Chapter 13
ELIAS
My glare meets Miya’s smirk across the coffee table while the sound of Cal’s tablet plays in the background. Matty is in the kitchen making lunch, and I’d already scowled at him for running away as soon as my sister and I had walked through the door with Cal after picking him up.
“You couldn’t even wait a couple of days.” Miya grins wider as she sips from her paper coffee cup. “Not that I blame you. That boy is H-O-T.”
That boy is also too adorable for my heart; From where I’m sitting, I can see him moving around the kitchen playfully dancing to the music on his phone.
“I’m happy for you,” Miya says, setting her cup down and folding her hands in her lap. “He agreed to come to the wedding, right?”
I hate having to break my gaze from Matty and focus it back on my sister, because as soon as I do the nerves start sinking back in.
“Consider it a date.”
That only makes her smugness worse. “So, I can finally add you to the bi-agenda, right? I’m sure I’ve got a welcome card somewhere.”
I toss one of the throw pillows at her, and she laughs hard enough that Cal claps excitedly from across the room. He loves his aunt to death.
“I can’t believe that you decided a month before your wedding that you and Roxy needed some space.”
She shakes her head. “Not space in that sense. We decided that as sweet as this wedding shit is, we want to rock the boat a little. We want to be desperate to get our hands on each other for the honeymoon. And we have deduced that as long as we are under the same roof, that isn’t happening.”
“Gotcha. I’m being used as some form of kinky foreplay for my sister and her wife. Good times.”
I know a thing or two about that kind of desperation. My sister’s arrival interrupted mine and Matty’s right in the middle of us caving to the desire.
“Let’s call it payback for the ‘kinky foreplay’ I walked in on.”
“If you had called me before showing up on my doorstep, you wouldn’t have walked in on anything,” I deadpan and point a finger at her. “Besides, we were completely decent when I opened the door.”
A cough has me looking over my shoulder, spotting Matty with two plates in his hands and a blush on his cheeks.
“I hope everybody eats chicken nuggets and french fries, because I can only handle one picky eater at a time.”
The humor in his voice makes me smile, and when he leans over the back of the couch to set the plates on the coffee table, I catch him by the back of the neck before he can straighten. He squeaks just as I cover his mouth with my own.
I’m not sure if this is okay—we haven’t had a chance to talk about it—but when a hand snakes down my chest and grips onto my shirt, I don’t think he minds it.
Kissing Matty is addictive, borderline obsession-inducing.
When a moan slips from his lips to mine he breaks away with an even deeper flush and a content sigh.
“Thank you,” I whisper, stroking his cheek with my thumb and watching him hide his burgeoning smile with the hair curtaining his face.
“Speaking of foreplay,” Miya pipes in, making Matty bury his face in my neck. “The poor boy looks like you used him as a snacking board.”
Matty’s head snaps up and his hand flies to his neck. It’s adorable how easily flustered he is, and when I give him my full attention—hot damn I did a number on him. He’s wearing a loose tank top, and his neck and chest are covered in little, purple splotches.
I may have gone a bit overboard, but it fills me with satisfaction to know that beneath the fabric there are even more, all the way down to his pubic bone.
I haven’t even begun to have enough of him.
“Are you staying the whole month?” I divert attention back to my sister, trying to save Matty a little bit of embarrassment, and the way his fingers squeeze my shoulder show his appreciation.
“For the most part. I’ll fly back a couple of days before to make sure everything is okay.”
“Be honest, you just came because you want that bachelorette party at the club.”
Miya’s eyes light with mischief. “Only if I can get a lap dance out of that one.” She motions to Matty, and he nearly chokes on his own laugh.
“I’m not—I don’t dance like that. I’d just humiliate myself.”
My sister cocks her head, her grin growing even more sinister.
She’s having too much fun with him.
“That’s okay, babycakes,” she says, batting her lashes and switching her focus to me. “My darling brother can teach you all about the art of seductive dancing.”
I want to tell him that he has nothing to worry about in that department; he’s already sexy as fuck anytime he loses himself in the music.
“The two of you are a dangerous combination,” he grumbles as he heads back to the kitchen, and it’s totally okay for me to check out his ass now, right?
“I’m seriously so fucking happy for you, Ei. You’ve needed someone in your life for a while now.”
I frown, giving Miya my attention now that Matty is out of sight. “You know why I haven’t.”
She rolls her eyes. “Yeah, and it’s a load of bull. Look how happy Calum is.”
My son is excitedly showing Matty something on his tablet, and his face lights up even more when Matty responds with a smile. It warms my heart to no end to see them getting along.
“And if I had casually dated and let just anyone around him?” I shake my head. “I have to give so much of myself to being Cal’s dad. I don’t have much room left for being a boyfriend.”
“Looks to me like someone doesn’t mind sharing.”
If my sister had her way, I’d be getting hitched right alongside her so she could check worrying about my happiness off of her list of lifetime responsibilities. I’m half convinced she only cares so much about the Matty situation so she has someone to pass the torch to.
“You’re going to make these next couple of weeks unbearable, aren’t you?”
She shrugs and picks her coffee back up. “Depends on how far up your ass your head is.”
A little later, when Miya decides to spend some one-on-one time with Cal, Matty corners me in my room. I’m going over bills and shit on my computer when soft knuckles rap on the door, and I can’t help the smile that blooms as soon as I see him.
“Hey.” We haven’t had a moment to ourselves since fooling around in the bathroom, and I desperately need us to talk about what happened.
“Hey,” his voice is soft as he leans on the doorframe. “Mind if I come in?”
I close my laptop and pat the mattress in front of me. “Shut the door and come sit.”
He looks at it for a moment and then down the hall where Miya and Cal are hanging out. After a second, he nods to himself and slips inside, latching the door behind him.
The comforter rustles as he settles cross-legged on the bed facing me. He picks at a scab on his ankle, and he’s worrying his bottom lip more than usual.
“Are you okay?” I put my hand on top of his, and his lips lift into a tight smile.
“Yeah, I just …” He sighs and scrubs a hand over his face. “Do I need to leave, Lee?”
The words smack me right in the chest, and I clamp my fingers tighter around his.
“Why would you think you need to do that?”
Please don’t leave. I’m not done with you. Please don’t be done with me.
He shrugs, eyes burning a hole through the bedsheets. “Your sister. I don’t want to be in the way. Besides.” His laugh is short and self-deprecating. “She’s going to need somewhere to sleep, and I’m taking up the only extra space.”
If that’s the only problem, then I can fix that easy as fucking pie.
“You can just sleep in here.”
Matty’s shoulders tense, and when he looks up his face is all kinds of bewildered. “With you?”
My laugh comes out with a nervous edge. “I have a big bed because Cal likes to sneak in some nights. And I’d think after earlier the thought of sharing a bed wouldn’t be that intimidating.”
Maybe not intimidating but definitely tempting. All night with Matty beside me?
His face flushes but his smile softens. “We should talk about that before we decide to sleep together.” He chuckles. “Even non-sexually.”
Matty flips his hand over so our palms touch, and a little bit of the anxiety that had started wiggling around in my chest unravels.
“I meant it when I said I didn’t want a hook up,” he says slowly. “I don’t want to use each other for sex, even if I’m thinking about it a lot.” He has the audacity to look sheepish right now. “Sorry.”
Anxiety thoroughly dissolved, I rock forward and drop my forehead to his, drawing a low laugh out of him.
“I’m just as horny as you are. Don’t think I’ve forgotten I got carried away and didn’t get to suck you off.”
He moves to press his face into my neck, and I use the opportunity to rake a hand through his hair. It’s oddly relaxing.
“I guess this is the thing,” I say, resting my chin on his head. “We’re both adamant about not being ready for a relationship and not wanting to just fool around, but I think it’s safe to say we’re going to have a hard time keeping away from each other.”
Matty sighs into my neck, shoulders slumping. “Are we sure it wouldn’t just be easier if I left? No temptation.”
“Nope. Vetoed. Temptation has left the station. We have to deal with this like emotionally mature adults.”
He reels back, face scrunched, and I can’t help but snicker at how put out he looks.
“Gross. You be the mature one, Mr Mid Life Crisis.”
“I'm six years older than you, not sixteen.” I narrow my eyes at him as he rolls his.
I choose not to think too hard and press my palm to his cheek. It’s instantaneous how he melts into a sweet smile which then morphs into a pout. Still, I pull him back to me and let my lips rest over his.
It takes a beat, but he sighs and gives in, molding his mouth to mine.
Can’t we just solve all of our problems like this? Kissing and touching each other unhurriedly. His hands fist my shirt, mine stay on his cheek and thigh.
I’m sure we could find some sort of compromise if we kept at it long enough.
“I’m scared,” he whispers when he eases away to catch his breath. “I’m scared of how quickly I’m falling for you and of what it’s going to do to my heart when this doesn’t work out.”
I hate the way he says that. When. Not ‘if’.
Unfortunately, my own worries aren’t buried all that deep. At thirty years old, the most serious relationship I’ve had was the platonic one with Nora, Cal’s mother. I played around in college and was too busy with grades to bother much with dating in high school.
I like Matty. I like him more than I’ve ever liked anyone, but something in my gut is still holding me back from asking him to jump in with me.
“The feeling is mutual.” I slide my hand down to his knee and squeeze. “I have an idea, though.”
His brow quirks, and I really want to kiss him again. “Fire away, troublemaker.”
Sassy little sass pants.
“We already agreed to put on a show for my sister.”
He nods slowly. “Uh huh. At her wedding.”
“But she’s here now.”
There's that look again: suspicion wrapped in curiosity.
“Are you trying to suggest we put on a show for her now? For the next … three weeks?”
“Hear me out?”
Matty scoffs but tucks himself back into my chest, and I’m so startled by the sudden move that my brain blanks out harder than a scratched up DVD.
“I should note,” he mumbles, “that after really intense orgasms, I crave cuddles like a motherfucker. Since I had to skip out on that earlier …”
“You are being very unfair, you know that?”
His chuckle blows air down the collar of my shirt, and I shiver, arms coming naturally to wrap around him.
“Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking, Princess. We humor my sister; We give this thing a trial run up until the wedding. If one of us decides this isn’t working, or if we need to step away for any reason, there’s no hard feelings.”
“That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.”
I stroke my hand through his hair and lean back on my pillows, taking a squawking, fumbling Matty with me.
“It sounds better than us tiptoeing around each other trying to pretend like we aren’t dying from our own attraction. Thinking you were mad at me the last couple of days was brutal.”
He props up on an arm, bearing his weight on my chest, and I don’t mind it for a second.
“I’m going to be honest,” he says, voice made of gravel.
“I don’t think I believe in forever anymore.
Maybe it can be weeded out in the beginning, maybe it takes a couple of years, but there’s always something that can’t be compromised.
Something that would tear us down no matter how badly we want to fight. ”
“It’s a good thing we aren’t trying for forever.
” I stick out my tongue—mimicking the face I often give in my late night work photos—and it brings out the bright smile he’s been missing since the tryst in the bathroom.
“If we find we do want to have something more when all is said and done, then I guess we’ll have something to talk about. ”
I can almost convince myself that this is entirely reasonable. That putting on a front that really isn’t much of a front for my sister’s sake is a good, sane idea. That neither of us is going to get hurt, and if we put an end to it, we’ll both be good to walk away.
I don’t believe in forever, he said.
I don’t believe in myself, is what I heard.
I’m scared of how fast I’m falling for you.
That makes two of us.