mean? Do you think he went to the hotel? Or maybe he needs to clear his head? Have you talked to your brother? Or—”
“He cleared out his stuff,” Mav cuts me off, putting an end to my delirious stream of consciousness. “Grabbed his passport. He’s gone, A. And I don’t know if he’s coming back.”
The phone slips from my hand as my chest physically aches. I feel my heart crack and a tear slip down my cheek. In the distance, I hear Maverick calling my name but I’m unable to form words.
I’m unable to do anything but wonder what the hell just happened?
A wave of déjà vu washes over me.
Worried and all alone, I let it drag me under.
I beg it to drown me.