Chapter 11
Derek
“This is where you’re recording the new album?” Allegra asks, stepping deeper into Hendrix’s studio.
I splay an arm out. “This is it.”
“Chill space.”
“Henny’s a chill guy,” I admit. Pointing to the hallway, I add, “He lives in the apartment overhead. Don’t be surprised if he pops down.”
Allegra nods. Glancing around the empty booth, she asks, “Where is everyone?”
I smirk. “They’re coming. I wanted to play something for you first.”
Her eyes light up. She tucks her hair, brunette and wavy and finally growing, behind her ears. “My song?”
“Stellina’s song,” I agree, hoping she likes it.
I bring her into the booth with me and sit her on a chair. Nerves buzz along my palms, half in anticipation, half in fear.
I’m laying it all out for her. But I need her to know the depth of my feelings. The intensity of my heartache over almost losing her. Again. The power in the love that I feel for her, even when I don’t know how to show it.
It’s been a week since I told her how much I want her, our future, our family. Seven nights of sleeping beside her, listening to the even sounds of her breathing. Eight mornings of pouring her coffee, taking her to the hospital to check her HCG levels, and reminding her to rest.
A whole week of listening to Levi jokingly bitch about me coming out of his sister’s bedroom.
Even though we’re boys again, brothers, there’s an edge there.
A new line that we both know better than to cross.
In some ways, he needs to let me take the lead with Allegra.
In others, I need to accept that he’s always going to be an important man in her life.
It’s been a period of adjustment. Transition. Growth.
And now, I’m taking the next step forward.
I settle myself on a barstool and fiddle with my guitar. Glance at my girl. My fucking beauty. “You ready?”
Her hands are folded in her lap. Her ankles crossed. She’s such a fucking good girl; I still can’t believe she’s mine.
“Ready,” she confirms.
I pull in an inhale, steel my nerves, and strum out the opening notes of my song.
Her song.
Then, I sing it to her. I don’t hold back. I close my eyes and let the music, parts of my soul, surge forth like a tidal wave and scoop us both up in its powerful current.
You vanished like daybreak,
Lost stars and forgotten night.
You haunt me like a shadow,
Clingy and relentless.
You haunt me like her.
Allegra’s eyes are on mine, unblinking. Her expression is a cross between thoughtful and reminiscent. I glance down at my fingers, strumming my guitar, and start the second verse.
You faded like a photograph,
Broken memories and echoes of lost dreams,
You stalk me like my conscience,
Vile and futile,
You stalk me like pieces of her.
Understanding colors her expression. Her eyes close for a beat, sadness and defeat in her expression. When her eyes open, they hold mine, pinning me to the moment. What a beautiful fucking moment.
Stars die and places merge,
You turned my rebellion into a
Resentment that burns.
All-consuming and exhausting,
You hate me like her.
No, you hate me like me.
Heartbreak pierces her irises. Tears well in her eyes.
One slips down her cheek, rolling in slow motion, as I track it with my gaze.
Don’t fucking cry, Stellina. The words don’t come, because the next verse is starting.
This time, my voice is deeper. The rawness seeps out, the hurt wraps around the words, and I sing them with every cell in my being.
Vanished day and faded moments,
Broken memories and lost dreams,
Stars burn too bright before they extinguish,
And baby, I’m blazing for you.
Yeah, you hate me like me.
Girl, I fucking love you like you.
I love you more than the stars,
In spite of the loss,
Beyond the destruction.
You glow; I sear,
Together, we’re too bright
To smother.
So I’ll suffocate on our hurt,
And wrap you in my love,
Because, Stellina, it’s always been you.
When I finish, Allegra is openly crying. Before I can slide from my barstool or lower my guitar, she’s rushing me. I swing my guitar to the side to catch my girl as she vaults into my arms.
Allegra sobs into the crook of my neck, her hands fisting the material of my T-shirt, her breath hot as it traps between my skin and shirt.
“Shh, baby, don’t cry,” I soothe, my hands splay across her back.
“That was beautiful, Derek,” she tells me.
“You’re beautiful,” I remind her.
“And heartbreaking.”
“My heart’s a little banged up,” I admit.
“I’m sorry about your mom,” she confesses.
“I’m sorry about us.”
Allegra sighs. Pulling back, she wipes her eyes and shakes her head. “Don’t be. We’re right where we’re supposed to be. It’s me and you.”
I take her hand and tug her closer. I hate when there’s space between us. It’s fucked up because I used to crave it. Need it to function.
Now, I can’t think when she’s not nearby.
“Always me and you,” I promise.
Allegra smiles. It’s soft and sweet and so damn sunny it hurts to look at.
How can a woman who has lost as much as her sob so beautifully? How can a woman as strong as her wear her vulnerability like a shield of armor?
“I love you, Derek,” she tells me, kissing me hard.
“Always you, baby.” I grip the back of her head and deepen our kiss, slanting my mouth over hers and sneaking my tongue inside.
I feel her smile before her hands find purchase on my shoulders. She steps between my parted thighs. My hands grip the backs of hers, right below the swell of her delectable ass cheeks.
We stay like that, making out in the middle of the booth. Like fucking horny teenagers. Or star-crossed lovers. Like two people trying to figure out what’s what. Two adults yearning for a future that’s brighter than their combined pasts.
In this moment, we’re everything. All the moments that led to this one. All the broken pieces and hurtful exchanges, all the touches and kisses and lovemaking on rainy days and in open sunshine.
We come together and it’s so fucking right; it’s permanent.
The clearing of a throat, loud, obnoxious, and annoying, jars me from my slice of peace.
I pull away angrily, my eyes swinging to the door.
I swear when I see him standing there. “You’re ruining my moment, Henny.”
Hendrix laughs. It’s a big, hearty, unconcerned rumble. He steps closer to us. “You sure? I’ve been here for a minute.”
Allegra ducks her head, embarrassed. She bites her bottom lip, color flooding her cheeks. Damn, she’s beautiful.
“You must be Allegra,” Hendrix says, holding out a hand. “I’m Hendrix. Heard a lot about you.”
“It’s good to meet you.” Allegra shakes his hand. “I’m, uh, sorry we—”
“Don’t be,” Hendrix interrupts. “The music sounds better when real life happens to it.”
Allegra grins.
“The boys are gonna be here in five. You ready to record?” Hendrix asks me.
I glance at Allegra. Squeeze her hand. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Hendrix nods. “All right. I’ll get some things set up for you.” He glances at Allegra. “I take it I’ll be seeing you around?”
“You will,” I answer for her.
“I’ll be here,” she confirms.
Hendrix chuckles. “Glad to hear it. Make yourself at home. The coffee’s over there.” He points to another door.
“Thanks, Hendrix,” Allegra says. “I’m going to grab a cup before you guys begin.”
“All right.” I tap her ass lightly and watch as she exits the booth and enters the small kitchen with a coffee machine.
“All good?” Hendrix asks.
“Better than good,” I admit without looking at him.
“Keep it that way,” he warns.
“I will.” This time, I know it’s the truth. I’m all in, forever.
The boys arrive a few minutes later.
I hold back and watch as they embrace Allegra.
Levi kisses the top of her head. Jameson gives her a big bear hug. Mav says something that makes her laugh.
She has no idea how much she means to all of us. As individuals and as a group. She’s a Clover now, one of us.
And a band like ours, with our history, our complicated screw-ups, our friendship, it’s forever. It’s a found family that rivals even the best of real families.
We’re all in it for always.
Just like my Stellina and me.
She takes a seat as we begin to warm up. She watches intently as we mess around with a few songs and get into the headspace of recording an album.
Over the next two weeks, we come together. We bicker. We try new things. We argue. We make great fucking music. The kind that makes you dig into your gut, pull out your pain, and lay it out for everyone to dissect. The type that heals parts of your soul.
Through it all, Allegra is there.
Studying for her final exams just outside the booth. Reading a book. Watching us curiously. Weighing in with opinions when we ask. Judging our disagreements even when we tell her to stay out of it.
She centers us in a way we’re not used to. She gives us the stability we used to topple over. She heals some of our cracks with her patience, and in turn, we give her our strength.
At the end of two weeks, The Burnt Clovers has a completed album.
The band has a restored sweetheart.
And Allegra and me are back in a real, true, forever kind of relationship.
It’s all love and moments.
Pure magic.