Chapter 12
Allegra
I feel stronger with each day that passes. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. With Derek by my side, with Levi’s presence, with Mav’s jokes and Jameson’s dependability, my grief ebbs.
Plus, I’ve got my girls. They bundle me in support, lend me their ears, and show up whenever I need them.
“What are we drinking?” Nova asks as she collapses on my couch.
Kenny rolls her eyes. “We can’t drink. We’re in the middle of final exams.”
Ivy and I exchange a look before we burst out laughing.
Mckenna huffs, Ivy uncorks a bottle of red wine, and I shrug. “Finals are almost over,” I tell Mckenna.
“This is bad karma,” she disagrees, gesturing toward the wine glasses Nova passes out. “Celebrating before we passed. One of us could fail and—”
“It won’t be you, so don’t worry,” Nova assures her.
Ivy snickers and lifts her glass. “To final exams.”
The four of us dissolve into giggles before clinking glasses and sipping our wine.
“How are things going?” Ivy asks as she leans back in Levi’s favorite chair.
I smile. “Good. The band is wrapping up their album.”
Nova rolls her eyes. “I’m happy for them, but really, I want to know what’s up with you and Derek. Baby Daddy Reign is giving off major commitment vibes.”
Mckenna winces.
“What?” Nova asks.
Baby Daddy, Kenny mouths.
“Too soon,” Ivy agrees.
Regret blossoms on Nova’s face as her eyes meet mine. “A, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“No,” I cut her off. “Honestly, your humor is refreshing. And, one day, Derek will be the hottest baby daddy of all time.”
Nova laughs nervously. “He will,” she agrees.
“Things are going…great,” I admit. “Derek’s different. More stable, settled, honest. He’s still speaking with his therapist, Kris, via Zoom, and I see him working on things. Working through things.” I shrug. “We’re in a good place.”
Ivy grins. “I’m happy for you, Allegra.”
“Yeah,” Kenny echoes. “You deserve this. And I see him trying too. It’s obvious that he loves you more than anything else in his world.”
“Totally,” Nova agrees. She glances around the condo. “Where is he, anyway? It’s rare for Derek not to be loitering around you.”
Ivy snorts. “I bribed Levi to keep him out for at least two hours so we could talk about them.”
We look at each other and laugh again.
“Wait! What’d you bribe Levi with?” Nova demands, waggling her eyebrows.
Ivy blows her a kiss. “I never kiss and tell.”
“Oh, God,” Kenny groans, assuming the worst.
Knowing that Ivy is joking, I snort in laughter. Glancing at my friends, I’m grateful to have them. Even during this period of grief and sorrow, I know I’m loved. I know I have true friends who care about me and will always show up, no matter what.
Instead of watching a movie, we drink wine, order takeout, and gossip about the men in our lives until two of them stride into the condo. Derek is at the lead, and he pulls me against his frame and kisses me.
“You have a final exam tomorrow,” he reminds me.
I roll my eyes.
Levi smirks. “Since when did you become a stickler for the rules?” he asks Derek.
Derek ignores him and tosses me over his shoulder.
As he strides toward my bedroom, the girls cheer and whistle.
“Good night, ladies,” Derek says. “Go home and study.”
Baby Daddy Reign, Nova mouths at me.
Again, I erupt in laughter. It feels good to smile again.
Slowly, while the band makes an album and my friends rally around, I put myself back together. I find myself again. I’m able to think of my little fruit slice and be grateful for the miracle of what was instead of drowned with the sorrow of what is.
I’m able to thank him or her for bringing their daddy back into my life. This time, I know Derek is unshakeable. He won’t crack. And now, neither will I.
For two weeks, I sit in the recording studio and study for exams. Read poetry books. And listen to music that fills up my emptiness.
When Derek and I step out of Hendrix’s studio after the album wraps, we’re hand in hand, grinning from ear to ear.
“Wanna do something wild?” he asks.
“Don’t you want to celebrate with the guys?”
Derek shakes his head. “Not when I could be with you.”
“What do you have in mind?” I bite my bottom lip.
While Derek and I are back together, we haven’t really gone out. I’ve been processing and taking final exams; he’s been recording. Instead of dinner dates and days at the beach, we’ve been adjusting to our new normal.
Trusting each other.
“Come on.” He tugs me closer to his parked Camry.
“Hey!” my brother shouts. “Where’re you going?”
“Got plans!” Derek raises our joined hands in the air. He grins at my brother. “Don’t wait up for us.”
Levi swears but he’s grinning. I blow him a kiss and he waves back.
Derek and I slide into his car and he pulls onto the street, leaving the studio behind as he turns onto the highway.
We stop for a snack and coffees before resuming our drive.
“Where are we going?” I wonder.
Derek reaches over to tap my thigh. “You’ll see.” He grins and for a blink, he looks more like a boy than a rock god.
I relax in my seat, liking the weight of his hand on my leg.
“Tired?” he wonders.
I yawn in response. “A little. But I’ll catch up on sleep now that finals are finished.”
“Close your eyes, beauty. We’ve got a bit of a ride.”
I glance at him. I really am tired. “You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
I nod once, letting my eyes close. The movement of the car, coupled with the music streaming through the speakers, lulls me to sleep.
I wake when the car stops.
“Stellina.” Derek’s voice is gentle. “Wake up, baby. We’re here.”
I force my eyes open and glance around groggily. “Where?”
Derek’s smile comes into my line of sight.
Behind him, I see the signs. And I laugh. Oh, I bend over and crack up. “You brought me to Disneyland?”
“Yep,” he quips. “Come on. Mickey’s waiting.”
“You mean Minnie,” I correct him, clearing the sleep from my eyes. I check my reflection in the overhead mirror. My hair is a mess and I have a crease on the side of my face from the seat belt, but my eyes are clear. My expression open.
I look happier than I have in weeks.
Slipping from the car, I meet Derek at the front. He clasps my hand and moves us toward the entrance.
“Let’s have some fun, Allegra. God knows we earned it.”
I move closer to him, snuggling into his side when he wraps his arm around my waist.
“Let’s do it,” I agree.
We’re stopped four times on our way to the entrance by fans wanting Derek’s autograph. He stops, signs their gear, and exchanges polite conversation.
But the fifth time we’re stopped, he grins sheepishly. He swipes his signature over a starter cap and points to me. “See that woman?”
“Yeah?” the kid wonders.
“I’m trying to woo her,” he explains.
“What’s a woo?” the kid wonders.
The boy’s mother’s expression softens. She takes her son’s hand. “Thanks for the autograph.” She glances at me. “Hope he wins at the wooing.”
I laugh. “Yeah, me too.”
The woman smiles and whisks her son away.
Derek returns to my side. “I haven’t won already?”
I laugh and bite my bottom lip, pretending to consider.
He smacks my ass as we resume walking to the entrance. “Today, I’m pulling out all my best moves,” he warns.
“I can’t wait to see them.”
Derek chuckles. “Yeah, me too. Since you’re the first woman I’ve ever tried to woo.”
“I’m already in love with you,” I let him off the hook.
“All the more reason to prove myself,” he counters.
I smile. He grins. And together, we enter the most magical place on Earth.
Disneyland.
After Space Mountain, Big Thunder Railroad, and the Star Wars: Rise of the Resistance rides, Derek and I settle into a little boat for a turnaround “it’s a small world.”
As we move through the singing dolls, I glance over at Derek. “I like today.”
“Me too, Stellina.”
“Want to meet Minnie next?” I ask.
He nods. “And get a pretzel.”
“Or popcorn,” I tack on.
“We’ll eat dinner,” he promises.
We finish the ride and wait in line to meet Minnie. Mickey comes over during our photo op and the characters make a big deal of meeting Derek. It’s hilarious and entertaining. He charms them both as well as the kids (and their parents) waiting in line.
One mom convinces him to sing.
Derek shakes his head but acquiesces, getting down on one knee to serenade me.
Cameras flash and a few women sigh audibly. Kids rush him and he spends thirty minutes signing autographs, shooting me an apologetic look. But since it’s kids, I know he can’t say no. And I respect him for it.
Instead, I hang back and let him do his thing.
When he’s done, he wraps an arm around my shoulders. “I owe you all the ice cream and popcorn and pretzels.”
I laugh. “Dinner is fine.”
He chuckles and kisses me right on the lips. “I love you, little star.”
“I love you too, Derek.”
He takes me to dinner at Blue Bayou. We sit for a long time, drinking wine and talking. In a way, it’s the first date of our newest chapter.
The one where we’ve experienced a loss and somehow, with all the uncertainty, all the wariness, and pain, made it out the other side.
We made it to Disneyland. We embraced magic.
Love and moments.
“You want to live out here?” he asks randomly. “In California.”
I shrug, glancing at him. “I don’t know yet.”
“Would you go back to Boston?” he presses, as if asking himself.
I shake my head. “I’m kind of waiting to see what pans out job wise.
I didn’t get the NGO position. They hired someone from their New York office who is moving out this way.
” I shrug. “I reached out to Vivi Yaeger at the Harrison Foundation. They have an office out here, as well as in Boston. But…yeah, I like it here. I like the weather. The vibe. My friends are all here so…”
“So, you’d want to stay?” He glances at me.
“Why are you asking?”
He smirks. “Curious, I guess.”
“I think so. LA’s been good to me. I feel like I grew up out here, you know?”
“Yeah,” he murmurs. “I know.”
“You ready to get going?” I ask as I polish off my wine.
“Sure, Stellina.” Derek stands and reaches for my hand. He tosses a bunch of bills on the table, leaving a generous tip.
We walk slowly through the park, stopping a few times to snap a photo or for Derek to sign an autograph. When we make it back to the Camry, he points the car toward home.
I glance at him, wondering if he wants to stay out here too. Is Boston his home? Or the band? Or, one day, could it be me?
When we make it home, Levi and Mav are playing video games in the living room.
“Where’s Jameson?” I wonder.
Levi tips his head toward the closed bedroom door. “On the phone.”
“Amelia,” Mav tacks on, making a scared face.
I chuckle. “Trouble in paradise?”
“Is it paradise when there’s always trouble?” Mav wonders.
“Touché,” Derek comments, dropping into a chair.
“What are you guys going to do now that the album’s wrapped?” I ask, glancing at the three of them.
Mav smirks. “What are you going to do now that finals are finished?”
I laugh. “Good question.”
“Fair question,” Levi corrects, pressing pause on the game. He looks at me. “You want to stick around here?”
I glance between my brother and Derek. It’s as if I just had this conversation over dinner. But Derek isn’t exchanging a knowing glance with his best friend. Instead, his eyes are trained on me, his expression serious. His eyes curious.
My smile slips. “I don’t know yet. I’m figuring things out.”
“No job offers?” Mav asks, his statement devoid of judgement or sympathy.
“Not yet,” I murmur.
Mav shrugs. “Take the summer and chill. You don’t have to figure everything out overnight.”
“Thanks, Mav,” I say, relieved that someone gets it.
“So, we’re cool to stay in town longer,” Levi tacks on, confirming that I want to stay.
I nod. “I’m in.” Maybe he’s just asking to gauge if he should stick around in LA too?
“Great,” my brother replies, unpausing the game.
As Levi and Mav return their attention to the video game, I relax. They’re curious about my plans but not applying pressure on me to have my future mapped out.
When I look at Derek though, I sense the wheels turning in his mind.
“Will you keep working at the NGO?” Derek asks softly. “Through the summer? Or until a permanent gig comes up?”
“Yeah,” I say. “That’s kind of my plan for now.” I drop into the corner of the couch.
“Are a lot of the staff around in the summer? Or do things quiet down?” he wonders.
I frown. “Some of the programs scale back but office operations, the overall mission, is all-year. Why?”
Derek shrugs but his gaze is sharp. “I bet more groups of people hang in that park at night during the summer…”
“I guess so.”
“Maybe you could work mornings instead of evenings.”
I shrug. “Maybe. But I like my schedule the way it is.”
“Yeah, but your schedule is the way it is because you had class. Now that the semester is over, you could free up your nights. Not be leaving work when dusk is kicking up.”
I narrow my eyes, trying to follow his line of thinking. “Are you worried?” I ask.
He sighs. “Of course, I’m worried, Allegra. That’s not the best area and at nighttime—”
“I like the work I’m doing and I’m more than capable of taking care of myself,” I cut him off.
He holds up his hands, palms out. As if he’s a peacekeeper and I’m the hostile party in this conversation. “I’m just saying, maybe it’s best to rethink—”
“It’s not,” I shoot him down again. “I like my schedule, and my life, the way it is. Right now.”
He heaves out an exhale. “Fine.”
“Fine,” I reply, standing. “I’m going to sleep.”
Derek drops his head back, as if I’m being irrational.
“More trouble in non-paradise,” Mav mutters quietly.
My brother snorts.
“Good night,” I say to the room.
“Night, A,” Levi replies.
I glare at Derek.
“I’ll be in in a bit,” he says.
“I meant you too,” I tell him. His eyes narrow. “About liking my life, the way it is right now. That includes me and you.”
His expression softens and he nods. “I know, Stellina. Go get some rest.”
I turn on my heel and move toward my bedroom. Once the door is closed, I change into my pajamas and slip into bed.
Today was fun. It was exciting and carefree.
Why do I need to have the rest of my life planned out just because I’m graduating next weekend? Why do I need to have a job lined up and a city chosen when the summer stretches before me, filled with possibilities?
I don’t.
Satisfied with the decision of not making any big decisions, I close my eyes and fall asleep.